All comics by boloboffin

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by boloboffin
4-12-07
Hello, the last two people hung up. I will not stop calling until I find out when the credit will be approved.
Right away!
*3 loops of "cool music the kids are listening to"*
The joke about why they call them "devices" is just too damned obvious.
Can someone call you back?

 

by boloboffin
4-20-07
Hey, it's not Casual Friday, Earl.
No, J.T, it's not.
Sooo, what's with the bunny costume?
Time to do laundry.
Uh-huh. And the ax?
Well, if I'm going to do laundry anyway...

 

by boloboffin
4-20-07
So the Catholics - they decided that there's no more limbo.
Ah.
Yeah, all those stillborn babies and whatnot - they all go straight to heaven.
Oh, good.
So you're cool with all that?
This concerns me how?

 

by boloboffin
4-20-07
So all the unbaptized babies go straight to heaven.
Yeah, just like the dogs.
So what about the virtuous pagans?

 

by boloboffin
4-20-07
Shame about the Divine Comedy.
Yeah, that just got fucked all to hell.
Quaalude?
No, that's how that limbo crap got started in the first place.

 

by boloboffin
4-22-07
Chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-
Melvin, what do you think you're doing?
Chugging around the lake, Mr. Wastaba! I'm a motorboat!
Oh, thank God.
For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to start cutting the Prozac in half.

 

by boloboffin
4-23-07
Duck season.
Rabbit season.
Rabbit season.
Duck season.
You're dethpicable.

 

by boloboffin
4-26-07
Don't worry, dear, everything will be alright.
Woof.
Agnes!
Ahhh!

 

by boloboffin
4-29-07

 

by boloboffin
4-29-07
Ahh.

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Damn kids!
When I was your age, I had CHORES to do! Go home and do your CHORES!
Damn kids!

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Damn kids!
Think you're so SMART, don't ya? Running around on your damn little scooter bikes with your light-em-up tennie shoes!
Damn kids!

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Damn kids!

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Eh.

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
*knock knock knock*
Who is it!
One of the damn kids!
Boy, I oughta wash your mouth out with Iv'ry soap...
Why you always got to be yellin' at us, man?
Hanh?
You yell at us every day. Every day, it's "damn kids" this and "damn kids" that.

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
You little smartass wiesenheimer. Coming up on my property...
Yeah yeah yeah. You just some punkass old has-been wantin' some attention.
heh heh heh heh
What's so funny?
You. You think you got it all figured out, don't you?
Aw, no. Old man think he got the secret of life all up in here.

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Secret of life. Heh. You wanna know the secret of life?
*sigh* If it'll shut you up for a damn day, then yeah.
The secret of life is that there is no secret.
What?

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
No secret. Your damn head'll ask questions that the universe can't answer. That's the truth!
"Who am I?" The universe don't know. the universe don't care. It can't!
Well, all right.
It's all rocks and gases tearing itself apart bit by bit. Bam! Boom! Burn!
All right!

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Damn brain. Makes you madder'n shit.
Later.
No secret nowhere! Heh heh! So you yell and you tear around and you blow things up!
Same as a gaddam comet crashin' into the MOON!

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
Damn kids!

 

by boloboffin
4-30-07
So I was up all night isolating ethylane-diamine-tetra-acetic acid...
Tee-hee!
What?
You're s'posed to be isolating ethylene-diamine-tetra-acetic acid, you dork!
No wonder the mice are so happy this morning.
Keep isolating that ethylane-diamine-tetra-acetic acid and the cops will come take you away!

 

by boloboffin
5-02-07
Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads...

 

by boloboffin
5-06-07
B-B-B-B-BRAAFFF!
Cool!
Mommy, I don't have underpants, I have thunderpants!
That's nice, dear...
B-B-B-B-BRAAFFF!
AHHH!!! Why did I feed that kid... beans... *clunk*

 

by boloboffin
5-06-07
Mommy, Mommy, are you OK?
Daddy, I think I killed Mommy with my thunderpants!
You did, huh? *chuckle* How'd you manage to do that?
B-B-B-B-BRAAFFF!
OMG! I told that woman not to feed the kid... beans...*clunk*

 

by boloboffin
5-15-07
Welcome to our haunted house. Are you ready to be afraid?
No, I'm not.
There's not anything you lame-os could do to frighten me.
This way to the cutting poetry room...
AHHHHH!!!

 

by boloboffin
5-15-07
Yee-ha!
Whoop-whoop!
Andele, andele!
I fuck your sister.

 

by boloboffin
5-16-07
I has a bucket
Noooo they be stealing my bucket
Is this teh bucket lost and found
This is Vancouver.

 

Catfish, ahoy!
Ahoy yourself, I'm dead down here.
by boloboffin, 5-16-07

 

by boloboffin
5-17-07
i has a bucket
oh hai i am a person relly
wehn tehy be stealin ur bucket you NALE'S THE FUKIN BITCH
DO NOT WANT
naoo u can have bucket
haha fcuk u mournz me wheni gone

 

by boloboffin
5-21-07
Melvin, you never seem to quit.
That's because I have a purpose!
*magical music fills the air*
I fit into a vast system, a system that brings peace and happiness to so many people!
You're fired.

 

by boloboffin
5-24-07
Let's see, what to fix for dinner. Tuna fish? Hamburger?
How about a frozen pizza, straight out of the box?
AAHHHH!!!
So you say the man ran screaming out of his house into the road. Could you make out what he was saying?
Something about a frozen pizza. That's all I got right before the semi turned him into one.

 

by boloboffin
5-24-07
Maybe you should fry the wall in... huh?
It looks like you're trying to startle someone who has mixed mescaline, esctasy, and crystal meth!
Oh, I hate this guy.

 

by boloboffin
5-27-07
For an alien world, it can be beautiful.
All alone in the universe and no one to share it with.
If only some unholy veejayjay would crawl out of the primordial muck...
The plot thickens.

 

by boloboffin
5-30-07
Look, you were on the phone again with your family, ragging about me and my friends!!!
Because I see the difference in the way you act with them and with me!
Wait a minute. Let's calm down.
You're right. Sometimes we're so busy focusing on each other's flaws that we don't focus enough on Jesus.
Yeah. That Jesus, always running to Daddy when he's got a problem.
And what's with him hanging out with those pothead freaks he called "apostles"?

 

by boloboffin
6-04-07
Would you like to apply for our store credit card?
Oh, I'd better not. My credit rating will only entitle me to be beaten out of your store with a stick.
Oh, come on. Plus you'll help me hit my quota...
Oh, fine, whatever.
Well, I'll be! Where's my stick?

 

by boloboffin
6-04-07
Oh, my God, we're all gonna...hey, buddy! Watch the hand!
What's this doing here?
Oh, who am I kidding? I'll take it any way I can get it.
Whee!!

 

by boloboffin
6-11-07
"Just a small town girl..."
Oo, onion rings.
Meadow will be here any minute.
*door opens*

 

by boloboffin
6-13-07
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
YAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!
IYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYYYYIII!
I wish I knew how to quit rotor turbines.

 

by boloboffin
6-15-07
Hey, Tyler, what say we compare our skills at archery later?
Awesome.

 

by boloboffin
6-15-07
Hey, Mr. Wastaba, is it okay if I use all the office paper clips to make a sculpture of Seven-of-Nine?
Awesome.

 

by boloboffin
6-15-07
I'm really, really excited about Ratatouille coming to the theaters. Does that make me look gay?

 

by boloboffin
6-15-07
Ho hum.
Why the fuck am I pointing?

 

by boloboffin
6-15-07
Who's with stupid?

 

by boloboffin
6-18-07
You just don't need to know some things about your parents.
For example, last week I found my dad's collection of exotic bukkake magazines.
Now I'm having trouble looking my mom in the face.
Young man!!

 

by boloboffin
6-23-07
I thought I should make it clear that my last comic was completely fictional. My dad and mom haven't been married since I was five.
And I've never run across any stash of porn my dad may or may not have possessed, ever...
Young man!!
What?!
Oh, nothing. An unexpected guilt trip is my silly way of saying I love you.

 

by boloboffin
6-27-07
I was drawing a dog, but his neck got too long, so I made him a giraffe.
Stupid kid. He means "dick."
Oh, yeah, that's right, Grandma. I made his dick too long, so I'm calling him boloboffin.

 

by boloboffin
6-28-07
Oh! This food is old. We'll throw it out.
But we can keep Grandma, right?
Of course! When you freeze meat, it lasts for months.
Yay! How about ribs tonight, Mommy?

 

by boloboffin
6-28-07
Mr. President, yesterday in Iraq 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed.
Oh, NO!!! That's awful. I cain't believe it.
How much is a brazillion?
Well, George, a good one will run you $150.
You are KIDDING. Laura Bush, I have to get some numbers from you.

 

by boloboffin
6-30-07
If I ever win the lottery, I think I'll spend it all at the ice cream truck.
Of course, I could always sell you guys to sick pervs on eBay.
That reminds me. I've got an auction ending today.

 

by boloboffin
7-01-07
But what about the problem of evil, Jesus? Are you not powerful enough to stop evil, or are you not good enough?
Uh, Jesus?

Showing page 6.

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