All comics by edoggydog

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
"Why don't they do what they say...Say what they mean..."
Groovy!
"One thing leads to another!"
The Fixx is in, baby! Yeah!
"I showed you something long (I know I've got a big dong)... One thing leads to another!"
Dude... Just stick to the lyrics as originally intended, okay?

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
...then, I got the upperhand on that pitbull, and mauled HIS stoopid ass! These new teeth are awesome, dude...
Groovy!
Hey, uncle... I need your advice. I'm trying to get moms to be by me the new XXX-Box, but she won't, 'cuz it costs $900! Can you put in a good word for me...
Negatory. I don't want to get in the middle of this...
Well, then can you teach me the art of negotiation?
Dude... Like my uncle always told me: when it comes to finances, never haggle with a woman. Just dick'er!

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
Groovy!
Pick me! Pick me!
Louder, dude...
PICK ME! PICK ME!!
Gee... It's as if she's looking right through you..
Yeah... I get that a lot...

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
Dude... Let me tell you about my weekend in San Francisco...
Groovy!
I wish! First, I dropped my wallet, so I kicked it across the Bay Bridge into Oakland before bending over to pick it up, just to be safe from the you-know-whos. While in Oakland, I got robbed!
That's horrible!
It get's worse. Not only did they take my wallet, but all my clothes, too. So, I had to go back to San Fran naked! And, when I got there, I was butt-fucked by a gang of interior designers!
Sorry to hear you had such a bad time... (Hmmm. Maybe, I should go up to the Bay Area and see if I get "lucky", also...)

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
This is Phil McCracken reporting from the Womann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood, for the premiere of "Groovy! The Movie"...
Groovy!
I'm joined by the star of the movie, uh, er... Gosh. I don't even know your name...
Most people refer to me as the "French-looking, fag-boy". But, I really don't like to be thought of in that way...
What? Being gay?
No... French!

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
Welcome to the premiere of "Groovy! The Movie". That funny black guy from the old "7 Up Yours" commercials couldn't be here tonight, so, I'll be your host...
Groovy!
Before we start the film, are there any questions from the audience I may answer?
Yeah... Why does the main charcter die at the end of the movie?
Way to spoil the surprise, French-looking fag-boy!
Sorry...

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
Yes... All of us are excited about having a new Pope, and the potential changes in church doctrine...
Groovy!
Unfortunately, the new guy won't let us get married, either...
That blows!
You said it! I guess I won't be experiencing hot, sloppy sex any time soon. Sucks! Late...
I guess "nun" is not just a name, but a way of life!

 

by edoggydog
5-03-05
'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! Jolly good, and all that rot...
Groovy!
I'm 'ere to be of service, guv'ner...
In what way?
Any way you want, mate... You wished for me, remember?
Uh... Your not the kind of "fag" I requested when I threw that coin in the fountain... I'm going to go get my dime back!

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
My name's Kajun, and I'm a cartoonist. You can see my work on-line at Stripcreator.com...
Groovy!
(Uncomfortable silence...)
Fag!
Asshole!

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Groovy!
This next joke is so funny, you'll literally laugh your tits off...
...and, apparently, three women in the front row have already heard it!

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Dude... My brother sent me this article stating that most Americans now think the Iraq war was not worth it...
Groovy!
Hmmm... Wanna guess what the number one reason for this new, negative sentiment is..?
Well... It's either the eleven hundred service men and women killed, or the $500 billion (and counting) spent on the occupation...
Not even close, bonehead! It's the fact that gasoline now costs $2.99 a gallon!
Then, what was all that "No War for Oil" protest about? Thank God I voted for Nader! Late...

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Dude... You gotta see this rad video my cute little Persian girlfriend sent me!
Groovy!
Somebody taped this routine of a woman and her dog dancing in sync to the Grease song, "You Better Shape Up". I couldn't believe my eyes! But, there's just one thing I can't figure out about it...
What's that..?
How the dog was able to train the woman to dance like that!
Plenty of postive reinforcement, I suppose...

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Dude... I just got done perusing the other comics on this site, just to steal- uh, I mean, get some ideas, and I see that "Wadders" did some kind of ode to the "masterfulness" of Groovy!"...
Groovy!
He did bring up a good point about you always saying "groovy!" in the first frame of each comic. Can't you think of any thing else to say?
How about "swell"?
(Thanks for the tribute, Wadders)
"Swell"? That's so @#$% lame! Try something else, dickweed!
Okay... How about "blow me"?

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Dude... I just had the worst phone call with some beotch hotel clerk over at the Hellton. I'll tell you all about it, if you want...
Groovy!
I was trying to get a hold of my friend, Carolyn. So, I gave the room number, but the stoopid [rhymes with cunt] wouldn't put me through without a last name. But, I had forgotten Carol's last name!
Is there a joke here anywhere?
No. I couldn't think of one... I only wrote this comic because I promised my cute Persian girlfriend I would...
Whatever it takes to get laid. Right? I mean, you are getting laid... RIGHT? See ya...

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Wow! Take a look at that stoopid sumbitch!
Groovy!
Should I..?
Go for it dude!
IF, YOU'RE GOING TO JUMP, THEN FUCKING JUMP ALREADY! JESUS H. CHRIST!!
Feel better?

 

by edoggydog
5-04-05
Dude... Check this out. You know that wide reciever for Pittsburgh, Plaxico Burris? I just heard how he got his name...
Groovy!
Apparently, when his mother was pregnant, she was looking out her apartment window, and saw a boxcar with "PLAXICO" written on its side...
Boy! He is one lucky dude!
I'll say! He's making millions!
Actually, I was talking about his name. What if she had seen a "KOTEX" boxcar?

 

by edoggydog
5-05-05
...see, the key is to keep ypur head up and your butt down. Then, slide side-to-side without your feet touching...
Groovy!
...and keep your hands in the "ready" position. And, when he switches directions, rotate accordingly. Like this... Got it?
Wow! The Lakers could sure benefit from your suffocating style of defense!
Lakers, shmakers! This is how I keep sinners escaping from Hell!
Then, Jerry Buss should send Kobe and the boys to Nextlevelbasketballcamps.com for a refresher course on the game's fundamentals!

 

by edoggydog
5-05-05
Dude... This one's available!
Groovy!
No, seriously... It's open!
Got it. I'll just wait for the urinal. Thanks.
There's no waiting HERE! I swear!
I hate it when these @%#$ bathroom attendants keep "buzzing" around me, looking for a tip!

 

by edoggydog
5-05-05
Groovy!
ZZZZZZZ
Dude... Wake up! The line's moving!
ZZZZZZ [snort!] Uh, whaaaat?
This going to be GREAT!!
This new Star Wars movie better be worth the five-and-a-half days we've been standing here!

 

by edoggydog
5-05-05
Groovy!
Ya think..?
Well... What is it?
I don't know. Give me a minute to come up with something...
Okay. Take your time...
Why can't this asshole just accept my answer, "To get to the other side"?

 

by edoggydog
5-05-05
...so, then I signed away my soul for eternal life. And, here I am, three thousand years later...
Groovy!
But, there is one thing I regret about my decision to buy eternal life...
What's that?
I should have popped for the extended warranty on body parts...
Yeah... But, those things never really cover the important parts... [pause] Dude... Is that a thirty foot wave headed our way?

 

by edoggydog
5-06-05
Groovy!
...and, spaghetti-noodles-looking upper lip?
Super groovy!
Okay... If, I look so good, then riddle me this...
What's that?
Why ain't I getting laid?

 

by edoggydog
5-06-05
...so, first I faced forward, and moved back and forth, arms a-swinging...
Groovy!
...then, I do a quick 180, repeating the same dance steps...
Amazing!
...finally, turn back forward, and re-repeating the steps. Just like this... See? And, I did it all in time to the "chow, chow, chow" playing in the background...
Wow! You really ARE that cat from the old Purina commercials!

 

by edoggydog
5-06-05
Groovy!
Uh, no... Not "groovy". And, for the last time: I don't want to subscribe to "Bongo Players Monthly"!
Okay... Then, may I give you some personal feedback?
Sure...
You dress like a freak, lady!
Look who's talking, fag-boy!

 

by edoggydog
5-06-05
So, last night I was watching a movie starring Mario Van Peeples called "Baaaaaad Ass!", and there was nary a sheep in the whole flick!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just read an AP article entitled, "California Sheepherders Suffer Poor Living Conditions." I say, what about we sheep's poor conditions!
What poor conditions..?
First of all, we spend our days grazing out in a stinking field, hoping and praying we don't get butt-raped by these same shepherds. And, for what? To then be taken to the slaughter! It sucks!
You're right! That does suck! Late...(Hmmm... I wonder where they keep those "butt-raping" sheep...)

 

by edoggydog
5-06-05
Do you wanna hear more about what I read in that article regarding the poor conditions for sheepherders..?
Groovy!
One of the shepherds says he still wears the traditional sheepherders robe when tending the flock as an homage to his sheep-herding ancestry. But, I know the real reason why he doesn't wear pants...
What's that?
Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!
Snap! So, that's the secret!

 

by edoggydog
5-06-05
Groovy!
I hope you all can understand me when I say this- especially, those of you on the other side of the river...
What part of ILLEGAL do you not understand?!
Que?

 

by edoggydog
5-09-05
Hmmm... This says those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it!
Groovy!
Hmmm... This says those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it!
Groovy!
Hmmm... This says those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
5-10-05
Groovy!
Hmmm... Why did he just say "groovy"? What's up with that..?
?
...I mean, this is so new to me! Just where do I go from here?
Dude... Are you going to sign me up for "Beatnik Beat" or what? I can write you a check...
Sign him up? Check? Damn! Where did I put those subscription slips? Think, boy! Think!!

 

by edoggydog
5-10-05
Groovy!
Okay, class... Settle down! I want to introduce today's guest speaker on the topic of "Post-Modern Dada-ism in Today's Iraq"...
...but, before he gets started, I want to reassure you that he is not French...
!
Whether or not he's gay is still up in the air, however...

 

by edoggydog
5-11-05
My queen to your bishop seven, yo. Your move, home-grown...
Groovy!
Well..? What it be and shit..?
I'm thinking...
Yo, dawg! I gots plans with my beotches later. Make a move 'fore I bust a cap in dat ass!
I don't think I like this "Snoop Dog's Talking Chessboard"...

 

by edoggydog
5-11-05
...so, then I told the nurse that if I could walk that way, I wouldn't need to see the doctor...
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just read in the paper that the gallery downtown is selling art that was created by a chimpanzee. Imagine that! I mean, what kind of moron would buy a painting done by a monkey..?
Indeed!
Later that afternoon...
How much for that one way over there..?

 

by edoggydog
5-11-05
...so, then I got a job as a lumber jack, but after a week, I got axed! After that, I found a job in the local circus...
Groovy!
What I do is stick water hoses up the elephants' asses, pull it out, and let the shit and debris rain down all over me...
That sounds dreadful! Why don't you quit and find something else to do..?
What? Give up show business?
?

 

by edoggydog
5-12-05
Groovy!
Ugh! I can't believe you actually get off on watching that bloody mess!
What's the big deal?
What's the big deal?? That's got to be the most disgusting site I've ever seen!
You've never seen a cop eat a doughnut before?
Not twelve jelly-filled ones in a row! YECCCHHHHH!!!

 

by edoggydog
5-12-05
...then, I told the male nurse, "I don't bend over for anyone wearing a rubber glove!"
Groovy!
Oh, who am I foolin?! I'm really hurting today! It looks like me and my cute Persian girlfriend are breaking up! *sob*
Isn't for the best, dude? I mean, you two seem to have too many differences...
Yeah... But, I love her!
That and $1.80 plus tip will get you a venti coffee at Starbucks! Late...

 

by edoggydog
5-12-05
...so, that's what I meant when I said I pulled a real "boner" yesterday!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... You know that I got rear-ended last month, right? Well, I called my attorney and told him I was suffering from whiplash, and he said that I have no case!
Why?
Because, whiplash is a "soft tissue" injury, and I don't have... Well, I think you get the gist of it...
Man... This has been one, weird day!

 

by edoggydog
5-12-05
Groovy!
Really? I guess that's one way of looking at it...
So, you're going to keep it hanging on that wall? Even though it's covered in dried blood?
Yeah... I don't want to. I NEED to!
But, that's the grill from the Mack truck that hit you!
Yes! It serves as a constant reminder that I need to look BOTH ways when crossing a street...

 

by edoggydog
5-13-05
Welcome to Phuket Thai Fast Food...
Groovy!
Please, place your order by speaking into the tiki idol's mouth...
Yes... I'd like an order of spicy noodles, and are the cashews in your Crazy Cashew Chicken really "crazy"?
Are the cashews "crazy"? Dude... They're fucking NUTS!!
Everyone's a comedian!

 

by edoggydog
5-13-05
...so, then I said to moms that it'd be nice if my feet could touch the ground once-in-a-while. Y'know what I mean?
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Did you hear the news about Danica Patrick? She just ran the fastest time at the Indy 500 test trials... Imagine that! A woman!
Amazing!
You haven't heard the most amazing part! She did it while putting on makeup and yakking on her cell phone!
She must have been late for her hair appointment...

 

by edoggydog
5-13-05
Dude... Thanks for watching my back as I take a piss...
Groovy!
So... Is anyone looking?
Dude... We're in an arena with about 20,000 screaming Mexicans. Of course, people are looking!
Then, what are you watching for?
The bull, you moron!

 

by edoggydog
5-16-05
...then, I tells the idiot, "Why don't you go order a cup of 'shut-the-fuck-up'!"
Groovy!
Anywayz... Last night I caught my wife in bed with my best friend! I was so mad that I told her to pack her shit, and get the hell out!
What did you do to your best friend?
I swatted his ass with a curled-up newspaper and yelled, "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!!"
Gee... I would have joined in! Late...

 

by edoggydog
5-16-05
Dude... Wanna hear the latest that dipshit Vicente Fox said about us brothers?
Groovy!
He says that Mexicans come here illegally to do jobs that "even black people don't want to do"! He makes it seem like my people don't like to work. Well... I ain't gonna take this lying down!
Word! What can I do to help?
For starters, you could lend me a hundy. My welfare checks ran out last week...
Your asking ME for money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Late...

 

by edoggydog
5-18-05
...so, then I tell the daschund, "Watch who you're calling a 'pussy'!"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Did you hear about those two tiger cubs in Malaysia? Apparently, their mother died, so a Malaysian woman stepped in to feed them her breast milk...
Wow! A Malaysian woman actually breastfed tiger cubs?
Yes. But, that's not the point! The point is the cubs died because they couldn't digest human milk!
Wow! A Malaysian woman actually breastfed tiger cubs! There must be some pictures on-line! I gots to go check this out...

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
*glub* *glub*
Groovy!
*glub* *glub*
You were right... I can truely see the other side of the bar!
*glub* *glub*
How do they keep the water in that huge aquarium so clear?

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
Dude... You know that me and my cute Persian girlfriend broke up, right? Well, I just met the "perfect" woman for me!
Groovy!
She has two BIG qualities I look for in a woman...
What's that?
The LEFT one and the RIGHT one!
Boob-YA!!

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
Before we start our blind date, I want to be completely honest with you...
Groovy!
I, um, have seven boys, and they're all named "Leroy"...
All named Leroy? That sounds confusing. What if you want a particular son of yours to come to you? How do they know which Leroy you want?
Oh, that's easy! I call him by his LAST name!
Uh... Okay. I think I need to put a coin in the parking meter. I'll be right back... (Run, Forrest, RUN!!)

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
Welcome to your first day on the job...
Groovy!
My job is to do all the heavy-duty chopping...
And, what will I be doing..?
You'll be cleaning up all the blood, and disposing of body parts before the police arrive!
Uh... Wait a minute...

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
Let's go through your statement one more time just to make sure I got it straight...
Groovy!
You were hired by some psycho in a hockey mask who wanted you to clean up this murder scene after he axed this family of four... Are you really expecting me to believe that load of crapola?
It's the truth!
Then, what stopped you?
I forgot my @%#$ mop at home!

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
Okay... You're story checked out, so you're free to go. But, I do have one final question...
Groovy!
Who wrote "REDRUM" on the side of that building?
Some strange kid on a tricycle...

 

by edoggydog
5-19-05
Dude... this is our 300th comic! Y'know, when I reflect on all the comics I've written so far, I feel we've covered all genres of humor, controversial or otherwise...
Groovy!
I also look back at all the hours of hard labor creating said comics, never recieving any compensation whatsoever. And, you know what keeps running through my mind?
No... Tell me!
What the @%#$ was I thinking!
Uh... I wasn't going to say anything...

Showing page 6.

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