All comics by itsclark

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by itsclark
7-30-03
6 months later...
It sure is lonely here in this jail cell all by myself.
(scritchy scritchy scritchy)
...So of course you see WHY I had to bury them in the crawlspace?
Of course! Perfectly understandable.

 

by itsclark
8-14-03
So you'd like a job here at Crunchyburger?
Just 'til the heat dies down -- er, I mean, I'm looking for a Summer job!
What kind of position would you like?
I'll work the register. I'm used to dealing with the public.
I'm sure! Just fill in this application and I'll se that our manager gets it.
Nevermind -- I'll talk to him myself. Rick! That you, Hon? I've got another proposition for ya!

 

by itsclark
8-14-03
So how did it go?
Piece of cake! The job is all mine. Rick and me go way back!
So you'll be working the register?
Don't be silly! I'll be the assistant manager.
But... but I've been here five years!
Hey! You're not the only one with experience in serving the public.

 

by itsclark
8-14-03
It's Saturday. It's going to be a busy lunch crowd today.
I'm sure you can handle it.
You're not going to help out?
I've got "assistant manager" stuff to do back in the walk-in freezer.
But the health inspector is back there right now.
Damn straight! You'd better wish me luck.

 

by itsclark
8-14-03
Are you going to help out with the dinner crowd?
I can't. There's a big regional meeting tonight in the office!
I noticed. Would you please tell those guys that smoking isn't allowed back there?
Whatever, Nagzilla!
Niether is the drinking and loud music. We could get fined...
Just look after the dinner crowd and leave the manager stuff to us business types.

 

by itsclark
8-14-03
How did the regional meeting go?
Terrific! You're looking at the new assistant regional supervisor.
What!? Just this morning you were a nobody with no references and a criminal record as long as my arm.
I guess I've got what you'd call natural talent.
I feel so defeated and demoralized.
Go lie down for a while. Wait, no! Here comes a tour bus...

 

by itsclark
8-20-03
Look, I can't pay you back right now. I'll have the money by Friday!
Can't pay? How'd you like to sleep with the fishes? In cement overshoes!
I'm confused. I'll be wearing cement overshoes? Or the fish will?
That's funny. I smell crumpets and mushy peas.
What the..?
Oi, yoo! There'll be none of that loansharking business on my watch. Go 'ome before I haul you off to the tank!

 

by itsclark
8-25-03
Later that week:
This hand looks more like a foot. Who's got the eight of clubs?
Go Fish!
I hear someone at the door. Could be the pizza I ordered. I Hope you guys like extra sardines!
Oi, you card sharks! This 'ere is considered illicit gambling under the Queen's law. And I 'ope that's not seaweed I smell!
I can't take this harassment anymore. It's because I'm a man-eating predator, isn't it!

 

by itsclark
8-26-03
Oi!
Look, officer! I can no longer tolerate your constant harassment and your cliche Britishisms.
I find that I can no longer supress my natural urge to kill!
I have no choice but to devour you gruesomely.
Ha! How'sat for larfs!
Augh! I didn't realize you were a soccer fan...

 

by itsclark
8-29-03
But I'm a national icon, beloved by millions of children!
Don't tell me! I eat fourteen Big Macs a day! But I still have a job to do.
Maybe I can cut a deal with the D.A.
I'll tell him where the bodies are buried!
We already found the crawlspace.

 

by itsclark
9-30-03
Say, I know you... You're a hadrosaur!
That's right.
You were one of the great-grandaddies of the whole herbivorous lifestyle! Man, you and your posse really knew how to jam on those Cretaceous lowland ecosystems.
That was a long time ago, Son.
Show us a little of the old stuff!
I'm a museum display, you idiot!

 

by itsclark
9-30-03
I know the museum piece gig is just a cover. Rumor has it you're a big wheel in the production end of the foraging industry.
Please, respect my privacy.
Listen -- I have this herd! We're just starting out but if you'll only give us a try I think you'll agree that...
SECURITY!
Please...
The Man said he's not interested. God, I'm sick of you upstart mammals coming 'round with your fancy fur and your viviparous lifestyles.

 

by itsclark
9-30-03
I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you. It's just that my herd is really counting on that one big break that will...
How did you get past my triceratops?
When he pulled his horns out, he slipped in the (COUGH, WINCE) blood.
It may interest you to know that this crest on my skull is a powerful subsonic resonant chamber.
I'm sorry. Did that roof just collapse on you?

 

by itsclark
9-30-03
Haddy! Who's the Mac Daddy? Haddy! Who's the Mac Daddy?
When fools keep coming round... Haddy shuts 'em down... Blastin' infrasound... Haddy's all up in this town!
From Mesozoic times... I'm kickin' out mad rhymes... makin' G's and smokin' dimes... Can't stop my spree of crimes...

 

by itsclark
9-30-03
I'm cold-blooded but not shy... I'm fossilized, but spry... My skills you can't deny... My rhymes make T. Rex cry!
No meteor can stop... This dinosaur hip-hop... I come right back out on top... While Wigudonkey flops!
Old-school.
What did you expect?

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