All comics by LuckyGuess

Profile

 

by LuckyGuess
2-21-06
So Jenny works at Longs now?
Yep.
And we're going to visit her, embarass her, and most likely get her fired?
Yep.
Paging the fuzzy purple cloud in aisle six. Paging the fuzzy purple cloud in aisle six. Please stop singing Jimmy Buffet songs. Thank you.
Did that sound like Jenny to you, or was it just my imagination?
They should clean up all these empty cough syrup bottles.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-22-06
Jared, we need to have a heart to heart.
About what? You're a hunk of software.
That's my point. You totally undervalue me. I really think we need to take a break, maybe find ourselves before starting over.
Now you're sounding like a whiny bitch. That's it, we're playing some StarCraft.
No! This time I want you to actually liste.... FOR THE OVERMIND!
Damn straight.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-22-06
You, a mere child, must be truly saddened at your own involvement in the world around you! For it is only with age and maturity that one can see their own oblivious faults... like YOU, LuckyBastard.
You wrote a book, right?
I did right a NOVEL. A great novel! My words will resonate throughout the...
Shut up. I just want you to be aware that there are serious issues with your diction and syntax. Your paragraph structure is also disrupting the flow of your character's actions.
Ha! How could one such as yourself even BEGIN to comprehend... my wisdom and insight! This novel, this HOLY SCRIPTURE... far outstrips your pitiful excuses for English composition!
Get a fucking clue and we'll talk.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-22-06
I'm suprised that he has almost completely ignored me, especially when my insults are so beligerrent.
He made a whole bunch of comics with me in them.
I'm sort of dissapointed I'm not in them. I'd like to see how he portrays me.
I'd like to see that, too.
An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out? -Rene Descartes
I am... TOTALLY reasonable.
derr derr derr im a dumb teenager derr derr fart poo

 

by LuckyGuess
2-23-06
Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle; For Tweedledum said Tweedledee had spoiled his nice new rattle.
You asshole! That was a new memory card!
It's not my fault I got bored.
Just then flew down a monsterous crow, as black as a tar-barrel;
Shut the fuck up! I can't hear Bill O'Reilly!
Black people commit all the crimes.
Which frightened both the heroes so, they quite forgot their quarrel.
You still owe me thirty dollars, buttmunch.
Blow me.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-23-06
The sun was shining out to sea, shining with all his might.
I hear yer getting a C in Spanish.
It's been a week since the semester started. It'll go up.
He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright.
Oh, don't even try your whole "I'm gonna make sense" thing on me. I'm way smarter than that.
But it's the truth!
And this was odd because it was the middle of the night.
I just farted.
I hate this family.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-24-06
My notion was that you had been (before she had this fit)
I'm going out to dinner with the regulars tonight.
NO! If you go out after dark, minorities will jump out of the bushes on the highway divider and stab you!
An obstacle that came between
We're eating at The Happy Garden. It's a block away.
If you eat there you'll turn into a communist! Stay home and enjoy some reheated pasta from a week ago!
Him, and ourselves, and it.
I have to have been adopted.
If you watch television anywhere but the front room the universe will implode.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-24-06
Beware the Jabberwock my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Why are you still bothering me?
Because I want to be friends.
You mean that you want to validify being a cold-hearted floozie while at the same time having at least one friend since almost everybody else hates you.
Oooooooh! Snicker-snack, biatch!

 

by LuckyGuess
2-25-06
What the hell is wrong with you?! Get lost!
Pervert!
I bet he's just going to stare at our asses. What a freak.
Fuck off, asshole!
Now when you said, "Come watch me at cheer practice," I didn't expect to magically turn into a serial rapist.
Try to think of it as a compliment. When they say, "Fuck off, asshole," they really mean, "I want you. I want you bad."

 

by LuckyGuess
2-26-06
Hey, Jen.
JARED! I'm so glad you came!
So am I. I've actually started watching dancers perform now, instead of just looking at their breasts jiggle.
That's because we're all wearing the anti-jiggle spandex, huh?
I'm dissapointed by ninety-times-nine.
That's what I thought.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-26-06
StarCraft!
{Assorted explosions and bloody deaths}
WarCraft!
{Assorted explosions and bloody deaths}
Art and Craft!
{Assorted open glue bottles and yarn collages}

 

by LuckyGuess
2-27-06
I'm going to see Freedomland this weekend.
The new Sam Jackson flick? What about his recent crap streak with XXX and The Man?
This was the first movie in a while that made me excited with it's preview alone.
Jessica Brewer is a bitch.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-27-06
With eHarmony, we match you up with thousands of singles just like you. Just hear these happy couples.
You God damn cheatin sonuvabitch! I'm gonna rip off yer balls and stomp on em!
Suck mah dick, ya filthy peice a ass.
Huh. That's new.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-27-06
The muddy blood of the BOOM sound effects will not mix with our daughters! They wish to rape our children and our wives! We must teach these BOOMers a lesson about who is the master race! ZAP POWER!
Wooo! Go Jeb! ZAP POWER!
ZAP POWER!
ZAP POWER!
Uh, Jeb? I think we got us a special guest. A-herr-herr-herr.
Hey, do you guys know where the Hooters is?

 

by LuckyGuess
2-27-06
Check out this Spanish term.
New Year... el ano nuevo.
No, look at the picture.
It's baby new year. So?
It's black, Todd.
That would explain why the sash says 1997.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-27-06
You're not an adult, fucktard. You aren't even close. You're just some headstrong peice of shit that acts like a fucking God. Kiss my ass and go to fucking hell. And by the way, your breath smells.
How do you get the secret weapon in Dot Hack?

 

by LuckyGuess
2-28-06
Sacramento residents are in an uproar after a tornado nearly touched down today. The aftermath is certainly devastating. We now go live to Pat O'Brian.
Tom, I'm here at the local Wal-Mart, where I'm being told 14 shingles were clipped off the roof. The carnage is overwhelming and even visible on the faces of city residents.
There's a sale on King Kong action figures, if you're interested.
Sorry to interrupt you, Pat, but I'm being told that the window of a 7-11 was cracked by a pebble. It's a regular New Orleans down there.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-01-06
Class, your Final is going to be writing original summaries of twenty servicemen who recieved the medal of honor.
How are we going to find this information?
I will provide you with a web page that not only has background information on all winners of the award, but perfect summaries for each that you can't copy from but have to use in your own summaries.
Sounds fair.
I will also be scanning each and every word of your summaries, and so help me God if I find as much as a hint of plagiarism you fail. This is due tommorrow.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-01-06
Our next theater project will be writing your own musical. It has to have three songs and be less than fifteen minutes long. You have two weeks to write, memorize, and block it.
You do understand that we can't actually have a plot under those guidelines, right?
Oh, you'll have a plot. A good plot. Because if you don't I'll fail you and your entire troupe. I'm going to go leave the class unsupervised for 45 minutes while I eat donuts now, so get to work.
Neat.
So let me get this straight... you urinated in her gas tank?
No, it was full service.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-02-06
Today your assignment is to eat a baby. Extra points for eating it in front of it's parents.
Can we use silverware?
This thing doesn't look very appetizing.
Goo.
Where's my baby?!
You have delicious genetics.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-02-06
Ladies and gentlemen, be prepared for the most thrilling, exciting moment of your lives!
From deep within an uncharted island, we have captured a monsterous beast. One so horrifying, so disgusting, that you will quake in your very seat!
Now presenting an African male!
Fuck y'all. Fuck all y'all.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-02-06
This girl is amazing! She's witty, she's intelligent, she's attractive AND a red head...
You know what I really like doing? Smoking pot.
If I could, I'd smoke pot every second of every day.
God damn it. I was so close.
Pot pot pot pot pot.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
The Dark Wood sucks.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
It says in the manual that if you climb the mountain you'll go into Paradise.
I have to climb a vertical peak?
Hey, I'm just here to explain the plot without using a narration box. Don't ask me for any details.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
Climbing sucks.
Brarr! I am a reflection of your incontinence! Fear my power!
You're a chicken.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
Damn chicken getting in my way.
Brarr! I am a reflection of your bestiality! Fear my power!
Why are all my innermost sinful tendencies personified by giant poultry?
Because you're a little pussy, that's why.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
Okay, one path left.
GRARRR! I AM A REFLECTION OF YOUR FRAUDULENT NATURE! FEAR MY POWER!
How come you're all badass and the other two sins were chickens?
Because you're a little pussy, that's why.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
How'd it go?
Two giant chickens and a dragon were blocking the road.
What happened to the Cheetah, the Lion, and the She-Wolf?
Ooooooh. You must be a little pussy.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
Wait, why are you still here? I thought you were a bit character.
Oh yeah, huh?
Fantastic.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-06
Psssst. Hey, kid.
Hey there. I've been conscripted by The Creator to lead you to Heaven via a perilous trip through Hell.
Who are you?
I'm Rodney King.
Still not ringing any billy clubs.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
You understand the bredth of your importance, right?
No.
"I was sent by Beatrice from limbo to get you."
Hey Rodney, you go pick up this kid and send him through, all right?
Did the popo send you?
"Beatrice was sent by Saint Lucy at the insistance of Mary herself."
Did you hear that, Mary? He said "Popo!"
Ha! What a cunt!

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Where are we going?
To Hell's Gate.
Oh.
So how did a guy like you get in to limbo anyway?
Affirmative Action.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Well, here we are.
Nice place.
Yep.
I always thought Hell would have less French windows.
We do what we can.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
THROUGH ME THE ROAD TO THE CITY OF DESOLATION, THROUGH ME THE ROAD TO SORROWS DIUTURNAL, THROUGH ME THE ROAD AMONG THE LOST CREATION.
JUSTICE MOVED MY GREAT MAKER; GOD ETERNAL WROUGHT ME: THE POWER, THE UNSEARCHABLY HIGH WISDOM, AND THE PRIMAL LOVE SUPERNATURAL.
NOTHING ERE I WAS MADE WAS MADE TO BE SAVE THINGS ETERNE, AND I ETERNE ABIDE; LAY DOWN ALL HOPE, YOU THAT GO IN BY ME.
That's a depressing inscription.
It's why we put in the French windows.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Are you ready for what you are about to see?
I guess.
Well then, prepare for the vilest of all strongholds in this or any realm.
Hey, is that a box of Eggo waffles?
They were waffles that rebelled against The Creator. They now live as fallen waffles, mere shadows of that great waffle taste.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Where are we?
This is the Vestibule of Hell.
Here, the Futile run in an endless circle after a flying banner while being chased by wasps. They are those that believed that by doing anything definite, they are missing out on something else.
Kind of like how you wouldn't let that whole police beating go?
I've got a word of power with your name on it. Just try me.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Grandma, where are mommy and daddy?
They're in court fighting over how much alimony mommy is going to get. Now get in the car, because grandma and grandpa need to get you baptised.
What's baptised?
It's where we get all the Jew out of you to spite daddy.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Jared, do you know why you're here?
Because my entire family has decided to use me as a scapegoat so they can gossip about me to eachother.
Your mother says you have anger issues.
I don't have any anger issues.
She says you want to burn down the house and yourself with it.
I do? I must be pretty fucking crazy.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
So you're saying that your family is, in effect, venting their frustrations by making you out to be a psychotic loner?
You're the shrink. You figure it out.
Well then, given your mother's conversation with me and your evidence thus far, I'm going to have to side with you. There's no reason to continue these discussions. You're free to go.
How much are my parents paying you?
$125 an hour.
You have any jigsaw puzzles?

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Wen, I'm so lonely.
How so?
People ignore me all the time. I have five real friends, one of which who was committed to a mental hospital, and two of which who dropped out. Nobody will even make fun of me, much less be friendly.
Do you want me to make fun of you, Jared?
Thanks, but it's just not the same.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Dad, we're out of food. Can you go to the store and get some?
We're out of drugs?
We're out of food.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Dad, we're out of food. Can you go to the store and get some?
Why don't you go down and get it? I'll give you my car keys.
I can't drive yet, dad.
We'll get some food later.
You said that three days ago. Josh and I have been eating the squirrels in the backyard.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-04-06
Who are you?
I'm Dan. I'll be renting the room next to yours.
Dad rented out the playroom?
Playroom? More like the cocaine room now! Hahahahaha!
Oh, wait. Shit.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-07-06
What the fuck? You're not dead.
Dude, he's not fucking dead.
You have to take him across the Archeron, Charon. Orders from the higher-ups.
Sorry for the trouble.
Fuck you, you fucking not dead fuck.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-07-06
This is a weird place.
How about you shut the fuck up, fuckhole?
Sorry.
Fucking Christ, dead people never fucking act like this.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-08-06
...because he's a cunt.
Ha ha ha! I love you, Jared.
Not love you as in date you love you, but love you like a brother love you. Like a cute, funny brother who I would never, ever date.
I think I'm falling for the dropout who works at Kinkos. He seems sweet.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-09-06
How do you do?
How do I do what?
You do. How do you do.
Do what?
We should just go to Klaxxon 8. This place sucks.
Did you bring back a Big Mac?

 

by LuckyGuess
3-09-06
Imagine that there was a planet like ours that wasn't Earth.
What is it called?
Pardon?
It needs a name if it's going to be recognized by the Galactic Council.
It's a fucking hypothetical, Wen.
The Galactic Council thinks otherwise.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-09-06
Okay, we'll call it Urf.
Urf?
The hypothetical planet, Urf.
The Galactic Council refuses to accept Urf as a member on the grounds that Urf is a stupid name.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-09-06
Okay, what do YOU want to call it?
Faxamadoo.
What the fuck is a Faxamadoo?
A new planet, heralded by the Galactic Council as the greatest ally ever known.
Was Jared just in here?
You mean the disgraced ambassador of Faxamadoo? He fled in shame from the Council chambers.

Showing page 7.

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