All comics by NeoVid

Profile

 

by NeoVid
9-24-03
uNnAmED sitzt auf einer bank und denkt sich nichs böses als ...
hey *narfnarf* ich bin man@work *narfnarf* das sprechende eichhörnchen *narfnarf*
*narfnarf*
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by NeoVid
10-01-03
It's an honor to see you at Tacover My Head, Mr President!
I'm in the mood for something different.
If you want different, you could try our Burger Thing. No one knows what it is...
No, even more different... I'm looking for something that doesn't exactly come from an animal...
...And that's when I knew we'd need the wooden badger.

 

by NeoVid
10-07-03
Are you sure this is the sort of thing people will expect from me?
Of course. Starting off strong will help you fit in.
Yes... I can see how important fitting in is to you.
Cute. Just read the lines.
Ahem. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have just received this report: Boorite sucks lightyears and lightyears of cock."
Perfection.

 

by NeoVid
10-21-03
This can be one lousy job. A man named Bruce Love and his wife Amanda both died in an accident today.
I sent Bruce to his final reward already, but his wife's spirit is evading me. I'm hoping the residents of the local haunted house will have seen her.
Now, just to give them a dose of the intimidating voice...
I AM DEATH, AND I'M LOOKING FOR AMANDA LOVE!
HA! Well, maybe your standards are too high, then! HAHAHA...

 

by NeoVid
10-28-03
Did you know I'm a tester for Resident Evil Online?
Really? I've seen some previews of that game. They said that they hated how you couldn't use voice chat.
Well, there's a good reason for that. Since half your party is actually computer controlled, voice chat didn't work so well...
I think that this guy's CPU controlled!
"That is mere paranoia, player designate: Marcus. This unit believes you are attempting to throw suspicion off of yourself."

 

by NeoVid
11-17-03
Ask me any questions you've ever had. I know all.
Oh yeah? Will men ever land on Uranus?
Touch-yyy.

 

by NeoVid
11-21-03
Halfling A: 34 HP, Halfling B 22 HP
We should be working together! Aren't you sick of not getting any respect because you're short, too?
Hell yes I am!
Halfling A: 34 HP, Halfling B 22 HP
Well, I've got an idea. You shave and wear this trenchcoat. I'll carry you on my shoulders...
Completeling: 56 HP
All right! No more "You must be this tall to ride" crap any longer!

 

by NeoVid
12-01-03
MY SIXTH SENSE IS TELLING ME THIS'LL BE A DISASTER, BUT WHO'LL STAFF THE NEW BRANCH OF THE WASH AND WASH MILLENIUM WASH DURING THE GRAND OPENING?
Eh... I suppose I will.
Yeah, I guess I'll help out too.
Looks like I'll have to open up with a pair of Deuces.

 

by NeoVid
12-16-03
So, honey, what's the latest tongue depresser you've cooked up?
Buddy, if you don't like my cooking, you can do it yourself.
Hey, I already went to the trouble of going out and killing it.
Fine. Just stop your complaining. It'll be ready in a minute.
It's times like this I think I should give up being a cannibal.

 

by NeoVid
12-16-03
Dear God, this is the worst thing I've ever tasted, and she's standing right here waiting for my reaction.
She's the worst cook in the world. She could kill a vampire with a steak in the stomach. I've got to do something to get this taste out of my mouth.
This is great, dear, really. Now, where's that glass of water I asked for?
Um... I burned it...

 

by NeoVid
12-17-03
I really regret hacking Lance apart.
After all those other people you've killed, why would you regret it this time?
Um, well...
There's only room for 26 victims in the meat locker at home, so I didn't have an excuse to keep my girlfriend from cooking.

 

by NeoVid
12-17-03
So you didn't think Lance tasted good either?

 

by NeoVid
12-27-03
Now that we've captured Saddam, his allies will be even_more_desperate! That spells one thing: T-R-U-B-B-L-E!

 

by NeoVid
1-04-04

 

by NeoVid
1-04-04

 

by NeoVid
1-04-04

 

by NeoVid
1-12-04
Paging Ava Jyna! I'm looking for Ava Jyna!
Hey, so are we!

 

by NeoVid
1-16-04
True story.
Hey, what's going on here Thursday?
We're closed that day.
Really? What's happening Thursday?
2004. That's what's happening Thursday.

 

by NeoVid
1-30-04
You're going to sneak in? You realize you're wearing armor?
It's just chainmail. I can stay fairly quiet.
*JING* *JING* *JING* *JING* Excuse me, the Society for Creative Anachronism is this way, right? Thanks. *JING* *JING* *JING*
Well?
I stand by my statement.

 

by NeoVid
1-31-04
I went by one of those new restaraunts downtown, and they had a line of waiters and waitresses outside.
They were interviewing new employees, and testing them by having them pretend to serve customers inside.
So I asked, "Does this mean I can't get a pizza?"
Here's an idea: You should have asked them if you could help with the test. They should pay you to order something.

 

by NeoVid
2-02-04
This scroll is useless. It just says "HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR."
I bet without Mjolnir you're a pansy.
There won't be any surprises. I own this adventure myself.
They won't attack for no reason.
They're willing to talk if I drop my weapons? Okay.
This ring of flying has a time limit?

 

by NeoVid
2-02-04
OK, Odin, if you won't answer, here's what I really think!
You can't disintegrate yourself. Here, watch.
Sure, I humiliated the GM in class, but he won't take it out on my character.
I spilled the oil on myself. I'd better get it off before we face the red dragon.
I could only fail if I roll a 1 twice in a row.
Well, he's Lawful Evil, so he should keep his word about not betraying us.

 

by NeoVid
2-03-04
What trap?
Do you really think they'd leave the self-destruct button out where anyone can press it?
Ha! Arrows versus Kevlar!
Only six inches tall? ...Wait. Six SCALE inches?
Well, I don't like this character anyway... here goes...
Your mother was a gully dwarf.

 

by NeoVid
2-04-04
But the directions said to pull pin and throw!
So what if the elves are black, you racist!
Huh? I thought you said fifTEEN ogres...
A pit? How original. I thought this GM was more creative.
23... 24! He's out of ammo!
Uh, guys? Why are you looking at me like that? Guys?

 

by NeoVid
2-04-04
Wow, what could have done that to a giant?
I'll cut the red wire.
I'll try and hide in the room full of shadows. What do you mean, shadows with a capital S?
Man, you're dumb even for a barbarian.
Blue! No wait, yellow-AUUUGH!
Lessee: AC 17, 3 HD +3, and D8+2 damage... OK, I can fight for four turns and still have 12 HP! Let's rock!

 

by NeoVid
2-04-04
I'll use the rocket launcher, since I'm so bad with guns.
No security guards are that good.
I'll talk to the blob.
Remember the demon that used to be imprisoned downstairs?
I'll hold my breath and run through the gas.
I'm a vampire. No mortal can harm me.

 

by NeoVid
2-10-04
Why don't we look at what's chasing us?
People that intelligent can't be warlike.
There's eight of us, one of him, and he's not even armed!
We'll open the door, throw in the dwarf, wait for the noise to stop and then open it again. What do we see? ...How many angry dwarves?
I'm sure the troll will be too grateful for being freed to attack us.
Anything but a 1...

 

by NeoVid
2-13-04
Arnoldi Goes to Vietnam
I love underage chink hookers
Me love you long time!
How much?
Only 5 pounds sir.
How much is that in American dollars?
I have no damned idea.

 

by NeoVid
2-13-04
Hey, you black person! Bling bling!
Hey! That's racist! You are racist! Why are you so racist! Stop being so racist!
Now my hoes n' me are gonna have to do a drive-by on your cracker bitch ass!

 

by NeoVid
2-17-04
I have a question Jake.
Ask away!
how'd you get that space suit?
It all started when I had nothing to wear for school...
Speaking of that, I'm sorry about stealing all your clothes and throwing you out with that "cornhole me" sign on your back.
You die now.

 

by NeoVid
2-17-04
Pressed "enter" too soon, sucker.

 

What do you have to offer this company?
Well, for starters, I'm very goal-oriented.
by NeoVid, 2-18-04

 

by NeoVid
2-18-04
The most important thing that we need at this company are people who are responsible.
Don't I look responsible?
You're certain that you're always responsible?
Yeah....
In fact, at my last job, whenever anything went wrong, I was always responsible.

 

by NeoVid
3-02-04
A huge gem surrounded by spikes with skewered skeletons on them? Too obvious to be a trap.
I give the fire giants the finger.
Shields are for wimps!
My defensive spells should still be working...
I broke my rapier parrying his axe? No prob, I have a spare.
The air's solidifying? Uh, I start digging.

 

by NeoVid
3-02-04
Hey, why isn't my Detect Magic workin-AGGHHH...
Why are there glowing red dots on your chest?
I take my leg he just ripped off and club him with it.
I parry the demon's greatsword with my stilletto!
Hey, why's your suitcase ticking?
A chest with no traps or locks? All right! I open it!

 

by NeoVid
3-02-04
I'm standing on a big X?
Don't worry, they're all sworn pacifists.
I have to do this to satisfy my honor.
Can the spell use a substitute kind of blood?
Nah, it's just a regular dragon with an illusion of four extra heads.
The ogre just said, "I would prefer it if we cease hostility." My character has a heart attack from shock.

 

by NeoVid
3-05-04
You? A GOD? Right, then hit me with lightning!
Don't worry, it's only a skeleton of a dragon.
This will really impress you!
HA! We already killed all the hostages!
Screw Odin!
You know, I'm really starting to like this character.

 

MikeyG sucks!
by NeoVid, 3-21-04

 

by NeoVid
4-11-04
Is rolling 8 enough to hit the unarmed women and children trying to escape? By the way, I'm not evil.
The arrow punched straight through his helmet? Hey, you know what the last thing to go through his mind was?
You just shot the clown in the nads? Sweet!
I'm a dwarf/orc. Which is not called a dorc.
Since we think that Hugh guy's hiding in here, I'll go to the door of the bar and shout, "I'm looking for a Hugh Jorgan!"
Hey you! VAMPIRES SUCK!!

 

by NeoVid
4-13-04
Excuse me...
Yeah?
Does that convenience store have vodka?
I don't think so.
Shit!

 

by NeoVid
4-18-04
Finish your dinner. Don't you know there are children starving in Africa?
I heard that they're starving because Americans eat twice as much as we need.
Right! So finish dinner before those kids in Africa get it!

 

by NeoVid
4-30-04
Sweet! A demo of Metal Slug 3!
Maybe this time I'll be able to get through a level without continuing.
And I wonder if SNK's gotten any better with their translations...
PRESS SATRT

 

by NeoVid
5-14-04
You've got an all-American look, kid. You've got the part.
I don't care whether I have an all-American look, I just want to score with the babes.
Hey, you're in a movie now.
When you've been in a movie, the women don't ask "What's your favorite role?" More like "What's your favorite position?"

 

by NeoVid
5-21-04
Jesus, there's one thing I've always wanted to ask you...
Yes?
Can you do any other steps from the YMCA dance?
You know, I really expected more tolerance from him.

 

by NeoVid
5-27-04
One a these days, I hope ta be President m'self!
It wouldn't be as easy for you as for your father. He had been the VP to a popular President, after all.
You'd have to put a lot of work into getting a good public image for yourself, and figuring out what the people want from the next President.
Or I could make sure they only count votes that are for me!
You really put the 'ass' in 'aspiration' sir.

 

by NeoVid
5-27-04
Uh... my head...
Have you been trying to think again, Mr Pres- GAH! What happened to you!?
I was out bikin' and I fell off and hit muh head.
At least you couldn't have hurt anything vital...
It feels like m'skull's caved in!
Wow... that really puts the 'dent' in 'President.'

 

by NeoVid
6-03-04
I'm sick of being viewed the same way after all this time.
I'm going to do something that will completely change my image, and stop sucking!
Really?
Now Im going to satrt rapping, so gett redy for sum unconsenshual seks, yuo slut!
Why do you assume it'd be unconsentual?

 

Will you think my next question is stupid?
I don't know. Is it?
by NeoVid, 6-04-04

 

Here's your bottled water, miss.
Is this water hydrogenated?
by NeoVid, 6-11-04

 

by NeoVid
7-01-04
The pain!! The PAIN!!
HAHAHAHA! Fear me, you worthless victims!
Why are you doing this?! Don't you have any human feeling? Isn't there anything that's terrorized you?
Well, yes, there's been one thing that's been hounding me all my life... It's why I went psycho.
And I'm back! Boo, you bastard!
If there's anything that can justify turning into an evil maniac...

Showing page 7.

« Previous Next »