All comics by agnt_M

Profile

 

by agnt_M
2-13-03
Mark, what's the notation for 'Mocha'?
...IT'S MF, M-F!
Are you sure I can write that on a cup I'll be handing to customers?
TALL, DECAF MOCHA-FRAPPUCINO, FOR SOME M-F!

 

by agnt_M
2-13-03
Can I help the next customer?
I'd like a tall mocha frappucino, extra ice, dry, with a shot of vanilla, 50% decaf and shaved chocolate.
And a strawberry scone.
Mark, what's the notation for yuppie-speak?

 

by agnt_M
2-27-03
Have you seen Alex?
Nope. Kid's been missing all day.
...Did you just see that?
See what?
I think Alex is trying to chase down a rabbit.
LEAVE THE BUNNY ALONE!

 

by agnt_M
2-28-03
There you are.
Stinkin' rabbit. I'LL EAT YOUR FAMILIY!
Hi Scott. The rabbit got away again.
He has your backpack in his car.
Oh. Well go get it then.
Do I look like your girlfriend?

 

by agnt_M
2-28-03
heh heh... Well, you guys are always hanging out together...
Shut up Scott.
Kid always needs rides home...
And, he's leaving stuff in your car...
ALEX! COME GET THE RABBIT, IT'S WEARING PLAID!

 

by agnt_M
3-20-03
Mista' Choc and Cypha' Sounds! Chillin' out at Sta'Buks!
What? Don't any of you listen to Rawkus Records?
Sabrina stop staring at me!

 

by agnt_M
3-20-03
Sabrinaaaaaa!
Why do the customers keep staring at me?
Maybe it's because you keep asking them if they want 20 ounces of liquid crack!
Well what would you call 14 shots in a Venti cup?

 

by agnt_M
3-20-03
We got a Mocha Frappa'Chino, a doubl' Cappa'chino, Fo' shots in a glass an' a Taza' Berry Cremo...
We gots 'dem phat coffees dat'll blow ya' mind, Cal-State L.A. where I learn'd to rhyme...
STOP RAPPING THE ORDERS AND MAKE SOME DRINKS!
Put sum ice in tha' blenda', Mark's on a benda'...
...MAKE SOME DRINKS OR I'M DENTING YOUR FENDER!

 

by agnt_M
3-29-03
Maybe in another life.
Maybe what in another life?
If we were cats.
What?
Nothing.
That's about right, isn't it.

 

by agnt_M
3-29-03
The hate machine is coming...
hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate for all...
Get onboard the hate machine...
ALEX SHUT UP!

 

by agnt_M
3-29-03
Just talkin' bout hate.
I have a feeling this 'using real people as characters' thing is gonna freak some people out.
I hate people.
Damn straight.
Where are you going?
I have to go bear my soul to someone so I can get my own severed genitals shoved down my throat.

 

by agnt_M
3-29-03
Why do people always stare at me when I walk into Pepboys.
Seriously. It's freaking me out.
STOP STARING AT ME!!

 

by agnt_M
3-30-03
A lot of people are really angry at you.
What people?
A lot of people.
That doesn't help me.

 

by agnt_M
3-30-03
Happy place, happy place, gone to my happy place...
Here's a quoan for you.
If everyone thinks you're an idiot; are you actually an idiot?

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
Uh... Hello there, all.
I'd like to inform you that I am back to making comics, and willfully hating my life.
I'm hoping that made sense to someone out there...

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
So anyway, you missed about a full two months solid of when I was happy, and hence not posting here.
That giant sucking noise you just heard was my life.

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
Hey Brian, what's up?
Eh, I'm just putting in some relaxing self-loathing time.
That's always good.
Absolutely.
So, how's the girlfriend?
Shut up.

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
It's ok. You deserve someone who can make you happy, someone who can love and appreciate who you really are.
Oh, wait...
And that would be *you*, right?
Of course.
And you women say us men are all the same.

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
This is a great party. It's really got me thinking.
Thinking what.
That while I'm reeeeally drunk...
Right...
I'm going to tell you all the intimate details of my life, my past history of sexual abuse, and stuff I don't confide in anyone else.
Right. Same as any other party.

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
I miss my girlfriend.
I miss my boyfriend.
So, should I call her from the other room, with the party noise going on as background?
You're trying to make her jealous, aren't you?
Why not, it works for you girls.

 

by agnt_M
7-17-03
Well?
I called her.
Did you tell her what a great time you were having with all the pretty girls?
Actually, I told her that I miss her, how I miss holding her, that I was looking up at the stars thinking about her ice-blue eyes, and how I miss kissing her.
Honestly. You're hopeless.
I know.

 

by agnt_M
7-23-03
So my friend's in an Alchoholics chatroom as we speak...
I asked her if there was a Wino chatroom.
Silly me. Winos don't use computers.

 

by agnt_M
7-23-03
So you finally broke up with the girlfriend?
Guess so. But thanks for bringing it up.
Well anyway, I gotta go.
I'm suing you for emotional damages.

 

by agnt_M
7-25-03
There's nothing better than massive depression, coupled with chronic insomnia.
Oh wait. There is.

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
A friend of mine tried to get me to admit that I'm 'in love with her' tonight.
I didn't.
If a woman in a blue dress walked up to you and asked you to sign your name in blood on a piece of parchment, would *YOU* do it?

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
Why the long face?
I'm single again.
Ooooooh...
You gonna be up all night waitin' for emails from the ex again?
Fuck you.

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
You're always so cranky when you're single.
I will pour diet soda on your motherboard.
You wouldn't.
Where's that bottle of Pepsi.
Bitter, and cranky.

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
Okay. I will not pour soda on your motherboard if you promise to stop mentioning the ex.
Deal.
But you keep bringing it up.
This time it'll be Ketchup.
OK OK!

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
Oh crap. Cute girl--must say hi...
Hi.
HELLO?

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi! I'm dancing now! Pay attention when I say 'Hi'!
What's your problem, anyway?
Must... Resist... Urge to shout... "Hate Women"...

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
I HATE WOMEN!!
?
Ooh... Edgy.
What the HELL is GOING ON?!
You wanna go out?

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
Uh... Go out... Don't know...
Will you buy me something?
Um... No...
You want sex, don't you?
What? No...
FUCKING PIG! GET AWAY!

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
What just happened here?
All you bastards want is sex, that's what!
Well maybe after a movie or something...
AUUUUUUUUGH!
No no no wait! We could just go to a movie or something, maybe get some dinner...
Expensive dinner?

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
If you're offering me sex if I buy you an expensive dinner, that's basically prostitution.
PIG!
No no no... I'm a Philosophy major... Uh... I write poems...
Write one for me.
I don't even know you. And besides, I don't think I have that much ink...
This is about SEX, ISN'T IT?

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
Brain... Hurts... So... Confused...
If you take me to dinner, a movie, and write me a poem, then maybe I'll consider...
This is so surreal.
What.
Well, you're actually being kinda honest.
Damn! I almost had your soul!

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
What?
Nothing.
You said something about owning my soul.
You mean no one told you about that?
Huh?
It's called Dating, dumbass.

 

by agnt_M
7-31-03
You're such an immature asshole. You need to grow up. There's nothing wrong with men buying me drinks, or me sleeping in their beds. You're such a fucking prick.
But... I love you...
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS YOUFUCKINGASSHOLE, YOU YELL AT ME WORSE THAN MY DAD DOES AND YOU'RE IMMATURE YOU LITTLE BITCH!
Wait... This isn't supposed to be happening... MUST WAKE UP! MUST WAKE UP!
That's it. The picture of the ex goes OFF THE NIGHTSTAND.

 

by agnt_M
8-26-03
So Doc, can we discuss my dream about being admitted to an all-girls school for redheads?
So Doc, can we discuss my dream about being admitted to an all-girls school for redheads?
So Doc, can we discuss my dream about being admitted to an all-girls school for redheads?

 

by agnt_M
8-26-03
So Doc, can we discuss my dream about being admitted to an all-girls school for redheads?
Doc?
Mister M, I think it's time you started seeing another psychologist.

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
Wait... You're breaking it off with me?
You can't break up with somebody you aren't dating.
You're breaking up with me even though we're not dating?
No! Hello! I'm trying to explain!
You're breaking it off with me because we might eventually start dating?
YES!

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
So you don't want to see me anymore, because that might be construed as dating...
Yes... What did you want me to tell you, that I was in love with someone else?
No. That would be horse shit.
Wouldn't it?

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
You're breaking up with someone you're not dating because you're still in love with a man who has a fiancé?
Right.
Oh. That must be hard.
You have no idea.
Could you run the whole thing by me one more time?
I can't explain it in a way you'd understand!

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
Ok. One more time, from the top.
I'm breaking off our non-dating relationship because you're madly in love with me.
I am?
Yes! You're easy to read! I can tell you're madly in love with me!
...I am?
Yes! You try to be obscure, and hard to figure out, but you're easy to figure out!

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
...And you're madly in love with a soon to be married man?
Yes.
So that's why you won't go for coffee with me, and you weren't home when I said I'd call you.
Yes. And because you're going to set my lawn on fire, in the shape of my name. That's the kind of guy you are.
Ok, I'm hoping that wasn't a metaphor...

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
And you're mad because I called you when I said I would?
I'm freaked out because you called six times.
Well, 6 to 10, I was looking foreward to seeing you, and wanted to know if I should make other plans...
No! It's because you're going to set my house on fire, kill my pets and follow me in my car when I'm driving to work!
Ok. That's my cue to leave...

 

by agnt_M
8-27-03
Ok, I'm going to be in hot water for saying this. But I regret not having said it earlier.
Ok. You can't just lie there. You have to move.
That is all...

 

by agnt_M
8-30-03
Dude. Who was that girl I saw you with the other day?
What? Oh. That was Cyd. I've known her for... About six years now.
She was cute. You should hook up with her.
You say that as if you think I haven't tried.
Oh.

 

by agnt_M
8-31-03
So, what are we doing again?
Well, since I've run out of female characters, I've decided to let everyone in the audience know that just because the characters used look the same, they are actually different people.
This is boring. Can I have my cellphone back now?
In a second Cyd. Ok. I want to make sure that everyone knows--
I think they got the point--Hurry up! I might have an important call!

 

by agnt_M
8-31-03
So, my hair's red now.
I noticed that.
I also noticed that you dyed it red mere weeks after I began my "I love Redheads" phase, and it's been dyed red ever since.
That's coincidence.
May I remind you that I was a vampire for halloween immediately following your "I like Vampires" phase.
I still have that on-the-stairs picture.

 

by agnt_M
8-31-03
The picture that you BURNED IMMEDIATELY WHEN YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
No I didn't. My harddrive crashed.
Uh... Send me a copy.
Whatever. Sure. Fine.
CELLPHONE CALL CELLPHONE CALL I HAVE A CELLPHONE CALL!
Ok, I'm starting to remember why I haven't called you.

Showing page 7.

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