All comics by count_libido

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by count_libido
8-02-06
Misplaced...
Hey
Hey
Nice bench
thanks
I TOLD YOU TO BUILD A BOAT!!

 

by count_libido
8-02-06
Misplaced...
Hiya Mikey! What's up?
Hey Jack. I can't believe they used all that wood I gathered to make a bench instead of a raft!
Don't worry about it! I made a boat.
Really? Where is it?
It's over there in that big glass bottle!

 

by count_libido
8-03-06
Count Libido's house...
"New material", "One-trick pony"...bah! I feel the red mist coming down! Now who could this be?
Hello. I'm an old dog.
So?
I've just been taught some new tricks! Would you like me to show you?
NO!

 

by count_libido
8-03-06
Ok, i want you to beam down to the planet and blast so much ass!
You always choose the red shirted guys for these missions don't you?
Hands up green bean! If you don't take me to your leader right now, you're geography!
That's "History"
Don't change the subject!

 

by count_libido
8-03-06
Am I supposed to surrender to a guy who doesn't know the difference between geography and history?
Listen buddy, when I say 'you're geography', I mean I'm gonna blast you with so many phaser rays, I'll spread your little green ass all over the landscape!
I see...
Now... are you gonna take me to your leader?
In that case, he's right over here...

 

by count_libido
8-03-06
I am the leader, now what can I do for you?
I've been asked by our captain to set up a meeting with you to discuss a matter of utmost galactic importance!
Here he comes now!
So what is this matter of great importance you wish to discuss?
Do you have any green women round here who need me to explain the meaning of love to them?

 

by count_libido
8-03-06
Wow, it says here that each year, the moon is moving an imperceptably small distance away from the Earth.
Really?
So if I calculate that backwards, does that mean 85 million years ago, the moon was orbiting the Earth at a height of 35 feet?
It would explain why all the dinosaurs died.
The tall ones anyway...

 

by count_libido
8-03-06
E-bay exploits the 30-somethings...
Holy Frapp! I just found an original boxed Six Million Dollar Man figure on E-Bay!
Cool!
They want $150 dollars for it!
Didn't you have one as a kid?
Yeah, but I tore it to pieces, I was a kid! This one has all the accessories and original packaging and they expect me to pay $150 dollars for it?
Yee-haaw! There's gold in that there nostalgia!

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
Yes! I've just invented a perpetual motion machine!
You don't know when to stop do you?

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
Crossed wires...
uh...uh..uh.uhh
Who is that?
uh....uuh! Aaah! Ahh!
You pervy sicko! Don't you dare call here again!
On the other end of the phone...
uuh...uuuh...aaah- Choo! *sniff* That's better! Hello? Are you there?

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
Science FACT #1
The largest telescope in the world is currently being constructed in northern Chile.
The telescope will utilize four - 26 ft. 8 in. (8.13 meters) mirrors which will gather as much light as a single 52 ft. 6 in. (16 meters) mirror.
Scientists are hoping to be bale to see a women undressing from up to 200 miles away.
They don't get out much.

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
Science Fact # 2
The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime.
Except the ones that contain the password for your PC at work.
They can be killed off after a weekend's heavy drinking...
...which is why so many people forget their passwords on a monday morning.

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
Science Fact # 3
The tentacles of the giant Arctic jellyfish can reach 120 feet (36.6 meters) in length.
Wow. He must have some pretty big pants!
That's 'tentacles'.

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
Science Fact # 4
The highest temperature produced in a laboratory was 920,000,000 F (511,000,000 C).
It was produced at the Tokamak Fusion Test Reactor in Princeton, NJ, USA.
The technology was then used to make McDonalds Apple Pies.

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
What are you watching?
A film about a nightmare vision of a dystopian future where thought criminals are tortured by being thrown into a room full of dogs.
What's it called?
"Room 101 Dalmations."

 

by count_libido
8-04-06
The Sci-Fi Dating Agency...
Yes Captain, how can I help you?
I'm looking for a bird who's into something kinky!
A kinky bird? I think we can help you. Here's her number.
Cool! I'll call her right now!
Later...
You've been a naughty boy! Get on that bed for a spanking!
Er, this isn't exactly what I meant!

 

by count_libido
8-08-06
I am Fairy Nuff! I can grant you one wish!
Cool! I wish my life was more like a movie!
One ill thought-out wish later...
Rom-com! I meant a rom-com!

 

by count_libido
8-08-06
Count, are you still making those comic strips with the awful jokes?
Yeah...
I thought you were giving them up to become an amateur poet?
I was...
...but I thought I'd leave it to the prose.

 

by count_libido
8-11-06
You know you spend too much time on the forum when...
Are you still on that SFX Forum? Aren't you coming to bed?
Uh, yeah... in a minute. I just got a few more threads to read.
Well make it quick and I'll make it worth your while!
Two hours later...
Boy, this 'sexy - what turns you on' thread is really hot!
Hello-o?! Semi-naked woman staning RIGHT HERE!

 

by count_libido
8-11-06
The return of Science Facts!
Americans consumed 76 billion pounds of red meat and poultry in the year 2000.
The figure is up 21% from a decade earlier.
Wait, is that just one American?
Uh, doesn't say...

 

by count_libido
8-11-06
Science Facts!
Nanotechnology has produced a guitar no bigger than a blood cell.
The guitar, 10 micrometers long, has six strummable strings.
The Nanotech's next project is to try and replicate an object even smaller.
Unfortunately, the technology is still not advanced enough to replicate the talent of Darius Danesh.

 

by count_libido
8-18-06
*sigh* I've lost my funny. That's it for me....
Shock news today as Count Libido finally runs out of bad jokes.
There's only one team who can help him now and the call has gone out....
Quick! Count Libido has run out of awful cartoons!
There's no time to lose! PUNDERCATS...GO!

 

by count_libido
8-19-06
Count Libido has lost his funny and it's up to the Pundercats to help!
Are you sure this guy was ever funny?
Well, he kept the tomato industry in business! PUNDERCATS... HO!
Ok, let's see what we got here. Tell me Count, how do you start a pudding race?
Uh, with a spoon?
Sago you idiot! "Sago... 'say go' !"
I'll call the tomato people...

 

by count_libido
8-29-06
The Pundercats still have their work cut out for them...
Can't you think of anything funny to write about?
Well... I did hear something about sightings of this alien nudist...
What happenned to him?
The Government had to cover him up.

 

by count_libido
8-30-06
let's see... a x2 + b x + c with "x3+a3".
a^{3} b^{3} = (a b)(a^{2} ab + b^{2})
Later...
Hey, you look good! Have you been working out?

 

by count_libido
8-31-06
Ask Dr. Science...
Dr. Science, what is your science fact of the day?
Everyone's tongue print is different. Like snowflakes!
Later...
You want to 'check my tongue print'? That's the lamest pick-up line ever!

 

by count_libido
8-31-06
Ask Dr. Science!
Dr. Science, what is the most common element found in Offtopica?
Insanium!

 

by count_libido
8-31-06
How to let a geek know you're not interested.
Uh...so, will you go out with me?
Sure...
...when they release a third series of Spaced!

 

by count_libido
8-31-06
Ask Dr. Science!
Dr. Science, it's been noted that you look a lot like Einstein. Is that correct?
You mean Frank Einstein? The green guy with the bolt through his neck?
No, the other one. Theory of relativity? E=MC2?
Never heard of him...

 

by count_libido
9-04-06
Ask Dr. Science...
Hi Dr. Science! I'm Clippy, the annoying Microsoft Office assistant that gets in the way every time you try to do some work!
Can you help me to become more popular?
Sure Clippy! Just come over here and stand under my defrapulator Ray...
Aaahh!
See? I like you better already!

 

by count_libido
9-04-06
Dr. Science does stand-up...
What's the definition of radioactive lips?
Hot gossip!
Why did a group of mad scientists kidnapped an estate agent?
Because he had very unusual properties!
What do you call a glue sniffer's DNA?
Epoxy-ribo-nucleicacid!

 

by count_libido
9-04-06
Dr. Science, why does everyone hate me? I only want to help people with their Word Documents. Can you help me to become more popular?
Certainly Clippy! Here, why don't you enter the Bend-O-Matic 2000 Metal realignment chamber and we'll see what we can do!
One good bending later...
Cool! I always wanted to be on the stage!

 

by count_libido
9-06-06
So Captain, are you ready to try dating again?
You betcha!
Ok... Let's see. What do you have in mind?
Well, I still like funny looking green women!
Hi, I'm Audrey!
Hmm... no eyes. Well, at least she can't see the corset and wig!

 

by count_libido
9-06-06
Time for bed sonny!
Don't wanna go sleep! Don't Wanna! Not gonna!
Don't want to go to sleep eh? In that case, you're nicked!
What for?
Resisting a rest!

 

by count_libido
9-06-06
What can I get you sir?
I think I would like a starter...
In that case I have to arrest you!
What for!
Bacon and entree!

 

by count_libido
9-08-06
Punder! Punder! Punder! PUNDERCATS HO!
Nice place. What is it?
It's the new Elvis Presley Steak House.
Really? What kind of people does it cater for?
People who love meat tender!

 

by count_libido
9-08-06
I hate chess! Can I have some more pieces?
I'll sell you one of mine.
Great! How much?
I don't know, I'll have to call my pawn broker.

 

by count_libido
9-08-06
Pundercats at sea!
Yarr! When ye be burying yer treasure, always remember to dig a hole to just below knee-height.
Really? Why's that?
Booty is only shin deep! Yarr!

 

by count_libido
9-08-06
Pundercats...HO!
Hey, how did you get on in that milk drinking competition?
Great! I won by six laps!

 

by count_libido
9-08-06
The Pundercats go shopping!
Are you okay to be in here?
Sure. Shy?
I thought you had Kleptomania?
I do, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

 

by count_libido
9-08-06
I don't know, music these days. It's all so stupid. Take these buggers who won that Mercury Music prize this week. "The Arctic Monkeys"
Arctic Monkeys(!) In my day, bands all had proper names!
So what are you listening to at the moment?
Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch!

 

by count_libido
9-09-06
Egad Holmes! Someone has broken into our house!
It looks like the lock has been forced by some kind of citrus fruit! Do you know what this means Holmes?
Lemon entry, my dear Watson!

 

by count_libido
9-11-06
The Pundercats are still trying to help Count Libido be more funny...
I entered a local Pun Contest.
I sent in ten different puns in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

by count_libido
9-11-06
The Pundercats to to the dentist...
So, trouble with your teeth eh? Lemme just give you a shot of this and I'll have it out in no time!
No thanks, I prefer to use a Buddhist trance to your drugs.
Why would you do that?
I want to transcend dental medication!

 

by count_libido
9-13-06
My Solicitor just asked me if I've made out a will.
What's a will?
Don't you know?
No, give me a clue.
It's a dead giveaway!

 

by count_libido
9-13-06
The Pundercats go dating!
Are you still seeing that boyfriend of yours with the wooden leg?
No, I broke it off.

 

Will you be paying for that in cash?
No, just put it on my bill.
by count_libido, 9-13-06

 

by count_libido
9-13-06
Dr. Science strikes again!
So what are we supposed to do?
He said to just go into the chamber over there...
Later...
My experiment is a success! I have crossed a circus performer with a spaceman!
What were you hoping to make!
A Jugglernaut!

 

by count_libido
9-13-06
The Pundercats...are unwell.
How did your visit to the Vet go?
Terrible!
He told me I have to fly to Barcelona to see a specialist and drink the contents of his fountain pen. I didn't see that one coming!
Nobody expects the Spanish Ink Physician!

 

by count_libido
9-13-06
Are you still working at that circus?
No, they fired me.
You should sue them.
What for?
Funfair dismissal!

Showing page 7.

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