All comics by quodlibet

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by quodlibet
3-22-05
How could something like this happen?
Sir! The witness is ready to speak.
Tell us exactly what happened.
Fucking mime. Go beat some sense into him.
My pleasure, sir!

 

by quodlibet
3-25-05

 

by quodlibet
3-25-05
I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions.
No, no, we're almost there.
Almost where?

 

by quodlibet
3-27-05
Rudolph with your nose so bright, why don't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Santa, you gotta lay off the acid.

 

by quodlibet
3-27-05
Daddy? I gotta go.
You done yet? Daddy's getting cold.
I pooped my pants again, Daddy.

 

by quodlibet
3-27-05
Sucky sucky, five dollah!
No.
Big axe, small dick. Tee hee!

 

by quodlibet
3-27-05
That time of the month for you too, eh?

 

by quodlibet
4-24-05
Oh, where awe you, you wascally wabbit?
Pulling this trigger right behind you.
Eh, m'sieur, it was hokay, but...do it again, eh. This time die weet more passion!
I couldn't stand that wascally wabbit any more. So I ran away from Warner Bros.
And you honestly believe they won't find you here?

 

by quodlibet
4-24-05
Nothing like shooting trash to make me feel like a man. Especially bald, gay trash.
I'm the president of the National Rifle Association.
Oh, er, sorry about that. Lighting's bad in here.
Don't apologize for that. I'm here for another reason.
I haven't paid my NRA dues for eighteen years.
And you honestly believe they won't find you here?

 

by quodlibet
4-25-05
Five thousand dollars for a 'jelly doughnut?'
Done gawping at the menu yet? If you need to ask about the prices, it ain't for you.
Three hundred dollars for an 'officer's special coffee?'
With your speeding record, you could use something like that. If you know what I mean.
And...'ask about the back room special?'
Hey, I ain't dancing around in garters for pocket change!

 

by quodlibet
4-25-05
So what did this girl look like?
You know, for a witness, you stink. I'm going for a beer.

 

by quodlibet
4-25-05
What kind of bull are you?

 

by quodlibet
4-26-05
Come on, sir, just one after-dinner mint. It's wafer thin!
I couldn't possibly eat another bite ... but OK. *munch* *munch* *munch*
Thus tie-dying was invented.
Whoa, man. Too cool.

 

by quodlibet
4-26-05
Come on, sir, just one after-dinner mint. It's wafer thin!
I couldn't possibly eat another bite ... but OK. *munch* *munch* *munch*
The maitre-d' went on to invent spaghetti-os and Chef Boyardee, enjoyed by millions of mindless grubbers from coast to coast.
I've lost my appetite. Time for more weed, man.

 

by quodlibet
4-26-05
Come on, sir, just one after-dinner mint. It's wafer thin!
I couldn't possibly eat another bite ... but OK. *munch* *munch* *munch*
But buy this machine which goes 'BEEP!' and you might avoid a similar scene from happening to you!
I'll take six.

 

by quodlibet
4-26-05
Come on, sir, just one after-dinner mint. It's wafer thin!
I couldn't possibly eat another bite ... but OK. *munch* *munch* *munch*
Excuse my minor emanation, so redolent of garlic, onions and vindaloo. Another mint?

 

by quodlibet
5-01-05
Here's the cash from the Easter Sunday collection plate.
Oh! *giggle* Oh, you wicked, wicked boy!
Buy something pretty for yourself. Like...
Cosmetic surgery!
And that's what happened to the money.
Mikey, this beats that Neverland ranch idea hands-down!

 

by quodlibet
5-03-05
What will you be having?
G in Tonic, of course.

 

by quodlibet
5-06-05
We have a puzzle here, Inspector Lonnrot.
Indeed. Indeed! What do you think happened here?
......
And that's where you're wrong.

 

by quodlibet
5-06-05
So this is your contribution to the world of art!
Uh, yeah.
What is it, a ten-foot tall abstract painting of your poop chute?
No! No, of course not.
Sure it's not.
Um...not really.

 

by quodlibet
5-06-05
Uh...where's the football?
Up there.

 

by quodlibet
5-06-05
In bed 3, we have a man who's been comatose for six months. Any idea what might be leaking out of his ears?
Uh...no.
Neither do we. We think it might be his brains.

 

by quodlibet
5-08-05
Uh...you retrieved the football from those very tall trees.
And enough firewood for another winter! Brilliant or what?

 

by quodlibet
5-08-05
You hear about that rubella outbreak among those Dutch Reformists?
Six infected people are pregnant. That's six retarded babies dragging down society. Entirely preventable with a vaccination!
Time to chop the fat from the health care system.
Let's not go overboard, now.
A coathanger should do the trick.

 

by quodlibet
5-08-05
The HIV infection rates are declining in Uganda, purportedly due to education and condom use.
The REAL reason is that there's nobody left to infect. They've all got AIDS.
Castration solves so many problems in this world.
Egad. He's right. Strike one for women's liberation!
We could wipe out AIDS in fifteen years!
When I am Benevolent Dictator, you shall be my right-hand lieutenants in matters of health policy.

 

by quodlibet
5-08-05
Hey! What've you got there?
Nothing.
No, no, turn around. Nails and a hammer on a psychiatry ward?
My...therapist said I could. For a ... construction project.
Payback time.

 

by quodlibet
5-08-05
You'll get splinters holding on to the floor that hard.
It's not really possible to fall off the floor. Even when you're drunk.

 

by quodlibet
5-14-05
Playing 'fetch' at the archeology dig site might not have been the best idea.

 

by quodlibet
5-14-05
She hadn't met a more disagreeable ass in years.

 

by quodlibet
5-14-05
St. Francis always had a hard time working this crowd without an overt and gratuitous display of nuts.

 

by quodlibet
5-14-05
After observing that men attracted women by walking their dogs, he brought his Madagascar dung beetle out for a stroll in the park.

 

by quodlibet
9-08-05
So you're a vegetarian equal-rights activist! I've been looking for a girl like you since forever
Oh really?
Yeah! I mean, any girl who'll slurp down unfertilized chicken eggs...
...would also want to suck down gametes from my cock. Right? Right?

 

by quodlibet
12-26-05
Dad? What did Santa give me for Christmas?
Er...nothing. Aren't you a bit old for that, anyways?
Did I get something for my birthday, at least, Dad?
Here, wait, I got you a card.
"Happy belated birthday, son?" You forgot again, didn't you? Didn't you?
Look, kid, I gotta go. Conference call from the Pope.

Showing page 7.

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