All comics by Chuckaduck

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by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
Damnit, why did I come back?
Because you're a pansy.
That and your wife talked you into it after I discussed it with her over after some dirty chocolate tube sex.
You know you're going to hell right?
As I understand it that's where all the hookers will be.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
Before I go, ridding myself of your insults, I want you to know I think you're insultive attitude and sarcasm need to stop and you need to seek help.
You're such a ho, riding yourself through gay porn cults, you wanna blow some stank on some dicklube while jizm proceeds to drop on your knees cry for help?
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well, that did it. I no longer feel bad about letting Tom Cruise ass rape you while you were unconscious last month.
...

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
Well, I'm going. Back to my faithful wife, awesome son, and nice paying job. More importantly, away from you.
'Kay. Just try not to think about me when you're kissing your wife.
How so?
What I mean is, everytime you meet lips, try not to think about the fact that those lips were wrapped around my boner, sliding up and down...
Leaving! You're an asshole and I'm leaving!
...and soooo much slobber. Fuck. *thwp* *thwp* *thwp* *thwp* *thwp*

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
*thwp* *thwp* *thwp* *thwp* *thwp* *thwp*
*thwp* *thwp* *thwp* *thwp*
*thwp* *thwp.......................
Oh come on! We had a THING goin' man!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
I gotta find a hooker.
Hey mister!
Oh fuck all. Why are you bothering me again kid?
Because your a antisocial sack of diseased shit that's incapable of interacting with people of a younger age especially when it won't further your sexual inclinations.
This from an eight year old that shows his wang to old ladies in department stores and should wear diapers thanks to his inability to hold in a turd, despite the fact he insists he does it for shock?
Dude, I shit in your mouth when you were sleeping on purpose. Get over it.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
Shouldn't you be taking a nap or licking Barney the dinosaur's twat or something?
Shouldn't you be down at the clinic seeking medication for your std-ridden ass?
For fuck's sake. Aren't you waaay too young to be this fowlmouthed?
Dunno, aren't you waaay too old to be jerking off at the window of that thirteen year old living next door to you?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
I think you're just bitter with me because I fucked your teacher under the guise of being your father.
Perhaps. Or perhaps I just don't like old dudes that whip out their dick and start whacking while ordering food from that big tittied teen at Burger King.
Or maybe it's the fact I know you sit at the back of buses with your finger in your ass that bugs me.
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS!?!
There's a secret camera crew following you. You're part of a new reality tv series; Secret Shlong. B'bye fartknocker.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
I wasn't jerking off in the fastfood line! I was adjusting my nutsack! And I wasn't fingering my asshole on the bus! I was getting a wedgie out!
I don't believe for a second there's a camera crew following me! He's hiding something! What the fuck did I do to deserve that brat fucking with me!?!
Land of Chuckdom, House of Married Autobot Chuck...
MWAHAHAHA! You continue to serve me well young apprentice!
You're duplicity is an inspiration master.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-13-05
MWAHAHA! Now go my underling! Use the power of duplicity I've taught you to reign upon all!
At once my two-faced master!
Hi ma'am. Do you need help crossing the street?
Oh how nice. Yes, I think I just might need some help crossing the street young man.
Cool. Can I watch while you try to make it alone?
Lil'bastard.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Why is it that I really, really enjoy porn with fine women doing dirty things to large throbbing cocks?
I mean, I don't have the inclination to do something with a man, but the idea of porn involving flacid penises is revolting. Makes me wonder though...
Gay!
Though bubbles! I said all that in thought bubbles damnit!!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Say man, don't get angry at ME for YOU thinking too loud.
That doesn't even make any fucking sense you nosy shite! JUST because I like porn involving huge dicks doesn't mean I'm gay!
You..hehe....doesn't? Hahaha...
HAHAHA!
WELL IT DOESN'T!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Man, what a shitty day. Started off good what with the cracking on Balless n'Chained, but then....ugh. That kid, the violation of privacy at every turn...
I must be paranoid but it feels like the world is suddenly against me. Like there's some mastermind plotting my misery... er...
Hi!
Oh, you. How did you get out of the house? Yer wife get tired of.. ...um... ...shit..I've got nothing, your lack of genitalia has me too distracted damnit.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
You look down.
Yeah, I guess. It could be worse... ...I could be you. But still, today's been a real bitcharoo gangbang.
MWAHAHA!
I swear it feels like I'm getting royally fucked in some way. Like big scary things are coming at me from every direction. Almost as though I'm taking it up the ass at every turn.
Y'know, like your wife for that video shoot the other day.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Magnum..er...sorry.........
My wife is NOT a porn star.
Hey, don't get down about it little buddy. Amatuer ain't bad. She'll get to the top eventually. Kind of like how she climbed Mount McKockster the other night when I visited.
The day of reckoning is at hand and you don't even know it you piece of shit! MWAHAHA!
I think you were at Matt's...or maybe you were sleeping on the other side of the bed. I can't remember.
At Chester's place...
Okay, gay porn stashed, check. Hidden vidcams, check. Highly cumstained photos of Tom Cruise, check. News crew should be here at five. But...what do we do with the goat?
Yes indeed. My father's choice of the goat was ill-thought. Perhaps we should just leave it next to Chester's OTHER goat?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Hiya.
Um, hello. Where am I?
Two little guys brought you in while you were sleeping. You're in some weird dude's house. I think his name is Chester.
Oh. What am I doing here?
Dunno. But I hope to shit you can take some of the brunt of that mad cock he be laying down oh so dirty. You can at least help me with the peanut butter rimjobs while you're here.
Uh, better question. How the fuck do I leave?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
HA! You're constant barrages of insults and wisecracks are at an end foul one! You pay for your deeds in the amount of public humiliation you'll receive today!
And then I'll have to tolerate you NO MORE! MWAHAHA!!
Wait....what?
Nothing.
Oh. Thought I hear a large quif release from that gape you call a mouth or something.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
MWAHA! It's five-thirty. Chester should be home by now, too busy with the goats to notice the planted porn. Camera crews should be busting in on him any second!
Being a mastermind behind the semi-facade of a married father is great! No one would ever... ...supsect........ .. ..... ... .. . ..
Oh crap, are we doing THIS again?
Robo nerd look sad. Want feel goodgood with reverse bungee bang between my powpow hips?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Reeeeeally I can't...
Why Robo nerd not want sweet meats between powpow hips?! Always he too pussy for luvluv!
Don't get shitty with ME just because YOU want to fuck the world with your vagina! I'd imagine if it were possible you'd cover the Earth by slipping your slit over the entire thing!
"Solar" eclipse of August 11, 1999.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Please just leave me be. I could have had a ton of dirty fun with you when I was younger and single, but it's just not right now.
What if Robo nerd, me and Robo nerd wife have threesum?
My wife would never have a threesum lady.
Of course Robo nerd's wife will have threesum!
Robo nerd's wife and me talking about it for weeks.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
You have never been with, near or in my wife.
*Sigh* Robo nerd no fun.
Fantastic, now don't you want to leave and find someone more fun?
You're such a wuss Chuck. You've got a woman of professional sexual quality at your beck and call but still to be a fucking man and bone her simply because of some out-dated notion of 'faithfulness'.
It still amazes me how such grand things in your head come out of your mouth.
Does Robo nerd THINK about WHAT he say to WHO before he say it?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-14-05
Look U.H., you really need to go. I've got something going right now and this might totally ruin it for me.
*Sigh*
Eats-all-cock girl want luvluvs?
.........got a nickel? I'm five cents shy of being able to get a gumball.
Dude, can you like turn into a camera real quick or somethin'?
I'm...sorry......I wasn't glistening, er, listening.....must......stop......looking...

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Soon. So soon. It's five past six. He'll be here any minute for a drink no doubt. *snicker* MWAHAHA!
Problem?
Three news stations busted in on me having sex with two goats. There was gay porn everywhere. They just got through reporting it on national tv. YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT WOULD YA!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
You seem upset.
The entire world not only knows about my private habits with animals, they also think I love the cock!
Whoa, that's a zinger. Hold on a sec...
What the FUCK are you doing?
...trying to access my "I really give a shit" program while at the same time closing my "HAHAHA you sick fuck!" application.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Hmm, I seem to be having difficulties in opening my sympathetic programs.
Quit that shit! I KNOW you had something to do with this!
Really? And what makes you think that?
You're the ONLY one that's got beef enough with me to do something like this!
*Ahem*

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
So you're really trying to tell me I've been publicly humiliated and slandered on national television by your prankster actions alone.
Tell me, which goat were you inserted in when they opened the front door?
The dickless wonderbot HAD to have helped you in this!
Nope, just ask him.
....hold on Chester. I'll be with you in a moment. I think I might need to do a Ctrl+Alt+Delete on my "AHAHAHA! I'M ABOUT TO PISS MYSELF LAUGHING" dll.
Stop that!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
zzzzzzzz......huh?
WTF
Where the fuck am I?
Well, post anally assailing your roomie who's dead now I needed a getaway car to get to the boat. You were in the backseat & by your smell I mistook you for a gymbag of weed. My bad.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
So, let's just get this shit strait. You anally raped and killed my roommate.
And not necessarily in that order by the way..
Then you stole my car, which I was sleeping in, and loaded me onto your boat because you thought I was a big bag of mary jane.
My mistake.
And so that would put me on an island with a gay or bisexual murdering rapist that smokes weed and mistakes people for duffle bags?
Necrophiliac. YOU forgot necrophiliac good sir.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Given your apparent track record here...
Goddamn, it's been an hour and a half since I fucked something in the ass.
...and the fact I'd have to use your boat to get back...
He's so furry. It's going to make it a little harder to strike a quick deathblow...if I kill him...
...what exactly are your plans for me now may I ask?
Can you play dead clothes off, head down, ass up? C'mon, haha.... ...sorry, just got through listening to some 50 Cent. Seriously though, can you play dead?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Look dude, I really gotta get back. You know, start cleaning up my apparently dead and assraped roommate.
Sorry no. I gotta have some ass. Some ripe, dead ass.
Don't guys like you usually do this stuff to your families?
Yup.
...and?
I ran outta kinfolk.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Alright sickamus dipshit, let's get something else strait right now. I'm not taking it up the ass from you or anyone else.
What if I killed you? Then could I rape you?
Not happenin'.
Oh come on! Please?
No!
Damnit! I KNEW I should of read that book "Don't take no for an answer".

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Holy shit! Lookie there! A seventeen year old dead guy with a KY Jellied asshole!
WHERE!?!
Thanks for the boat buttmunch!
ButtFUCKER! I'm a buttFUC.............munching ass, what kind of a guy does he think I am?

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Hmm. I guess there's nothing like a few drinks to take your mind off of your troubles. OH! Hey, did you see that new hooker working the corner outside?
Who, Mandi? Yeah, she's the little sister of my buddy Mike. Poor sick thing she is. Ripe with STDs and spreading them to guys in spite. Getting paid to do it too!
You're about to make another trip to the local free clinic aren't you.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
I don't think I have enough input around here.
Too easy. Anyway fine. I'm thinking of ending the Inner Struggle series at 400. What'cha think?
Maybe I should just keep giving really slutty blowjobs.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
So, no thoughts at all on ending the series that gives you more diginity than you have in real life.
My mouth's been oddly empty for a while.
Later...
...and the stupid fucking slut couldn't even give me a goddamn answer. I mean shit man!
...a few seconds later that is...
Yo, still here.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
Look, I gotta make a smoke-run. I'll be back. Make yourself semi-useful and keep a vigilant vagina slimetrail eye out for everything, thanks.
Um...'kay.
Wow. A real responsibility! I must be moving up on the chain of command here.
Though I do have the nagging feeling this could be a setup.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-15-05
*Gasp* Who're you?
That's not important. What IS important is that if I don't get my dick in your ass within the next thirty seconds you're going to die!
Oh my god! Why?!
Because if I have to wait any longer than that I'll have to kill you to get my assrape on.
Oh. You have nooooo clue who I am, do you.
Is it pertinent to this conversation? Really aching for some chocolate starfish action here.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-19-05
Autobot Chuck's wife is giving out free blowjobs!
SHE IS NOT!
But Chester's girlfriend is around the corner with a bottle of baby oil, free time and a shaky left arm.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-21-05
Well, the countdown's on.
What countdown?
The Inner Struggle series is ending at four hundred.
You okay?
Yeah, sorry. Thought I was pissed there for a moment. I'm good.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-21-05
So, what do you think we should do in these last strips? Fart jokes, more bj humor, send little Chucky out for some more havoc?
Um....
What?
I need to go actually....excuse me.......
It is time...
*sniff* *sniff* I smell pussy all of a sudden. The dickless wonder must be close..

 

by Chuckaduck
7-21-05
MATRIX BOOM!!!
AAAHHH! MOTHERCHUCKER!
MWAHAHA! Finally! I gotcha bitch!
You... ...son of a... ...bitch.... ......whoa, wait a sec. Holy shit dude! It's nuthin' but upskirt shots from down here!
I can't win.
I never knew you wore sandals. Y'sandal-wearin' pansy.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-21-05
Well, only sixteen strips to go before it's over eh?
Yup, and enjoying every one of them. Regardless of quality or shitiness.
Going to celabrate?
Already did last night. Dim lit event chalk full of drinking, titties, baby oil and gettin' dirty.
Tittie bar?
Graveyard.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-21-05
Well, only sixteen strips to go before it's over eh?
Yup, and enjoying every one of them regardless of quality or shitiness.
Going to celebrate?
Already did last night. Dim lit event chalk full of drinking, titties, baby oil and gettin' dirty.
Tittie bar?
Graveyard.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-26-05
Fifteen to go, counting this one of course. Anything special you wanna do before we close out the series?
Hmm, not really. I think the entire point is clear. I should never have looked back on what I was. It's sick. And putting all my components in the background, they've only grown worse.
Hey, great. But seriously, we've got fifteen strips left. What are we doing here? Ayesha jokes, Nesticle humor, drinking, hookers, what?
You're supposedly the Chuck in charge of things behind the scenes, you tell me.
...can you impersonate TOBOR maybe?
Prick.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
Who is it?
Married Autobot Chuck. Open the door, we need to talk.
You sound solemn.
Yeah, look, this all started with you and me arguing. With the Inner Struggle ending I just want to put this all behind us. There's no reason to let this continue.
*SLAM!* You're right.
This isn't what I meant you fucking hairball!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
Damn you! Open the door!
Just because I refuse to let our lives go back down the shitter so you can have fun is no reason to blow me off! How would YOU feel if....
...okay, sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But I can tell I'm getting through to you, you've never listened this intently before.

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
So, what's the latest and greatest of ideas?
'How about a few strips closing out what happens to who?'
Great idea! Let's start with you and your suicide.
Whoa, slow up Hershey Squirts, who the fuck said I commit suicide at some point?
Me.
Asshole! I ain't even dead yet!!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
Depressed Stick Chuck sadly took his own life after multiple erectile dificulties...
STILL ALIVE! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME UP THERE YOU PRICK!
Ultra Smooth Chuck continued to hound me about the Final Fantasy names in dialog balloons thing throughout our days...
"Deaf". Do you understand "deaf". She can't hear shit and I don't speak sign language. How's she gunna know who I am and what name to scream out...
...badly, yeah, got it. You CAN write, right?
Then there some other incarnations of Chuck's personality that didn't really matter. I'm sure SOMETHING happened to them.
Hey!
hEY!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
Chuckaluffa spent the remainder of his life in prison...
It's just a conjugal visit request.
Telling the nation of Islam to 'suck my sack if you know what's good for you' is not, contrary to popular belief, a conjugal visit request.
Winona Ryder died in the crash... ...thankfully...
I could steal that lady's oxygen mask right now if I wanted..
Dark Chuck went back to tele-marketing...
Hello?
PURCHASE OR DIE!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
Married Autobot Chuck's son indeed grew up...
...to rule them all...
This is truly an army worthy of Mordor.
The Chuck of Days Past decided to get back to rolling around in his grave...
Y'see? It's not so bad is it Depressed Stick Chuck?
BUT I'M NOT FUCKING DEAD!

 

by Chuckaduck
7-27-05
Nancy kept shitting and pissing him...um, herself...no...ITself...yeah...
Soooo squishy....
Goddamnit! Seven fucking years you've been here and not once have you deficated in ME! What the hell is WRONG with you!?! USE ME!!!
Some more meaningless Chucks had insignificant shit happen to them I'm sure...
If that announcer fuck shows his face I'll vaporize the insulting son of a bitch.
How the fuck am I insignificant?
Unit Lee was later imprisoned for his new work on IronMan and never paying off former Transformer artists from another company venture...
What the fuck was up with Dreamwave dude?
Candi Bun-bun-cita doesn't give lap dances for free you know.

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