All comics by KajunFirefly

Profile

 

by KajunFirefly
6-28-02
Oh Malcolm, fertilise my egg sack!
What? Come on Julie, I hardly know you, shouldn't we take it slow, spend some time together?
I'll just empty myself behind that bush, then you release your precious sperm!
Julie, please, I'm not that kind of guy, I mean I like you and everything, but I want more. You're acting like some cheap escort girl!
Later...
Oh, hey there, mind if I fertilise your eggs with my precious sperm?
What? Come on, I hardly know you, shouldn't we take it slow...

 

by KajunFirefly
7-03-02
Many years ago...
Seriously Doc, can't you just go out and get some monkeys or something?
Sorry Slappy, but I've ran out of money, I'll have to test the machine on you.
*bzzzzzzzz* AAAAAAAAGGGHH!!! *bzzzzzz*
RAAAAR. AQUA_TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!!!
oh shit!

 

by KajunFirefly
7-06-02
*sigh*

 

by KajunFirefly
7-11-02
RAAAR, TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE THE NEW GUY!!!
Forget it buster, you come anywhere near me and I'll cut your fucking phallus off!
RAAAAR, TOBOR IS THE RESIDENT BULLY, YOU BEND OVER NOW OR TOBOR USE BRUTE FORCE!!
Do you SEE this fucking knife? I swear to fucking CHRIST if you come anywhere near me I'll snap your legs off and ram them up your arse!
Well then, do you want to go out sometime?
Sorry, I already hooked up with that midget with the feet in his ears.

 

by KajunFirefly
7-11-02
SRRR RR SRRRD, "THRRM RRRTTRRR TRRBRRRNS RRRNT GNRRR GGGNRRRRT GRRRVTNS BBRR THRRM SRRRVS"
HRRR, HRRR!!
WWRRRT THRR FRRK RR YRR TRRKRR ABRRRT?

 

by KajunFirefly
7-16-02
Daddy, can I get £5 to go to the cinema?
Now now, Sarah. You have to EARN money, you can't just ask. You'll have to suck me off first.
mmph mmmmphhh *gack*
THIS is why I had kids.
eww Daddy, it tastes like shit.
Well, you didn't expect your little brother to get in for free, did you?

 

by KajunFirefly
7-21-02
Well, I guess I'd better head up the road after this beer.
Yeah, me too, gotta get up at 9 tomorrow.
It's been a hell of a weekend.
Yup, but it has to end sometime.

 

by KajunFirefly
7-23-02
I've been feeling really weird lately.
What do you mean "weird"? Weirder than usual?
Yeah, it's like I'm really happy but I'm really depressed at the same time.
Dude, I think you're in love.
Dammit, what am I supposed to do now?
If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be standing here in my underpants talking to you!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-02-02
We've been walking in these woods for ages, are you gonna rape and murder me or not?
You know, when I took the job as janitor, no-one told me this was an obligation.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-03-02
WARNING: THIS SIGN MAY CAUSE DEAFNESS!
Hey Andy, what does that sign say?
What?
WARNING: THIS SIGN MAY CAUSE DEAFNESS!
What?
Eh?
WARNING: THIS SIGN MAY CAUSE DEAFNESS!
PARDON?
Huh?

 

by KajunFirefly
8-04-02
Through various confusing and drunken incidents, I seem to have acquired not one, but TWO girlfriends.
Wow, you stud.
No, it's not a good thing, I think I might actually be happy with life, I haven't been happy in years, depression is what's keeping me alive!
Well, perhaps you'll choose the wrong girl and end up feeling worse than you did before.
Then I can get back to making comics about how much life sucks!
Huzzah!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-04-02
Hi, I'm here about the position of Mulitmedia Producer, my name is Robert Black.
Right, uh, I'm not sure you're really what we're looking for.
But I've studied 3D animation and I have a degree in Sound Engineering.
Yes, but I'm not sure you'd really fit in with our team.
It's the whole "lizard" thing, isn't it?
No, I saw you spraypaint that giant swastika on my car about 10 minutes ago.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-05-02
Isn't "Just For Men" sexist?
Sorry, it's already tattooed on my cock and I'm not taking it off.
Ha ha, there's a comic in that, although how am I going to fill 3 panels?
I think the "Just For Men" is enough gag for one comic.
Ha ha, "gag".
Oooh, I kill us.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-05-02
Well Doctor? What's the news?
I'm afraid it's not good Mr Stevens, the operation went ok, but I'm afraid the new limb is rejecting your wife's body.
Get back here!
Fuck you, bitch. Maybe if you'd shaved your armpits first, or at least got a boob job!
How about if I engage in some lesbian activity, now and then?
If you promise to use your other hand to wipe your ass, you've got a deal!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-06-02
Uh, Boorite, what's with all the blood dribbling down your leg?
I crossed ObiJo with a tennis racket.
But I thought that gave you Rotator Cuff Tendenitus?
Oh, I got that alright, but then ObiJo gave me a Golf Club Colonoscopy.
So, what happens when you cross Boorite with a golf club?
If you help Obi get the bowling ball out of his mouth, he'll tell you.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-07-02
Dude, what the fuck are you doing down there?
Help me, I was beating ObiJo around with a pool cue and I really DID tear my rotator cuff!
Hmm, is it better when I do this?
*CRACK* AAARRRRGGGHH, NO!!!
Well, see ya around Boo.
You fucker!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-07-02
Mmm, yeah, you like that? Huh? You like that? Eh?
Ooooo-oooooh, yeah, hee, I like that!
ooooOOOOohhh, and I REALLY like that, ooh, yeah, ha ha, who's the daddy? yeah, OOOOOH YEAH!
Uh...
*click*
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED PENGUINS!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-07-02
Hey, Kaufman, I got a good one.
It had better be funnier than Boorite's effort.
It is, it is, this gay guy keeps speaking Spanish and the pink cow says "hey buddy, I think you're suffering from Tendinitis!"
Uh, I don't really see how that works.
Well, in the last panel, I get my penis out.
Could you just stop talking to me?

 

by KajunFirefly
8-07-02
Well, I was thinking we could just charge at him, and while he's trying to digest you, I'll make off with the treasure.
Treasure? No-one mentioned any treasure.
Oh yeah, ___*cough*___ forget I said anything.
Right, so, my plan is that we handcuff some huge weights to his wrists and then hang the keys above his head.
Rotator cuff tendinitis?
Oh yeah, ___*cough*___ Rotator cuff tendinitis.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-08-02
Is it illegal to drive down the street with a huge net, catching small girls and drunk women?
Nope, I don't think so.
Yeah, that's what I told the one in my basement. She said when she gets out she's taking me to court.
She wont have a leg to stand on.
She doesn't even have that now.
Ha ha ha!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-08-02
Don't tell me YOU haven't seen "Blue Velvet" either? What's the world coming to?
Sorry dude, I thought it was a song.
I saw it when I was laid up with rotator cuff tendinitis and I've watched it every day since, it's a classic.
Well, how about you come to Hawaii with us this weekend, we could get some hot foreign girls and watch it one night?
No thanks, I don't like all that sunshine, and I'm not a huge fan of "hot birds".
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED PENGUINS!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-17-02
Actually Dear, it's not as wonderfull as you may think, cross breeding between different species may bring about the end of life as we know it.
Actually, I WAS beginning to wonder how two males could breed, but I guess it's due to all the radiation from the explosion.
65 Million Years Later:
...and so the dinosaurs created a strange cross breed which for centuries was referred to as the "missing link"...
but after discovering the remains of this beast, we were able to perfectly re-create it's form and display it here in the museum.
Ooooh

 

by KajunFirefly
8-19-02
*ding dong*
If I don't get rid of this God soon, I'll go nuts.
Hello there, what can I do for you?
Uh, hi, I was wondering, you haven't lost God, by chance? Only I found one the other day and I thought...
Just you turn around and keep on walking, he's YOUR burden now!
Oh.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-19-02
Word has it that the one they call "Boorite" has discovered God, deal with him immediately.
What exactly do you want me to do?
Devour his SOUL!
Uh, he gave us his soul years ago, remember? He swapped it for a telescopic phallus!
Oh yeah, and we made sure that's exactly what he got.
Yeah, but I don't think he was expecting it in his bowels.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-20-02
From now on, Lara will be playing the part of Kajun's girlfriend.
Hey honey, what's this website "Stripcreator"?
"Women are the most fickle, idiotic, shallow and naive species known to man"
And what's with all these anti-women comics under your name? There's about two hundred of them.
"Ug! Vrrrrooooommmm"
and what the fuck is the "biscuit game"?
"fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap"

 

by KajunFirefly
8-24-02
Doc, you've got to help me, I'm suffering from uncontrollable flatulence, I heard you're the right guy to see.
That's correct, any way the wind blows, I'll be there.
So what's the cure?
We have to tighten up those rectum muscles, I'm going to prescribe you a SEVERE CORNHOLING!
HUZZAH!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-24-02
Paul and Lynne are engaged to be married:
Oh Lynne, I can't wait for the day when I can call you my wife.
Yes Paul, I can't either, I love you so much.
Everything will be perfect, our new house, your new job, it's so wonderfull.
Yes, it's like all the pieces of my life have just all suddenly fallen into place.
I'm just going out into the garden to check on the dog for a moment, I'll be right back sweetums.
Okay, I'll be right here, missing you, love pancake!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-24-02
Outside:
That's odd, I could have sworn I tied Benjy to the post out here.
AAAAAHHHH!!!
LYNNE??
*thud*
Oh dear God no, Lynne? Lynne? Answer me! OH PLEASE LORD NO!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-24-02
Lynne, please wake up, my life is meaningless without you, oh God no, who would do this? WHO?
I swear to you Lynne, I will find the person who done this and I will avenge your death, don't worry jelly bean!
*gurgle*

 

by KajunFirefly
8-24-02
At The Docks:
William? What the hell are you doing in town?
Oh, uh, I was here on business, I'm leaving now.
Somebody broke into my house and killed Lynne, I have sworn to avenge her death, it wasn't you, was it?
Yes.
What do you mean "Yes"?
I mean, yes, I killed her.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-24-02
But William, why? Why did you kill her? She was my reason for living, she was my morning, my noon and my night, I loved her more than life itself.
She cheered me up when I was sad, she kept my feet on the ground, she was my inspiration, my muse, my motivation. She brightened up my darkest days.
She was all that ever kept me from losing hope, she balanced out my life, she was my one true love, my partner, my best friend and more.
Yeah well, she owed ME five bucks.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-28-02
You know how in cartoons, when the characters are faced with tough decisions, they get a devil and an angel appearing on their shoulders? How cool would THAT be?
Well, it would suck if you were pondering a decision while jerking off in the bathroom -- then suddenly there are two little people watching you.
Yes, but what if you were drunk and decided to send an e-mail to an ex-girlfriend, apologising for everything she THOUGHT you had done wrong?
Well, I'LL talk you out of it, unless it'll end up in you getting laid?
Too late, I've already sent the mail.
Well then, you suck.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-28-02
Hey Brad, my girlfriend and I were having sex last night and your song came on my MP3 player, "Borderline" took me over the edge!
I'm glad I could help!
Aren't you a little freaked out? I climaxed listening to you!
Hey, I'm just happy you like my music!
I was actually just sitting in my room, alone, masturbating to your voice.
Maybe I should stop talking to you.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-29-02
Okay, can you give me an example of a split-infinitive?
"John massively came on Judy's face"
Uh, can you give me another one?
"I violently fisted my mother"

 

by KajunFirefly
8-29-02
What is wrong with this sentence: "Last night me and my girlfriend went on a date."
A loser like you couldn't get a girlfriend.
Well, yes, but...
When do I get my diploma?

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
Good morning, gentlemen. You may wonder why I summoned you all here, and I can assure you, your questions will all be answered soon.
What the fuck is Santa doing here?

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
It has come to my attention that we may be losing our position as most popular religion, we simply don't have the same dedication as those Muslims.
What do you mean "what the fuck is Santa doing here"?
You're nothing, a fucking flying postman who works one day a year, you draw attention AWAY from the Lord.

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
We need to offer our followers more than just Heaven or Hell. I spoke to Allah and he's offering 7 young virgins and a boat.
Hey, I'm one of the most recognised figures in the world, I've got more right to be here than skeleton boy.
I usher souls into the next world, if it wasn't for me, Heaven and Hell would have no purpose.
Yeah, leave Death alone ya fat cunt!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
It's not enough to offer one big religious holiday a year, we need more worship during June and July, and I'm getting rid of Easter.
You can't get rid of Easter, that was my biggest moment.
I'm the one who has kept the religion alive for the past 50 years or so, people are tired of your hokey superstitions. They want flashy presents, a bit of glamour.
I don't see what's so glamourous about midget slave labour.
Yeah, I want to know what you do with those elves during the rest of the year!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
And...... um...... We need to, uh, we need to...
Will you guys SHUT THE FUCK UP, my Father is trying to speak to you!
That horned fool doesn't think I have any right to be here, tell him, go on Jesus, tell him how important I am.
Don't listen to him Jesus, he's the one who stole your spotlight, it's YOUR birthday and he gives everyone else in the world presents?
Yeah, and he's a paedophile!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
Uh...... will you please listen? This is....... this is important.
Don't listen to Satan, Nick, he's still in a mood about that whole eternal damnation thing.
Yeah, and Reaper-boy's just pissed off that he hasn't got any genitals.
Hey, you're talking to a guy with a blade so sharp it can cut through space and time! You fancy going Jewish?
Yeah, cut him, and get that fucking Christ cunt next!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-01-02
SILENCE! STOP ARGUING, THIS IS EXACTLY WHY OUR_RELIGION_IS_FAILING! Fuck it, I'll just go back to smiting people the old-school way, you guys can fuck off back to your menial tasks.
Hey, wait a minute, wasn't I promised virgins and a boat?

 

by KajunFirefly
9-02-02
The Mid-80's
Hey Dad? Why does Mum not live with us?
Your mother was a bitch, I left her when you were a baby and took you with me, now get back in your hole and shut the fuck up!
Hey Mum, it took me a while to track you down, it's your son Kajun, can I come and live with you? Dad's a bastard!
Sorry son, but he gained custody of you, he's your legal gaurdian.
Later...
So apparently if anything were to happen to you, Mum would have to look after me.
aarrrggghhh!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-02-02
The 90's
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-02-02
The Future?
It's great honey, I got the job with Industrial Light and Magic and I get to work from my house in Amsterdam...
wow!
Miller offered me free beer for life if I do the special effects for their new adverts and Marijuana has been legalised throughout the world...
amazing!
and I was thinking, since I'll be earning more now, that maybe you and I could get married?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-10-02
We have to win this Comic Cup. Think funny!
You're wearing a skirt.
Clearly I am. Too obvious. I said "think."
You look like Tin Tin.
Clearly I do. Too obvious. I said "think".
Where exactly is your left hand?

 

by KajunFirefly
9-15-02
Go on Kajun, no-one will ever know, just carry a pre-spermed biscuit in your sporran and swap it round when no-one's looking.
No, Kajun, cheaters never prosper, if you're not up to the challenge, do not take part.
Remember the time Andy stored it up for a week and then bought the driest crackers he could find? You couldn't speak for days!
He does have a point.

 

by KajunFirefly
9-26-02
Due to a technical failure, Kajun will be temporarily unavailable.
He is trying everything he can to fix this problem.
I hope he doesn't come back.
Me too.

 

by KajunFirefly
10-03-02
Sometime in the future, in a galaxy far far away:
I have a droid here, he says he's the property of a "Kajun Firefly", do you know who that is?
Kajun? Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time.
You know him?
Of course I know him, he's me, but I haven't gone by the name "Kajun" since, oh, before you were born. And I don't remember ever owning a droid.
He keeps saying something about his desire to "CORNHOLE" you?
Oh, right, you're not Boorite's son by any chance?

Showing page 8.

« Previous Next »