All comics by attitudechicka

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by attitudechicka
8-04-07
Guys with baggage aren't fun, exciting, or romantic.
Guys with no emotional baggage are usually boring.
And 40.
When did I say emotional baggage exclusively?
Okay, I'll be on the lookout for guys with Louis Vitton bags from now on.

 

by attitudechicka
8-09-07
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday
Sorry guys, I appriciate the millions of invites, but I can't go out until Wednesday, I'm busy with work.
Wednesday
Ring?
Thursday
I just remembered why I hate you guys.

 

by attitudechicka
8-10-07
You're my friend, right?
Sure.
Then I have something important to ask of you.
Uh... okay...
If I'm ever diagnosed with a terminal illness, will you help me marry rich quickly?

 

by attitudechicka
8-20-07
How come you don't send me comics anymore?
Because I never did.
TRICK R STAB!!!!

 

I'm a canadian bear. We don't have the right to -
DELICIOUS FUCKING POP TARTS!
by attitudechicka, 8-20-07

 

by attitudechicka
8-20-07
I don't think camels eat pop tarts.
They might.
Maybe some sand... I think camels eat sand.
Sand and weapons of mass destruction. That's what they eat.

 

by attitudechicka
8-24-07
All of your problems can be easily solved by donating.
It's true!
Please give me the money now.

 

by attitudechicka
8-27-07
You fell asleep when you should have been watching Travis, didn't you?
No I didn't. Sure we were watching a movie, and I may have decided to stretch out on the couch...
You fell asleep.
Why would you make that assumption?
He drew a cock on your cheek.

 

by attitudechicka
9-01-07
I sprained my wrist carrying paper. I had one of the 11 by 17 reams - they're long ones...
Thank you for explaining measurement to me. I never would have known.
Anyway, I did something weird to my wrist and had to wear one of those arm bands.
Was it pink?
Because if I injured myself in such an embarassing way, I would make sure I displayed my injury in bright pink.

 

by attitudechicka
9-17-07
A flagpole? I don't even see how that's possible!
Oh you'll see soon enough.... On a totally unrelated subject, put on this scuba suit
Hey, did you know there was a monkey suit in here too?
There was a tuxedo in there?
Hey, how are you breathing?
Well it's definitely not a genetic deformation that allowed me to have gills, if that's what you were thinking. Quitstaringatmynonexistantfreakgillsandlookatthatsunkenship!

 

by attitudechicka
9-18-07
What the hell is that?
It's a condom I bought online. It has the superman logo printed right on it!
How small is your penis that you have to dress it up in order to see it?
I uh... I have some glow in the dark ones too...
Uh, you need it to light up too? What else you got, something that makes a whirring noise?
But the website stated the Whirrmax was a guaranteed climax!

 

This broom is a lemon.
by attitudechicka, 10-27-07

 

by attitudechicka
12-12-07
I've seen this picture in your art section for about a month now, but couldn't find any within my reach.
So I've decided that now that I notice tomorrow is Thanksgiving and there's lots of extra workers here all with their hands full, I'd ask someone to get it down for me.
And, since you're not wearing anything identifying you as an employee here, yet you seem to be doing the most work, I've decided to ask you.
There's a reason they keep me hidden away from customers the other 364 days a year.

 

by attitudechicka
12-13-07
these days i'm so hard to buy for it's kinda silly
I've only ever thought to give you cash
i like cash
I'd make a great cousin.

 

by attitudechicka
12-19-07
Yo dude, where's my gift?
It is neatly wrapped and in my pocket.
All that's in your pocket is your hands... Uh, if this is some kind of sexual thing, thanks but no thanks, man.
Ka-pow!
You were right. Your fist WAS neatly wrapped.

 

What do you intend to change in 2008?
The last digit when I write the date.
by attitudechicka, 12-31-07

 

by attitudechicka
1-08-08
Thanks for accepting my invitation to come over for dinner.
What are we having?
A very special recipe. It's rotini with vegetables in garlic sauce.
I chopped the garlic myself.

 

by attitudechicka
1-16-08
I think it's time I go home. I'm starting to get a headache.
Hangovers aren't supposed to start AT the bar.
Meanwhile, at my bank...
This girl spent $100 at one bar last night.
Anyone that committed should probably have a credit to their account.
Hi, money. I thought I spent all of you.

 

by attitudechicka
1-28-08
I keep stealing my son's fruit snacks.
Real fruit? What cartoon character? Firm or soft? Like the really really soft kind that you can see through? Frosty?
What the hell are frosty?
Like a frosted finish when they dry. When they go in your mouth does it take a second for them to get wet or are they kinda greasy before hand?
This is a lot of detail to know about fruit snacks that are already digested.

 

by attitudechicka
2-04-08
[Chicka]-----------------------------------[choad]
Howdy howdy
aloha
[Chicka]-----------------------------------[choad]
What is the news?
"Deadly chemical found in babies"
[Chicka]-----------------------------------[choad]
Holy crap! I'm never picking up another one of those things again.
I always knew that babies would be the end of us.

 

by attitudechicka
2-16-08
Another reason I'm awesome: I'm going to let a beauty school student practice on my hair!
Sounds risky.
Well, if they're doing it for free, I can always pay to have it fixed.
That's true.
And I know exactly where I'll go: The beauty school that offers $5 haircuts.

 

Choad______________________Chicka
I'd love to open a fat camp
I wouldn't. I hate cry babies.
by attitudechicka, 2-19-08

 

by attitudechicka
2-19-08
Chicka__________________GabeRules
I refuse to speak other languages
Good think we're Americans.
Chicka__________________GabeRules
Everyone else will learn to speak ours.
Chicka__________________GabeRules
I only learn words and phrases that are the least useful in other languages
I can say, "Stop sticking that in my eye!" in Czech

 

by attitudechicka
2-19-08
GabeRules___________________Chicka
What a lie. You've shown me your tits in like maybe two ways.
I've definitely shown them to you clothed
GabeRules___________________Chicka
I totally dig how that comic makes me look like an internet whore, though
GabeRules___________________Chicka
Maybe I'll get an all new stalker club.

 

by attitudechicka
3-20-08
Ma'am, there seems to be a problem with your gift return.
What seems to be the problem?
For "Purpose for Return" you checked the "Incorrect Size" box.
Yes, and?
It's a purse.
Yes, and the hideousness of the design was just too large for me.

 

by attitudechicka
3-24-08
ZZzzZZzzzZzZzZZ
Mommy, mommy! Wake up!
Huh, what, I'm up! I'll be there in a second!
ZzzZZZzzzZzZZzZzZZ.. *chuckle* ZZzZzZZzzZzZZ

 

by attitudechicka
3-25-08
When is the right time to have sex these days? I'm out of practice.
And I suppose I've been practicing it up. Uh, third date I think?
I thought if you waited that long the guy lost interest?
But if you have sex on the first date, you're an STD-carrying whore.
This is so confusing.
How about you just have sex when you feel like it. Make sure it's the best sex ever, though, so that if he thinks it's too soon, you at least got an amazing lay from it.

 

by attitudechicka
4-05-08
Uh, what's going on here?
Why am I floating?
I'm just kind of mashing the buttons, I can't really recreate what I just did.

 

by attitudechicka
4-27-08
Choad....................................Chicka
all baby oil is virgin baby oil
Well, no one likes a slutty baby
ZMannZilla..............................Choad
How do they make EXTRA virgin baby oil though? Do they, like, genetically breed babies with two hymens or something?
no, ugly babies
ZMannZilla..............................Choad
babies who will never be attractive enough to have sex if they had been given a chance to mature

 

by attitudechicka
4-27-08
So when I woke up in the morning, I found this note card on my bedside table.
"A small token of my affection so that you will always remember the time we shared together." Kind of sweet. What was the gift?
Well, from what I can tell, pubic lice.
Elsewhere (or so I hope)
What's in my hand? Flowers? Oh crap, if I still have the flowers, then that means...

 

by attitudechicka
4-29-08
The thing I admire most about deer is that the female gets the male to follow her around for an entire month before giving it up.
Then it's all wham-bam, get the buck out.
Does aren't cuddlers, gotcha.
But I don't think I could quite imitate the way does attract men. Human males don't exactly get turned on when a female pees on the ground.

 

by attitudechicka
6-09-08
My personal trainer says I have great posture.
Really? I thought all personal trainers pushed you too hard with little encouragement.
Not mine. I choose what exercises I do, and he's always complementary.
What gym do you go to?
Wii Fit.

 

by attitudechicka
6-09-08
I have something to tell you. I asked Lucy to marry me.
Hahaha! For a minute, I thought you were serious.
I am serious. I'm going to marry Lucy.
Oh I get it. There's a dowry involved. You just tell me what her daddy offered you and I'll double it.

 

by attitudechicka
6-12-08
I've got some rockstar hair going on today.
Too bad you're not an actual rockstar, instead of working at this dump.
At least I don't have a bachelor's degree and work at this dump.

 

by attitudechicka
6-16-08
Want to get married?
I hate it here, want to move to Detroit?
Want to make a baby?

 

by attitudechicka
6-18-08
dear pee-wee, thanks for entertaining me when I was a child. And pissing my brother off because my mom loved me more and let me have full remote access on saturday morning
And who the fuck cares that you whacked off in a porno theater? People with no lives and various skeletons of their own, that's who.
what about when they tried to get him for child porn?
P.S. Thanks for not molesting me in a mall when I was underage.

 

by attitudechicka
7-16-08
Daddy! You'llneverguesswhat myradiowasbroken andmommygotthe batteriesand Igottheheadphones andthen I heard the country!
What did he just say?
I put new batteries in his radio and he listened to country music on it.
Some things sound better in their native language.

 

by attitudechicka
7-23-08
((((ANGER!!!!))))
That's some pretty huge fury. Let's get out of here!

 

by attitudechicka
8-07-08
How are you feeling today?
Well, the pain hasn't completely subsided. Do you think you could give me something for it?
Would you like a jello shot?
A jello shot?
We're running low on morphine and the cafeteria got a non returnable shipment of jello, so we thought we'd help each other out.

 

by attitudechicka
8-23-08
Welcome to Garden Scape: Psychiatry help 5 cents. Directions $1.
Thank god I found you guys! Here's a nickel. I think I might be a pathological narcisist
Oh. Well then you might want to see the doctors at the CareRight Psych Hospital.
Welcome to Garden Scape: Psychiatry help 5 cents. Directions $1.
Where is that located?
Two blocks up the street.
Welcome to Garden Scape: Psychiatry help 5 cents. Directions $1.
Those directions will be one dollar.

 

by attitudechicka
8-25-08
Hey, Chicka. You know, I was just talking to Marie about my latest business idea...
Not interested.
No-no-no-no-no. This is a good one, I SWEAR!
Okay, let's hear it.
Okay, imagine a place like build-a-bear, where instead of making bears, you make voodoo dolls. You can give the doll a black heart.
This is better than your Rob Zombie themed cafe. Maybe you could even design novelty straight pins.

 

by attitudechicka
9-18-08
KYLE! WHERE THE HELL ARE THE PROGRAMS FOR THIS WEDDING?
Uh, I don't know.
WELL WHAT GOOD ARE YOU THEN?
Who was that?
My soon to be mother-in-law.

 

by attitudechicka
9-18-08
What exactly do we need programs for?
To explain what is going on in the wedding.
Really? Because I got a wedding invitation that pretty much summarizes that I will be seeing two people married today.
Did you send everyone else cryptic text messages that say "Meet me at the butterfly house at 2pm"?
Certainly explains why so few people are actually wearing nice clothes, doesn't it?

 

by attitudechicka
9-30-08
Hi, I'm Jared, a friend of Derek's.
Nice to meet you. I understand you live in a 3rd floor studio apartment and you're getting a great dane?
Yup.
Okie doke. Braindead moron, got it.
Derek, your "hot chick roomate" turned out to be a fridgid bitch. I want my $20 back!
I'd be willing to give you $20 if you never come back again.

 

by attitudechicka
9-30-08
Daily, for two weeks....
*Whispering* Jared is asleep on the couch. He must have stayed here last night.
*Whispering* I hope he doesn't plan to stay too much longer...
Uh, Jared, you've been sleeping here on that tiny couch for two weeks now. When are you going home?
Oh, my lease ran out on my apartment, so I decided just to stay here.
Did it ever occur to you to ask the other people living here if that was okay?
None of you were using the couch!

 

by attitudechicka
9-30-08
*Request for advice about women*
*Hesitant advice given*
No, you're completely wrong! Girls aren't like that! Where are you getting your information from?
Uh, being one?
Well, obviously you're not very good at it.

 

by attitudechicka
9-30-08
Well, I think it's time that I move out.
Okay, see you.
Jared left?
Yeah. Where do you think he's going to go?
Well, since he finished off the last of the mayonaise in the fridge this morning, I'm guessing he went somewhere with a stocked fridge.
Maybe they have a full sized couch for him to sleep on!

 

by attitudechicka
10-29-08
Roses Are Red,
Violets Are Blue,
Your One Night Stand From _(enter date here)_ has herpes,
Now you do too!

 

by attitudechicka
10-29-08
It's been almost a year, but I have something to say...
I made you a gift,
And it shares your DNA!

 

by attitudechicka
11-08-08
WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BOOBIES?
Uh, Gran? I don't think this is the right time or place to be releasing the girls.
Well, I wasn't going to show you my nipples!
I'm not quite sure how that matters.

Showing page 8.

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