All comics by count_libido

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by count_libido
9-13-06
Count Libido...
Yes minion?
Do you prefer democracy or feudalism?
Feudalism. Every time.
Why?
In democracy, it's the vote that counts. In feudalism, it's The Count that votes!

 

by count_libido
9-14-06
Well Count, we've taken a blood test and I think we know the reason why you are feeling so depressed at the moment!
I hope so, Doc. What did the results say?
It's your blood type. It's B-negative!

 

by count_libido
9-14-06
The Pundercats go to the park...
What's the matter?
I've forgotten how to throw my boomerang.
Don't worry. It'll come back to you.

 

by count_libido
9-14-06
The Pundercats go to church!
So, is it easy being a priest?
It's okay.
How do you stay fit?
I exorcise.

 

by count_libido
9-14-06
I have a real problem with splinters.
Hopefully I won't get any more, touch wood!
Ow.

 

by count_libido
9-15-06
The Pundercats go to dinner!
So, what do you want to start?
Ice cream!
What about your main course?
Strawberry pancakes!
So, you don't want anything to eat apart from dessert?
That's one way of pudding it!

 

by count_libido
9-17-06
What have you been up to?
I had to clear out my kitty tray and take all my old stuff to the rubbish tip.
Shame. How do you feel now?
Down in the dumps.

 

by count_libido
9-17-06
Hey! Look out for that hole!
Wow, thanks!
You wouldn't believe what just happenned to me! I almost walked into this huge hole, but a cow stopped me just in time!
Sounds like a case of bovine intervention!

 

by count_libido
9-17-06
So how are things in the spell-casting business?
Terrible! I'm really business and I can't cast any spells!
Why's that?
I'm short staffed!

 

by count_libido
9-17-06
What are you doing in here? I thought you were trying to get fit!
I was.
What happenned to that personal trainer you hired?
He wasn't working out.

 

by count_libido
9-18-06
I keep getting crank phone calls from a guy who keeps yelling "Stand and Deliver!" down the phone at me.
Have you told him to stop doing it?
Yes, but he's adamant!

 

by count_libido
9-21-06
Today Count Libido unvieled his new work of art entitled "Apocalyptical Pain". Let's find out more from the artist now...
Chateau Libido...
So Count, how did you come up with this?
I did it on my computer.
Really? What package did you use?
Pain Shop Pro.

 

by count_libido
9-22-06
What brings you to the hospital?
I'm visiting a friend who had the whole left side of his body amputated.
Is he okay?
Yeah, he's all right now.

 

by count_libido
9-22-06
Can I help you?
I'm here to visit a friend.
Can you describe the patient?
He's a butcher by trade.
What's the matter with him?
He walked backwards into his meat slicer and got a little behind in his work.

 

by count_libido
9-22-06
Can I help you?
I've come about the the job for church janitor.
Wonderful! You will be in charge of cleaning the church organ and the seating.
I can handle that.
You must be on your best behaviour at all times.
I'll watch my keys and pews.

 

by count_libido
9-22-06
So, you're an inventor huh?
Yes! I invented the world's best door knocker!
They should give you a no-bell prize!

 

by count_libido
9-26-06
You've been looking in the window of that jewellers for 2 hours now. What's so interesting?
The sign on the door said "Watch batteries sold here."
I don't think they meant it literally!
Hell with it, I'm going in!
Later...
So you went in and they gave you a big bag of used batteries? Why?
They were free of charge!

 

by count_libido
9-27-06
You thought you were here to fight the Cybermen, but tonight Doctor Who...This is Your Life!
Later ... ___________ Still later...
Here is a companion from your third regeneration!
...then from your eighth regeneration, do you remember this voice?
Much, much, much later...
...and then you met Rose Tyler!
Look can we wrap this up? I can feel my 11th generation coming on!

 

by count_libido
9-28-06
!
I just found this unconscious elephant in the clearing. Did you do that?
Yes, I attacked it with my club!
Blimey, you must have had a pretty big club!
Yep, there's about fifty of us!

 

by count_libido
9-28-06
So is it true that you like to sell your hairballs on E-Bay?
That's a lie! Who told you that?
I heard it through the apevine.

 

by count_libido
10-02-06
SFR is about to leave for Sheffield...
All packed?
Yep. That's me off then. Now, remember what I told you?
"What happens in Sheffield stays in Sheffield."
That's right! Good soldier...
I thought we promised never to mention that again...

 

by count_libido
10-02-06
Sheffield! HBK & AC hit Forbidden Planet...
What's that you got, Adam?
It's my new Transformer! Like it?
It's a piece of shit!
Then that is what I shall name him: Shitpiece!
It's my lucky day...

 

by count_libido
10-02-06
It's saturday night in Sheffield and two shop emlpoyees meet...
You're out early this weekend.
Sure am! Some guys came in and bought out the entire store! We had to close early because we had nothing left to sell!
Me too! I work in Forbidden Planet. These guys came in and cleaned us out.
Us too! I work in Sainsbury's!
Offtopica in town again?
Looks like.

 

by count_libido
10-03-06
Ask the Pundercats!
'Dear Pundercats, I am worried that the fruit I grow shall be damaged in the cold winter. What should I do with it?'
Hmm Tricky. I'll bring in an expert...
Hello.
So how do you keep fruit safe during the winter?
Send them to me at John Cougar's Melon Camp!

 

by count_libido
10-04-06
Doo-doo-doo dee-doo...
Whar are you listening to?
It's this great new band who turns convention on itself. Instead of their fans pursuing them, they obsessively follow their fans around.
What are they called?
Stalking Heads.

 

by count_libido
10-04-06
Mr. Lavigne meets Bunnyman!
Emma Watson is great. I love Emma. She's 16 now, you know!
Dude, you're weirding me out.
I'd love to see Emma in a movie with Avril! Ooh! and that Dakota Fanning!
Seriously, you should really shut up.
Later...
Is it safe to come out now?
Don't worry. I made the bad man er... 'go away'. Want to join the SFX Forum? We have a vacancy...

 

by count_libido
10-04-06
So. Where's Echo?
I lose more friends this way...

 

by count_libido
10-04-06
SFX HQ...
Dave, are you still 'reviewing' that video game?
Leah! Glad you're here! Redirect all office power from the server into my X-Box, it's really slowing down.
That's better!
Elsewhere...
You still on that SFX Forum?
Yeah but it's really slow these days. I have no idea why...

 

by count_libido
10-04-06
Yaaarrrr! Why are you all covered in snot?
I'm the ship's anchor chief!

 

by count_libido
10-06-06
Dr. Science, why is modern music so rubbish?
Well little Pundercat, it's because most chart acts are soulless puppets of corporate pop empires determined to churn out bland cover versions sampled with 80s songs.
You're right! But what can we do about it?
Well, thanks to my time machine, we can go back in time and bring classical composers to the 21st century!
You mean..?
Yes! We are going to bring Bach to the Future!

 

by count_libido
10-06-06
Do you think this door is alarmed?
No, it looks quite calm.

 

When I asked for a cellphone this wasn't what I had in mind.
by count_libido, 10-06-06

 

by count_libido
10-09-06
So, you're in charge of looking after the Queen Bee?
S'right.
How does she get round the hive?
She's throne.

 

by count_libido
10-09-06
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler!
Can any of you monkeys fly?
Yes, the hot air babboon can.
How do you get your hair so nice?
With a honeycomb.

 

by count_libido
10-09-06
Wow, Samuel L Jackson! What are you doing here?
I've been playing practical jokes on that dumbass magician who keeps locking himself in glass cages an' shit!
Japes on a Blaine?
You goddamn right!

 

by count_libido
10-10-06
Did we use up all our punchlines?
I think we did.

 

by count_libido
10-10-06
*sigh*
What a day! Now to relax with a saucer of milk
Later...
Are you done with that yet? I need to get home.

 

by count_libido
10-12-06
So, what are you into?
I really like Desperate Housewives.
Me too! It's my favourite TV show!
It's a TV show too?

 

by count_libido
10-12-06
So where were you yesterday?
I had to see my grandpa, he got burnt.
Oh I'm sorry. Was he burnt badly?
No, they don't mess about at the crematorium.

 

by count_libido
10-12-06
We've been in this store for three hours now. Can we go home yet?
No silly! I still need to find an outfit for the Christmas party. What do you suggest?
Well right now I'd like to see you in something long and flowing.
You mean like a ballgown?
No, a river...

 

by count_libido
10-18-06
'ello 'ello 'ello! What's all this then?
I don't know what you mean officer!
Well, judging by that armful of cash, you've either just sold your website to Google or you've been counterfeiting money!
Ooh, that's a vicious lie! I wouldn't know the first thing about forgery.
You don't look like a dotcom millionaire to me, so you must be a forger. I fine you £500!
It's a fair cop. Do you have change for a £600 note?

 

by count_libido
10-18-06
...
.....
Do you think anyone else apart from us sits around and thinks up puns all day?
You mean like fish or something..?
What's your favourite mode of transport?
Motorpike and side-carp!

 

by count_libido
10-18-06
Hey congrats! I hear you won the lottery.
Sure did!
So what are you gonna do with all that money?
First thing I'm gonna do is hire a hitman to smite my enemies!
Elsewhere...
Crazy Frog. We meet again. Anything to say before I pass judgement?
Ading-ding-ding-dinga-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

 

by count_libido
10-19-06
Have you managed to think up any puns yet?
Not one. Those Pundercats make it look easy!
If this keeps up, we might have to resort to gags about fish having really short memories!
And we don't want to do that!
Yeah! You know what else we have to avoid? Gags about fish having really short memories!
Darn right! Ooh, you know what else..?

 

by count_libido
10-20-06
Welcome to Sarnie Schwarzneggers. How may I abuse you?
Do you do kids meals?
Yes we do. They come with a special kid size drink container.
What is that?
The Kindergarten Cup!

 

by count_libido
10-20-06
Hi Welcome to Sarnie Schwarzneggers!
What are your specials?
Well, for £2.99, you can have a medley of uncooked carrots, potatoes, celery and cucumber.
All uncooked?
We call it the "Raw Deal."

 

by count_libido
10-20-06
Haribo HQ...
We need a name for our new chewy candy product. Any ideas?
Miaow.
You always say that! Any more ideas?
Maoam.
I love it!

 

by count_libido
10-21-06
Have you completed your new invention, Dr. Science?
I sure have!
Well...what is it?
It's a tin of pasta shapes that can be spelled out into a Discworld novel!
Great! What do you call it?
Alphabetti-Pratchetti!

 

by count_libido
10-24-06
I used to be such a good cigarette...
What happened to you?
I was led ashtray!

 

by count_libido
10-24-06
The Pundercats go to the Travel Agent!
What can I do for you?
I want to know if I can go to Africa.
Kenya?
I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!

Showing page 8.

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