All comics by lukket

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by lukket
7-19-05
How are you related to the bride anyway?
What do you mean? I'm the groom!
I figured that out, but still, we're in Arkansa for crying out loud.
Are you insinuating that we only marry our relatives? I should throw you out of here right away.
She's my cousin if you need to know.

 

by lukket
7-19-05
Your wife - is she your first?
My first love?
I meant, is she your first cousin?
Yeah.
No I meant - is she your FIRST cousin
God heavens no! We're a big family.

 

by lukket
7-19-05
Why are you so uptight about me marrying my cousin? Haven't you had fantasies about family on your own?
I only had a sister, and she suffered from Eurythmitis...
Eurythmitis?
Yeah. "Sisters are doin' it for themselves."

 

by lukket
7-19-05
Does the common grand parents sit on the groom's or the bride's side of the church?
What do you mean?
Isn't hard to know where to place family of you both?
Not at all.
How so?
We draw lots!!

 

by lukket
7-20-05
Hey honey. You're a looker! Are you with the groom, the bride or both?
I AM the bride.
Sorry. It wasn't easy to see.
What do you mean?
It's not like you're dressed like a bride.
Easy now. Mum told you not to hit the guests.

 

by lukket
7-20-05
That guy in the green sweater - is he one of yours?
That guy in the green sweater - is he one of yours?
No.
No.
You'll lure him out through the back door, and I stand by waiting to hit him in the back of his head with a wrench and then put him in the trunk of the car.
Deal!

 

I don't understand. He's not arrived yet, and he hasn't called in late.
Considering what it costs to hire a wedding singer of his caliber, I'm very disappointed.
by lukket, 7-20-05

 

by lukket
7-20-05
Hmm that car seems to be leaking something... better go warn the owner
Are you the owner of the black car parked out in front of this place?
Uh... yes I am. What seems to be the matter, sergeant?
It seems to be leaking oil or brake fluid from the back?
But the motor is in the front!?

 

by lukket
7-20-05
Odd. If it's not from the motor, what is then that redbrownish thick-running fluid that leaks from the car?
Um...
Will it help you remember what it is, if I followed you to the car?
Oh wait! It must be the .. um.. the maple syrup tank that is broken again! Yeah... that's what it is.
O...kay... Noted. Have a good day sir!

 

by lukket
7-20-05
I have something to tell you. Me and Alex planned to have a wedding singer as a surprise for you, but he hasn't shown up as agreed. Have you seen him?
NO! I haven't seen him. Um... how does he look like anyway?
I called his manager, and he said that he had left his office to go here wearing a green sweater.
Uh...oh...
You look like you know something after all.
No! I haven't k... seen him. I swear!

 

by lukket
7-20-05
Still no sign, and he has left the office four hours ago.
Did Mike see him?
No. He seemed a bit odd about it though.
Odd, how?
He seemed like he knew something about it.
I have kept it secret to him! I swear.

 

by lukket
7-20-05
I don't like how that wedding singer appears to have disappeared.
It bugs me more that he HAS disappeared.
We should call the police.
It's hardly police business to catch wedding deserters.
Won't you work with me here.
No thanks. I quit tending bars several years ago.

 

by lukket
7-20-05
I'm worried for his life. I'll call the police right away.
Do you think we'll get a refund, if he dies?
Later
I was told that you miss a wedding singer.
Let me hear you first. We're short on time.
That was the police man!
Oh. I thought you called for a replacement.

 

by lukket
7-21-05
At "Ad Data"
Reno's slogans nag Olsson, er...
"A Toyota's a Toyota!"
Yo, Boy!
"A Toyota! Race fast, safe car. A Toyota!"
"Hell, it's a Toyota still, eh? "
He's selfless, eh?

 

by lukket
7-24-05
Hey! You were the one with the leaky car earlier today?
Yes, officer. What brought you back? Am I being prosecuted for littering.
I'm here about the missing wedding singer.
What missing wedding singer?
Oh sorry, I was told it was meant as a surprise.
Yeah. He ... um.. it certainly was to me

 

by lukket
7-28-05
Damn it's sad to be a child of two solicitors.
It can't be that bad, can it?
Well... my dad was supposed to be sterile, but apparently it didn't work. They decided to call me "Exhibit A" to make things easier...
Well... my parents are filing clerks. That's even worse.
What did they call you?
Since I'm their first, they decided to call me "Kid A"

 

by lukket
7-28-05
We're going to look at the $1,000,000 question now.
Yeah. Let's have a look.
How is your knowledge of Radiohead?
I think I'm their biggest fan ever.
Then this question must be easy for you: "On what Radiohead album do you find the song 'Fake Plastic Trees'" ?
Dang. I haven't listened to any of their stuff since "Kid A"

 

by lukket
8-02-05
Hi Eric!
Oh no!

 

Mike Tyson rapes Queen Elizabeth
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Never call a bird Houdini
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Hi mate!
Mile high club
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

... laden swallows ...
a mujahedeen cocksucker?
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Why hate Bush?
Hairy cunnilingus!
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Is Dick in?
Want it?
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Vaccination leaves tiny prick!
Noooo!
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Now, spell canal
See anal!
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

William Herschell discovered your anus?
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Cock fight!
Penis envy brawl?
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

What did you do?
Victims
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

Liquor?
Yes, I lick 'er
by lukket, 8-07-05

 

by lukket
8-09-05
OK. I'll listen to you and then make my decision. So how was that show you did in that restaurant last night?
Well. We sung this song and meanwhile my nubile daughter stripped and let a volunteer from the audience take her anal virginity while I let my dog suck off my dear wife while I peed in her mouth.
Aha. Then what happened.
Well, just after we came simutaneously in tune with the song, we flung our poo at the audience. Well that's it. Will you represent us?
That's for sure. This is going to be very interesting.
Thank you so much. I thought I was never going to find a defense lawyer.

 

by lukket
8-09-05
Guidance councellor's office
It's been a challenge to find suggestions for you. First off, I see you have good grades in music. What about becomaing a bassooon player?
You mean get a blow-job?
That's maybe not a good idea. You told me you like to work with scissors and nail polish, so what about working with manicures in a beauty parlor?
I don't know, I'm not that good, so it'll be a sloppy hand-job
Hmm... I see. You have a creative urge - how about becoming an artist?
A paint-job? Dang it. You got me.

 

by lukket
8-10-05
It'll be really something else, Mr. Talent Agent.
You'll force rape victims to give birth, persecute minorities, liberate millions of Americans from medicare, bring this society back into the dark ages, and care about the individual corporations?
Um... that's not the way I would want to put it, but yeah.
Well, and the act is called the republicans?
Yes... but I can...
Well, 51% of the population can't be wrong - you've got a deal!

 

by lukket
8-10-05
Hi Freddy! Long time no see. What have you been up to?
Freddy?
Dang. Freddy got fingered.

 

Worst surprise party ever!
by lukket, 8-13-05

 
by lukket, 8-13-05

 

by lukket
8-14-05
I really tried to save the world. By stopping time I could change all the little injustices in the world one by one, and nobody could stop me...
... it went wrong at one point, when I saw this policeman that seemed to live outside of time and space. I had to kill all life on this planet to stop him from drawing his gun...
...and that's why they're all dead.

 

by lukket
8-14-05
Sir, I could understand that you want to file a report?
Yes, I want you to arrest the Spaniards.
All of them? What did they do?
They sent out conquistadores to South America and the foreign viruses and bacterias they brought easily defeated the immunity systems of the Mayans...
...and that's why they're all dead.

 

Good dog!
by lukket, 8-21-05

 

by lukket
9-13-05
Vinter, bästa tiden på året.
Hejsan Snögubbe vill du ha en bulle?
Bullar? Är du dum eller? Snögubbar kan inte äta!
LURAD! Inte fan ska du få en bulle inte!
The next thing I know of I was fired from the agency.
I told you not to only use words from the IKEA catalog!

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
... Not to sound melodramatic...
but TNT is extremely slow to deliver Viagra in this county.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
As far as I remember your tool is not wankable.
It isn't?
Nope.
Then what do a robot do when he wants to spank the monkey
Beats me.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! come back here
What a stupid name I gave that dog.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Yes, I'd like that too.
You never listen to me!
I always listen to you darling.
What did I just say then?
Something about going on a 40 day diet with only beef jerky.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Eww... take that away from me!
You're a doctor - do you know if I can put it back on?
Are you sure it's even the same bloodtype?
Oops... forgot to ask.
Anyway, I'm not so sure it gives the same pleasure to jerk another guys severed yerkin.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Honey! The baby talks!
*burb*
Um. No he didn't say mom or dad.
Actually, I think we shouldn't mention what he said to anyone.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
I thought heaven was going to be all sniffing crotches and peeing on trees.
Oh well... at least Gabriel's got nice humpable legs.

 

by lukket
9-25-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Oh. Did I say that out loud?
Yes.
I'm not some kind of sexual freak - it's just that I'm hooked on Total Overdose.
Gaming freak

 

by lukket
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
splat
... um ... it seems I should have listened to what mommy said ...
... it really did fall off after excessive jerkin'

 

by lukket
9-26-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Not so fast dog-with-only-one-ball
... um ... what was my motivation for this scene again?
You've discovered in a Southern prison that only having one ball does not defer you from doing great deeds, and now you will single-handledly win the Civil War!
I don't get it - why don't we just make a story about a Texan with only one ball whose victories abroad inspire and impress?
This is that story - though we had to make a few changes because Lance wanted too much money for the royalties.

Showing page 8.

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