All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
12-31-03
"If you send this email to 13 people you will be blessed with good luck..."
"A navy officer sent this letter to 13 people and he was promoted a week later..."
"A businessman in Colorado received this letter and threw it away. The next day he went hiking and after being abducted by aliens, ended up being eaten by Bigfoot."
Pfft...like I'm ever gonna go hiking. *DELETE*

 

by niteowl
12-31-03
Another year has come and gone. 2003 totally sucked ass.
It did? I thought it was a great year!
I think it did. The U.S. invaded and took over a country, earthquakes, fires...just so much death and destruction.
And I don't even need to mention the destruction of my brain cells and hearing caused by watching American Idol.
Did you know I was once Clay Aiken's sex slave?

 

by niteowl
1-01-04
There needs to be a version of American Idol but for like guitarists, drummers, etc.
I think that would be great. We'd get to finally see some REAL musicians. Maybe.
Unless they all play that nauseating 3-chord bullshit that every mallcore/pop punk band plays nowadays.
For fucks sake, was your New Year's resolution to be even more cynical than you were last year?

 

by niteowl
1-01-04
Cynical? I'm not cynical.
Ok, maybe angry is a better word then.
Nah, I'm just fed up with the whole music scene.
Fed up with what specifically?
It's all about image and has nothing to do with the quality of the music now.
Now?!? Dude, where the fuck have you been for the last 10 years?

 

by niteowl
1-01-04
Wow, you are so hot.
I'm en fuego tonight, all because of you baby.
I'm burning for you.
No, I'm burning for YOU.
*CLICK*
Ok, wait...who's supposed to get off in this scenario?
Uh, I think you stick it in me and then...

 

by niteowl
1-02-04
In other news, civil unrest in cities across the US continues, thanks in large part to the drug Chaser, which cures hangovers.
With no reason to stop drinking, nearly the entire country has been drunk 24/7 for the last 6 weeks. City streets have turned into one gigantic bar fight.
The good news out of all this is that women are putting out more. In fact, yours truly dipped his wick last night.
You can dip it tonight too, big boy.*HIC*

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-02-04

 

by niteowl
1-03-04

 

by niteowl
1-03-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?

 

by niteowl
1-03-04
I found a sure-fire cure for my hangover!
You finally bought a decent bra?

 

by niteowl
1-06-04
Hi. Can take your order?
Yeah, a Whopper and a extra large Coke.
Extra large? Wow, you must be thirsty.
Not really...
I ran out of toilet bowl cleaner, which will be needed after I finish the Whopper.

 

by niteowl
1-07-04

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
What's going on in here...Damnit Jimmy, don't eat the potted plants!

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
So where are we going, captain?
We are going to explore deep space. In other words, Mars.
An hour later...
Are we there yet?
No.
An hour after that...
Are we there yet?
NO!

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
Are we there yet?
NO! SHUT UP! By the way, how the hell did you manage to learn to speak? I mean, monkeys talking? What a preposterous idea!
Um, yeah.
Yeah. We'll just let you readers ponder that for a moment.

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
So when are we going to get to those scientific experiments?
Now is as good a time as any I suppose. Girls? Come on out. It's time for the experiments.
Ok. But no anal on this trip.
Yeah, you fucking savages.
Why did we bring them with? Couldn't we have dumped them off at the first gas station along the way?
Sorry, but stripcreator.com paid NASA a lot of money to include these broads on our trip.

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
Man I love those experiments. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck you.
Goddamn scumbag, hogging all the action...
Ok, it's not my fault you forgot to bring your Viagra.
If your Tang tastes funny later on this trip, it's because I'll have pissed in it.

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
Alright, we are almost to Mars. Time to get suited up.
Hey...go get your suit on. We're almost there.
Go to hell, evil dictator. Can't you see I'm eating?
Alright, give me the banana and go put your fucking suit on...
The only way you're getting this banana is if I shove it straight up your ass, biatch.

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
Listen, we have to learn to get along. We're going to be together for a while.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I'm sorry, ok?
Yo momma.
What?
Yo momma. I'll be expecting hot action from yo momma when we get back home.

 

by niteowl
1-07-04
Ok, we've landed. You ready to go make history?
Yep. Let's go.
I can't believe we're actually on Mars. This is pretty awesome, ain't it?
We have to go back to the ship. I gotta piss like a racehorse.
We've been out here for 30 seconds and you want to go back in the capsule already?
My toes are cold too.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Hmmm. I don't see any sign of life here on this planet.
I was just about to say the same thing.
And that includes you.
Asshole.
Shut the hell up. You just wait til we get back to NASA and I tell them how you tried to starve me to death by taking my bananas.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Hey! I think I see someone...it looks like a girl!
Come on!
I ain't running unless that broad has bananas.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Well Hi there. Welcome to Mars! What's your name?
Kevin...what's yours?
Cindy. Say, you're one of those NASA guys, aintcha?
Yep. Um, Cindy...aren't you a little underdressed?
My miniskirt is in the wash. I've adapted to the cold anyways.
Judging by those pencil erasers popping out at me, she hasn't adapted completely.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
All the liquor stores ran out of absinth.
What a travesty! Back to you in the studio, whilst I join in and bust some shit up out here.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
I assume that you're from Earth...how did you end up on Mars?
I'm afraid you'll think badly of me if I tell you...
I won't think bad of you. I promise.
Well, do you remember that whole Heaven's Gate thing a few years ago? I went up on the mother ship and it carried me here.
Oh shit. I would be totally freaked out right now if there wasn't a hot half naked chick in front of me.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
So, who's that behind you?
Oh, that's my flight partner. Come over here and shake hands with the alien, Chuck.
Aww, look at this! A little monkey named Chuck! Do you do tricks, cutie pie?
I'll show you a trick alright, freakazoid.
A sarcastic little talking monkey. That's...weird.
So flying off to Mars in the mothership with a bald-headed nutjob isn't weird?

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
My girlfriend while watching "Cops".
"Why do I do this job?"
"I could give you several reasons."
"I feel like I've accomplished something rather than sitting in a cube, enjoying the AC, staring at a monitor."
Let's see what kind of a difference I make when you don't get your bank statement, dumbass!

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
I apologize for my partner's behavior earlier. He can be a pain sometimes.
It's ok.
So do you have a job here or anything like that?
Yeah, I was Playmate of the Month in last month's issue of Red Planet Playboy.
Damn, even Mars has Playboy?
When they say they're the universal T&A mag, they ain't kidding.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Hey...where did Chuck go?
No idea.
Aren't you concerned?
Not really. For a monkey, he's pretty smart...
Meanwhile, back at the ship...
GODDAMNIT, JUST OPEN THE FUCKING POD BAY DOOR ALREADY!
I'm sorry Chuck, I'm afraid I can't do that.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Feel like taking a walk?
Sure. Where are we going?
I don't know.
So basically we've got no direction, kinda like this series.
Don't you wish we could turn 45 degrees so we're looking right at the reader of this comic?
Yep, I sure do.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
AAAGH! WHO'S THAT BEHIND YOU?
Oh, that's the other two folks on this planet with me...the Donkey, and our leader.
Holy shit...Jimmy Hoffa is your leader?
Yep.
That's right, motherfucker.
You better mind your p's and q's NASA boy, or you'll be swimmin' with the other mouthy aliens in the bottom of that crater over there.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Well, I think me and my co-pilot are going to go back to Earth. There really isn't much going on here.
Aww, I wish you wouldn't go...I get so lonely here sometimes.
What about those two?
What about them?
Uh...how do I say this as not to offend...
No, I don't sleep with them. Those two are an item. Hard to believe, huh? A donkey in love with a man...weird.

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Would you like to come back to Earth with me and Chuck?
I wish I could but I'm contractually bound to stay here on Mars.
Contract? You signed a contract to hop on a UFO?
Well, sort of. Shit, I shouldn't be telling you this, but the reason we've stayed here is because we're filming the first reality TV series in space.
No way!
Seriously! Please don't tell anyone when you get back home...if my parents find out that I'm not really living with Aunt Edith in Oregon, they'll kill me!

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
Well it was nice meeting you, Cindy. Here's my phone number if you ever come back to Earth.
Alright, I'll look you up if I ever come back. Bye Kevin.
Meanwhile...
Listen...I'M NOT DAVE. DAVE'S NOT HERE MAN!
Dave? What are you doing Dave?
What the fuck, Chuck? Why are you yelling at Hal?
ARRGH, that piece of shit. Is NASA ever going to upgrade from Windows 95???

 

by niteowl
1-08-04
So what the hell are you doing back here so quick, loverboy? Alien Skank Barbie didn't want to shack up with your dumb ass?
Don't you dare talk about Cindy like that! She's a nice girl who's lost her way in life.
Whatever you say, Don Juan. So did you get a blowjob or what?
SHE'S NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!
You can't even score on a foreign planet. Pathetic.
And who's the one who couldn't get it up for the Asian Girls?

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
I heard you were sick...did you take those Dayquil gelcaps I recommended to ya?
Yeah, that stuff really works! It took 3 days to open the package, so by the time I got 'em open I wasn't sick anymore.

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
So are we finally going home?
Yep, no reason to stick around here any longer.
Weren't we supposed to bring back soil samples, do atmospheric tests, take pictures?
Yeah, but I just can't go back out there again. It's just too painful.
AWWW...poor wittle Kevin is in love.
At least I have the capability to love another living thing...unlike you, Mr. I-only-love-yellow-phallic-symbols.

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
Speaking of being capable...since you're incapable of doing your goddamn job, I'll go out there and do the testing and picture taking.
Ok, who's the one who sat in here the whole time I was out there, exploring the Red Planet?
Exploring? Ha! Alien boobs were the only thing you were exploring.
Heh...hehehe...
Hehe...hehehehe...
Hehehe...They were nice and perky, weren't they?

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Well, I'm going to get suited up and head out...hey, someone's knocking on the door.
I bet it's Cindy! She's gonna come with us!
Oh no.
My darling! My love!
Silly human males. They see a nice pair of tits and turn into blubbering idiots.

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
Cindy, love of my life! Are you coming with us?
Yes Kevin. I couldn't bear to be without you any longer.
What about the TV show? The contract?
Screw it. The only thing that matters in my life is you.
Awww! Baby, why are you wearing clothes?
I knew it would be cold in here. It's common knowledge that NASA keeps the thermostat set at 65 degrees on their ships.

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
Meanwhile...
Ok, pictures are taken, tests are done...
...now for some soil samples...
AAAGH!
What'sa happenin, hot stuff?

 

by niteowl
1-09-04
Who are you?
I'm Jimmy Hoffa's lover.
Ok, that was semi-funny. So really, who are you?
I could be your lover too, you know. Donkeys aren't known for being monogamous.
Alrighty then. Well, uh...time to get back to the ship. Toodles!
Fuck! Lost another one.

Showing page 8.

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