All comics by southlondon

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by southlondon
10-20-06
So did the plot fairy say how long we had to stay in Manchester?
No. whatever's waiting for us will probably just find us there.
And we don't have a hotel, campsite, or anything?
Nope. Take it up with her.
You called, meatbag?
Oh for fuck's sake, go back to sleep!

 

by southlondon
10-20-06
Hey, just a few hours now.
Hey, how are we fitting eight people in this car?
Well, Bruce and Pete are squatting in the boot.
Yeah, but isn't that really dangerous?
I whole heartedly agree!
Shut up back there! And where's my coke?

 

by southlondon
10-20-06
Come on, let's play Summer Jams!
No! I hate that song.
Summer Jams!
You don't even like that song. You just want to play it to annoy me!
He knows too much, precious...

 

by southlondon
10-20-06
Well, this is...some way to spend my birthday.
Well, do you really think we'll be out of Manchester in time for my birthday?
Uh...you lot? There's something wrong with the engine!
See? Now stop whining.

 

by southlondon
10-20-06
So the car's totally stopped?
Yep, I dunno what's wrong but we're not moving.
Well, someone needs to walk down the road and find help.
That's another problem. We went off road a few miles back, it's just been a dirt trail for longer than I can remember.
I'd vote Neil to walk down though.
Me too man, me too.

 

by southlondon
10-20-06
So we're trapped in the middle of nowhere?
Yep. The ground's bone dry so there's no tire tracks, so now way of knowing the way back to the road.
And where's the plot fairy gone to?
She vanished when the car stopped.
So we're meant to be here?
Yep. In a creepy forest, miles from anywhere. I wonder where that can go?

 

by southlondon
10-22-06
Hey Bruce, what's wrong?
It's nothing. I just...thought I saw something in those trees over there.
Right, someone saw something in the bushes, that's the last of the 'horror movie scenario' checklists.
Now, as we're in such a situation, we have to follow the rules. One, no sex. Two, no drugs or alcohol and three, no one goes off alone.
Well, Neil shouldn't have any problem with the first part.

 

by southlondon
10-22-06
Okay, it's nearly dark, and we need to set up camp for the night.
Can't we all just sleep in the car?
No, there's not enough room. Anyway. We need to split into teams of two to find wood for the fire and stuff you make tents out of.
Hey Andrew, let's...
Why God, why?

 

by southlondon
10-22-06
Have we found any firewood yet?
We'll find it.
Why's that?
There's trees about.
(Theme from Dragnet plays)
Why's that?
We're in a wood.

 

by southlondon
10-24-06
Later, around the campfire...
...It was a dark and stormy night. Nichael and Nancy were staying in the old abandoned house.
So Mitchell and Nancy, or was his name Michael? I dunno. So anyway, Michael and Nancy...
He tells a CRACKING story
Like a very small but very real cock...

 

by southlondon
10-24-06
...and when she woke up in the morning, her friend was dead, and on the wall, written in blood, was "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?"
Wow, now THAT was a good story.
Anyway, we could do with some more marshmallows.
There's some in the car. Who wants to go get them?
Shortly...
Fuckers!

 

by southlondon
10-24-06
Right, there's the marshmallows. Time to get back to camp.
(Crackle in the bushes)
What the hell was that? Jesus, I'm scared. There's sweat all over my jeans.
At least I hope that's sweat.

 

by southlondon
10-24-06
I'm warning you guys...whatever you're trying to do, stop it. I know it's you making that noise.
(Ominous silence)
Hello?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Oh my God, that sounded like a scream!
That sounded like Neil! Come on!
He-he's gone!
Shh! I'm in mourning

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Well I'm going to find my friend even if everyone's convinced he's dead! I care about Neil!
Well, actually, if he's gone, I'll get the full brunt of the virgin jokes.

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
These woods are pretty scary though. I'm sure Neil's alive! He's probably playing a joke on us.
(Gulp) Oh well, Neil's not joking...
"Arghhhhhh!"
Oh my God, Peter!
Shoulder buddy? NOOOOOOOOO!

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Ok people, we're in a serial killer situation.
We need to always stay in pairs and never go off alone. By the way, where's Andrew?
Oh, he went off by himself to squeeze one out.
What?

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Andrew! You're alive!
Yeah, and I just had the best shit ever.
No you didn't, the Brown Bruce was the best. But the important thing is, the killer didn't get you!
I know! And I wasn't exactly quiet either, I was grunting, heaving...
Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
But you know what that means, right? Everyone was gathered in the circle, and the killer didn't strike. That means THE KILLER IS ONE OF US!!!!

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Okay, all the voting slips are in. I have five for Sean.
What? How could you accuse me of being the killer? Unanimously?
Oh wait, I have one more voting slip here. It says "Whey in the face."
He he, had to get that one in.
What? That doesn't prove I'm a killer!

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Hey guys, now Sean's been apprehended, I'm going to go off alone and finish off my shit.
Hey guys, now Sean's been apprehended I'm going out to find more firewood.
And I lost my shoe running about. I'm gonna go look for it.
Damn, now all our alibis are fucked.

 

by southlondon
10-26-06
Okay, I'm back.
And I found my shoe.
Phew, thank God. But I can't help think we're missing someone.
"BRAP! BRAP! Take that you evil psycho! Wait! Don't come any closer! No, nooooooooo!"
I think that's Tony!!!
You don't say.

 

by southlondon
10-31-06
Sean! How are you back here? Didn't you just kill Tony?
No, I've been here all the time.
That means you can't be the killer. I'm sorry, Sean.
WAIT! You mean...Tony's dead?
(Sob) Yes
NOO! We shall never hear his laugh again!

 

by southlondon
10-31-06
(Sob) I'm so sorry
I wanna apologise to Neil's mum, and Peter's mum, and everyone else's mum. I made them take this road.
I'm just so scared, I...
Curse my devotion to film references!

 

by southlondon
10-31-06
Guys, run, he's coming!
Too late!
Why hello, Sean
(Gulp) I love shit, but not the stuff that just appeared in my pants.

 

by southlondon
10-31-06
Wha...Tony, you're the killer? But...but how? You died!
Actually, I didn't. I just shouted really loud so that the others would write me off as a suspect.
But why would you kill everyone?
Think about it. I'm the nicest, kindest and most decent member of the group. Therefore, I'm the least likely to be a killer. And a good mystery always has the least likely killer as the culprit.
So you killed everyone just to give the readers a good twist?

 

by southlondon
10-31-06
And now, Sean, there's the little matter of what I'm going to do to you...
No! Get back! Get BACK....
Wha...what? What was that?
That was....all a dream?
And a massive cop out, suitable for only Grade Z shit like Dallas and Two Pints of Lager

 

by southlondon
10-31-06
Shortly...
Well, I called everyone and checked that they're alive and well.
See? It was just a dream. Actually, it was a Halloween special.
But why did I have to have the dream?
Well, I distinctly remember you complaining about underexposure in the last set of comics. I thought I'd make you a lead character.
But why do I have to bear the psychological scars of watching my friends die in an extremely vivid dream?
Psychological scars? YOU? You laugh at rape stories, for Christ's sake!

Showing page 8.

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