All comics by Benco

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by Benco
11-22-03
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO KEN DODD IS
SO YOU ADMIT IT!
NO!
MR GREED, IS IT TRUE THAT YOU ARE CARRYING MR DODD'S GENETICALLY ALTERED LOVECHILD?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
SO THAT'S A YES?

 

by Benco
11-22-03
MR GREED YOU'LL BE LOCKED AWAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME!
WHAT DID I DO
WHAT DIDNT YOU DO
YOU DID DODD
I DON'T KNOW WHO DODD IS
DIDN'T HE?

 

by Benco
11-22-03
MR FUNK, I THINK HE SHOULD BE PUNISHED TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT OF THE LAW
FOR COLLABORATION WITH ONE SO EVIL IS PARAMOUNT TO TREASON AGAINST THE HIVE MIND
SEE HOW THE EVIL MADE ME TYPE "PARAMOUNT" WHEN I MEANT TO TYPE "TANTAMOUNT"

 

by Benco
11-22-03
STOP DENYING IT MR GREED WE ALREADY HAVE YOUR ADMISSION: "[MR_GREED] I BUMMED KEN DODD"
FUNK THIS IS EVIDENCE! WHERE DID YOU ACQUIRE THIS? A WIRETAP? A PRIVATE DICK?
A WIRE DICK
http://makeashorterlink.com/?N2E552D96 IS THIS HOW HE LOOKED WHEN YOU INSERTED THE WIRE DICK?
NO NO NO O

 

by Benco
11-22-03
WHO IS KEN DODD
YOU KNOW WHO KEN DODD IS, MR GREED
MAYBE WE SHOULD REFRESH HIS MEMORY MR FUNK
"He is, and always has been, a family performer. Right from the start of his career, in 1954, Dodd has had clear ideas about what is acceptable in comedy. 'There's a rainbow of laughter' he says"
"'At the top, there's white. You can hear that any time you want - you've got two little lads. It's pure joy. At the bottom there is shock. I'm in the middle somewhere.'"
THESE ARE THE WORDS OF A SICK SICK MIND

 

by Benco
11-22-03
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF MR DODD BEFORE TODAY
LIES, MR GREED
MR GREED WE HAVE PICTURES, WE HAVE PHONECALLS, WE HAVE RECIEPTS
PRODUCE THEM
THE DEFENDANT SHALL NOT MAKE DEMANDS TO THE COURT MR GREED
MR GREED YOUR OUTRIGHT DENIAL PROVES YOUR GUILT MORE THAN REAL EVIDENCE EVER COULD

 

by Benco
11-22-03
"Dodd continues: Then Frank Windsor appears saying: "Have you paid for your funeral? Crack now, or we'll send you off in a bin bag."' AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO "FRANK WINDSOR"?
WHO IS FRANK WINDSOR
"WHERE IS FRANK WINDSOR?" IS A MORE PRESSING QUESTION MR GREED
WE FOUND THE BODIES MR GREED
IF THAT'S WHAT THEY CAN BE CALLED AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO THEM. NO DECENT PERSON WOULD DO THAT TO A CORPSE MR GREED
MR GREED BEFORE I VISITED YOUR HOUSE I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD FIT SOMETHING THAT BIG INTO SUCH A SMALL HOLE

 

by Benco
11-22-03
WE KNOW WHAT YOUR ACCOMPLICE DID TO THE BODIES TOO MR GREED
WHAT ACCOMPLICE
MR DODD OF COURSE
WE HAVE PLASTER CASTS OF THE TEETH MARKS MR GREED
IT TOOK US TWO BUCKETS OF PLASTER
BUT WE GOT THE MARKS

 

by Benco
11-22-03
WAIT I'M THE PRESIDENT
PRESIDENT OF THE GOLF CLUB, MR GREED?
YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME
YOU THINK WE ANSWER TO THE PRESIDENT?
WE ARE ABOVE THE PRESIDENT MR GREED

 

by Benco
11-22-03
MR GREED HOW IS YOUR WIFE THESE DAYS
STILL TAKING HER PILLS?
MR GREED WOULDN'T IT BE A DISASTER IF HER PILLS WHERE SWAPPED?
OR HER CRUTCHES REPLACED WITH LIVE SNAKES?
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME MR GREED

 

by Benco
11-22-03
MR FUNK, MR FISH, NEW EVIDENCE HAS JUST ARRIVED
"Dodd holds up his copy of The Mail on Sunday. 'We live in a crazy bloody world,' he says, as he makes his way back onstage. 'I think we clowns are the sane ones.'"
HE SEEMS TO THINK HE IS IN SOME WAY JUSTIFIED
MR GREED YOUR SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES
METAPHORICALLY, OF COURSE
WELL OF COURSE

 

by Benco
11-22-03
YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS, MR GREED, YOU HAVE ONLY THE THIN HOPE YOU MAY SOMEDAY SEE YOUR WIFE AND MOTHER AGAIN
AND HIS CHILDREN. DO NOT FORGET HIS CHILDREN
YOUR DAUGHTER HASN'T STOPPED CRYING FOR 3 DAYS MR GREED
WE TAPED ONIONS TO HER FACE TO MAKE SURE
NEITHER HAS SHE STOPPED BLEEDING FOR THE PAST 2

 

by Benco
11-22-03
HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT MR GREED
DO YOU EVEN SLEEP AT ALL?
I'M CONFUSED
WE'RE ALL CONFUSED MR GREED
BUT CONFUSION IS NO EXCUSE FOR INSANITY MR GREED

 

by Benco
11-22-03
AH, YES, MR GREED. HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN?
WHEN DID SKULLIE BECOME AN INVESTIGATOR
MR SKULL HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON OUR INVESTIGATIVE TEAM
JUNE 12TH. A DISASTER THAT MIGHT NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF MR GREED WAS NOT CARRYING THIS BRIEFCASE CONTAINING THESE STOCKS AND BONDS!!
MR SKULL, I THINK YOU MEAN THIS BRIEFCASE
THAT ONE CONTAINS MY LUNCH

 

by Benco
11-22-03
FUNK I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE IN LEAGUE WITH MR GREED
AS YOU TRIED TO EAT THESE INCRIMINATING (YET TASTY) BONDS
THAT'S RIGHT! FUNK IS MY ACCOMPLICE
HE ADMITTED IT HIMSELF
LIES, I AM ABOVE DOUBT
THE TRUTH ALL COMES OUT!

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* ^_- WHIPS OUT A REVOLVER AND SHOOTS MR GREED IN THE LEG
MR GREED, DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE
WHAT
MR FUNK HAS AN AIRTIGHT ALLIBY
WE WERE... TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME.
FISH?
I WAS TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME TOO!

 

by Benco
11-22-03
NO! OUR LOVE MUST REMAIN A SECRET!
FOR HOW LONG MR FUNK? ITS PULLING ME APART
I DO BELIEVE YOUR MIND IS THE CREATION OF A MADMAN, MR GREED
AN AGENT CANNOT... HAVE FEELINGS FOR ANOTHER. NOT OPENLY.
ZAMROS DID IT ZAMROS DID IT
SHIT

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* zamros RUNS
BUT I CANT HELP THE WAY I FEEL MR FUNK
* ^_- FIRES REVOLVER AT ZAMROS' LEG
* zamros FALLS DOWN
THE WAY YOUR HANDS MOVE ACROSS MY NAKED BODY, YOUR HOT BREATH ON THE BACK OF MY NECK, THE SWEET WORDS IN MY EAR - I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT
NONE OF US CAN MR FISH, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD GIVE IN TO OUR BASE IMPULSES ANY MORE
* ^_- LEAVES THE COMPLEX.
* Crank HELPS ZAMROS UP AND RUNS AWAY WITH HIM
PARTICULARLY AS PEOPLE ARE SHOOTING AT EACH OTHER AND ESCAPING

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* ^_- DIVES BACK INTO THE COMPLEX AND SHOOTS MR GREED IN THE CHEST
*Funk gives chase after zamros
FUNK, I...
* Funk rugby-tackles zamros
BAALKFHB
NO HES MR ZAMROS
CANT YOU PEOPLE GET ANYTHING RIGHT?

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* Funk punches mr Zamros
WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?
WELL, I HAVE TO GO MOW THE LAWN
* wildkarrdex PULLS A SHOTGUN OUT OF HIS BRIEFCASE
NOBODY MOVES! WE SHALL HAVE ORDER!

 

by Benco
11-22-03
KARRDE WHO ARE YOU AIMING THAT SHOTGUN FOR? AMERICA? OR YOURSELF? QUESTIONS LIKE THESE MUST BE ANSWERED!
I AM ABOVE SUSPICION MR SKULL!
NOT MY SUSPICION FOR YOU SEE I AM THE KING OF DECEPTION
DURING NIXON'S TERM YOU MIGHT REMEMBER ME AS.. DEEPTHROAT
GOOD LORD!
I REMEMBER YOU AS DEEPTHROAT ALL THE TIME

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* ^_- SHOOTS KARRDE IN HIS GUTS * * Funk kicks away Mr Skull's revolver * Fishfood GRABS THE REVOLVER AND POINTS IT AT MR SKULL
ENOUGH
IT SEEMS THAT THE TABLES HAVE TURNED
* Funk pulls out his own pistol
* wildkarrdex FALLS DRAMATICALLY TO THE FLOOR AND POINTS SHOTGUN AT FISHFOOD
* zamros WALKS OUT DOOR AND IN TO ROLLS ROYCE
* Funk presses the secret button, detonating Zamros' car
SHIT

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* ^_- RUNS
MR GREED HAS ESCAPED TOO!
* Funk shoots MR SKULL THROUGH BOTH KNEES
* zamros GOES FLYING AS A RESULT OF EXPLOSION
* Fishfood FALLS BACK ONTO MR KARRDE
* zamros BREAKS THROUGH WINDOW, LANDS ON MR SKULL
ALRIGHT EVERYONE TAKE YOUR SEATS, I HAVE TEA READY IN THE KITCHEN
TEA!

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* Fishfood SITS ON THE TABLE
* ^_- PLACES TEACUPS ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE WITH A SUSPICIOUS SMILE ON HIS FACE
* zamros CRAWLS OVER TO THE TABLE, CRAWLS ON TO CHAIR
* Funk drags MR WILD to the teatable
* ^_- PULLS OFF APRON TO REVEAL TOMMYGUN
EVERYONE FREEEEEZE
OH SHIT

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* zamros DIVES UNDER TABLE
* wildkarrdex CYBER-FIGHTS WITH MR FUNK
* Fishfood DIVES INTO THE INTRAWEB OF DECEPTION
* ^_- FIRES INTO THE INTRAWEB
MEANWHILE, IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, ALMOST EMPTY CHATROOM...
Well i'm glad nobody wants to be with me. it means I get all these Pearl Jam CDs to myself. (But why can Pearl Jam not heal this ache in my heart??? ;v; )

 

by Benco
11-22-03
MR FUNK... I AM LOSING BLOOD....
DON'T WORRY, MR WILD. IT'S A GUTSHOT - TAKES DAYS TO DIE FROM A GUTSHOT
* wildkarrdex DIVES INTO THE INTRAWEB OF DECEPTION
HA HA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME NOW!
WE'LL GET YOU TO A HOSPITA-- HEY WAIT HE WAS FAKING!
AND I REALLY WANTED SOME TEA TOO
* Funk dives after MR KARRDE

 

by Benco
11-22-03
DAMN THEIR INTRAWEB! BUT I HAVE A PLAN! COME MR ZAMROS
* ^_- RUNS TO THE COMPUTER ROOM AND SHUTS OFF THE INTRAWEB PORTAL
NOW THEY ARE TRAPPED! IN THE INTRAWEB!
HAHAHAHAHA
MR FUNK, IM LOSING PACKETS, FAST!
* Fishfood LAGS

 

by Benco
11-22-03
* ^_- SHOOTS MR ZAMROS
AGHL
* zamros PULLS REVOLVER OUT OF POCKET AND SHOOTS MR SKULL IN LEFT EYE
* zamros DIES
* Funk goes to www.xxxlolitas.com
WELL I'M HAPPY

 

by Benco
11-22-03
MR FISH... JOIN ME..... HERE WE HAVE.... WONDERFUL BANDWIDTH..... AND..... 400% COMPRESSION
ITS TOO LATE FOR ME..MR WILD... I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU
YOU ARE MY SON, AND I LOVE YOU
AVENGE MY...
* Fishfood DIES
* wildkarrdex SACRIFICE FISHFOOD.CORPSE
D=

 

by Benco
11-22-03
WELL THAT WAS REMARKABLY IMPROMPTU
WASN'T IT JUST?

 

by Benco
11-23-03
Moose I think I just phone raped my mother!
BENCO WHAT
I was jerking off and my mother called so I picked up and TOTALLY BLEW MY LOAD WHILE TALKING TO HER
BENCO IT'S OK ONCE YOUR MOM CALLED ME AND I BLEW MY LOAD TOO
ZING!

 

by Benco
11-26-03
In tonight's programme, Tanya Andrews discovers a living maggot in her scalp, Mike Leahy deliberately grows a 3 metre tapeworm in his gut and Dr Valerie Curtis explains why being disgusted by parasite
BENCO, SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING, LIKE IN DUCK-DUCK-GOOSE, SPUN AROUND ON THE JIZZ-GREASED FLOOR, GOBBLING EVERY KNOB IN SIGHT.

 

by Benco
11-29-03
HOLY SHIT
AS I WATCHED MY 5th VIDEO OF EJACULATION TODAY IT HIT ME!
...LITERALLY?
That you're not really gay, you just did it to get back at you dad?
I'm also completely naked, except for a sock.

 

by Benco
11-29-03
I WANT PENIS STEALING SORCERY
NONDE USE SCISSORS
God, I'd totally steal someones penis.
NOT THEFT IF GIVEN WILLINGLY
That'd make a great ebay entry.
L@@K!!! LARGE BLACK PENIS STOLEN BY VOODOO!!!

 

by Benco
11-29-03
ARE YOU STILL MAKING SHOWERS?
YES :(
FUNK YOU WERE MEANT TO GO STRAIGHT IN AT THE TOP OF THE MEDIA
LIKE "HELLO, I'M FUNK AND I'M TAKING OVER THE BBC NOW"
OR "EXCUSE ME MR MURDOCH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND YOU'RE IN MY SEAT"

 

by Benco
11-29-03
I planned a coup on Murdoch but was caught. Once in power, I planned to have everyone related to Rebekah Wade buggered and gassed. In that order.
I have a book planned. "My Struggle" by James Wilkinson
YOUR SURNAME IS TOO LONG FOR THE FRONT COVER. WILKINSON WOULD MAKE A PRETTY GOOD FIRST NAME THOUGH
Wilkinson von Dapperchap
YES BUT TRANSLATE "MY STRUGGLE" TO A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE
How about German?

 

by Benco
11-29-03
BABELFISH WILL KNOW WHAT TO CALL YOUR BOOK
"LA MIA LOTTA" BY WILKINSON VON DAPPERCHAP. HOW DOES THAT PLAY?
Sounds like a foreign erotic movie
I'll TAKE IT!

 

by Benco
11-29-03
r we allowed to curse on this? or will like sumthing ban us
Jinx, let me put it this way: I tied your mother down to her bed and thrust my rock-hard dick into her dry cunt until she bled and screamed in agony. ^_^
Amy these guyz r awsum kool u know that?> lol
I'm disappointed. I expected tears and screaming, like I got from your mother this morning
But instead I just get begging for more
Like I got from your mother this morning

 

by Benco
11-29-03
"#RAWR MAIDS FOR PROMOTION OF PLASTICS IN JAPAN" THAT WILL BE OUR BANNER
I WANT TO BE EARTH DEFENDER WILDKARRDE-CHAN
FUNK IS FREEDOM DEFENDER FUNK-CHAN
GOFER IS UHHH GOATSE.CX DEFENDER GOFER-CHAN
WHEN FACED WITH A FOE GOFER TURNS TAIL
AND PRESENTS

 

by Benco
11-29-03
OUR SPACESHIP WILL BE CALLED JEREMY D. JUGGALO
I DONT WANT A SPACESHIP, I WANT A MOBILE SCAT POETRY RECITAL CAFE
KARRDE WITH JETS AND CAUTION STRIPES AND THINGS THAT GO WOOOSSH
No instead of WOOOSH it goes BOOBLY-SCAT-BAH-BAH-BANTATATA
FUNK YES THERE'S A CHORUS OF FINGER-CLICKING WHENEVER IT GOES REALLY FAST

 

by Benco
11-29-03
OUR MOBILE SCAT POETRY RECITAL CAFE, THE "JEREMY D. JUGGALO" WILL INSPIRE FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF OUR ENEMIES
AND BY GOD WE WILL PROVIDE PAPIER MACHE FOR ALL
MEN, STANDING IN #RAWR TODAY, WE WILL MAKE A VOW! NOTHING WILL COME BETWEEN US! WE WILL SAVE JAPAN! NOTHING WILL COME BETWEEN US, NOT EVEN A WOMAN! UNTIL THE DAY WE DIE, WE WILL BE TOGETHER
yes
YES
SEXUAL TENSION GALORE

 

by Benco
11-29-03
* Wildkarrdex POSE
* gofer-chan POSE
* Funk POSE AND WINK
* Project PEACE SIGN
SO UHH I'M ONLY FREE SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS, SO LETS HOPE CHAOS CHOOSES TO STRIKE AT WEEKENDS
I CAN DO WEDNESDAY EVENINGS

 

by Benco
11-29-03
HELL MY INTERNET PIPE'S ALMOST AS BIG AS MY DICK
THAT'S STILL A FREAKING TINY PENIS
I'M IN A SUPREMELY RURAL AREA SO I SHARE IT WITH LIKE 4 OTHER PEOPLE
YOUR PENIS?
WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME
IS THIS WHY YOU ENVY THE DICKGIRLS?

 

by Benco
11-29-03
FASHION QUESTION: SHOULD I WEAR THE RED GOGGLES WITH THE RED TIE?
OR JUST THE RED TIE AND SAY FUCK THE GOGGLES
...
goggles?
tie?
are you going formal scuba diving or something?

 

by Benco
11-29-03
I'm not the finest typist, but I'm quite the cunning linguist.
CHUCK JUST REMEMBER YOU CAN'T SPELL CUNNING LINGUIST WITHOUT CUNT
OR LIST
OR A VARIETY OF OTHER WORDS
Yes, and you can't spell Chuck without "better than everyone else".
because "chuck" is really spelled "no better than everyone else"

 

by Benco
11-29-03
MAN
LISTENING TO TATU LOOKING AT GRANNY PORN
I LOVE FRIDAYS

 

by Benco
12-01-03
this isn't gonna have anything to do with uma thurman is it
OH HEY
IT DOES
AND IT'S NOT PORNO
FANCY THAT
HER NAME IS HILARIOUS IF YOU TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT IT

 

by Benco
12-14-03
I want to tell you all that there is a God that loves you, God loves us so much he sent his son to die on calvary for all mankinds sin, in a single day all the sins of mankind were on Jesus back
FUCK YOU
AND FUCK JESUS

 

by Benco
12-14-03
its the truth
HOW DO YOU KNOW? LET ME GUESS
the bible said so
YEAH WELL IN ANIMORPHS THEY TURNED INTO ANIMALS AND FOUGHT ALIENS
AND THEY HAD LIKE 65 BOOKS WHICH IS MORE THAN GOD HAD

 

by Benco
12-14-03
I believe in God, but I don't go to Church. I don't believe in the creation story, but I do believe in Heaven.
That's all I'm going to say.
You dont believe in the creation story? So the world got up and said oh I think im going to make myself today ladida

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