All comics by DragonXero

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by DragonXero
6-24-02
Our heroes take a short respite at an Inn, and run into trouble.
Pardon, Barkeep, but I'd like two Vanilla Cokes and a plate of Nachos.
We don't serve your kind in here.
Uh, what kind would that be?
Well, you know, heroes....
We begin to see Spectre's abilities!
I am troubled by your lack of service.
*grkh*

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
So, will you serve us our food, or not?
NO, as I said, we don't ser-
You want to give us Vanilla coke and Nachos.
I want to give you Vanilla Coke and Nachos.
And it will be free.
And I will now go pee.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
That was AWESOME. These nachos rule. What happened at the end there though?
Well, my powers work on the weak-minded and the bald, but apparently not so well on the hard of hearing.
I see. Damn this Vanilla Coke rules.
Sure does. I think it's the best thing Coke has ever come out with.
Are we getting a sponsorship yet?
I dunno. Maybe we should hock the Pepsi Twist more.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Think I'll try my hand at that mind trick thing.
What're you looking at, *hero*?
You will give us a free room.
I will beat the shit out of you.
Time for secret weapon... RUN AWAY!!!
Get back here!!!

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
We shall sleep well tonight, and in the morning, go to retrieve the Gem.
Good. I need a good rest after all that walking and nacho-eating.
Very well. I shall see you in the morning.
Alright. I'll take the bed.
You will take the floor.
I will take the floor.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
And thus, the night fell, and our heroes slept with no trouble.
Morning would break soon, and the quest would continue anew.
The Gem of Immaculate Beauty....
HEY, would you shut the fuck up? We're trying to sleep!
I hope he doesn't babble this much through the whole quest.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
The next morning...
*yawn* How was your slumber?
Quite refreshing, did you sleep well?
Nope, that damn narrator kept me up most of the night.
Sucks to be you.
HEY, do you asses want me to quit? DO YOU?!
Yeah, he is such a loudmouth asshole.
I concurr.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Our Heroes continue on their Quest...
Need... Vanilla... Coke...
I told you, no more until we get the Gem. We can stop at another Inn and get food later.
Suddenly!!
HOLY SHIT!! A dragon!!
*rawr* What're you looking at, you pissy bitch?
A surly one, at that. You will move aside and let us pass.
*snort* Sure thing, you silly cunt, right after I swallow you and your buddy whole.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Oh no! This is our first peril!! BEGONE, MONSTER!
What're you gonna do? Hit me with your stick thing?
I will destroy you with my magic! Feel it surging through you!
Bah, feel THIS!
OWWW!!!!!
*snort* Bastard.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Ye shall not escape that easy, monster. Fire doesn't hurt!
Pity. I'll have to claw you to death then.
Kamis Ti Surnus Omni
ACK!
Well, that was easy.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Uh, dude...
I have proven the victor!
Hey, dude!!!
I always win! I a- what?
You're still on fire.
Oh, right. *poof* Much better.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
After hours of walking, our questers come upon the entrace to the Pits of Terrifying Pain.
I expected something... stinkier.
Come on, let's go in.
Wait, lemme survey the place...
What for?
Well, I can't very well run away like a sissy when I don't know how to get out!
Pont taken. I'll help.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Finally, the pits! Man it's hot here.
Well, that IS to be expected.
Hey, I think I see something ahead...
Yeah, up the road, it's the gem!
Really?
Well... It might be the demon who guards it with immortal powers...

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Hello.
GAH!! IT'S THE HIDEOUS DEMON!!!
Hideous?!
Uh, yeah, man, you are UGLY!
*sob* *cry* Hurtful bitch!
Well, that was easy. What a wuss.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Well, that was easy!
Excellent job.
Hey, the Gem is just ahead!
Yeah, let's keep walking.
20 minutes later...
*whew* That was a long walk. Hey, that doesn't look like a gem.
It looks like the most beautiful thing in the world to the person viewing it...

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
What Axion sees...
Mmmm... Athlon....
What Spectre sees.
Mmmm, sweet stimulant...
Can we just keep it?
It's not real. Though, after two days of going without, I wish it were.

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
*ROAR*
DRAGONXERO? IS THAT REALLY YOU?
How the hell did you know?
DNA SCANNERS.
Oh. Well, no matter. Move over Tobor! There's a NEW assraper in town!
IN YOUR DREAM, SCALE-LING!

 

by DragonXero
6-24-02
Prepare to be assraped!
TOBOR HAS NO ASS, YOU CAN'T RAPE ME! HAHA!
Sorry, this is disgusting. We can't show it!
Take THIS, you assfucker!
OW, OH GOD IT HURTS!! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING! AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE BLOOD!
Man. That was kinda fun.
OOooHhhHh SwEeeT MEtaLLic GoD....

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Hey, the Gem of Immaculate Beauty is glowing!
Yeah, that monitor is constantly on.
Uh, again, that's not really a monitor.
Oh. Yeah. I just noticed, the monitor says "Immaculate Beauty '98". Isn't it "immacculate"?
No. Not really. You can look it up when we get back.
I should rend the meat from your bones.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Here's the exit to the Pits.
Thank god, I was burning up in here.
Well, the pits ARE supposed to be painful.
Not really so painful as just annoying.
If you don't quit whining, the pits will get REALLY painful.
Point taken.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Finally, out of that hell hole.
Yeah, my paint was starting to melt.
Why doest thou wear that paint, anyway?
It's corpsepaint. I'm learning necromancy and the dark arts. It's a black metal thing.
Oh. So I take it you wanna be called "Lord Axion" now?
It would be appreciated.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
So, now we have the Gem. Can we PLEASE get some damn Vanilla Coke??
Surely. There's a town just ahead. Hey, just how much necromancy can you perform?
Well, I can summon a couple servants form the dead. They usually die after a couple hours though.
You could have said something earlier. Could have used them against that dragon. My eyebrows are still crunchy.
Well, the problem is, dead people don't attack very well. They mostly gnaw at your ankles.
I am disturbed by your lack of funny.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Wow, nice town.
Yeah, Amaranth. The most modern town in all the land.
Hrm, well, it doesn't look that modern.
They have no army, no need of police, and everyone is equal here.
Wow. Sounds incredibly dull.
I said "advanced", not fun.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Barkeep, two Vanilla Cokes, and an extra large canadian bacon pizza. Make it free.
You got it. Free pizza and Cokes.
Hey, that was cool. God I wish i had your mind tricks.
I didn't use a mind trick... Everything is free here. For heroes.
Minutes later....
...with 512 mb RAM, OH, and an X-Box with all the games!
Will there be anything else?

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Pizza's here, finally!
Mmm... hey, wait... THERE'S FUCKING PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA!!!
Oh no.. not again!
*GROWL* I HATE fucking PINEAPPLE!!!
PREPARE TO DIE, BARKEEP!

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
You are damn lucky I stopped you before you killed him. You never would have gotten that X-Box and computer.
*growl* At least he gave us another pizza.
Hey guys.
AAAH!! THE DEMON FROM THE PITS!!!
WHERE?!?! I HATES DEMONS!
... What a wuss!

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
So, can I join you guys on your quest?
Well, we would, but...
But what?
He'd just run away at the first sign of danger. Wussy.
Well?
Uh, we can only fit two characters in one panel. Sorry.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Well, I guess it's time to turn in. I call the bed! You got it last time.
You will take the floor again.
I will take the floor again.
Good boy.
If you get me another Coke before bed.
Dammit.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
G'night.
G'night.
G'night.
GAH!
I couldn't sleep alone!!!

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
And so, the quest continues.
Well, that was nice. Now on to the Cave of Incomprehensible Darkness.
I hate the light anyway.
I mostly hate that wussy demon.
Me too.
I just wanted a friend.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Here we are, the Cave of Incomprehensible Darkness.
Wow, it's really dark.
Moh!
OH NO! Omlo, the guardian of the caves!
Moh.
His "moh"ing will be the death of us!

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
We shall perish at his hands!
I can handle him. Watch this.
Moh.
Begone, beast! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
MOH!!!!
Heh. Still got it.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
That was AMAZING! Where'd you learn that?
One of the first things you learn in Necromancy. Catchphraseology.
I am impressed.
Yeah, I also know "Whazzaaaap!!"
AAAUGH!! MY EARS! THEY'RE BLEEDING!
At least it's not your anus.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Deep within the Cave of Incomprehensible Darkness...
Damn it's dark in here. Then again, it wouldn't be incomprehensibly dark if it weren't.
*oof* Dammit! I wish I could see.
I think I can fix that.
Oh? How?
*FSASH!*
There.
AUGH! MY EYES!

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
So what the hell is that green light coming from?
The Gem. It's the only thing able to light up the caves.
Pretty nice Gem.
Yeah. Too bad it also serves as the key that will release my love.
So?
Well, after one use, it cannot leave the cave. We can bring it to the front, but if we try to leave with it, Barry Manilow will emit from it. No one wants that.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
WE ARE THE GUARDIANS OF THE CAVE OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE DARKNESS!
YOU HAVE DISTURBED OUR SLUMBER.
WE WILL... ooh, is that Vanilla Coke?
Mmmm, I love Vanilla Coke. Pepsi Twist, too.
I'm starting to think these "monsters" aren't all they're cracked up to be.
I dunno, urge to run away screaming like a sissy is growing...

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
I will destroy you for entering our cave!
Fat chance! Prepare to taste mystical steel, beastie!
Your Vanilla Coke will be mine!
Hah! I will claw your eyes out.
That's not very sportsmanlike.
Hey, a man's gotta have his soda.

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
Spectre's battle fares well...
I WILL USE MY TENTACLES TO RAPE YOU IN THE ASS!!!
Isn't that Tobor's job? Oh well, no matter.
No one is a match for the mystical blade!
AUGH!
*chop*
Loser. I wonder how Axion is fairing....

 

by DragonXero
6-25-02
You stand no chance against me!
Maybe not... but Omlo does! Omlohnis Ressurectus!
Omlo has been resurrected as a servant to Axion!
Om, who?
MOH!! MOH MOHMOH!!!!
The quest is nearing end! Stay tuned for Chapter 3!
Take that, bastard.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
Whew. It's hot as hell in here.
Shut up.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
Axion, it is the time, and this is the place...
DUDE, I'm not like that!
Wh- NO, dammit! Place your hands on the Gem, and I will recite the words that will take us to my love.
DUDE!!! I told you, I'm not like that!!!
*sigh* Just put your hands on the computer.
Gladly!

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
Okay, here goes nothin. "Oh dark dragon of Amaranth-"
Wait, he's from Amaranth??
Thousands of years before Amaranth became a modernized city, the dragon ruled over a primitive village.
That explains his horrible spelling.
You will shut up and let me recite the damn words!
I will shut up and let you recite the damn words.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
Oh dark dragon of Amaranth, grant me my desire, take me to my love, so that I make save her!
I feel funny in my tummy...
AAAAAHHHH!!!! THIS IS FREAKY!
AH! I AM DIEING!
What?
Never mind.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
We interrupt this quest, already in progress, for this message of sponsorship...
Hello folks, we here at the EQOMP, or e-comp, want you to drink Vanilla Coke!
Hell, we do, and it's mmm-mmm good!
You will drink Vanilla coke.
I will drink Vanilla Coke.
Wow, my mind tricks are stronger than I thought!
Mind trick?

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
Axion! We're here! We've done it!
Yeah, where the hell are we?
Some alternate dimension.
Oh, that's cool...
Wait...... DO THEY HAVE PIZZA HERE?!?!

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
ONLY HAWAIIAN PIZZA?! What kind of HELLISH hole have you brought me to?!?!
Settle down, as soon as we find my love, we're outta here.
WE HAD BETTER FIND HER FAST, YOU HIDEOUS BASTARD!!!
Hey, hey, hey, that's going a bit far. "Bastard"?
What about the hideous part?
I don't wear this hood to keep warm.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
So, any sign of her?
Yeah, that's her up ahead. That or another monster.
Wait, we already faced five.
I could have miscalculated.
I wanna go home.
Home is in another dimension. Got a dimensional rift generator handy? DIDN'T THINK SO.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
So ho lo-
MY LOVE!!!
Oh my love!! I missed you so much! I was so lost without you, so alone!
So what am I? Chopped liver?

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
Now that we are together again, let us go home and make sweet sweet love.
Uh, I...
We will go home and make sweet sweet love.
Give it to me, big boy.
That is so wrong.
Hey, ugly guys gotta get some somehow.

 

by DragonXero
6-26-02
And thus, all was well. Everyone was happy....
You will get under my robes and make like a hoover.
I will get under your robes and make like a hoover.
Axion got what he wanted...
Sweet nectar....
Though, it was clear that someone was still wishing for more....
So alone....
Well mac, that'll be 300 drachmarians for the suck, and 500 for the "anal intruder" game.

Showing page 9.

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