All comics by Zimri

 

by Zimri
9-27-06
Today it was reported that former Philadelphia Eagle Terrell Owens attempted to take his own life. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to say as a Philly native that not we are not a cruel city.
We are NOT a harsh, unforgiving group of people. We care for everyone, even our former sports stars, and love them always. I believe I speak for every Philadelphian when I say to T.O.:
"I wish you had succeeded."

 

My other ride is your mom.
by Zimri, 10-05-06

 

by Zimri
10-05-06
I'll admit I'm a spiteful liberal who knows little or nothing about politics.
I couldn't tell you about the issues, I can only tell you about how I feel.
I feel that people who put up a facade of intellectualism to cover up their own insecurities and attempt to force their political agenda on others are fucking douchebags.

 

by Zimri
10-08-06
LizieDivas07 signed on at 2:04:37 PM.
So, Liz, what would you do if I was naked in front of you right now?
kut off ur penis n make a covenant w/ god.
Ohh...
So u came?
Yeah. Same time tomorrow?

 

by Zimri
10-16-06
Beaming down to unknown planet!
Encountered bacon creature, REPEAT, bacon creature!
Attempting to beat it into submission for giant BLT!

 

by Zimri
10-16-06
Eagles VS. Niners
You play prettly good...for fags!
Eagles VS. Bears
Crabby sucks.
Eagles VS. Saints
Hurricane Katrina was God's money shot.

 

by Zimri
10-17-06
Hello....AHEM....is this ARBY'S?
Good. AHEM....UGGGHHH....I want a....AHEM....a roast beef sandiwch the size of my fat ass....EEGGHHH...
What do you mean there's not enough cows in Texas for that?! AHHHHGGG...

 

by Zimri
10-17-06
UGGHHH....hello....is this Taqueria de la Michoacana?
Good. UGGHHH....I need a burrito the size of the John Hancock Tower.....UHHHHHH....
UHHHH....What do you mean youdon't serve fat losers who can't coach!?

 

by Zimri
10-20-06
You really ought to take down that ad.
The one in the Mercury about my card table?
No...the one that says "Free Six Inch Penis"
Ah.

 

You don't hate the smell of crab meat, do you?
by Zimri, 10-24-06

 

If a fool is alone in the woods, and no one is there hear his Jibba Jabba, does Mr. T still pity him?
by Zimri, 10-26-06

 

by Zimri
10-30-06
I really want to kiss you right now.
Well...don't.
And then I told that cock craving slut to back the fuck up!
THE ZIMSTER!

 
by Zimri, 11-06-06

 

WAH! The Republicans were pushes out of Pennsylvania! WAH!
by Zimri, 11-07-06

 

People are like Slinkies. They are essentially useless but its fun to watch them tumble down the stairs.
by Zimri, 11-16-06

 

by Zimri
11-21-06
Mankind has developed in massive ways since the dawn of time. Things like fire, the wheel, medicine, smelting, the harnessing of electricity, the lightbulb, the telephone, computers.
All these things have become necessities in the lives of many, but now a new invention has risen to join the ranks.
Whomever thought up the brilliance and convience of drive-thru liquor stores deserves an award of massive proportions...my phone sex bill.

 

by Zimri
11-22-06
My One-Sided Futile Quest Against Humpenstein
...I drink a lot.
I'm 18.

 

by Zimri
11-27-06
As head coach, I fully accept responsibility for our latest shut-out and our falling to 4-7.
You're fired.
Wanna screw?

 

by Zimri
12-01-06
BIT OFF YOUR ARM FUCK FACE
*droidspeak*
kick this bird dead LMAO!
Make more comics, r0mp, we miss you.
I hope they are 4 me
Boy lover hahaha

 

by Zimri
12-06-06
I'm pregnant.
You're a guy.
No, I'm not.
Ah....
...sorry.

 

"Clean up on Holodeck 5....AGAIN!"
I love my Christina Ricci program.
by Zimri, 1-02-07

 

by Zimri
1-02-07
I am a bigger trekkie than you will ever be.
Agree to disagree. Now we can be Star Trek buddies.
I hope it turns out better than us being porno buddies.
Yeah, that was messy...
...I blame the sheep.

 

by Zimri
1-03-07
I have a solution, Captain!
Yes?!
If we pump the dilithium with a mixture of annyon gases and tachyon pulses, our energy will become poisonous to the parasites feeding off our warp core!
Good God, Ensign Zimri, that's brilliant!
Yeah, just like when you get a mixed whiskey sour at the bar...chases all of the pussies away!

 

by Zimri
1-09-07
Ah, nothing like hanging out in my old bedroom, there, Zimri.
Sure thing, EFish.
So many memories...
Yeah, I fucked on that bed.
...must burn mattress...
I used that gasoline to fuck.

 

by Zimri
1-18-07
Wop!
Heeb!
You dishonorable petaQ!

 

by Zimri
2-02-07
Four bottles
Hey EFish, do you remember that scene in The Devil's Advocate when Charlize Theron slits her own throat?
Yeah.
of Victory Old Horizontal
...would you hit it?
No dude!
10.5% alcohol by volume.
That's the difference between you and me: I'd fuck a dead chick.
As we found out much to our dismay at my granny's funeral.

 

by Zimri
2-28-07
LET'S GETS DRUNK AND LIGHT STUFF ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
YAY FIRE!

 

by Zimri
3-14-07
Oh hot mama's pajamas....ohhh baby....
MY GOD! I'M BEING FUCKED BY A JEW!
............eh.
YEEE-HAW!
OH YES YOU CHRIST KILLING BASTARD!

 

by Zimri
3-16-07
So yeah, I don't think I can trust her again.
...you ever fuck her in the ass?
Yeah.
How was that?
Pretty exceptional. It was a grand adventure.
Did you remember to pack your socks?

 

by Zimri
3-28-07
You want to explain to me why you caused a massive accident?
Well, I leaned over to fondle the eleven year old male prostitue I was ferrying about and my gun fell out of my pocket!
It knocked the beer out of my hand and it rolled under the gas pedal!
...so I had to swerve to get it out.

 

by Zimri
3-28-07
You want to explain to me why you caused a massive accident?
Well...
...I'm drunk?
British other side of the road thing?
...yeah.

 

by Zimri
5-13-07
5am: Mandingo plays poker to support his girlfriend and project BattleBot
Fold!
11am: Zimri schmoozes with ChoadWarrior over business interests
KY is up four points!
Sell!
3pm: Efish wakes up up with some random lush floozie
Need a drink!
Need to have a shit!

 

I'm back.
by Zimri, 11-15-07

 

by Zimri
11-26-07
So I have not ejaculated in a week.
My balls feel as if they will explode.
Ladies, for a free lunch, note the cell phone number above.

 

by Zimri
11-30-07
www.SonsofBen.com
My name is Luke. I am 23, barely employed and I live with my parents.
www.SonsofBen.com
Now get in the van, bitch.

 

by Zimri
11-30-07
www.SonsofBen.com
I am Luke. I am a mid twenties pervert with a heavy alcohol and tobacco habit with little to no prospects for the future.
www.SonsofBen.com
Now get in the van, bitch.

 

by Zimri
12-23-07
I have recently claimed my English soccer allegiance.
You cheeky bugger!
Fulham.
I am a West Ham man.

 

I'm reading Rolling Stone
You mean the “Republicans are Evil” magazine?
by Zimri, 1-15-08

 

I'm back..and more drunk than ever.
by Zimri, 2-11-09

 

by Zimri
2-21-09
The criticism of Mr. Obama from our conservative brothers and sisters is becoming clear.
"We don't really know what the fuck we're talking about, so we're just going to call him a communist."

 

by Zimri
9-21-10
So I'm back. I feel like I'm in my dotage now when I read my previous comics.
I'm 26, I quit smoking, I don't care about politics...
...I'm still a drunk, though.

 

by Zimri
9-21-10
Going back through my old comics I realized something.
I was never really funny, but you guys all let me think I was because I was so nice.
You fuckers!

 

www.Twitter.com/SPIRITSRHIGH
I am God and I approve of this.
by Zimri, 9-21-10

 

Yep, borscht looks and tastes like bloody spunk.
by Zimri, 9-21-10

 

by Zimri
9-21-10
You got the check, right?

 

Yeah you little alien bugger...take it all...you know you love it...
OhhhHHHhhhhHHHhhh
by Zimri, 9-21-10

 

by Zimri
9-23-10
New life form detected. Scanning...
...high alcohol tolerance, razor sharp wit, alluring odor...
I miss when you weren't a faggot, Spock.
Me too.

 

by Zimri
9-23-10
So you got the check, right?

 

by Zimri
9-23-10
So thanks. Now my dick looks like a Hostess reject.
You got the check right?

 

by Zimri
9-23-10
Dear Jesus, how can I be a better Christian?
Well my son, trust in the word and...
...
Did you just shat yourself?

Showing page 9.

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