All comics by 0401040

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by 0401040
3-09-05
Do you have any money I could buy a new shirt with?
I don't have any money, sorry.
Oh. Well, do you know where I could get some from then?
My shoelaces are untied...
Hello?! Are you even listening to me?
Look kid, I'm busy.

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Would you like some coffee?
No thanks.
Would you like some diarrhoea ?

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Are you Patrick Swayze?
Yeah.
Dude your shirt sucks...
Look kid, do you want my Autograph or not?

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Excuse me sir, do you know where the nearest hospital is?
Look kid, I'm busy.
What a jerk...

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Seriously people. We need to start thinking about the environment. If we don't do something soon, the polar icecaps will melt...
Hahahahahahahah!
You're all stupid.
Hahahahahahahah!

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Look, I know you're busy but we rea... Wait... Are you self harming again?
Yes.

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Are you looking at my penis?
Yes.
I'm not entirely comfortable with men looking at my crotch area.
I'M NOT GAY!
Are you interested in child pornography at all?

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Yaahar, can I take your order?
Can I have a hamburger please?
Nay, we're all out of hamburgers.
Well I'll have medium fries
To be honest, we don't actually have any food here at all.
I see.

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Jesus, you have failed me for the last time...
But father, I...
Your words are poison.

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Good morning children. Today we will be learning about 'verbs'.
This is a robot called Verbo, he knows all about 'verbs'. Say hello to the class Verbo...
Ugh! They're so hideous! All pink and fleshy, with their innocent eyes begging me to touch them in naughty places...
Hello children, you're looking happy today.

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
Oh I can't wait till my wife gets home.
Welcome home.
Hello, dear...
Coffee?
It's diarrhoea.

 

by 0401040
3-09-05
What's in that letter today?
Huh?
It's from my long lost uncle Pete.
Really? What's it say?
Actually, there's nothing on it, I was just pulling your leg.

 

by 0401040
3-10-05
You're lying. Who would send you a letter with nothing on it.
The pope?

 

by 0401040
3-10-05
I know why you won't tell me what's in it.
You can't read!
Actually it's a picture of your mother naked.

 

by 0401040
3-10-05
Mother, did you send naked pictures of yourself to my friends again?
I don't think so...
Why won't you tell me what's really on that paper?
Look kid, It's none of your business.
You're right. I'm sorry...
Dude, your mother's nipples are massive.

 

by 0401040
3-13-05
I'm really worried.
About what dear?
Starbucks are thinking of opening a shop here on the moon.
Oh no!
You know they have over thirty different diarrhoea blends?
We can't compete with that!

 

by 0401040
3-14-05
Can I ask you a question?
Just a second...
Can I come over and watch your Star Trek DVDs some time?
Hello?
I'm in love.

 

by 0401040
3-15-05
Ahhr, thanks for coming to visit me in prison, Jesus.
It's no problem
Listen, would you mind busting me out of here?
I'd love to help you but my hands are kind of nailed to this plank of wood.
Wow, that sucks.
Yes, yes it does.

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
Come along son, we have to go to the dentist.
I don't want to go!
Why not, son?
I don't have any teeth.
Oh right enough. I forgot we were robots.
Haha, Daddy is silly!

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
Sigh...

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm self harming.
Why would you do that?
Because I still miss her.
I'm sorry.
She was so beautiful, and every time she smiled, I would smile too.

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
This must be another castle...
... because you're a princess.
I literally cannot believe you actually said that.

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
My girlfriend was telling me you were feeling a little down.
She's not your girlfriend.
I meant... Friend... Who happens to be a girl...
Could you go to the store and buy me some more nails please?

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
Sometimes Jesus, I wonder if it was all a big mistake.
If what was a mistake?
These humans don't know how lucky they are. I have given them free will; I have given them choice; I have given them a beautiful world; but all they ever do is fight each other and blame it on us.
They don't even appreciate anything you've given them, instead they fight wars over how your message should be delivered. So many lies told; So many lives wasted in our names.
I never really meant to cause all this pain.
I know father, I know.

 

by 0401040
3-16-05
Look I'm sorry about all that fuss I made about the letter. I understand it's personal, I just didn't realise it was such a sensitive matter.
I accept your apology.
...and then he said "I accept your apology."
So it all turned out well in the end.
So, do you want to come over tonight?
No, not really.

 

by 0401040
3-21-05
I am conducting a survey, would you like to take part?
Sure.
Thanks for your time, you've been a great help.
What?
Oh sorry, I forgot to ask you the questions.
Stop smoking cannabis.

 

by 0401040
3-24-05
You know old friend, prison isn't as great as everyone says it is...
No-one says it's great.
Are you sure?
Pretty sure.
I see.
Listen, if it makes you feel any better; while you were inside your entire family was killed in a car accident.

 

by 0401040
3-25-05
I wish you could walk with me, under the ceiling of autumn leaves...
...and smile just to see...
...the smile you have given to me.

 

by 0401040
3-28-05
This is my bedroom.
It's nice.
So...
We're not going to have sex by the way...
... Let's go watch Firefly.

 

by 0401040
4-01-05
I have to ask, how do you see our relationship?
It's acceptable.
You don't think we're growing apart?
Probably.
...

 

by 0401040
4-01-05
So what brings you to these parts, Jesus?
Missionary work, you know.
Can I interest you in a cup of coffee at all?
Is it decaf?
No, it's diarrhoea.

 

by 0401040
4-12-05
Are you a wizard?
No, my boy I am not. I am a warlock.
What's the difference?
I don't know.
That's not helpful.
To be perfectly honest, I don't even know any magic either. I was kicked out of Warlock Academy for being a homosexual.

 

by 0401040
5-15-05
How can I help you, scurvy customer?
I'd like a cheeseburger please.
There's no cheese. Or burgers.
Look, I've had enough of this, I'd like to speak to the manager.
I'm the manager.
In that case I'll just go home.

 

by 0401040
5-15-05
Hey God, what are you doing round here?
Oh nothing, just heading to the shop for teabags.
Remember all the good times we used to have?
Yeah, we used to be quite the pair. Have you ever thought about coming back to work for the team again?
Sorry, you know I can't do that. I've got my own things going on. Besides, our views are just too different.
Yeah, I guess you're right Lucifer.

 

by 0401040
5-18-05
I've had enough of your dismissive demeanour towards me. I demand you explain yourself.
I refuse to comply on the grounds that your demand is based on the idea that as my acquaintance you somehow have the right to pry into my life without invitation.
Well can you at least tell me what's on that paper you continue to study?
No.
I hate you.

 

by 0401040
5-18-05
What exactly is your problem?
I don't have a problem. It's your boyfriend who has the problem.
He's not my boyfriend.
He seems to think he is.
We're just good friends.
Whatever. Look kid, I'm busy.

 

by 0401040
5-24-05
There's nothing quite like sitting down in front of the TV with a mug of hot diarrhoea.
Breaking news: Steve Hogarth will never sing again.
HURRAH!

 

by 0401040
6-02-05
So, what's going on?
I think your friend has bipolar disorder.
Wow. That's not good.

 

by 0401040
6-07-05
Listen, I think you need to see a doctor.
Why?
You need some help. You may have bipolar disorder.
Don't say it...
Look kid, I'm busy.

 

by 0401040
6-13-05
Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Yes.
What's your best answer?
Well, I figure that you're supposed to make your own reasons for being here, because everything is essentially pointless.
Ah yes, the beauty of the Earth is incomparable except to the beauty of pointlessness.
I'm cold, let's go home.

 

by 0401040
6-15-05
Happy.
Sad.
Then dead.

 

by 0401040
6-17-05
I went to the doctor about that bipolar disorder you mentioned.
And?
You were wrong...
That's a relief.
... I actually have Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.
Oh...

 

by 0401040
6-20-05
Are you okay.
No.
Do you want to talk about it?
No.

 

by 0401040
6-30-05
It's a fine day today
It sure is.
It's so hot, I had to take off my shirt. Why d...
... Don't even think it.
Damn.

 

by 0401040
7-02-05
It's a wonderful evening dear.
Indeed it is.
Yes, there's nothing quite like an evening spent sipping diarrhoea under the stars with you.
Aw, thank you.
Fancy another cup?
I think maybe you should cut back a little.

 

by 0401040
7-11-05
Please stop doing that.
But I like doing it.
Why?
It helps me forget everything.
That's probably because you're hammering nails into your brain.

 

by 0401040
7-13-05
Reality suddenly seems overwealming and relentless. Linear time by its very nature renders hope obsolete.
Hope is therefore unreasonable. But then again reason is unnecessary according to absurdism.
Sometimes I think too much.

 

by 0401040
7-17-05
I know I've come on pretty strong in the past, but I want you to know that I really like you, and I'm happy if we just stay friends.
...
Huh?
Actually, I really like you too. I've been trying to avoid anything more because I thought it might hurt our friendship.
...
...

 

by 0401040
7-20-05
... and then we stood in an awkward silence for about ten minutes.
Really, that's interesting.
Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
How about leaving me in peace for ten minutes, you self-absorbed dork?
Fuck you.
No fuck you; I have Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, and all you can talk about is your own stupid teenage relationship.

 

by 0401040
7-24-05
What happened?
I don't know.
There's not much time left.
Time enough to say I love you.
Hang on, my shoelaces are still untied.
Diarrhoea, anyone?

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