All comics by Bull_Moose

 

by Bull_Moose
12-31-08
Hey man, I need a lawyer to tell me whether I should sign a contract.
Sure. Step into my office and you can look at my fee agreement and decide if you want to hire me to review it.
Hire you? Fee agreement? Can't you just be cool and take a quick look at it and tell me if there is anything wrong with it?
Oh, sure. I went to college and law school, racked up 100k in student debt, and pay for an office, staff, and insurance so I can give free legal advice to guys who walk in off the street.
Dick.

 

by Bull_Moose
1-02-09
I've got a potential client out front. He looks like the type a partner would want dibs on.
Did you screen for possible conflicts of interest before coming in here?
Trust me, we won't have conflicts with this one.
Damn it! Always screen for conflicts no matter how sure you are that there won't be one. Go run him through the screening software, then I'll talk to him.
It'll be a few minutes.

 

Sorry. We're too busy to take a civil rights case against the government right now.
by Bull_Moose, 1-02-09

 

by Bull_Moose
1-02-09
I'm worried about this criminal case I'm supposed to defend. I hope I didn't bite off more than I can chew for my first time out.
Oh well, I'm probably overthinking it. What's the worst that can happen?

 

by Bull_Moose
1-06-09
While we wait for your bar results, I have a project for you on the BigCorp case.
We got this discovery a while ago. See if you can find anything useful. We'll try to remember to tell you when it is May and the results are out.
Oh hi there. Do you know if the summer '99 bar results are out yet?

 

by Bull_Moose
1-08-09
Hello, and welcome to our bar review class. We will spoon feed you exactly what you need to know to pass the bar.
Let's start with the rule against perpetuities.
Excuse me. Will this be on the test?

 

by Bull_Moose
1-09-09
At the ferry terminal...
What do you mean the 10:05 has left?!?!
...an occasional rider...
Can you believe these people? It's 10:04 and they say the 10:05 Bainbridge ferry just left! What the f*$%!
...doesn't understand that commuters don't generally complain about the ferry leaving early.
Guess you should have been here at 10:03, ha?

 

by Bull_Moose
1-11-09
Hey, Mr. Bigshot. Do you think you're better than me because you have a wall full of diplomas?
No.
Well... I mean that's not the main reason I think I'm better than you.
But it doesn't hurt.

 

by Bull_Moose
1-14-09
Those are a couple of matchups that I would have expected to see before the Eagles at Cardinals in the NFC Championship Game

 

by Bull_Moose
1-18-09
So. How's your hazing going?
You mean bar review?
Oh. Yeah. What'd I say?

 

by Bull_Moose
1-23-09
So a third of 4 million dollars is... what... 1.5 million?
1,333,333 dollars.
Ha. Well, if we were good at math we wouldn't have went to law school!
Actually I took 15 semester hours of calculus in college.
Wow. How come you didn't do something useful with your life?

 

by Bull_Moose
1-28-09
Good evening and welcome back to bar review.
We have 3 hours to review wills and trusts, a class that you atteneded 3 hours a week for a semester.
So, let me start off with 5 minutes of jokes and 25 minutes of war stories.

 

by Bull_Moose
2-03-09
The last night of bar review.
OK. So. That about wraps up what you need to know to get 7 points on the criminal procedure question or questions.
*I was actually told this.
OK. Now. One last word of advice. If you get really stuck on a crim pro question, just remember what happens on Law & Order and answer based on that. That show is usually pretty accurate.*
What? You know we're paying you for this crap, right?
Suckers.

 

by Bull_Moose
3-04-09
I'm sick of trying to explain that I can't know how I did on the bar exam to people who have never taken it. I'm throwing down with the next person who won't accept that I don't know if I passed.
Seconds later...
How can you not know if you passed or not?
Wow. I really did neglect my workouts during bar review.

 

by Bull_Moose
3-10-09
I've finished looking over the partnership documents that your partner wrote and you both signed before he ran off with all of your money.
You have a case, but it's a mess. It's going to cost a couple grand just to get to trial.
Why didn't you pay me the couple hundred bucks to look the documents over before you got in bed with this guy?
It was cheaper not to.

 

by Bull_Moose
3-24-09
So tell me a little about why you want to sue your neighbor.
It all started when I asked him to be quiet at 3 AM because my kitties were trying to sleep.
Eighteen billable minutes later...
Must pay attention to crazy guy. He's strange, but his retainer check cleared.
Then he began parking his Z28 in the spot where he knows I like to park my Prius so I can see it from my kitchen.
Thirty billable minutes later...
I wonder if the Richard Hatch from Battlestar Galactica is ever mistaken for the Richard Hatch from Survivor.
... and then he said the easement didn't cover use by four dozen cats.

 

by Bull_Moose
4-09-09
Good. There you are. I have a deposition this morning, but I don't know anything about the case or the client. I need you to cover it.
Gee, as much fun as that sounds like, bar results haven't been released yet, so I can't.
Crap.
Stop walking around the office until after you've been told that you passed. It's confusing.

 

by Bull_Moose
4-17-09
I need your advice. I have a client who wants to fight over a $1000 difference in a settlement offer.
I told him it will cost him at least $20,000 to go to trial, so he should just cut his losses and take the offer.
But he won't listen. He says it's the principle of the matter. What should I do?
What should you do? Start looking at sports cars. Stupid fights over principle is where we make our money.

 

by Bull_Moose
5-04-09
Congratulations on passing the bar. When I heard I had some pleadings delivered to your office so you could get right to work.
So, if you could get a response brief together by tomorrow morning, I'd appreciate it. Now I'm off for dinner and extramaritals with my mistress.
He passed the bar. What a dumbass.

 

by Bull_Moose
5-15-09
After law school graduation:
Now that you're done with law school can you help my friend with her legal problem?
First I have to pass the bar exam.
After passing the bar:
Now that you've passed the bar exam can you help my friend with her legal problem?
First I have to watch the bar association's videos, pay my fees, get sworn in, and wait for my bar card to arrive.
After all that other stuff:
Now can you help my friend with her legal problem?
What? No, I don't have time for that.

 

by Bull_Moose
6-05-09
I'm ignoring that. I'm going to walk on by...
Just because I'm a new lawyer hungry for clients doesn't mean I have to lose my dignity.
Ah, who am I kidding? WAIT UP!

 

by Bull_Moose
7-23-09
Why does he have the right to ask me these questions in interrogatorries? I feel violated!
It's all a normal part of a civil law suit.
Well I won't answer them! Object to all the questions and then send him the same questions! No discussion.
Uh... OK.
Two months later.
How come he objected to all of your questions? You must have written them wrong. And what is this "appearance at motion to compel" that's on my bill?
Seriously?

 

by Bull_Moose
8-10-09
My house is being foreclosed on tomorrow. Can you help me stop it?
It's a little late, but I might be able to help you. Why is your house being foreclosed on?
I haven't made the mortgage payments in 10 months. I didn't have enough left over after my truck and boat payments.
Uh... I don't think there's anything I can do to help you.
I guess the system is just set up to screw the little guy.
Get out.

 

by Bull_Moose
10-26-09
Hey, I heard you negotiated a good settlement offer in the Holbrook case.
Yeah. It's not quite what the client was looking for, but considering the circumstances I think it's more than fair. Once I explain everything to her, I'm sure she'll be happy with it.
Ha! You're hilarious. Don't lose that sense of humor.
Uh...
Later, Widow Holbrook comes in to discuss the offer.
YOU PEOPLE F'ED ME! $#%&#! THIS IS WHY EVERYONG F'ING HATES LAWYERS!
I wish I were dead.

 

by Bull_Moose
1-08-10
I want to continue pursuing this case, but I don't want to pay any more attorney fees.

 

by Bull_Moose
1-08-10
There's a new client fo you in the conference room.
Giving me a new client... this is a bad sign.
Hey, his retainer check cleared.
HOW DID IT WRITE A CHECK?!

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