All comics by joshlomax

Profile

 

by joshlomax
8-25-09
i like your bushy tail.
ummm. thanks.
can i touch it?
ummm. no.
i love you.
leave me alone, dad.

 

by joshlomax
8-25-09
you know you still ove me that $10.
what?
you know. from last friday.
what?
motherfucker, i can survive an apocolypse.
and what about that little hotel you are scared of, huh?

 

steven, when i said you should go home and just cut that bitches headoff.... i wasnt measning litteraly.
oh.
by joshlomax, 8-25-09

 

by joshlomax
8-25-09
im afraid im going to have to write you a ticket.
and im afraid you're going to have to suck my balls.
escuse me?
you heard me Bacon Face.
7-19. we have a situation downtown.

 

by joshlomax
8-26-09
i feel like this tooth is driving me crazy.
maybe you should take some asprin.
or maybe i can put a hole inside my head to releive the pressure.
thats a possibility.
oh yeah, its working.
im getting your job.

 

"Today, my boyfriend asked me what I was thinking. I told him I was considering healthcare plans. In reality, I was wondering what it would be like to be an octopus. It would be awesome. MLIA."
by joshlomax, 8-26-09

 

by joshlomax
8-26-09
i got something to say
i killed a baby today
and it doesnt matter much to me, as long as its dead.

 

by joshlomax
8-26-09
sad news today. king of pop michael jackson died today in his home.
police are still unsure excatly how he died.
more on this story as it developes.
honey, why is the news reporter saying that you are dead?

 

by joshlomax
8-27-09
all you do is play video games all day
yeah. and?
well im tired of it! you need to help me around the house.
you aint shit without me bitch, whos gonna fuck you? a triceratops?
SCORE!

 

by joshlomax
8-28-09
hey kurt?
yeah?
you remember that gun you bought?
yeah, what about it?
yeah, something tells me you should sell it.
why? courtney just mentioned she wanted to go hunting...

 

by joshlomax
8-28-09
say it!
c-c-c cap..
i said fucking say it or ill fucking annihilate you!
ok! ok!
say it!
captain kangaroo raped my mother!

 

steven... when i said you should go home and cut that bitches head...i wasnt.... i mean...oh god...
oh.
by joshlomax, 8-28-09

 

and then i said if you suck it my nose will light up red.
oh my god, i got to remember that one.
by joshlomax, 8-28-09

 

by joshlomax
8-28-09
i dont know what to do doctor. i cant go on seeing him like this.
well, there is one thing you can do, but its really... nah...well...
anything doc. please!
blowjobs. yes, blowjobs. 3 times a day. he will live to see 100.
so.... what did he say? is there a cure?
im sorry, youre going to die.

 

by joshlomax
9-02-09
welcome to lexington memorial.
thanks for visiting lexington memorial. that will be $6,000.

 

its $20 the first minute and $5 a minute after that.
by joshlomax, 9-02-09

 

by joshlomax
9-02-09
thanks for saving me, link.
no problem baby.
how can i ever repay you?
how about finally giving up some of that fine pussy?
oh, im so sorry link... im a lesbian. yeah. so....
next time dont wake me up in a fucking dream telling me to come find your ass, bitch.

 

by joshlomax
9-02-09
Love is beautiful Like birds that sing, Love is not ugly Like rats In a puddle of vomit
Love is beautiful Like the sunshine And the dancing wind, Love is not ugly Like pus And lice And tobacco snot . Love is beautiful
Love is a many splendoured thing. It is not a shipload of slaughtered pigs Rotting and festering In the bleating desert . Love is what love is And love is not What love is not

 

MAGRATHEA!
by joshlomax, 9-03-09

 

its "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A." jesus. thought you were a pro...
by joshlomax, 9-03-09

 

by joshlomax
9-04-09
he doesnt give a shit about what you or anyone thinks. he once skull fucked a grown man to death.
motherfucker, its 10:30, breakfast is over bitch!
fuck.
he killed his ex-wife. twice. he escaped prison before he was incarcerated.
bitch i said sprite! not no fucking lemon-up! whore!
im so sorry...
he put a corpse in your bed as a joke. he is : The Most Dysfunctionally Interesting Man in the World
i dont always drink beer, but when i do i drink... tres equis. stay thirty bitches. via con dios.

 

by joshlomax
9-09-09
speaking of cooking.... whats your favorite kind of beans.
les.
huh?
*sigh*

 

by joshlomax
1-10-10
who is it?
house keeping.
come back later.
you want some towels?
i said FUCK OFF !
tourist are such assholes...

 

by joshlomax
1-10-10
ive fucking had it
had what?
this feeling of loneliness.
maybe you should be with all the other lonely people. where do they all come from?
*sigh*
hey thats a good idea for a song isnt it?

 

by joshlomax
1-10-10
that'll be $250.
there seems to be a misunderstanding...
no, you said "HO HO HO" and now i'm here.
thats not what i meant...
bitch! give me my money!
rudolph! get the sleigh ready...

 

by joshlomax
1-10-10
so..... um.... how about them zombies......?

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