All comics by Brady

Profile

 

by Brady
12-04-03
My name is Beatrice!
I work here in the City Café! I'm surprised I've not been fired for being rude to customers!
I'd like some coffee, please!
Coffee? You don't need NO coffee! You need some color! Can you say, "Colored pencils!"?

 

by Brady
12-04-03
Could I possibly get some coffee, please, miss?
Ummm...
I really shouldn't be thinking what I'm thinking right now...

 

by Brady
12-04-03
Service!
Well...I...you see...things...
Who the hell do you think you are?! Do you think you are God's gift to Earth?! Are you on some sort of mission to save the world that you need your damn coffee right this very minute?!
What was that?

 

by Brady
12-04-03
Can I have some coffee, please?
Well, aren't you just the sweetest little thing?
That's what my mommy says too!
I was kidding, hun. What? You think I like kids?
Everybody likes kids!
Do you wanna know what happened to the last kid that came in here? Well, let's just say that that was the BEST hazelnut latté that I have EVER had!

 

by Brady
12-04-03
Can you spare some coffee for a dying man?
Of course!
Oh, thank you, kind woman! You will be rewarded greatly in Heaven!
I just have one question.
Ask anything. I will try to answer for you have been so kind to me.
Will you be needing any Vicodin in your coffee today?

 

by Brady
12-04-03
I'd like a café mocha please.
No.
Why not?
We only serve to colored cartoons here.
Would that be considered racism?

 

by Brady
12-04-03
Ahh, my first vacation!
Where's my coffee!
I could be wrong, but I think I need a longer vacation...

 

by Brady
12-05-03
I...need...coffee!
You need up out of the floor! Is your leg supposed to look like that?
I was hit buy a bus on the way here to get coffee! Please, I NEED it!
Wow...
coffee...
Now here's a dedicated customer!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
What on earth is going on, Beatrice?
It is NOT pretty!
What's not?
The poor guy never saw it coming!
What?!
He...He...overdosed on coffee! It's my fault! I should have stopped him when I had the chance! What a world! Oh well, back to work...

 

by Brady
12-05-03
Kkyuerster fiverateru nickkklufte ferd?
Hikfo dihfueq buzax ju!
Erfe dux gyft?
Wosdu!
What a bitch!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
Oh, what beautiful mountains!
Look! A squirrel!
Could I get a cappuccino?
Damn...thanks, lady! You ruined a perfectly good daydream!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
...and this is where we make the coffee you drink!
...
...
Sir, I think you need to quit staring at my breasts.
...

 

by Brady
12-05-03
I sure hope this new drive-thru idea works!
I have been hired to kill you for you are too rude to people.
You really don't want to do that...
Why? I'm being paid good money!
'Cause I got some coffee in the back that I sent to Chernobyl a few years ago...

 

by Brady
12-05-03
I love the sea!
Deary, do you think you could get me some coffee?
Yeah...
As soon as you give me that necklace you threw into the ocean at the end of that movie!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
Beatrice finally gets a man down in the basement...
So, we're alone...and it's dark...
Yeah...
You said you had something to show me...well, where is it?
I just wanted to show you my little secret place...down here...
Yeah?
This is where we keep the special coffees! Isn't it great?!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
In the alley behind the City Café...
I cannot wait to get home to relax my tired feet!
Give me all you money!! I'm not kidding, lady!! GIVE ME THE MONEY NOW!! THIS IS A GUN IN MY POCKET!!!
I've seen bigger...

 

by Brady
12-05-03
I love Christmas! Don't you, Beatrice?
Of course, Harold! I love all the presents...
Me too!
...the love...the sharing...
?
...and especially my New Year's Resolution when I plan to start dating better men!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
WOW!!! You are one SEXY beast!
Yes...I am rather fabulous, aren't I?
Would you want to go on a date with me?
I only date guys who are colored.
Why?
Because every time I look at a non-colored cartoon, I think of Michael Jackson for some reason...

 

by Brady
12-05-03
People say that I'm heartless...and unsympathetic...
...and cruel...and loud...and mean...do you think I'm any of those things?
This letter is telling me that I've got cancer, but the doctors think I'll pull through!
Well, at least you won't lose any hair during chemo!

 

by Brady
12-05-03
I have had no customers today!
Wonder what's going on?
The shop down the street is giving away free doughnuts!
Well, there goes my policeman population!

 

by Brady
12-06-03
Could you, like, you know, get me, like, a no-fat low-calorie no-caffeine, like, espresso mochiato?
How many "likes" would you need with your espresso mochiato today?
I, like, have no idea what you're, like, talking about, you know?
Actually...
I don't! Could you, like, be so kind as to, like, explain or something?

 

by Brady
12-06-03
OOGABOOGA! BOOO!!!
...
Did you miss the sign on the door that said, "We only cater to colored cartoons."?

 

by Brady
12-06-03
One breve, please.
I have no idea what that is. Why can't you people just use simple terms like, "I'd like a coffe with cream and sugar, please!" Or maybe, "Just give it to me BLACK!" That would make my job easier!
A breve is an espresso steamed together with half-and-half!
We don't do that fancy European stuff here. We only serve coffee.
A breve IS coffee!
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to exit the café, miss. I don't like your cocky attitude.

 

by Brady
12-06-03
Could I please get just a plain black coffee, please.
I'm sorry, sir. There are no dogs allowed in the café.
Excuse me, kind woman? I don't own a dog.
Oh, really?
?
Then what's that smell?

 

by Brady
12-06-03
And now for the local news! Fred?
Thank you, Karen! I have decided come out of the closet and to marry my longtime boyfriend, Larry!
Umm, we were supposed to go to the City Café to interview Beatrice about her support for the coffee pool!
Of course! Now we go live to Beatrice at the City Café! Beatrice, tell me. Do you support the gay community?
Umm, yes. This is where the marchers come for coffee after the Gay Pride Parade. Of course, I give free coffee in return for make-up lessons from the drag queens...

 

by Brady
12-06-03
May I have a coffee, please?
Can you ask me in French?
Peux-j'avoir un café, s'il vous plâit?
OK, smarty pants, how about German?
Mag ich ein Kaffee haben, bitte?
Do you even have a life?

 

by Brady
12-06-03
Could I get a refill?
Don't you think you've had enough, Bert?
*Hiccup* What are you talking about, Beatrice?
I think you know, Bert. I think you've had too much!
No, I haven't! Just refill the damn mug!
OK, but I can't put the vodka in it this time!

 

by Brady
12-06-03
I HATE working the morning shift.
The night shift always leaves me a mess. All these early morning freaks looking for a quick fix to their lethargy. Let's shed a little light on the situation...
Oh my God! Is that a guy BATHING in my coffee?! Sir, Sir! That's against the health code! Sir! You better put that finger away! Oh, that's not a finger? Oops, my mistake! Could've fooled me!

 

by Brady
12-06-03
My twin sister...
YOU'VE GOT 10 MINUTES, LADIES!!!
How's it goin', sis?
You know...that coffee you send me every month has replaced the drug ring around here...and the money it brings in is...well...OK...
OK? MY coffee brings in "OK" money?
Well, I AM a millionaire, if that's what you mean!

 

by Brady
12-06-03
COME TO THE CITY CAFÉ FOR A FREE CUP OF COFFEE WITH EVERY PURCHASE!! IT ONLY LASTS UNTIL 10 A.M., PEOPLE!!!
Hello, sir! Free coffee today!
Hello, I just moved to the apartment across the street, and I think you are the most beautiful vision there is to behold! What's your name?
That is the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me! My name's Beatrice!
Oh...I've heard about you...

 

by Brady
12-06-03
Finally, a café that caters to my colored brothers and sisters!
YEAH!! Down with the colorless! Who needs 'em anyway?!
But...you're a white lady!! Do you hate your own people?
My own people? What are you talking about?
You don't like white people?
YES! I like white people! It's just that I can't stand cartoons that aren't colored in!

 

by Brady
12-19-03
People complain all the time! What is it with these people? God, I hate my job! Send me a boyfriend...
Excuse me. My coffee is cold.
You know, you're cute...
?
...but you need some fashion lessons!

 

by Brady
12-19-03
Aunt Beatrice took us on a trip to Europe for our birthday!
Yes! We love our Aunt Beatrice!
She can be embarrassing sometimes though...
Yeah...like now...she's over there trying to show that Italian guy how to make a true mocchiato!
See what happens when Aunt Beatrice gets mad?
Countries cease to exist...it's actually pretty sad...

 

by Brady
12-19-03
Hey, look! There's a bull!
Oh, it's rampaging toward me! How cute! Oh, the ass on that matador is WOOHOO! Tell the science world I have found the result of global warming!
¡Por supuesto, cariño! ¡Enseñeme lo que tiene! ¡Sí! ¡Esta es la moda que me gusta!

 

by Brady
12-19-03
Ms. Beatrice could I ask you a few questions?
For what organization?
My school newspaper.
Why, of course! I love contributing to education!
You do?
Yeah! As long as you quote me as saying, "FUCK!" a lot!

 

by Brady
12-19-03
We have computerized the café now. Let me check and see how many people need coffee delivered.
YOU HAVE...192...NEW COFFEE MESSAGES.
OK...where is the "Delete" key...

 

by Brady
12-25-03
Oh my God! It is COLD!! It must be 20 below out here!!
Thank God!! There's a coffee shop!!! Some coffee will warm me up for sure!!
Ma'am, I need some coffee!! I would pay double for it!! TRIPLE EVEN!!
Well, you must really be cold!! Well, today's Christmas and all we serve on Christmas is eggnog...

 

by Brady
12-29-03
Oh God! Here comes that girl again!! She wants something every time!! Her coffee's too cold...or her cream wasn't creamy enough...what was her name? Dagmar?...
Hi, Beatrice!! I just had a question.
Nope. I'm sorry! Can't do it! Way too busy today...I'm going back the the kitchen to make more coffee...thanks for coming!! See ya later!!
What?! What kind of public establishment can't play DISCO?!?!?!

 

by Brady
1-03-04
You know, Beatrice is really rude to everybody. Maybe I should teach her a lesson...
HEY, BEATRICE!! CAN YOU COME HERE FOR A MINUTE?!
WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW, DAGMAR?
I just wanted you to play some disco. Can't you do that for me? I'll wash cups for you one day...! ------------------ Oh, I love you!!!
Cups, huh? Tell you what: you run to Wal-Mart and buy a CD, I'll play it for you every time you come in here. K?

 

by Brady
1-10-04
Hello, Ms. Beatrice, my name is God.
God is a machine? I'm confused...
Who else do you think could come up with a world that would run so efficiently? A human?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I just have one question. How did you come up with coffee?
Think of my battery. Humans need an energy source too. If you took their coffee away, they'd die. Though you could take over the world then!
So, if I took your battery...

 

by Brady
1-20-04
Hey, Beatrice...why are you so blue looking?
I got a letter today...
A letter? That sounds wonderful!
Yeah? Imagine the entire state of North Carolina that you're not good enough for them!
That kinda sucks, Beatrice. I'm sorry. Well, can I get some coffee?
Sure, just let me go stir in the ashes...

 

by Brady
1-20-04
What a barren wasteland? What did this used to be?
Oh, uh, North Carolina...
How did you do this and why?
Well, they sent me a letter rejecting me for something so I made a "special" brew of coffee...unfortunately, it wasn't too environmental...
I could use someone like you on my team, Beatrice!
Don't piss me off, Satan...

 

by Brady
1-20-04
What a barren wasteland? What did this used to be?
Oh, uh, North Carolina...
How did you do this and why?
Well, they sent me a letter rejecting me for something so I made a "special" brew of coffee...unfortunately, it wasn't too environmental...
I could use someone like you on my team, Beatrice!
Don't piss me off, Satan...

 

by Brady
1-20-04
Ms. Beatrice, you're under arrest for destroying the entire state of North Carolina and turning it into a barren wasteland...
Yeah, yeah! When do we get to the strip search?
Hey, Satan, I need you to do me a favor...
Yeah, anything for you, Beatrice!
Thanks for helping me totally wipe North Carolina off the map, God! I owe you one!
Actually, Satan, you owe me an eternity!

 

by Brady
1-30-04
HA!! YOU BLINKED!!
I do NOT believe this...

 

by Brady
1-31-04
Beatrice, I need coffe and lots of it!
You look like shit, LZOORUMEKSLKJHUH. What's wrong?
My boyfriend sent this letter this morning breaking up with me! *sobs*
Really?! Well, you know...
Oh, wait! *sniffle* In the P.S. he said, "Never mind!" He changed his mind! We're still together!! YAY!!!!
Damn, and I wanted to string the bastard up by the toes and dip him in a vat of superheated espresso...

 

by Brady
1-31-04
Hey, can I get an espresso...and a doughnut...yeah, with sprinkles?
Would you be requiring anything else for your consuming pleasure?
How about a dollop of whipped cream?
Sure thing, pal! Can I say something without hurting your feelings?
Sure! As long as it's not about my lips!
Of course not! All I wanted to say is that your cartoonist needs to be shot!

 

by Brady
1-31-04
Umm, excuse me? Do you carry Dr. Atkins?
Well, I don't know. That depends on how heavy he is!
No! Dr. Atkins is a diet guru! He has many products to help you lose weight! And speaking of heavy, it wouldn't hurt for you to try it!
Excuse me?!?! Are you calling me fat, Ms. Thang?
No, I didn't mean--
I suggest you leave before you get bitch slapped!

 

by Brady
1-31-04
I support our young voters!
I support medical benefits for the elderly!
I support a public NO SMOKING policy!

 

by Brady
1-31-04
I support...hippies? Ok, I can work with that! I support nostalgia!
I support freedom of speech and expression! It doesn't matter how freaky you are!
I support immigration!

Showing page 1.

Next »