All comics by El_Paulo

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by El_Paulo
8-14-03
So..... fire's bad

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
I've been getting reports of loud music coming from these premises

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Oh my dearest Rocker Dave, my love for you can never fade, and as long as the sun is in the sky, my love for you shall never die

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Brains..... brains.... brains... brains... brains... brains... brains...

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Hello Rocker Dave... is Carl home? He left his saddle round my house last night.
Yunno.... Carl?
Carl's friends suck

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Hey Charlie... have you spoken to Carl lately? He just seems to spend all his time around at Rocker Dave's house
I'm wearing his pants
I just... w-what? His pants?
Yes
Can I ask why?
No

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Anyway, I think we should go over there and have a word with Carl and Rocker Dave
Agreed
Woooo! I'm on a ball! Woooooo!

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Rocker Dave, we need to talk
Me, you, Carl and Charlie need to sit around and discuss this like grown-ups
He's not listening, Charlie

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Listen Rocker Dave, can you stop rockin' for just one second?
Holy shit

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
What happened to Rocker Dave?
He blew up
Well that's a kick in the teeth
Are you asking me to kick you in the teeth?
I think so, yes
I'll get my ice skates...

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Hey Carl, I have some bad news... Rocker Dave just spontaneously combusted
He did? Man that sucks
Now my rent's doubled
You're cold
If you want me I'll be in Rocker Dave's room to see what I can sell

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Carl's such a bitch sometimes
I thought he was a duck
He is a duck
But you just said he was a bitch
If he was a bitch then I'd fuck his little bitch arse off
You too huh?

 

by El_Paulo
8-14-03
Rocker Dave, your time has come, you must now join me in the deepest, darkest echelons of Hell

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
I can't believe we'll never see Rocker Dave again
Are you still hung up on that?
But he only died 15 minutes ago!
Well, yeah, I guess. Hmmm...
I'm just so depressed...
Get in bed, cowboy

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
Thank you Charlie, the thought of having sex while in mourning would have never entered my head, but I'm glad we did it
Yeah, sure
I guess I'll see you around
I guess
My pants are itchy

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
Meanwhile...
Ahhh, my Super-Deluxe-Killer-Bastard-Rocket is finally finished. I hope it doesn't get mysteriously stolen somehow
Oh fate, how you mock me so

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
Early the next morning...
Gah, time to get up
I hate mornings
The fuck?

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
I came as soon as I could - is there really a huge rocket in yor bedroom?
*Pttth*
*Hrrrpth*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
So how did the rocket get in your bedroom? And who put it there?
It must be a motiveless crime
How so?
C'mon, look at me
Well I guess you are a disturbing looking dog who talks, walks around on a giant ball and wears a t-shirt and stolen green pants
I'm so kitch!

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
So what should we do with it?
I say we sell the thing to some warlords and spend the cash on some hookers
That's your answer to everything
No it isn't
Little Johnny isn't fitting in at school, what should I do?
I say we sell the thing to some warlords and spend the cash on some hookers

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
What the hell?
What happened?
I think my bedroom exploded
You have lovely thighs
Thank you, but this really isn't the time or place

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
We'd better go and check out the damage
Good idea
Whoa, I don't remember this being here before
Oh, this is just the spare room
You're kidding, right?
No shit, Sherlock

 

by El_Paulo
8-15-03
So the exploding rocket caused some kind of giant rip in space and time?
It would appear so, yes
So what now?
I guess we just wait

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
Well I see this time-and-space travel business as an opportunity
How so?
In theory we can go anywhere in the world - we could go back to the renaissance, or forward to an enlightened robot civilisation!
...or some rocks
Ooh, rocks, fun!

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
It's kinda hot here
What's that over there?
It's even hotter here!
Yunno Cowboy Steve, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore
That'll do, pig
Wrong movie

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
So where are we?
I'll go check
It's definitely Hell

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
Gentlemen, welcome to Hell! I know you have many questions, so just follow me and they shall all be answered!
Hmm, I dunno... what do you think, Charlie?
Hey, who's that tasty looking guy over there? Hey hot stuff, over here! Coo-ee!

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
My demon senses tell me that you will not be here for very long
Thank God for that
Um.... yay God

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
My demon senses also tell me that you are looking for someone
We're not looking for anyone, are we Charlie?
Are we?
Who do we know that's died recently?
Kelly Osbourne at Knebworth?
Zing!

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
So do you have a friend who recently passed on?
Yeah, Rocker Dave, do you...
WHAT? THAT GUY! I'm supposed to be leading you to him?
You know him?
Yeah, I know that jerk. He pissed us all off, so we sent him up to Heaven
Sufferin' succotash!

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
So if Rocker Dave isn't here, where are you leading us to?
Well, for you to get to Heaven, you must first beat me in a game of chess! I must warn you, I am quite the...
Bollocks, where did they go?

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
Man that place sucked ass
So how are we gonna get to Heaven?
Right here in the time/space rip! Sure, it might take a few thousand attempts, but we're sure to get there eventually!
...or first time round
Take THAT plausibility!

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
Wow, Heaven really is made up of clouds. How the hell am I able to walk on clouds?
Maybe it's one of those things whereby if you stop believing in it, it stops happening
No, I guess not
Looney Tunes lied to me

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
Looks like rain
Don't be stupid, it can't rain in Heaven
See?

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
Hello gentlemen! Can I help you?
Who are you?
Why I am God
Bitchin'

 

by El_Paulo
8-18-03
So are you really God?
Fo' shizzle
But on Earth we had you marked down as an old guy with a big white beard
Yeah, you guys were way off
It all makes so much sense now...
No it doesn't

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
My demon senses also tell me that you are looking for someone
We're not looking for anyone, are we Charlie?
Are we?
Who do we know that's died recently?
Good Charlotte at Reading?
Zing!

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
Is the story of Adam and Eve true?
Kinda, but their real names were Hans and Heidi
Wow, I'm learning so much
But how do you know this isn't an alternate universe that's just similar to Heaven?
Fuck you God
You're too uptight, have some coffee

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
While I'm here I might as well ask the biggie - what is the meaning of life?
I'll tell you when you die
But why don't you tell me now? If I know what it is and how to adhere to it, surely my actions will have a positive outcome on the world, benefiting others?
Go bother Jesus

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
Jesus, as things currently stand, will I go to Heaven?
Well I'm afraid until you embrace Me into your life then no, you will not
Are... are you coming on to me?
Jesus Christ...

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
So how can I get into Heaven, Jesus?
Be good towards others, help those in need
Be kind of heart and do not bring harm to anyone
Oh yeah, and stop fucking dogs

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
Hello Charlie, how can I help you?
I'm looking for a friend called Rocker Dave...
WHAT, THAT JERKBAG?!?!
Um, yeah, right, the forgiving... I forget sometimes

 

by El_Paulo
8-25-03
Very well, I will lead you to this Rocker Dave you speak of
But for you to contact your friend, you must first beat me in a game of Doom! I must warn you, I am quite the...
Bollocks, where did they go?

 

by El_Paulo
9-09-03
Man, Heaven is wicked!
Sure is bro! I'm glad I died!
How did we die?
We were stabbed to death by a crazed hobo
See, if we were still on Earth, that would've upset me, but up here in Heaven I never feel upset!
It's good to be dead!

 

by El_Paulo
9-09-03
Do you think it's impossible to do bad things in Heaven?
Such as what?
I'm not sure... I can't think of anything bad
So we can't think of bad things either?
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I have no idea

 

by El_Paulo
9-09-03
Do you think people who have no consept of religion can get into Heaven?
Like who?
Say a kid was raised in some isolated woods by wolves, and never had any human contact
Would he still act like a wolf in Heaven?
I guess so
Cool, a wolfboy!

 

by El_Paulo
9-09-03
I was thinking... if we had free will on Earth, do we still have it here in Heaven?
I guess so, but we have no need to commit wrongs in paradise, as we are forever satisfied
Surely being eternally satisfied would get boring after a while?
Heaven works in such a way that you'll never get bored
But wouldn't the inability to get bored in itself be boring?
No wonder God killed you

 

by El_Paulo
9-09-03
Do you think animals can get into Heaven?
I haven't seen any about
I guess it depends on whether they have souls
Oh my God! Our goldfish!
Fluffles!
Dimitri!

 

by El_Paulo
9-09-03
I can't believe we bailed on Jesus
He was slowing us down
Why are you in such a rush to leave Heaven?
My pants are getting some disapproving looks
Not from me
You so fresh

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