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| "For sale: One hairy palm, slightly sticky, cums with free tub of Vaseline. Will trade for eyesight back. Call Kr0n1c at: 1(234) 627-8628 or 1(234) MAS-TOB8." | |
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| "Lost: Self respect, dignity, and virginity. Last seen: Right before Ted handed me some school punch. If found please call Prom Queen at: 1(456) 766-3437 or 1(456) ROO-FIES." | |
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| "Lost: Control of national deficit Last seen: Around 7.3 trillion and growing. If found please reduce and return to: U.S. Government 1(800) 937-3828 or 1(800) WER-FUCT." | |
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