He'll be selling crack to twelve year olds next... by Lockheed3-14-01 Okay, so that's $24.99 and a bottle of scotch for your soul. Pleasure doing business with you! Thanks J. Smell ya later! Err...Hi. Steal any more of my customers and i'll break your legs.
The Ungrateful Dead by Lockheed3-14-01 Welcome to hell! I am the knighmare king! Fear me! Hehe, you look funny. You're so hurtful. I know.
Cannibalism Schmanibalism by Lockheed3-14-01 Man...we haven't eaten in weeks... hungry...so very hungry... huh? what? chicken... hey, stop looking at me like that here chicky, chickey, chickey...
A nail in the coffin..well...the head, anyway. by Lockheed3-14-01 Hey Bob, watcha reading? A public service announcement letter. Apparently, hammering a nail into your cranium can kill you. But the government have been letting people do this for years! Damn them.
I'm sure this is what my computer thinks. Bastard. by Lockheed3-15-01 Look at him...typing away...What about MY needs! I haven't been defragged for months! bha...i'll show the bastard! "Fragment: No Suggestions" !
The rhythm's gonna get ya! Did I say rhythm? I meant lawyer. by Lockheed3-15-01 I always wanted my own catchphrase...maybe I should steal someone else's..."Eat My Shorts!"...hehe... Hello. I represent Matt Groening. I'm here to serve you this copyright infringement summons. See you in court. Good day. "D'oh!" I heard that!
A Day In The Life Of Derek Smart by Lockheed3-24-01 On comp.sys.ibm.space.games... Wow...I'm really glad i'm Derek Smart PhD - everybody loves me so much! "You Suck!" On IRC... "You Suck!" Battlecruiser Millennium is the best game ever, and I made it all myself! In the park... I have to be, like, the BEST person that ever existed. EVER! You Suck!
Jesus Holds A Finger Buffet For The Disciples by Lockheed3-24-01 No, go ahead, eat as much as you like! There's plenty more where THAT came from! Err, thanks Jesus Loaves and fishes...again! Do you ever get the impression that it's all he can cook? Hi! Anyone for lobster and filet mignon? I'm seriously thinking about it.
Derek Wars Episode V - The Ego Strikes Back by Lockheed4-01-01 Posting To The Battlecruiser Forum... "...and I found that the Battlecruiser Millennium demo had severe gameplay and compatability issues... " Hey! My message just got deleted! Suddenly... I represent Derek Smart's Elite Guard. Come along quietly, and there'll be no trouble...
Derek Wars Episode VI - Return Of The Ego by Lockheed4-01-01 Derek Smart Continues To Wrestle With The Toughest Theological Question Known To Mankind... no, no, no...I'M the saviour of mankind! You are mistaken, my friend, _I_ am the saviour of mankind! Jerk. Asshole.
End The Suffering! by Lockheed5-13-01 Geez, Lock hasn't done a comic for ages... Yeah, i think he's run out of inspiration Well, at least he's not using any of those phrases that everyone uses all the time... Yeah, i mean they're just not funny anymore... "WAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUPPPP!!!!" "All your base are belong to us!"