All comics by Ribs77

 

by Ribs77
8-06-07
Ughh... holding the corporate retreat at Mt. Rainier seemed like such a good idea...
Then of course my employees mutinied and left me stranded here with this evil penguin...
... who frigging CHEATS at Monopoly!
Oh look, you landed on Park Place with 9 hotels. That'll be $435,000.

 

by Ribs77
8-06-07
You know, a lot of people mistake me for Santa Claus around this time of year.
I can totally see it. I mean, I live in a gingerbread house... the comparison is inevitable.
Of course, them candy canes back there are made from human bones, but you wouldn't know that just from lookin' at 'em.

 

by Ribs77
8-07-07
Spare some change?
Change, eh? What are you gonna do for me?
Uh.... I dunno. Nevermind.
Aw, c'mon. There's a party in my Dockers and you're invited!
Ughhh... I would literally rather shave my own nipples off with a rusty carrot peeler.
OMG, she's talking about her nipples! Close the deal, Melvin! CLOSE THE DEAL!!!

 

by Ribs77
8-08-07
Hi! Are you here for the cosplay?
Yah, totally! You?
Yep, this is going to be awesome! Hey, let's take off our costumes for a second and see what we really look like!
Sure, ok! (giggle)
omfg.
omfg.

 

by Ribs77
8-09-07
So you're Robin Hood, eh?
That's right, bearded stranger.
Cool.
Look, can I help you with something? Because there are a lot of rich travelers I could be robbing right now.

 

by Ribs77
8-09-07
Welcome to KFC.. what can I get you, old man?
You don't know who I am, do you?
Uhh... some old guy?
Colonel Motherfucking Sanders.
Oh shit.
As in, "Is Colonel Motherfucking Sanders gonna get some chicken in a timely fashion, or is Colonel Motherfucking Sanders gonna have to choke a bitch?"

 

by Ribs77
8-10-07
Captain's log, Stardate 41-1223.
Two hundred continuous days of zero gravity seems to be having a hallucinogenic effect on most of the crew, myself included.
Bubsy the Tapdancing Clown, however, seems strangely unaffected.

 

by Ribs77
8-13-07
Are you sure you're comfortable with the bet we're about to make?
DO IT.
Rock Paper Scissors, Break!
Rock Paper Scissors, Break!
Oh dear.
Ahahaha. Get ready to lose your cadaver-ginity!

 

by Ribs77
8-14-07
Aaaand welcome back to Cooking with the Stars! Let's give a big welcome to our next star... Rudy Giuliani!
Thanks Gene.
Mr. Giuliani, what will you be cooking for us today?
Well, in rememberance of the tragic events of 9/11, I will be making a Giuliani family favorite: Freedom Fries!
Um, but didn't the whole Freedom Fries thing have to do with France's cooperation moreso than 9/11 specifically?
Why do you hate America?

 

by Ribs77
8-14-07
So you're the new guy, eh?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Ted's first day at the CIA was a great success.
Maybe go fuck yourself.

 

by Ribs77
8-14-07
I hear you're a guy that can make things happen around here.
Oh sure, I can make "things" happen.
Great. Because I need something to "disappear," if you know what I mean.
I read you loud and clear. In fact, it's already done.
We're talking about hiding the boss's birthday gift before the big party, right?
Oh, my bad. Someone should probably tell Jenkins' wife where she can find the body.

 

by Ribs77
8-15-07
All right, Chen. We're in the supply room. What did you want to tell me that couldn't be said at my desk?
Actually, Ted, I'm going to kick the shit out of you. Jenkins was a key part of my investigation. Now we'll never catch Sanchez.
Holy.. what the f-
You see what I did there?

 

by Ribs77
8-15-07
So I captured Sanchez...
Poor bastard never had a chance. He was all, "No soy criminale, no soy criminale!"
And that's when I ripped his windpipe out with my teeth. Hey, where the hell is everyone?
Under here, Ted. We're legitimately terrified of you. Great work.

 

by Ribs77
8-16-07
Hey Ted, you coming to my party this weekend?
Nah, I can't.
What, you gotta work or something?
You could say that. It's a kind of a freelance project.
Just watch CNN on Sunday, they'll probably have some good aerial coverage of the explosions.

 

by Ribs77
8-20-07
You hear about Mike Vick?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Look, I've already heard this routin---
Maybe go Vick yourself.

 

by Ribs77
8-21-07
Gilroy. My man. I have a question for you.
Okay...
What do you know about re-animating corpses?
For the good of humanity? Or is this an evil plot?
A little from column A, a little from column B.
Follow me.

 

by Ribs77
8-22-07
I'm glad you came to see me, Ted. I've actually been working on this re-animation chamber for quite some time, and I'm eager to show it off. In fact--
Blah, blah blah... can we just make with the re-animating? I have the company torture chamber booked for 2:30.
Sure, I'll just be behind this lead curtain...
Hey, wait a sec----
Did it work?
Jenkins!

 

by Ribs77
8-22-07
I'm... I'm alive?
That's right, Jenkins.
How did I die? The last thing I remember was a... a... a guy in a pink shirt... holding a ball peen hammer...
Shhh.... shhh... you've only been re-animated for a few minutes. Try not to overwork that undead brain of yours.

 

by Ribs77
8-22-07
Seriously Ted... please tell me how I died.
I... it's... it's just something I need to know.
Well, I was going to wait until your family was here to tell you the whole story, but you died heroically in the line of duty. In fact, your death probably saved 10,000 lives.
Wow, really?
Nah, I'm just bullshittin' you. You drowned in the ball room at Chuck E. Cheese during your kid's birthday party.

 

by Ribs77
8-23-07
Are you fucking kidding me? I died at Chuck E. Cheese?
I'm afraid not.
Fuck it. At least I'm alive again.
Tell me, do I still have my boyish good looks?
Would you really consider your looks "boyish?" I've always thought you were more... I dunno... skeleton-like.

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