All comics by SimonB

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by SimonB
1-19-18
... meanwhile domestic quarters within White House scramble on recover mode The Donald' latest gaffe.
Where you from "Little Lady?"
SCHITT'S HOLE CREEK, Wyoming little brother.
WH Twitter Recovery Team unearth the records fo the SCHITT'S Family Emigre to U.S. in 1881 from Germany.
We got a SCHITT'S Hole Pond, in Massachusetts on Old Cape Cod! Seems like some kinda swimming place.
I got a brother vacationing in SCHITT'S HOLE, ALASKA! He texted me it's -42 today.
The Donald, has ordered Gen. Kelly amass a stirke force into Baltimore, the only retailer of SCHITT'S Hole Winter Larger!
Ever been to SCHITT'S Hole BrRewery Co. in Germantown, PA? Naw! I didn't think so. What are you a "Shut-IN?"

 

State Rights have diminished the power of the Federal U.S. Constitution, to such a degree ... today it like ordering A La Carte.
What Rights will you be having today kind young sir?
I'd like Freedom of Expression and oh yea Right To Bear ARMS!
by SimonB, 1-19-18

 

I can create a Perpetual Motion Pellet Gun!
I just need to capture the magnetic poles of the Earth, and unlimited power will be mine forever. Eat my TURD Bowls for breakfast ELON!
by SimonB, 1-20-18

 

When you sad, sad, so SAD!
Let's see if I point this funny Earth object and squeeze this device called trigger BOOM! Cha Ka La KA!
by SimonB, 1-20-18

 

Sub this channel... for what so you get rich? Whada I get? Ya, how bout me!
Be nice! You Tube, will stop Creators of Videos, like JImmy, becuz he doesn't get Subs from his viewership!
by SimonB, 1-20-18

 

I Wanna SUBSCRIBE... duh!
Can you hear me? Hello? Can you hear me? Hello Blue Leader can you hear me?
by SimonB, 1-20-18

 

Squirrel Nation says. Squirrel Lives Matter!
"Aim in this manner".
Did he say, "Aim in this manner". What is this Downton Abbey Basement footage uncut?
by SimonB, 1-20-18

 

Squirrel Nation Protests PEST CONTROL in Wash.,D.C. today GOVT. SHUTDOWNS!
One Pellet One Kill! Still the best start to Squirrel Meat Pie Recipe Grandma, handed down to me.
And so you think what... this is humane? I still BLEED OUT until I die ASSHOLE!
by SimonB, 1-20-18

 

by SimonB
1-21-18
There is no sense trying to make an honest buck$ ... everybody trying to do it! Too much competition.
If I can convice them... then my plan will shake Wall St. to the ground.
Serving my country makes me feel ... good?!#$&
Now... as long as peace doesn't break out an Arms Dealer, can make a living.
I calculate the Kalishnikov' should bring us in $15 Mil.
Yea, we're gonna make a kill'in on ammo resales.
Armed conflict is a beautiful thing. But, when two countries declare their war is freedom fighting some horrrible s**t happens.
SCHITTZ'S HOLE Pond Cape COd, MA U.S.A. ! What kinda society is it when they block out women's nipples, or use asterick's in place of letter to spell out the 7 deadly words?
Bro how can you sell them Kalishnikovs to fight for thier Freedom, Peace Out Bro!

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
Body Language
What's up?
I'm sure I heard Mandarin Chinese
All I hear is your stomach growling ...
That's it my digestive tract is makes sounds like Mandarin Chinese!
Where are you going?
Are you kidding? To pick up HOT ASIAN CHICKS what else!

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
... meanwhile FAKE NEWS, rears it head. Before they used to call it "Yellow Journalism".
Listen to de woids of wisdom wot de coffe cuppa will give yer...
Why is the Sunday Newspapers colored supplement de greartest ting on Earth? Say!!! Dat's to easy. It's a rainbow of color, a dream of beauty, a wild bust of laffter an regular hot stuff!
With bombastic headlines and exagerratiosn of minor NEWS stories tabloids excite the mass crowds.
Tanks awfully!
Der chimmie is in it-funnier dan ever down a song a dantz wit chimmie mc fadden dey will nock you silly.
Flimsly reviewed facts and pretend experts help to propel a stories realism to the mass audiences.
De coffee is the greatest invention nit I don't tink - wait till I get dat foolish Kimberly home I won't do a ting to her we'll say.
I am sick and tired of this stuffy little POm POm!

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
Wow! It's like your allowed to say all those things in a Post Political Correct World!
Like how do you get to do that?
Thought police have ruined our country
Did you ever hear of AMERICA?
STOP! That's a seven letter dirty word!
What if you said the darndest things would you still be the little kid inside the SnoFlake?
NEXT!

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
But I wanna plug those holes in the basement walls to keep the rats out!
I've like caught a 2018 Winter Man's Cold the kind with the exploding head pain and runney nose the one that make your voice 3rd octave lower?!
So let's see your having the New Year Flu variant without deadly strains running amok in your body, have I got that right?
Can I call you when my immune system gets the nuke option rearmed?
Very busy right now. "uh, did you say something?"
Again thanks for your patience and sorry for the inconvenience.
I guess that will be ok? Hmmm... . Flu Germs, better stay away from me for now. But defintely give me a call when your better.

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
Majority Rules, herd mentality, mass hysteria, Political Correctness, Social Media, Democracy, Mob Rule?
If he would just talk softly and speak about nice things, ewe Men!
We're gonna market this to millions of housewives and we want your opinon your thoughts are valuable to us.
Majorty Rule so whatever we want we can have as long as we the "majority" want it?
Were is the Content Marketing Department?
I'm not sure I understand the question. Can you rephrase it? Make it sound more enticing? More... alluring? More seductive?
You can't sell'em that anymore . It's a GLUT I tell ya!
It's all about how we Mass Market to the target audience.

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
How do you expalin "extreme partisan polarization"?
I know, I know that.
Your not listening white people where here first.
How Democracies Die. A treatise on " race and culture"
The thing is we're used to a certain level playing field and your style would force a change.
Style! I'm just being me.
Demagogue appears at this juncture in politics of a democracy.
And... you reallly think you could win the Deomcratic Party Nomination?
Yes! If I speak for the people, then they'll vote for me. Just give me a chance?

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
NEIB'S Asian Tour "The Wedding Day".
Asia wow India is so big.
Are you here for the wedding?
Neib's chat about return home ... .
14 hour flight it was a long journey.
Wow! Nice.
... reality begins to set in.
Which should I tackle first Accounting, Chiropractor, Yoga ... ?
Welcome home Neib! Hug, hug, hug... .

 

by SimonB
1-22-18
Doing his first T.V. interview with the HOst of the local NEWS Show
This is your first time on T.V. be gentle with me Mr. Dilray.
Welcome to Ask The Neighbor, welcome to our show Mr. Dilray.
Dilray is so uptight the T.V. crew have surmised he's got a BUTT Plug in his asshole probably some sick idea of one man's courage... .
What do you want to see the Mayor's office do about the situation?
Well, I thought, that is to say, possible something, what if you, I was thinking about this, then that but and so... .
And now a word from our sponsor... the following products or services provided by... BUTT Plug Toy Or Them, Madam Fliess telephone outcalls, Fireman Disco Danzers
That's all we have time for Mr. Dilray, please come back and join us on Ask The Neighbor again
That was fast like a well lubed BUTT Plug hope they liked my appearence?

 

by SimonB
1-23-18
Auto Krattic Power Struggles
Alright everyone in favor of me being in charge? Raise your hands
We just thought you were kidding?!
The mechanics of a power struggle can be interesting to witness.
Hot dawgs and spaghetti makes the bowels ready.
Just gotta get all this photocopying done and then... I'm in power! Must'a been something I eight?
But power is elusive for one and all... .
Someday I'll be in total control.
That's the Boss' chair!

 

by SimonB
1-24-18
James sends Susie, and original comic strip to make her laugh.
But Mr. "You are not my President", where do you stand on the Shut Down?
Susie I just want you to know DACA Dreamers are going to be ok. Trust me its' going to be beautiful. We're gonna make America Great Again.
James has just begin recovery from his Winter Cold. It's early morning in James kitchen Reservoir St.
JAYYYYMES!
SUE SEEEEEE!
James emailed Susie comic because he wanted to say hello to Susie, in MId-Winter.
Heeeelllllooooo James how are you feel'in?
Susie is that you? I think I still have cold germs

 

by SimonB
1-25-18
Investigating the details surrounding her sons death Mom, finds out what happened...
My son would never kill himself their must be some mistake?
No MISTAKE Ma'am, just speak with the Coroner, for the details.
Having a vision in her kitchen she, asks her son for and understanding... .
Son, what have you done to yourself. They say you shot yourself!
Sorry, yup Mom.
Mom visits the Coroners office ... .
Yes, but 12 rounds ... ?
It was AUTOMATIC Pistol Ma'am!

 

by SimonB
1-25-18
Computer Code is written in Xanathan++, where everything is a permable configuration...
But... can you program in Xanathan ++ Code?
As Minister of Defense I can personally say we have this.
Xanathan++ Princess of Code calls out for affection but will their be a repsonse from panel #1?
Pssst! Hey you! Yea! You in the other comic panel. Not ugly thing. Cute guy. Yea. Wink, wink, nod, nod. Wanna jump over to my panel? Hey you... Is it all really gone?
Here I am! "Right behind myluv!" Here I am!
...meanwhile Xanathan++ Princess and Code Riders of the Purple Sage are contemplating getting it on!
Wanna write some code big guy?
Yea! My intestines are spitting out Mandarin Chinese and I can't translate it. So, but, and, I don't know what I'm saying to you so, but, and, it's working.

 

by SimonB
1-25-18
First Meeting of Schizophrenic Anonymous.
Hi my name is Steve "and I'm a schizophrenic"
Hi my name is Laura "and I'm a schizophrenic".
After introductions it was discovered the building permit did not cover so many occupants... .
Hi my name is Steve "and I'm a schizophrenic".
Hi my name is Jenna "and I'm a schizophrenic".
The Committee held a meeting to find bigger accomodations for thier next planned meeting somewhere then a flurry of memos was sent of to the membership growing exponentially...
Hi my name is Leon "and I'm a schizophrenic".
Hi my name is Stepahanie "and I'm a schizophrenic".

 

by SimonB
1-27-18
He's the one...
He's the one...
He's the one...
He's the one...
He's the one...
Why are these peopel staring at me?

 

by SimonB
1-29-18
Do you know how to make a Pillow Slip?
That's Easy, you put Chicken Grease on the bed sheets!
Do you know how to make a New England Boiled Dinner?
That's easy you put Rhode Island in a pot and you simmer it!

 

by SimonB
1-29-18
Meanwhile the dynamic comic duo is working on thier routines!
Say is their any alchohol in Cider?
Inside who?
Whispers heard in the office cubes... .
I went to weddings at the Senior Home this weekend
Really? How did it go?
... following up on that thought!
Uusally they say "I do". But the old folks wouild say, "I"ll try, I'll try!
Baaawaaaahaaaaa!

 

by SimonB
1-29-18
Welfare receipent await the new Welfare Reorm and watch T.V. all day looking fo rthe NEWS.
Call NOW! 888 555 1212 and if you call right NOW! We'll double your order
Effffff'in commercials arrrgh!
Becoming vistims of thier own individual paradise.
I'm losing my Efffff'in mind COMMERCIALS! ARRRRRRRGH!
Men... if you have the constant urge to... and now with our revolutionary new ingredient ND23X you"ll experience the relief you've been waiting for.
But some will have the answer.
Blah blah blah 800 call now blah frequent urination blah blah cather supplies shipped in brown paper blah blah 1-800 CALL NOW! Blah blah!
Remote Control. We have a problem. Ahhhh yes. M U T E!

 

by SimonB
1-30-18
... meanwhile Plug Hole Thursdays, are a hit around the campfire.
We're gonna make New England boiled dinner for the State of the Union... You know how to make N.E. Boiled DInner, don'cha?
Everybody knows... you put Rhode Island, in a large pot and err let it simmer over a low flame.
Seems everyone is in agreement Thursdays a good Plug Hole Day.
Come on Baby? "Light My Fire!"
You have to simmmer tough meat over a low flame for hours it'll never ready in time for the State of The Union speech. Crazy guy.
See you then Thursday 9:00 AM Plug Hole Thursdays agreed.
"Plug Hole Thursday ewe baby! It'll fill all the holes and gaps! Trump should use it in his speech. "
THURSDAY 9:00AM Let me title my new song PLUG HOLE THURSDAY

 

by SimonB
2-03-18
He was a cute little doggy with a nice tail... but one day crossing the tracks by accident it happened he lost his cute LITTLE TAIL.
What'cha look'in fer little doggy?
Well... I was walk'in across the tracks and got caught by the train... and the train wheels cut off my "LITTLE TAIL!" .
... as the little doggy searched the tracks for his tail remnants he encountered such strange people... ?
What'cha look'in for Little Doggy? Want some action? "LITTLE FINGER" do you for now?
Oh! Gees Mr. Ice... Homie, don't swing like DAT! But if you must know? I'm lookin for a "LITTLE TAIL"!
Moral of the story is "Keep your HEAD", when all those around you are losing theirs!
What happened to this little "Doggy"... He lost his HEAD! It must have been cut off by that freight train! Too bad, he looked good enough to "HOOK UP", with... ?
Well I was look'in for my tail when the train come along and chopped of my head. I was jus' look'in for a "LITTLE TAIL!".

 

THE CHOICE OF A NEW GENERATION AIR GUN WEAPONS SELF-DEFENSE
So like I'm like attacking you like and uh you do what ?
Bust a move with my Co2 PT85? And shoot your eyes out?
by SimonB, 2-03-18

 

MEANWHILE GERMAN IMMIGRATION BALOONS...
I'm buying a pellet gun to ward of evil immigrnats who can't keep their hands of my perfect body.
Yea?! Whaz up wit dem? Ewwwe!
by SimonB, 2-04-18

 

by SimonB
2-07-18
... meanwhile POTUS and Gen. Kelly are hitting Mickey "Dee'S" 450 5th St NW, Washington, DC S"
Donald? Are you getting "The Ultimate BigggeDee, Big Mac"? They say it's Yuuuge!
Yea! Of course tell'em to keep the"Beast" running I love eating in the car. ...yea well! The wind was blowing and my hair flew off my scalp getting on the plane. Geesh!
Even at the SUPER BOWL, Trump, backs New England Patriots, and gets handed a New England Boiled Dinner, instead of a WIN!
FAKE NEWS wonders why I always bring up their YELLOW JOURNALISTIC, Ways and Means. Simple, really their using my popularity to up their ratings!
True sir! NEWS Outlets, have'nt given you the credit you deserve when things are going right.
President Donald Trump "45", meets and greets in the sidewalk at the front gate of the White House and gets some man in the street advice.
If I were you sir! I'd take the fight to FAKE NEWS. Why not? Have a little fun with it! After all your here for 4 four years and Maddow, Lemon, Muir, O'Rielly, Laur can be fired tomorrow.
That's beautiful your beautiful, I'm gonna "Make NEWS Great Again!" Seriously, Mickey Dees, is hiring more people because of me!

 

by SimonB
2-08-18
Yelllow Journalism 1928, Credibility Gaps 1968 FAKE NEWS 2018... the beat goes on, and on, and on.
Hey man? ... what's up with the "Credibilty Gap?"
I don't believe anything I hear on Howard Stern, on my SAT Car Radio.
... meanwhile in the Oval Office things get quiet and Trump 45 comes up for air to imagine other world leaders share his image problems.
NEWS Outlets are interested in RATINGS!
Halo Mr. President Trump. I'm using Red Phone to tell you NEWS form Old Country. You know I Vlad PUTIN, have similar problem with FAKE NEWS, but in Russia, we call it Capitalist Propaganda!
Someday you'll look back on these events and wonder how and why you ever let yourself fall for this crap.
Mr. Trump, Blah, blah, blah, Trump said, Blah, blah, blah. The White House denied; Blah, Blah, blah and so this reporter feels, Blah, blah blah.
"I feeel so numb" "There's too much information".

 

by SimonB
2-10-18
Panic 1893 gripped the U.S.. In protest of Big Gov’t’s failure to assist the American populace during this economic downturn, Coxey formed a protest march that became known as "Coxey's Army."
I've got a story to tell you and if it's true? And I think it is. Then you're gonna need an entire new organization.
You see... Science has proven, people are curious-al mammals as such opportunists. Manifested as selfishness, insecure. No amount of contrary rationale can change the core base of their beliefs.
Washington passes BUDGET no Shutdown! However... what about the Economic Showdown which come(s) someday and we don't know with certainty when?
Hi FIVE! Mr. President! Will I have food to grow up on tomorrow?
It's gonna be beautiful we'll all spend with reckless abandon until the end of it. I'll weather the economic storm cause I got money. How about you?
Technology Marches On... meanwhile American Worker's are being replaced with Robots.
We're taking over!
Wait that's not the American Way?

 

by SimonB
2-11-18
Elon Musk, is morally confronted with the waste of SPACEX Project and sending the TESLA Coupe into orbit.
Hey ELON MUSK! Is that you? How about shedding some Benjamins, for hungry starving children around the world. As they are dying each hour that passes?
Yea, that's me,, who wants to know? The only around the world, I hear of is sending my TESLA, around the Earth in orbit dude.
... meanwhile TESLA Labs, builds a Insular Wall, because charity is a no-brainer! Hundreds of children die each hour around the world because the 1% of wealthy people having written humanity off.
The cost of TESLA, in space would have fed tens of thousands of children on Earth, for weeks!
I've evaluated the sit-cheee-ashun! Sending a TESLA Coupe, into space is my best option..
...meanwhile Elon Musk, tells hungry humanity,"cars in space are more trendy.".
So ELON, I heard you think "I guess feeding me is a waste,,, huh?"
Couple of AMBIEN and a bottle of Red Cabernet, will make your pain go away my friend... !

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