All comics by Spartan117

Profile

 

by Spartan117
3-04-05
Good evening and welcome to World News report. I'm Jack Offalot and this is my colleague.
I'm sorry I was not paying attention... What?
You were about to tell our viewers your name.
My what? I have a hangover. With the hanging and the over and the major headache!
Listen bitch, if I get fired, I'm draggin' you with me.
The what now?

 

by Spartan117
3-04-05
So what do you want to know, son?
I want to know if my girl been cheatin' on me.
Ok... Paternity test proves... YOU ARE THE MOTHER!
I'm a man!
Of all the fuckin' times.
Why now?

 

by Spartan117
3-04-05
Hey! You're the Master Chief!
Uh... Yeah. Listen kid. I'm an actor. In a suit.
You can't be!
I'm like Santa, St. Patrick, and J. Lo's ass. I gotta go.
Bye Master Chief!
Fuck You!

 

by Spartan117
3-04-05
You ever notice how the Jerry Springer show has only homosexuals and rednecks?
And PBS only has British dumbasses and medieval whores? And...
This show has been cancelled due to lack of Drama and intelligence.

 

by Spartan117
3-04-05
Hey! Ken Jennings! I'm your sister!
You're my what?
I'm your sister!
But you're a guy!
No I'm not.
Wait...

 

by Spartan117
3-04-05
So like you're the newbie?
Yes. I seek refuge, I mean employment in your office.
Ok. I just need to have you pour me some coffee and we'll get started.
Coffee? What is this coffee you speak of?
You know that black stuff that smells strong and tastes bitter.
In my country we call that Marine urine.

 

by Spartan117
3-08-05
*ring ring*
Hello?
Seven Days.......
Oh my God. I'm gonna die.
'Til your next mortgage.
Oh my God I'm gonna lose my house.

 

by Spartan117
3-08-05
Whatcha doin'?
I'm talkin' to a beautiful girl and I'm about to have inter-sex.
Inter-sex?
Yeah. It's sex on the internet.
Hey check it! I'm about to have cyber sex with a beautiful woman!
Hmmm.... I know someone else who is also...

 

by Spartan117
3-08-05
May thine soul burn in my eternal resting place of damnation!
I love you too Lauren!

 

by Spartan117
3-08-05
Hello Steve. How are you?
How did you get my number? Who is this? What is this? Who am I? Is that you mom?
No. I am a dead little girl who has come to kill you.
Why?
You viewed the tape.
You little bitch. I paid good money to see Paris Hilton in bed and... Oh that tape.

 

by Spartan117
3-08-05
Alright you little freak where are you?
In here Steven. You'll never find me.
You never know.
Oh, yes I do. I am the dead girl from The Ring.
Hey what the hell?
I can explain Steve... Is that gun loaded?

 

by Spartan117
3-08-05
Chappelle's Show
WHAT?!?! YEAH?!?!? OKAY!!!!!!!!
Shut up you toopid head.
Survivor
I ain't eaten shit for days! What the (CENSORED) is that?
Shut your suck hole.
The OC
I need to have an affair with you to get back at my lover.
Ma'am I'm only 12. A re you a pedophile?

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hi. Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?
Hello.
Can I take your order?
Yeah. I'll Have a...
Hey! It's my old parole "buddy!"
You again?

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
I love coming to this museum and seeing the Christ monument.
There's something ghostly about it. Watching dead Jesus.
My son... I am not gone.
Who said that?

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hi Steve.
Hey Lorena.
*achoo* Do you have any medicine?
Sure I do.
What is it?
It's Viagra.

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hello Mister!
Sorry son, I ain't inteyrested in any things you be sellin'!

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Paula Abdul
That performance was incredible! Keep it up!
Thank you ma'am.
Paula Abdul
That performance was incredible, dawg. Keep it up!
Thank you sir.
Paula Abdul
Bloody awful I mean what the hell I mean you are the musical equivalent to a Ford and blah blah blah blah
Go to hell.

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
There's subliminal
Hmmmmmm..........
Hello. Buy this product please.
Liminal
Hey Dave. Go buy this thing on TV
I don't wanna
and super-liminal
Listen you jerk, I asked you to buy the damn thing so buy the stupid shit!
Yes, Sir!

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
*Baa*
If you're hungry then find something in my room.
Ok
I love my goaty.
Turns out your pet hamster didn't run away... He was at Neverland... and he was... uh... you know...
Oh my god!!!!

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Let's see what we gots here in gay porn...
Mr. Satan sir?
What? Why you in here for?
I, uh... Had intercourse with Michael Jackson...
Holy fuck of evil! Get your filthy ass the fuck outta here!!!

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hey Dave.
Thou art not thinking of thine reproductive organs art thou?
Why
Because the gargantuan ugly pile of Satan shit Butch is annoying me. Is he not thou?
I desire his presence so I can kill him and steal his "bitch"

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hey Joan.
Hi Butch! I saw a pose on TV and I wanna show you.
Ok let's see it.
It goes like this.
Heeheeheehee
Joan get out of that sex position, girl it's not a freakin' porn shop.

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hey Calvin.
Hey Steve wanna rage tonight?
Okay just let me take a piss.
Ok.
Ooooohhhhhhh...... Dammmmnnnnnnn.....
You bastards never learn.

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Oh, look! A million dollars!
And a new deed to a plot of land!
Nothing could go wrong now!

 

by Spartan117
3-09-05
Hey man! I just scored with the MILF of my dreams!
Really?
Yeah. They give me free porn to beat off with.
Really?

 

by Spartan117
3-10-05
Hey Matt.
Hey Steve. Man do I wanna make fun of a nerd.
But, you know that's kind of demeaning and totally fucked up.
Yeah. Dude, you're right. Let's go to the McDonald's and grab a bite.
Hey why does it smell like shit?
*Breathes*

 

by Spartan117
3-10-05
So you wanna go grab some Panda Express?
Sure. I'm in the mood for some good grub.
2 Hours and $400 Later
What does your fortune cookie say?
I will score with a man across from me...
*cough*
Oh, man this is awkward.

 

by Spartan117
3-10-05
Who am I to say what goes on in the world?
I believe it would be George W. Bush, sir?
Who am I to say how the world is to act?
The United Nations, sir.
No, you stupid rich bastard. I say what goes down.
Oh, dear.

 

by Spartan117
3-11-05
So, here we are. Two friends in the rural areas of Oregon!
Yeah.
Hey there.
I done eats the McDonald's burgeys wits my feets!
So, where are we?
At the corner of Bumfuck and You Got A Purty Mouth.

 

by Spartan117
3-11-05
Hello sister Mary. How are things?
Well, my child, I hear that Louis DiArmano is trying to get fired.
Seriously?
Yes. That's just sad.
Free bread!!!
I'm stealing bread! I feel so alive!

 

by Spartan117
3-11-05
This dinner was nice honey.
Thank you, Matt.
Anytime. Let me get the bill.
Okay.
Hey waiter! Whoa... Nice ass.
I say...

 

by Spartan117
3-11-05
Just remember, Matt. Pain is the cleanser.
Pain is the cleanser for when you are upset.
Yes. Now go.
Pain is the cleanser for when you are upset.
Pain is the cleanser. Pain is the cleanser!
Cease Fire! Cease Fire!

 

by Spartan117
3-11-05
I will anihalate you Jorge!
You first Matt!
CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YYYEEEAAARRRGGGHHH!
ANY DAY NOW
GRRRRRR *cough* GRRRRRRRRRRR
*HACK HACK* GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

by Spartan117
3-12-05
Oh my God! That girl just gave me the finger!
I'll get her.
Hey, miss. My girlfriend said that you insulted her.
So what?
Wanna fuck?
Wanna fuck?

 

by Spartan117
3-12-05
Who are you?
I'm Norm MacDonald. Who the hell do you think I am? I'm Death. I've come for your soul.
Uhh... Uh... Don't kill me!
Why shouldn't I?
Wait are you beating off?
Uhhh... Listen don't tell Satan, I used to be gay... And uh...(zips fly)

 

by Spartan117
3-12-05
So then I said " I'm gonna kill you." And she said "Are you beating off?"
So... You said something about Seven Days?
Oh yeah... "Seven Days."
Why? Give me a year!
Jesus Christ, man. How about I just come over there and kill the shit outta you now?
Who are you again?

 

by Spartan117
3-12-05
I'm Rick James Bitch!
(cough)
(Loads Ak-47)
(Screaming)

 

by Spartan117
3-15-05
Hey Butch. I hear you're going on a journey. Something about eternal peace?
Yes. My guide book here is gonna lead me to eternal enlightenment.
So you're goin' for peace?
Yep.
Hi, Butch!
You got a death-wish punk?

 

by Spartan117
3-15-05
Who to kill... Who to kill?
Go to Earth and find a victim my son.
I just need t make a pit stop, ok?
Take your time Bill.
(zips fly) Ahhhhhhhh...................
You again? Ain't you the one who done tooks the Darlen boys?

 

by Spartan117
3-15-05
Hmmmm.... I love magic T.V.
My fellow Americans... This is the land of the Free home of the Whopper. I am happy to be inaugrified for 12 more years. I loved the war in Iraquistan, also.
George Bush! You have been chosen to die!!!
I can't die! I've got a city to run! How do i die though?
You have Testicular Inflamation and Urethral Cancer.
I have no crotch? Does that make me like Michael Jackson?

 

by Spartan117
3-15-05
WARNING: THE STRIP YOU ARE
Hey there, are you a StripCreator user?
Yeah. I'm a new guy... They call me Spartan117. You can call me Matt.
READING IS NOT REALLY TRUE.
I'm Brad. They say BradSucks. You know.
Oh yeah... That's right.
THE NAMES Brad AND Spartan117 WERE USED OUT OF COINCIDENCE. WE DO NOT KNOW EITHER MEN.
They say I suck.
Then you don't know me. They say I swallow.

 

by Spartan117
3-15-05
Now how do I crucify Jesus Christ?
Take your best shot you heretic.
This is not heresy, you demon.
Demon am I?
Did I get him?
(cough)

 

by Spartan117
3-15-05
So, I have no way of knowing how I found the right one.
She wrote to me and said " I have no time for your games, Tom. I'm out."
Can you help me lord?
So your mother didn't like the gift you got her? I can't blame her. You bought a dildo after all.

 

by Spartan117
3-16-05
This just in! A fire has spread loose on the 400 block of Crenshaw Blvd.
Oh man, that's my house!
There is a person trapped inside!
Oh man, that's me!
(boom)
Oh man. This is so cool. The fire looks fake.

 

by Spartan117
3-16-05
Hey there! You're the reaper!
Yes. You are dead.
Why?
You and your brother died in the fire.
Ok!
Let go of my genitals.

 

by Spartan117
3-20-05
This just in! Two men reportedly died in a fire!
They were both brothers!
Say something, woman.
Anal prices start at $30.

 

by Spartan117
3-20-05
I'm Dan Yakovich and this is Channel 3 news.
My partner has the night--
Sorry, I'm late. Someone saw the news report last night. $30!
Do you have anything to say? Like an apology?
Oh, yeah. Anal prices have been dropped guys!

 

by Spartan117
3-20-05
I am Corporal Danny Perez. I will now interview an American citizen.
My name is Chloe.
How are you? Where are you from?
I'm fine. I'm from Canada
Canada? Get your filthy goodie-goodie ass on my American floor bitch!
Uh... I'll be at the Bar.

 

by Spartan117
3-20-05
Hi! I'm AsianGirl1!
I'm AsianGirl2!
We're the default characters on StripCreator!
I love men!
I actually went to college!
Take it in my love hole! $10!

 

by Spartan117
3-20-05
Hey Steve. Pull my finger.
I don't know Johnny.
Come on.
Here we go.
Oh my.
Oh man that was awesome.

Showing page 1.

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