All comics by X_Stickman

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by X_Stickman
10-31-03
A normal day in Bonnie Scotland
Geminosity... I've met you now, and i STILL have no clue what sex you are
*giggles* Silly! ~Curls up on Stickmans head and goes to sleep~
...
~zzzz....Purr....zzzz~
And all was well
Would you get off my head?
No. ~plays with sticks hair and goes back to sleep~

 

by X_Stickman
11-01-03
In IRC after a public NS game...
omgz, meh l33t hax pwnaz j00!
I really do need to stay calm, i mean, he's 11...
I wuz all liek "Omgz i pwnd j00 thru wall!"
There has to be SOME way to put him back on the right track, peacfully
AHHHH MEH SPL33N
God Damn... It happened again. Oh well

 

by X_Stickman
11-15-03
A typical day in the life of X_Stickman
Hey Dude. We're like, from mars man
As a representative of the planet Earth, let me be the first to... wait a second
We're here to kill you all...
WHAT THE HELL! BITCH ASS KILLING ME WHEN I'M AFK
And that is how X_Stickman saved the world.
Ahh... fuck this. They're all mad
DON'T BE CALLIN' ME NO CHATTY BITCH! WANT ME TO PUT A NAIL THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED SKULL?

 

by X_Stickman
11-15-03
Talking to a stranger
... And then i was all like "'TEK IT BITCH SKULK!" and killed him, then this onos came round the corner and...
Dude... what else do you do apart from gaming?
There's things APART from games?
Yup. It's the truth
Weirdo

 

by X_Stickman
11-16-03
I once had a twin brother
Oh dear... Oh dear GOD!
What's up dawg?
The test results are back... You didn't, you know, EAT those eggs did you?
Yeah... Yeah i did. All of them. Why?
I don't any more
It's alright... I guess they were wrong. You're fine, right? Right?
THE PAIN! OH MY GOD THE PAIN! IT'S TERRIBLE!

 

by X_Stickman
11-17-03
It begins...
What the hell? I didn't sign up for this...
Sign up for what, man?
"Increase your penis size in 50 000 easy to swallow pills"
Heh... That sucks man. Who'd do a thing like that, seriously?
True Dat
I wish i knew... I'm gonna play some Quake...
hehehehe, Sucker.... Now where's that Gay porn Mailing list?

 

by X_Stickman
11-17-03
The REAL WORLD
Just leave me alone... i've done nothing to you!
Yo, gimme one good reason why I shouldn't kick your ass, and I might just leave you alone
I.... Errr... I wear glasses?
Not good enough. Now pucker up spanky, Mr.Mush is gonna meet Mr.Fist
The INTERNET!
So yeah, there were like 5 of them and i totally kicked their asses. ASL? 24/m/Whereever you live, baby!

 

by X_Stickman
11-17-03
Links 2004
...
MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS
Dude.... you're just totally ripping off Penny-Arcade with this one
Hmmm.... Ok, let's try something different.
It's harder to think at night
MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS

 

by X_Stickman
11-18-03
Burn
Hey Babe... wanna go somewhere? I play Highschool football!
Pffff... get a life, loser
Burn
Yo, wanna go out somewhere tonight? I'm a model!
Like yeah, whatever. Get away from me!
Score!
So.... Uh... I play NS, i make online comics and i DJ a small Internet radio station... Wanna go out sometime?
Oh baby.... I wanna sex you up right NOW!

 

by X_Stickman
11-26-03
At PC World...
So... What's this PC's RAM, Hard Drive, Graphics Card and Processor like?
What?
You don't know that.... But you work here?
Know what?
Two Hours later...
DOES IT HAVE A MOUSE?!
What?

 

by X_Stickman
12-05-03
Never try and talk to someone sensibly on IRC
What's the point in life? I mean, we're born, then we die.
So like, the whole point in life is to die. Why bother actually living? I mean, we're all going to one place, right? Why bother waiting?
Because they all spout the same shit
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ANNOYING BASTARD!

 

by X_Stickman
12-05-03
This really, really pisses me off
Yeah, linkin park suck. I mean, totally. They sold out. They just moan about their momma's and how much life sucks despite having millions of dollars
Sigh.... Not again
So, in conclusion, Linkin park completely suck
Why?
Sad thing is, i'm 100% right
Erm...
You don't know, do you? You've just been TOLD that they suck, and you decided to hop on the bandwagen. I bet you like 50-Cent too, eh? Mr.OneToneOfVoice? Shithead

 

by X_Stickman
12-22-03
He's alright
What do people have against Bill Gates anyway? He owns windows? So what, you can't start off on Linux. Most people start using windows
His hair cut is a bit naff though
You think he's stupid? I guess that's why he's the richest man on Earth. He could kill your family, bomb your street, admit it and pay the bail
Leave him or he kills us all
And by the time he got back home, the intrest on his bank acount and profits from Microsoft would mean he's richer than he was before he killed you.

 

by X_Stickman
1-23-04
At First You Deny It....
This game is pretty good. I can't see why people spend all day on here though.
Two Weeks Later...
I NEED TO MAKE SOME KIND OF MACRO SO I CAN KILL CREATURES WHILE I'M AT WORK!
At Four Weeks.... It Has You. Say Goodbye To Your Social Life
It's me or the game. I've had it with you calling me "Luke" in bed!
DAMMIT WOMAN! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M FIGHTING JAWAS!

 

by X_Stickman
3-25-04
It's happening again!
What?
HOW DARE YOU MAKE A SUPERIOR PRODUCT TO ME, MICROSOFT! BECAUSE YOU'RE FAR BETTER THAN ME, I CANNOT SELL MY INFERIOR PRODUCT ON THE MARKET BECAUSE PEOPLE PREFER TO BUY FROM YOU!
Think about it: They're the best thing to happen to computers
Look mate, it's business, yeah? I don't think you'd be complaining if you were me
I'M GOING TO SUE YOU BECAUSE I CAN'T DIRECTLY COMPETE WITH YOU BECAUSE MY PRODUCTS ARE A STEAMING PILE OF SHITE COMPARED TO YOURS
BECAUSE of Microsoft, almost everyone can use a computer, rather than just scientists with l33t linux
Well.... Fuck.
Microsoft we, the EU, are suing you because we can't put up with the fucking moaning of little companies any more. We're also jealous that we don't own you. So, pay us bajillion zillion dollars

 

by X_Stickman
6-29-04
So damned repetative!
Killed a rancor....
Killed a rancor....
Really... It gets boring. Apart from the wookies. They rock.
Killed a .... Oh no, wait, my buffs ran out. I'm dead.

 

by X_Stickman
6-29-04
FIRST PANNEL OMGZ
COMMENT ABOUT VIDEO GAME
WITTY REPLY
SECOND ONE
CLEVER REMARK THAT TURNS WITTY REPLY INTO INSULT
SILLY THREAT OF EXTREME VIOLENCE
Dunno wtf this one is about.
Wow... we just made a webcomic. Pretty good huh?
WHAT THE HELL AM I?

 

by X_Stickman
6-29-04
Oh.... The joys of Counter Strike
WTF BITCH YOU CAN'T DO THAT I AUGHTA KICK THE SHIT OUTTA YOU
WHAT THE FUCK BITCH I'M LIKE 8FT AND I'VE GOT LASERS FOR ARMS I'D KICK YOUR HEAD IN!
It's been done before, I know. But so damn true.
WTF I CAN BENCH PRESS 6000POUNDS I JUST TORE A FUCKING PHONE BOOK IN HALF WITH MY EYELIDS

 

by X_Stickman
6-29-04
Eve Online, When You First Install It
Wow this game is great! The graphics! The depth! I'm gonna love this!
Eve Online, The Second Week
I've been mining asteroids for two solid weeks but at least i can afford that cruiser now!
Eve Online, When You Meet Your First Player Killer
TWO FUCKING WEEKS OF MINING AND MY SHIP IS DEAD IN 4 SECONDS

 

by X_Stickman
7-07-04
It's true
I've been reading through some statistics recently....
And i've discovered some odd facts.
Don't blame me, blame the census
According to a recent census, i personally hate 99.97564% of the people in the world. That makes the chance of me meeting someone i don't hate incredibly small.

 

by X_Stickman
9-17-04
Little Johnny here is about to witness the DoW intro.
I've heard some good things about this
*Click*
DOW INTRO! IT HAS BIRD COMBUSTING QUALITIES!
JESUS CHRIST!

 

by X_Stickman
5-01-05
Just do NOT play Thief: Deadly Shadows in the dark, late at night
Sneak... sneak... sneak
ESPECIALLY The Cradle level. Trust me on this.
Sneak... wait, what the hell was that...
It causes random combustion.
AHHHHHH HOLY SHIT OMGOMGOMG\DGAHGZsgasdg...

 

by X_Stickman
5-01-05
Some people have written in to complain about the content of my comics...
That's a lie... no one ever writes in.
Shut up. Anyway, people are saying that my comics lack any real detail, and are merely attempts to cash in, lately, on recent (late) games, trends, fads etc.. and random combustion. This is not true.
I don't know where you're getting this stuff from, but NO ONE has EVER written in to us...
Well it's up to you readers. You see what happens to people who disagree.

 

by X_Stickman
5-02-05
It's true as well.
I have two watches.
Err.... Why?
Seriously, one of them lights up really cool.
Well DUR, I can tell the time better. Moron.
...
I can read that one at night but I can't read the other one because it doesn't light up.

 

by X_Stickman
5-02-05
I'm no good with girls... I always seem to say the wrong thing.
You just need to be calm, relaxed, nice, polite and all that jazz. Look, there's a nice girl over there. Just go over there and calmly and politely ask her if she would want to go to dinner some time.
Hey I can't help but notice that you look pretty damn hot why don't we go and have sex and you can suck my BIG HARD COCK!

 

by X_Stickman
5-03-05
I think you should learn from this lesson. Do you see where you went wrong?
NO! What the hell did I do wrong? I was honest and I got my point accross clearly!
You know, most women actually don't want you to tell them that you want sex the first time you talk to them. You have to be subtle AND NICE. "Suck my cock" is neither subtle, or nice.
I think I'm beginning to see your point... Buy them a drink first, THEN the cock sucking!
Yes. Sure. That'd work perfectly. You go and try that, I'll go call the ambulance so they'll be ready for you.
See? I didn't need your help after all.

 

by X_Stickman
5-03-05
I love you...
I love you too baby.
I'm kinda busy right now....
Dude! I totally got a girl!
I'm sorry babe, I'll be right back.... This had better be fucking good.
Come on man, you've got to meet her!

 

by X_Stickman
5-03-05
Ok... so where's your girl?
She's right behind you dude.
Hey there sailor.
You dragged me out of my house, away from a hot SEMI NAKED GIRL, TO SEE YOUR GIRL, AND SHE TURNS OUT TO BE A HOOKER?
Just.... don't call me for a while. If you get a burning sensation, anywhere, call a doctor.
So that's what the money was for...

 

by X_Stickman
6-23-05
Thank God... College term is over.
I know, it's been a hard term... stupid exams.
So... What are you gonna do in the holidays?
You know, everything I haven't been able to do recently! Parties! Booze! Women! Live life to it's fullest!
Oohhh.... Auto Assault beta...

 

by X_Stickman
7-15-05
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a man who calls himself "Depot".
Hi everybody, it's great to be here!
He has been asking me to include him in a comic of mine, apparantly thinking I have some kind of artistic talent. I don't, of course. So I'll end this in the usual manner.
Ye- What?
DIE!

 

by X_Stickman
10-25-05
So I've been googling random things for about an hour or so now. Hey, I'm bored. Come accross some interesting things too.
It appears that my delightful banter on IRC has become quoted accross quite a few forums, especially that quote about the guy and registration.
So what I'm saying is... pay me some fucking money or I start suing.

 

by X_Stickman
10-25-05
I mean, what's up with it. "Hello is anyone there?" What, do they expect an answer?
"Yes I'm here, fuck off I'm trying to sleep." And what is with their predictions, come on. "I sense that... someone... lived here. And there was a fire. Or a flood. Something."
And people WATCH IT, and believe that some random twat with annoying voice is communicating with people beyond the grave by asking them how they are... Jesus christ. Why does shit like this exist?

 

by X_Stickman
4-10-06
I bet I'm totally the first to make a comic about this.
Ha... feble rat! Have at thee!
It's a great game.
Petty mud-crab, don't you know I am the head of a world-wide guild of assassins? Die in pain!
The quest NPCs are a bit unbelievable though, frankly.
She's got 6 arrows sticking out of her face, how is she only "unconscious"?

 

by X_Stickman
7-03-06
"Send this on and the love of your life will surprise you". What the hell is that supposed to mean. She'll say she's a man? She'll die? She'll be an alien?
And exactly how will this magic email affect her decisions anyway? Does it send her some kind of memo telling her to pick up the phone and ask me out? That's not what really bothers me, though.
My logic is infallible.
What really bothers me is that people SEND THEM ON. That means SOMEONE out there believes that shit. If they don't, why are they sending them on? Because they're fucking stupid. Either way, it's bad.

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