All comics by abed21

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Wow my new giant sized BaconBuddy action figure is so lifelike
Your mother is a slut you piece of smut, yeah get down on your knees and rub on my grease, please
At least it doesn't tell me to look behind me and then try to savage my body like my last toy PrisonPal

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Hey come to the church often, feeling lucky?
Whoa I could get you arrested for saying that mister
What a dirty mind you have young man! Shame on you! I only wanted your help with my taxes, I can't reach the computer from my bathtub

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Oh magic fire, please make me good at basketball
mee mo ma mee may, I say that you will become like Kobe Bryant. Yeah he's a basket player right? How's that work for ya?
Hey, he raped someone, what kind of racket are you trying to pull here?
Maybe fires shouldn't be giving out magic fortunes

 

by abed21
4-21-06
So I'm supposed to get all the kids to smoke is that it?
Yes, yes make them hooked, do your thing you do, I'll be hiding in the corner observing and grading you
Hey wow, smoke cigarettes and watch smoke come from my butt
I miss Joe Camel
So do you want medium's or lights?

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Hey man, I just completed my masterpiece, daddio
Hey, like what's that supposed to mean?
Art, like beauty and culture, don't ya' get it man?
I'm totally tripping right now
You sure is buggin a crazy vibe illout there my man, I could sure use some of that cool ice you're melting
Why don't you speak english, I may be tweaking but even loaded you make no sense you crazy beatnik

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Hello Everyone, oh boy tonight on Dracula and Priest have we gota doozy for you. Dracula tries to trick me into letting him give me a hiccie again. Ha ha, stay tuned folks
Maybe you didn't say the joke I wrote in the right way
Your neck jokes are running out of steam
The Producers try something new to get ye olde ratings to rise
Everytime I drink the communion wine I find that I get a "buzz" on, what do you think of that huh, BeeBoy?

 

by abed21
4-21-06
I tell ya, waking up to your children being put in an omellette, my wife getting her head chopped off, cousin lou being boiled, I think this is a bad place, why you leavin?
my parents don't understand me
Don't you live in the nice chalet overlooking the whole farm, with the rolls royce, bball court and jacuzzi?
they took away my ipod
Try a life of waking up at sunrise to scream to the heavens, having to sexually violate female chickens all day with a clear conscience, or seeing some white pointy bearded demon laughing in dreams
Suzy broke my heart, now I'm gonna learn to play guitar

 

by abed21
4-21-06
I can see why you're in hell, there, youse some kinda psycho or sumpthin?
yeah it's not too late, improve your mind, there
me bored, want stabby stabby and woman so's can make rip dressy screamy screamy
hey look at me there, Ima like you, now will you play with me?

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Daddy?
I ain't yo daddy buddy, I just work here
But Daddy, why are you running away from my love?
Aw Christ, this is why I made Brenda have that abortion
some brews later
So uh, underneath all that shiny can, could there maybe be like some kinda naked broad you ain't been telling me about Botty?

 

by abed21
4-21-06
I still don't see what's so bad about your life
Mrs. Tinglybottom wants to touch me funny
At least she doesn't try to touch you with a deep fryer
How come all you talk about is death, it's killing my high
I bet all this little bastards would stab me in the back with a fork if they got the chance
For my report a fugitive chicken who has a lot of wrong sex and needs some fuckin' paxil

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Well I have your diagnosis right here, yuk yuk
And....... Well come on doc, when will I not be a blue devil owl?
I'm afraid it's serious, guffaw!
Why is this all such a big joke to you doctor?
I graduated top of my class, which means I can degrade you, you fucking blue montrosity

 

by abed21
4-21-06
Charlie sure is taking his sweet ass time to transmoddify
Whoa shit! You're not Charlie!
I'm off to save the universe from destruction, good work bringing me onboard and restoring in my physical form
Ah who cares when you want a jumbo jack you want a jumbo jack, we don't need charlie

 

by abed21
4-21-06
I hate doing this fucking show, all I needs my coffee and reindeer brotha that's what makes me happy
No, for the love of Jeezus, why'd you take my reindeer away! oh why? Ha ha, don't worry folks, show just needs retoolin' yeah keep it on your dial
I say you're under arrest, I say pardner
Magic me up another reindeer Barry, I'm not liking this cowboy shit. I swear do it now Barry or I'll start using I swear I will. Where will your precious talk show be then huh, Barry?

 

by abed21
4-22-06
Look at this new trick I can do boss
That's gonna interfere with my dancing practice ya dumb mutt ya
All I can do is try and make you love me through these dumb tricks, just like you do
My dancing is not trickery, if anything I dance to pick up tricks
Look I can go in the other direction, that's different, right?
ahhhhhhh, check this, it's a neck graze, the chick's dig it, no tricks just naturally sexy

 

by abed21
4-22-06
Leave me alone you little bitch, so I wrote War of the Worlds, so what? It's a fucking shitty movie
Gee I wonder how all you Hollywood types do it so good, are you one of those scientolomakers
No! Dammit will you leave me the fuck alone! I'm just waiting here for my girlfriend
do you really hate what our president is doing?
No. I've just been standing out here all day yelling to destroy the fascists cause I'm a fucking lunatic, where the fuck's my GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!

 

by abed21
4-22-06
Gee uh, this type of species never came up in the lessons at the academy, why would they put me on a mission like this?
Oh shit! It must have picked up on my lack of space know how
Help me help you be eaten
Being in Starfleet sucks if you don't know as much

 

by abed21
4-22-06
Ah, a call what a terrific idea, awww fuck, I forgot my hands are my feet and I won't be able to stand up to the table and use the phone
Maybe there's an answer to my problem on the internet, haahahhahh!
ARRGGHH! Just when I was about to reach my answer, this happens! It's like getting hit by lightning if you're a comic strip person, I get something on me erased, if I'm lucky it's not everything

 

by abed21
4-23-06
Yeah so I ditched that dumb kid, maybe the mountains are a good idea, you like it here?
You have to scavenge for food and run from enemy bigger goats you know the ones with more horns and longer beards than you
But I'm no goat!
When you charge and ram something, it's all the same. Everything looks like a white blur

 

by abed21
4-23-06
Hey there, I say do you want a drink that'll turn the sexy way up to 11, babe?
I'm sorry but I don't talk to bartenders (giggle giggle)
Hey look buddy that's my gal
Man, with a pipsqueak sounding voice like that I bet you're just a plain ol' pipsqueak in a wheelchair, ha ha, my imagination tells me that without even having to face you
I'll mash your balls into potatoes
oh my fuckin' shit

 

by abed21
4-23-06
So then I gave that do badder a 1 and a 2 and a 3, 4, 5........Super me I'm super duper honeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyahhhhhhhh
gotta run
Ha ha, don't worry folks SuperRock will be back, no doubt. Just hang in there folks he'll return very very soon, (I swear to Christ, he's finished after this)

 

by abed21
4-23-06
Man this Hell bus sure is taking it's sweet as time isn't it?it's sweet ass time, huh?
Satanmobile in the Hell's shop again?
yep
You know Satan there's been something I've been meaning to ask you-
I was just thinking death, you know what might maybe get souls in here faster? Maybe if you and I put our heads together once in a while
(sigh) nevermind

 

by abed21
4-23-06
First day on my new job, I can hardly wait, oh boy am I so excited for my first customer, I hope I don't accidentally give him money from the register
Welcome to McGlarFlurds, we have what they have.......only.....well we also have what they have yeah, that's the ticket, but we're sorta better in my opinion if you ask me (shit)
whoa dude who the fuck in their right mind thought hiring you was a good idea, dog?
Uhhhh, here let me open the register to give you some money, awwwww fuck that's not right, wait I can do this. Shit how am I gonna open the register without falling over
jeezus, i just wanted a fucking burger, this is a goddamn freak show. Dammit, I guess I have to eat that shitty Mcdonald's again

 

by abed21
4-23-06
Did I ever tell you I hate being stuck here with you?
I know it sounds mean, but honestly, we haven't done anything!
Are you gonna eat that orange bannana or do I have to wrestle it away from you with my teeth?
Whoa! Easy now this is a carrot!

 

by abed21
4-23-06
Daddy, I hate the job you do
Well......... I've gotta make other kids more happy
Yeah, but you're gone ONE day a whole year!!!
I promise you'll get the leftovers from my givings this year, you'll get first grab rights
What kind of a father are you?? Leftovers???
Gee lookit the time there.......dahhhh, goodnight son, ho ho! all's well and a jingle something errrrr, other something jelly merrily some shit yadda yadda

 

by abed21
4-23-06
Ahhh, that's gotta be Pretty Boy O' Mcflannigan in a robot suit, I mighta known
beeep beeep awwww
Yes, sir you got to malfunction pretty early in the morning to get a robot past me
Pssst, hey Lou, he's wise ta robots get the penguin costume on me
You know you really almost got me, you really could of fooled with something not too obvious like I don't know a housewife penguin with a sexy dress and a used rake
(heh heh)

 

by abed21
4-23-06
When I came here for chicks this is not what I meant
Yeah well I stopped drinking when Farmer Joe hid the whiskey in the tractor, it was a little bit harder to get out without ruffling some feathers if you know what I mean.
So you're like a chicken or something
Yeah I ran away with the Farmer's son, you know if anything I could just turn him in for that fat 50 grand reward, but what would a chicken do with money
Ahhhh, yes but excuse me I've just been informed that you're a runaway chicken with a kid full of money?
What's with you people and money? For fuck's sake does anyone here have any whiskey bottles lying around?

 

by abed21
4-24-06
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!! YOU COCKSUCKING ASS COCKING FILE A SHIT!!!
Hey man, I'm so glad we're good friends
Hey whoa, where did that come from?
(???)
Whoa, hey, Milton, hey, whoa relax, I was just kidding, I think you should take it easy
I think that's what they call Turrets

 

by abed21
4-24-06
Here miss, allow me to escort you across this mean ol' street
Why? I never. Such Kindness!
Holy shit, is that a car coming, whoa why isn't he stopping!!!!!
Oh my dear, it takes me too long to turn and face in a different direction, oooh hang on
Awwwwww shit, this smells like moidah
splat

 

by abed21
4-24-06
Oh shit, Mom told me not to stay out after dark
Fuck, a zombie, hopefully I just said that as safely far as I am and he didn't hear, after all, movies say zombies ain't too bright in the lamp department upstairs, if you get my drift
Wow, Mom was right nighttime's so weird that homeless guy was so hungry he ate off his very own arm
Yo, you got some kind of change, what? Do you hold it with your feet or something?

 

by abed21
4-24-06
Isn't great to take a day off from work Tex? Boy my arms are so tired from wrapping gifts left and right, why? Whattya know I have one left over for you, isn't that something?
Gee a present for me, I'm so tired of all this sheriffing, it would be relaxing to get a gift
here (yuk yuk)
Fuck, Big Claus didn't say it would go off that quick! I'm outta here!

 

by abed21
4-25-06
Joining the circus sure was a good idea
Blahhhhh, yes no one would suspect Dracula to be here
Geez, why do you have to fuck everything up for me? I find a nice place to belong and you always come by with your blood and you blahhh and your fangs. Scaring all my new friends away!
What if I did.......this!
This friendship isn't working out for me
You're right I can't help it, Oh boy the humongous fat woman finally came out of her tent, it's like a buffet!

 

by abed21
4-25-06
I can't believe they assigned me to arrest a robot
I can't believe they assigned me to arrest a robot
That's........Bob Robot to you my good sir!
Gee willickers, well I'll beat that with a cactus and a donkey, a Robot Vampire. I ain't plum never seen that before
Hey what's up, what are you doing? I'm up for anything, let's hang out! Come on, please?

 

by abed21
4-25-06
I love this island so much
That's because you're a crazy mask wearing, shirt offing, grass skirt wearing island loopy
Now the boardwalk part that's where all the babes are hiding at, I tell ya'
But.....it's just us, here, there's no boardwalk
#%&*?!!! Yeah I know!!! It really sucks that you keep reminding me!!!

 

by abed21
4-25-06
Our lives are so interesting end transmission
no they are not end transmission
yes they are end transmission
not really, what if I wanted to say end transmission end transmission
you're right I never thought of that ha ha bleep bleep end transmission
Whoop dee bloop that's problem 134567 being a robot is so fucking boring end transmission

 

by abed21
4-25-06
Wow you're so lucky you're a pencil
why's that?
???
because you don't have to hold shit together you can just write shit off

 

by abed21
4-25-06
Wow I sure love Christmas, it's just so I don't know so very Christian
You Don't even know what the meaning of Christmas could be could you?
I have an idea, well it could be the kind of thing that makes you happy all over and presents that's all I got
Well it's not enough!! Then is it???

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Dude, it's so strange that we were taken from our beds whilst we slept at night and were secretly brought to this fantastic new farm paradise
Yeah but why do they constantly want us drinking milk and saying I love you to everyone, where's all that milk coming from?
Who cares. I love that milk and I love you too, strange never thought I'd say that to a chicken. Ever.
Yeah I never would even imagine that I'd be talking to a cow, you guys groan too much
Oh is that so, chicken? Well, that's how we talk, it's a lot better than you, cluckers!
See what's going on here, first we love eachother now I want to slice your teets, what's going on here. I suddenly.....feel....sleepy, why do I get so sleepy all the time, do you have any more milk?

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Hey where exactly am I supposed to put my stuff? Hello?
Have you had your daily requirement of milk?
Yeah that's another thing, chickens don't really drink milk. It's disgusting, I could never stand cows, now I'm drinking their fucking piss!
Now easy there big fella, just take a load off your chicken feet and try some more milk, I'll make an exception in your case and let you go over the daily limit
Hey, why have we been brought here, I like everything but the idea of drinking milk, hey, where you going?
I.....um..gotta go....oh geez....lookit that the horse stall is filthy again, later.

 

by abed21
4-26-06
All I'm saying is whenever I try to get an answer from one of those smiling scientist types, they tell me I need more milk, it's their answer for everything
Another thing I don't like about you chickens is you're always so paranoid, smoke something and calm down, you can smoke milk here, it's great
I think you're smoking too much of that milk
Despite you being a cocklesucker, I do in fact love you, I do, but I also need another hit of that good milk shit, yo
Somewhere underground on the very same farm at that very same moment
Can i get you some more milk?
How kind? I love you, did I ever let you know that?

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Our...I mean my concerns concern you chicken
Is that so? Because I won't get crackheaded over your smoked milk?
Nobody likes to cry over spilt milk
Yeah that's true, but waitammit what the fuck does that mean?
The code didn't work like you said it would, he won't shut up and love milk
I'm going in

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Milk does a body good......Got Milk........The Milky Way.......why aren't any of these working????
Ha ha, I see through your little plot, you want to brainwash all the animals, but why?
That's a good question, chicken, fellas? Doesn't the chicken come up with the best questions?
The chicken's right I'm getting bored of fucking with these animals, why did we start this experiment again?

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Why should we have to question anything?
All I'm saying is it's about time we pulled Yohann away from leadership for a bit, he got us the milk score and that's one thing but I'm starting to think he's got a hard on for animals.
Why should we have to question anything?
Freeze I want all of your milk, now!
We're getting mugged by the reaper, maybe I'm too fucked up on milk, but this sounds like an Iron Maiden song
This is just a disguise to get in here, numbnuts, I'm a desperate donkey under this robe, now gimme all the milk!

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Damn, I tell you blue goose, I could sure use a hit of that good shit the cow's got, it's not pure milk, but it gets you just as fucked up
SQWAKKK
Goddamn, even super high you're a bummer to talk to
I bet Blue Geese give incredible milk, no one will notice us and it's not like he or she can call for help

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Yo, boss, you're not gonna believe this but there's a pig out there humping a blue goose
Who disturbs my thoughts with distractions
No, no please don't let me fly to the moon in a dynamite rocket that'll surely blow up, I'll be good,I swear!!!!
Ha, ha too late to beg, I ain't too proud to beg, after blast off, I can get back to my dream of having a body to fuck horses with

 

by abed21
4-26-06
Ha ha, I've got so much milk hidden in that barn. It was so worth it to buy this sicle
hey whatcha up to mister? You ain't no nanimal
Ya ha, that mouse may have only been a child but he shouldn't poke his nose where it's not supposed ta'
I saw what you just did and frankly I'm disgusted
Shit! I don't know how to murder a snail.

 

by abed21
4-26-06
I'm not one to tattle sir, but there's a maniacal donkey out there with a reaper costume that murders small mice
So what do you want me to do about it, I'm just a head, ha ha, get it? get it ???
I don't, "get it"!!!!
Oh well, I guess it's your loss then isn't it? Whatta shame, hey did I ever show you my rocket collection? All scientists have rocket collections you know.

 

by abed21
4-26-06
I'm sure you and the others are concerned with all the rockets going out and blowing up, as well as where the milk comes from.
Rockets?
Like I was saying, here's where I get that magical milk from, it's actually my girlfriend, though she's not talking to me today, I don't know why???!!!!!!
You're dating a fucking cow?
Is that all I am to your friends, a cow that just gives you milk when you ask for it?
Awwww, no, no. He didn't mean it like that, baby

 

by abed21
4-26-06
I'm sure you and the others are concerned with all the rockets going out and blowing up, as well as where the milk comes from.
Rockets?
Like I was saying, here's where I get that magical milk from, it's actually my girlfriend, though she's not talking to me today, I don't know why???!!!!!!
You're dating a fucking cow?
Is that all I am to your friends, a cow that just gives you milk when you ask for it?
Awwww, no, no. He didn't mean it like that, baby

 

by abed21
4-26-06
So listen up pal, me and some of the animals have been doing some talking and well we want more milk
You've had plenty for today, cat. You're a cat, it's natural for you to want lots of milk. (shit, what am I gonna do, the cat's wise to me)
I heard what you just said, did you fuck up and mean to think that?
Yeah, totally, it's pretty weird that that happens sometimes
Hey so on the realsies though, how do I score some more of that precious delicious milk
Alright, I'm gonna show you the source, meet me behind the barn at 3 with a handful of some of your fine lady cat friends.

 

by abed21
4-26-06
I know what the plan is, I just I don't know I get jealous that that madman likes to watch you masturbate into cups, I don't know
Listen, he's crazy enough to fool the others into thinking the milk has some kind of magic, I just need to stall them a little bit longer, get lost before someone sees us together
Why hello, baby! What brings you to The Moo, tonight?
Baby, I caught that bull on the way in, I can't believe you're two timing my ass
Well maybe I'm not comfortable to be just a giant milk carton for you and all your friends!!!!
Fuck I need to make this relationship work. But how?

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