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**** THE VERY BEST IN FUNNIES IS RIGHT HERE SO YOU CAN LOOK NO FURTHER FOREVER ****

 

the ghost of xmas future by babstoyfish 12-04-03
every santa has his day but what about the poor little children?	who knew michael jackson was a child molester? YOU DID!	i know when you are sleeping.. nintendo!

 

teen angst by babstoyfish 12-04-03
will you go to the prom with me? no way jose	oh, come on. well, ok.....but only if you go dressed as jesus	the Big Night i'm not making out with you until you shave off that beard

 

an affair to forget by babstoyfish 12-04-03
what do squirrels and beatniks have in common? O ! x !		not much really......

 

nothingness by babstoyfish 12-06-03
american idol		oops, pardon me !

 

the elderly should be more generous by babstoyfish 12-06-03
gimme a quarter	.... i wanna play ms. pac-man	NOW !

 

getting on in years... by babstoyfish 12-06-03
.....and then doris hornbuckle got the gout and had to have three polyps removed the size of panty-hose eggs and then i hear that mildred has the lung-drip..... oh, you dont say ! ..... i have to go to the hospital for my third colonoscopy this month next wednesdy at 7o'clock in the mornin after ma progrums.....	.....her diabetus.... ..i ain't never seen anyone sa bloated up in all my years. my oh my was it awful. but when yer cholesterol is that high you're bound ta .... ......oh ! ....the pain it caused me ! and medicare don't cover it and the deductible for my goiter operation was twenty-six thousand, nine hundred sixty-.....	...and what with her husband passin away sa many years ago, she can't do a thing for herself what with her oxygen-tank and her iron lung and all... ...my ankles are swollen and ma grandbabies don't never call and i never got my free Rascal and then wilford brimley was late again with ma packige...

 

the internet makes my life complete by babstoyfish 12-06-03
hmmmmmmmmmmm... says here i can get "purely large boobies" and it's only a mouse-click away

 

the internet makes my life complete, the saga continues by babstoyfish 12-06-03
hmmmmmmmmmmm... says here i can get "purely large boobies" and it's only a mouse-click away	paris hilton is not a hotel in france? what the who?

 

the internet makes my life complete, buyer beware by babstoyfish 12-07-03
hmmmmmmmmmmm... says here i can get "purely large boobies" and it's only a mouse-click away	mastercard #5432 1234 90210 trans-action>> con-firmed>> suck-er>>	where have you been all my life?

 

help support family rendering farms by babstoyfish 12-07-03
uncle roy and lemmy mcgee both ended up with their feet stickin' out of a hotpot at din ho chinese barbeque!	i'm going to be slaughtered for my hooves	let's go get a cheeseburger !

 

the inevitable death of steve irwin caught live on tape by babstoyfish 12-07-03
a marsupial on a mission.... oy'll get that obnoxious "crocodile hunter" bloke if it's the last thing oy ever dooo....	australiotypes ..... toyme's up, tofu pup by croikey ! this bugger's ahmed ! no fair !	this tuesday at 10pm. .....only on animal planet.

 

the inevitable nervous breakdown of steve irwin caught live by babstoyfish 12-08-03
crocodile hunter episode no. 986: cocaine confessional i can't keep up anymore with this horrible charade. i'm not even from australia. i'm a washed up actor addicted to pcp. unable to admit my homosexuality to my overbearing father,	low self-esteem forced me into such degrading careers as male stripper, stand-up comedian, supporting actor on the hit television series Full House, and host of 1987's America's Funniest People.	i just need to be loved

 

portrait of the artist as a young woman, a horror story by babstoyfish 12-08-03
i'm addicted to this strip creator shit. help me.	i've been staring at this computer screen so long, my thoughts are beginning to become its own...	MWAH HA HA HA ! HA HA HA HA HA ! HA HA HA HA HA ! HA HA HA HA HA !

 

3 ways to the destruction of life on earth by babstoyfish 12-09-03
alien invasion	global incineration	the drudgery of workaday life

 

two peaches in my fannypack by babstoyfish 12-09-03
the slumber party SHAKE YER TITS ! SHAKE YER DIX ! SHAKE YER TITS ! SHAKE YER DIX !	will you girls keep it down in here? yes, missus hasenfeffer.	FIX YERSELF GIRL ! - YOU GOT A CAMEL TOE ! FIX YERSELF GIRL ! - YOU GOT A CAMEL TOE !

 

when playing chess with a pirate, it's best to let him win by babstoyfish 12-10-03

 

a mishap at the laundromat by babstoyfish 12-10-03
mr. platypus had neglected to read the instructions on how to properly care for his new clown suit.		machine wash cold???

 

love at first sight by babstoyfish 12-11-03
an unlikely romance blossoms outside of the starbucks excuse me lady, can you help me sew my arm back on?	i thought you'd never ask.	will you marry me? yes!

 

breaking up is hard to do by babstoyfish 1-09-04
the realization seeya later, dude! hey, whereya goin'?	YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME !!	the recovery i love it when the heat singes my fingertips...

 

it feels great by babstoyfish 2-22-04
the internal protest these celebrities are so UNCENSORED! ugh !	***************************************	television debut ******************** so, ..... ..... um.. ..... how does it feel to live in a garbage can?

 

You Just Got Served! by babstoyfish 4-12-04
The Eastsiderz Breakkin Krew	...........................vs........................... you will recieve your honorary diploma when we SCHOOL your asses! it's ON, holmes! bring it!	The ITT Tech Jazz-Dance Troupe

 

5th Wheel: The Lost Episodes by babstoyfish 4-13-04
The Ladies...... hi. my name is peanut. this is my first date! pardon me you kids.....is this the dr. phil show?	The Guys..... i'm dave. & my god tells me never to engage in intercourse on the first date. so step off the jock, shorties! SSSSSSEXXXXXX!!!	Enter the 5th Wheel...... hi everybody! My name is Louise & what i'm looking for is a stable career-oriented family-man to take care of me & my baby.

 

The Duke & The Gipper Battle For Supreme Dominance In Hell by babstoyfish 6-06-04
I was the King of the Wild West. I was the actual "King" of the Wild West.	I Killed Many a Man in My Day. Killed In the Line of Duty Under My Administration: Beirut Deployment: 265, Bombing of Libya: 2, Persian Gulf Escorts: 39, Invasion of Grenada: 19, Total Death Toll: 325	And that was just the Americans!

 

The Duke & The Gipper Battle For Supreme Dominance Part II by babstoyfish 6-06-04
Unfortunately, the Death Penalty happened to be federally outlawed during my years in office as Governor of the Great State of California. But I fought hard to get it reinstated & won!	And don't forget about all the people shot by all the guns I made darn sure were kept in the hands of the Good People of this Great Country!!	Why, back in 1980-1992 the suicide rate of youngsters aged 15-19 went up by 28% and kiddies 10-14 by 120% ! Firearm-related suicides accounted for 81% of the increase in the overall rate !

 

The Duke & The Gipper Battle For Supreme Dominance Part III by babstoyfish 6-07-04
Heck, some'll even say I'm responsible for over 80,000 deaths from AIDS back when I stamped out any education that mentioned safe sex! I wouldn't even say the word AIDS in public until 1988!!	Plus, I Signed the Anti-Drug Abuse Act creating a Federal Death Penalty for murders by those involved in drug trafficking activities. That's 37 Negroes so far ! & this information is 10 years old !	(It should be noted that 3/4 of those convicted under these provisions were white. Of the convicted, 3/4 of those chosen to be executed were black)... & Let Me Tell Ya All About the innocent bystanders & family members of suspects killed in S.W.A.T. Team Raids cuzza my War On Drugs ! Any Questions ? !

 

The Duke & The Gipper Battle For Supreme Dominance Part IV by babstoyfish 6-11-04
There's not enough room in this realm for the both of us.		So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to meet Mohammed Atta at the unlimited sex buffet.

 

Of Course Ronald Reagan Is In Heaven! by babstoyfish 6-11-04

 

Dudes Will Be Dudes by babstoyfish 8-07-04
dudes'llbedudes'llbedudes'llbe	dudes'llbedudes'llbedudes'llbe	dudes'llbedudes'llbedudes'llbe

 

Quitters Can't Be Choosers by babstoyfish 9-07-04
hi kids! wanna smoke?	we don't smoke! we don't smoke!	we quit! we quit!

 

The Last Ever High School Prank by babstoyfish 9-07-04
Those Honor Students would ever pull	on twin priests, the Fathers Beattie.

 

Ghost Ducks by babstoyfish 11-14-04
Who will the ghostducks haunt next?...	.............................................................	.............................................................

 

THE GLOBAL INTERNATIONAL 2004 AWARD AWARD AWARDS by babstoyfish 12-12-04
We would like to present ourselves	with an award	thank you. for our awards.

 

Happy New Year Everybody. by babstoyfish 12-24-04
The Year changes and suddenly everything's that's happened the year before is canceled out.	.... like it never even mattered at all....	Indubitably! 2005? anyone?

 

Style over Substance, Form over Function.. ( DH Lawrence ) by babstoyfish 2-08-05
People, all the people she knew seemed so entirely contained within their cardboard let's-be-happy world. Their wills fixed like machines on happiness... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!	She seemed to be talking to handsome young bare-faced unrealities, not men at all... what are you thinkin about?? nuttin' hunney!!	They too seemed to have been conjured up out of air, merely for this soaring, slithering dance-business. let's go to a dance-party!! ... so anyway like i was saying, all you really need to know about MOi is that fashion is my WORLD!! i spent 18 days getting ready for this party!! like my outfit??

 

Style over Substance, Form over Function: Part II by babstoyfish 2-08-05
And she could not believe that, when the lights went out, they woudn't melt back into thin air again, and complete nonentity.	The strange nonentity of it all! Everything just conjured up, and nothing real.	And she had a vision, a vision of evil. She became aware of evil, evil, evil rolling in great waves over the earth. And she thought in horror of those other people, so glib, so glibly evil. Let's go kill some hookers just for funs! This band totally sucks! I hate their HairDo! Me three!!

 

Style over Substance, Form over Function: Part III by babstoyfish 2-08-05
What did they want to do? Undermine, undermine, undermine. Everone loves me!! Hooray!! bitch!!	Believe in nothing, care about nothing: but keep the surface easy, and have a good time. fatass!! You're my best friend because you are so cute!!	Never draw blood. Keep the hemorrhage internal, invisible. Abolish death, save every parasite alive, until the accumulation of mere existence is swollen to a horror. Gimme summore entertainment!! Tune in for another steamin pile o shit!! Tonite!! at 8!!

 

Pharmaco Pushers: Mandatory Mental Health Screening for Kids by babstoyfish 2-12-05
OK little girl, take 1 of these 50mg Zoloft® tablets every day and you won't ever cry again.	Not even when I fall down go boom?	Not even when you fall down and go "boom". mommy, i feel funny

 

Pharmaco Pushers Part II: Agitation by babstoyfish 2-12-05
ok, better make that 2 a day. I hope all of you die....	Hey Bunny, I want you to kill your family for me, ok? If you say so!	You stabbed each of your parents 14 times in their sleep. What made ya do it? One jab for each day they tried to ground me! They deserved it!

 

Pharmaco Pushers Part III: Opportunities for New Takers by babstoyfish 2-12-05
Doctor, my PMS is making me feel all oogy for a whole day a month. Can you recommend any vitamin supplements or anything?	Of course, my dear. Take 1 of these 100mg Zoloft® tablets every day. Is it true that stuff makes it virtually impossible to achieve orgasm?	The first 14 are free! I'm listening.

 

PushersIV: Who Says Religion N Science Can't Go Hand In Hand by babstoyfish 2-12-05
You should be aware that private studies have shown a direct link between pre-menstrual ooginess & when Eve gave Adam that apple in the Garden of Eden.	So maybe you little ladies oughta think twice next time you try messin' around with this "Knowledge" hoo-ha.	Your naked female body is sinful. Go now in shame. You can pay the little lady up front.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS NOW!!!!!! by babstoyfish 6-24-05
GIMME THE MONEY!!!!!!	GIMME THE MONEY!!!!!!	GIMME THE MONEY!!!!!!

 

Hannity and Colmes by babstoyfish 10-27-05
The Modern Political Debate.... but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, THAR! AH CUT YER DAMN HEAD OFF WITH MAH REBEL FLAG, BLUE STATE BITCH! NAH YOO CAN BE AHS DUMMB AS MUH!	The Ghosts of Hitler and a former slave look on.. Yeah, give 'em Hell, Bocephus !! Oh Dear. Heaven help US.	Meanwhile, back at the office....the flipside of the political divide rages on & on & on... Git back ta work, ya stinkin libral pinko! I aint done suckin the soul out ya yet! Ah seen a drop er 2 uh life left in ya! Hammer annuher un uh dem nails in yer ed dere! 'Sanuther nickel init 4ya I am not an animal. I am a thinking, feeling adult human being. I have a fucking Master's Degree in Humanites. Oh, the Humanity.

 

The Ducks of Hazard by babstoyfish 4-14-07
This looks like a good spot, Bocepus, plant that flag rightchair.	Beatiful. .... Oh, Honey! It's the perfect place to build our Dream-Home!..	HONEY!!!!! HURRY UP!! "HOGAN KNOWS BEST" IS ABOUT TO START!

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