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| Welcome to the Six O'Clock News. Today's top story -- Oprah Winfrey pee-peed in her panties today and it ran down her legs and into her shoes, and then she sat down and pee-peed some more. | |
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| It happened live on her top-rated afternoon talk show, where witnesses reported seeing a dark stain in her crotch area, followed by thick dribbly trickles of yellowish pee-pee all down her legs. | |
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| Winfrey continued to sit in the fetid, foul-smelling pee-pee throughout the remainder of her interview with Julia Roberts, who struggled to choke back wracking waves of stomach-churning nausea. | |
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| The actress finally began to vomit uncontrollably when Winfrey suddenly pulled her panties down, perched on the back of her chair, and took a huge, steaming doo-doo in full view of the audience. | |
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| She then hopped down, flung off her shoes, and began to dance around in the horrendous pile of her own doo-doo, screaming "Blah blah blah, I like to dance around in my own smelly doo-doo." | |
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| Her assistants tried to restrain her, but she began to blast a fresh wave of diarrhetic doo-doo at them straight out of her big, smelly butt. And that's the news for today! Stay tuned for "Seinfeld"! | |
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