All comics by jezatron

 

Neil Ponders The 706 Union Presents Show by jezatron 7-12-02
Neil ponders whether he should go to his pal's big show. God, I really don't want to go to the Earl by myself on Thursday... but I have to go or Jez'll hate me.	I mean, it's Jez's first "The 706 Union Presents" show she's putting on there... (sigh). Dude... are you talking about the show THIS Thursday the 18th with Silent Kids, Nell Bryden and The Yum Yum Tree and that puppet show that's a punk band? Sounds like fun. You should go.	Yeah, I know it's going to be a blast, but my girlfriend dumped me and I don't want to face all those people that will be like "Oh, man, I heard about you and Tammy. Sucks, dude." God, you are such a whiny bitch.

 

Score! by jezatron 7-15-02
The Stretch... Hi Jez.	The Pitch... Hi Doug.	Word. Want to have sex? k.

 

Praying by jezatron 7-15-02
One sunny afternoon, Beldar sees Mr. Owl Hello Mr. Owl... what are you doing? Praying.	Who are you praying for? World Peace.	You ask a guy a question and he has to be a smartass about it. Go to hell.

 

OMG, Imports! by jezatron 7-15-02
Hi Monica. You'll never guess what I got!! Lemme guess... some sort of rare import?	THE import. Pulp's "We Love Life" on vinyl, with three extra tracks, different liner notes and signed by Javis Cocker. What? How in the hell did you get that?	You'll never believe it! I found it at the flea market! Some nice hispanic man said he didn't know what it was and sold it to me for ONLY $82.00! Can you believe?? Uh, total find! He is never going to get laid.

 

Indie Record Store Training Video Example #324 by jezatron 7-15-02
Indie Record Store Training Video: Customer Service #324: Keith helps his customers. May I help you find something sir? Ummm.. yeah. Ya'll got any Phish bootlegs?	Bait and Switch Technique. Phish? No. Just the full lengths. But we do have all the Dick's Picks Grateful Dead Volumes. Whoa! How'd you know I love The Dead? Man, can I see them?	Don't let the customer know you are calling them sheep right to their face. I know my customers. This guy's alright.

 

Indie Record Store Training Video, #224 by jezatron 7-15-02
Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #224: Patience is a virtue. You finding everything okay, sir? I'm looking for something that sounds kind of like The Strokes or The Hives or The White Stripes...	How about The Stooges? They put out a record? I use to watch them when I was a kid on Saturday mornings!	No... sir, the influencial rock band from the lat '60's and 'early 70's. I'll juts get the new Eminem record.

 

Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #133 by jezatron 7-15-02
Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #133: Before you explain the whole bit, ask what they specifically want. Is there something I can help you with? I've never been here, I'm just trying to figure out the store.	Well, we've got jazz in the last case on the left, followed by A-L of the regular section. M-Z is the glass case here to the right. Dance/Hip Hop/Acid Jazz is in the glass case in the middle... Can I use your restroom?	We don't have public restroom, sorry.

 

Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #446 by jezatron 7-16-02
Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #446: Some customers ask for help and then don't listen to what you say. Just get use to it. Having trouble finding something sir? I was looking for an out of print Skinny Puppy German Import. You don't have it. Can I order it?	You said it yourself, it's out of print. We can't order it. What if I gave you some extra money. Could you get it?	Sir, "out of print" means that they don't manufacture it anymore. No one can get it. What if I said "Pretty Please order it for me"?

 

Indie Record Store Training Video #189 by jezatron 7-16-02
Indie Record Store Training Video #189: Customers are bound to have their head up their ass. You'll be okay. Need help looking for something? Yeah, I heard this song on the radio a couple of days ago and again today. It was really fast and it had male vocals and it was about breaking up. Do you know what song I am talking about.	No, I'm sorry-- you'll have to give me more than that. Sure you know that song! It's on all the time on X101 f.m.!	I don't listen to commercial radio. Then how do you find out about new music? MTV?

 

Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #339 by jezatron 7-16-02
Indie Record Store Training Video, Example #339: Some people are really, really lonely and really, really nerdy. Don't let them waste too much of your time. Something I can help you with? I see that you have a copy of the limited edition 700 Pound Soldier ep. I saw them back in 1992 at the Groundstock Festival when they played with Soft Bound Book and...	(sigh) I use to have it but then I lost it when I let a friend borrow it from me in 1994 at a Paper Sleeve show. Or was it that secret Coffeechair show at the Boardhouse in Phoenix? Great show...and then...	Do you want to buy it sir? Um, no, I'll just download it off the net.

 

Pronunciations of Artists Names, Important? Nah!! by jezatron 7-16-02
Music Director, Note To Self: Write pronunciations on the CD cover for the not-so-bright D.J.s. Case in point: Mojave 3, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion abbreviation and "S/T" means self titled release Okay, and that last record you heard was by a band called Mo-Jave Three.	Before that we heard a little bit from Jesbex and from Mock-uh.	The name of that Mock-uh c.d. of course is their "S Slash T" release for those of you not "in the know".

 

That Old College Radio Guy by jezatron 7-16-02
How is it... It's 9:00 a.m. You are listening to the Student Run Voice of State College, 88.5 f.m.	"That Guy"... We proudly operate on the campus at 2,000 watts on your f.m. dial.	can pay that much tuition. People are making fun of you. It's time to hang it up, bub. Welcome to "Herman's Stereo Adventure" with your host as always, Me! Herman... "Our" show is happy to be celebrating our 14th year on the air.

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