All comics by secretsanta

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by secretsanta
11-18-01
Hey, aren't you the guy that sucks dick for coke?
yeah mista...
12 blowjobs please
alright, you or the cat?

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
you hear about the airplanes crashing into those buildings?
yeah, that's so scary.
i know! i don't think i'll be able to fly in a plane for a long time!
screw that! i'm never going into a building again!

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
in hell...
HOLY CRAP! what are you doing down here jesus?
*SIGH*
FOR THE LAST TIME! I'M NOT JESUS! I'M KURT COBAIN!

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
Dude, i saw Burt Reynolds the the club last night!
Yeah! i asked him to reenact that scene from 'boogie nights', when he looks into that mirror, whips out his penis and says: "I'm a star".
?
Dude, Burt Reynolds didn't say that... that was Marky Mark!
That's strange... He still reenacted it...

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
(shiver) dang these ice cubes in my underwear!
well, why do you have ice cubes in your underwear?
perhaps the pain will go away if i hurt myself somewhere else...
uh.. ok, forget my last question.. why the hell did you just put a nail into your forehead?!?!
... ... .. .. .... ... ... .... .... .... ..... .. oh my god, i hit my temporal lobe.. i think i've lost the ability to speak!

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
Dude, i saw Burt Reynolds at the club last night!
wow! really?
Yeah! I asked him to reenact the scene from 'Boogie nights', when he looks into that mirror, whips out his penis and says: "I'm a star!"
?
Dude, Burt Reynolds didn't say that, that was Marky Mark.
Oh well, Mr. Reynolds still did it.

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
OH momma!
jesus christ! hubba hubba...
THANKS EVERYONE! if i didn't have to die for your sins, i would be able to masturbate right about now!

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
Austrailia:
Manitoo, this lab is experimenting on our marsupial brothers
Yes comrade Rudgeri, the scientist must be somewhere within this facility...
do dedo dedo... time to spary some koala's eyes with "i can't believe its not butter"
There you are, you australian capitalist pig! prepare to die!
a telepahic kangaroo with a gun!

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
Hey, 'Secretsanta', your last comic on stripcreator.com sucked!
ah, oh.. uh... well...
yeah, telepathic kangaroo liberation army.. what the fuck! that wasn't even funny!
oh, well something happened on my computer, and i sent the comic premature.. i didn't get to do the punchline
Mr.mew-mew and i need to know.. what happened to the scientist and telepathic kangaroo?
They fall in love of course!

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
Meanwhile, in PET HELL:
Salvador Doggie, for all the crimes you've commited in your lifetime, you must balance on that ball and wear hypercolor clothes for the rest of eternity!
NO! god no!
I'm going to get a Zima, i'll be right back.
What did i do to deserve this?!?
3 days later...
i knew i should have went to school.. how long is eternity?

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
Cowboy Man, i think we have to have a talk about Superguy... His behaviour is getting worse and worse.
I know what you mean Caped Aryan, did you hear about last week? He tied up 'Undead Nixon' with one of his super-pubes. it took the police 2 hours to free him!
Yes, and at last night's weekly 'league of superpals' circle jerk, he purposely came in Black Marvel's face!
Yeah, i heard about that. I heard he has two black eyes and broken nose!
I don't know what to do... I think we're going to have to let him go...
Nah, i think he just needs a supergirlfriend.

 

by secretsanta
11-18-01
STILL IN PET HELL:
Salvador Doggie! How is your tourture going?
Not that bad actually. I'm getting the hang of this balancing thing.
It's kind of fun actually. I made a game out of it, i try to say on as long as i can and then i try and beat the record!
Dammit. This is supposed be not fun! This is hell, not funny-dog-on-a-ball place!
HA HA HA! how's that? much better!
Satan, you're such a jerk!

 

by secretsanta
11-21-01
Hey, how's it going guy?
Alright man... The same old, same old. You know how it is...
Yeah, that's cool. Well i should go, i have to go to the doctor's for that thingy i got..
That's cool. I'll see you around Buddy. Take care!
Who the fuck was that?
Dude, that guy is so hawt.

 

by secretsanta
11-29-01
Excuse me Miss, Is your father a woodland elf?
'Cause you look good enough to eat!
I tell you man, nobody get's your woodland elf pickup line.
In Britain the woodland elves make candy. candy good eough to eat!

 

by secretsanta
11-29-01
Excuse me Miss, Is your father a woodland elf?
'Cause you look good enough to eat!
I told you that line never works. NEVER mention eating them!

 

by secretsanta
12-03-01
..and then she told me she hates me. and giggled.
that sounds like flirting my friend.
i don't think i'll ever understand girls.
you should join our team.
i don't think i dig robots, sorry.
would it help if i upgraded my genitalia to 'female'?

 

by secretsanta
12-04-01
This realationship isn't working out.
What can we do to make this better?
We have to spice things up, like role play.. or talk dirty or something!
How about this: I'M GONNA DEFRAG YOUR HARD DRIVE 4x SPEED.
oh yessss....

 

by secretsanta
12-04-01
Secret santa, what's it like to have a penis?
That's tough to describe.
Is it similar to any other part of the human anatomy?
I don't know what to compare it to. It's kind of like a big toe, but it doesn't have a nail and any bones inside of it.
...Or a little toe, in your case.
Dammit, stop using your x-ray vision when i'm in the shower!

 

by secretsanta
12-04-01
There's that girl in my class... this is the right time. Its now or never to ask her out on a date.
Dang, look at her walk... i can't do this. I'm getting all nervous. I'll probably look like a total creep.
How did it go? did you ask her out today?
It was better than last time. I don't think she saw me pee my pants.

 

by secretsanta
12-04-01
I have an idea....
AH HA! with the use of the background splitter, i can have more panels to space out my jokes better!
Now i'm not limited to just three panels, like everyone else. I will now be able to create far superior online comic strips. HAHAHA!
I'm so lonely.

 

by secretsanta
12-04-01
doo de doo de doo...
Master secret santa, are you busy on the computer right now?
Yeah, i'm on ebay trying to sell something.
Oh? what are you getting rid of?
you.

 

by secretsanta
12-07-01
She said that? Dang, that's crazy...
DANG?? hahahaha...
What's so funny? Haven't heard anyone use that word in a while?
No, It just reminds me of this guy i knew.. Jonathan Dang in High school.
If i was his father i would have named him "God"...
If i was his father i would have named him "Big-Giant"...

 

by secretsanta
12-07-01
ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR SPANKING? YOU HAVE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY. YOU MUST BE HANDCUFFED AND TAUGHT A LESSON..
Ugh, Secret Santa! your robot friend is creeping me out!
NAUGHTY BOY. NAUGHTY BOY. NAUGHTY BOY. NAUGHTY BOY. NAUGHTY BOY.
what the hell is going on?
oh sorry about that, i left him in 'S+M' mode...
So that's why you haven't been going out lately.

 

by secretsanta
12-09-01
Hey Secret Santa, what's the difference between me and Christmas?
hmm.. i don't know, what?
Christmas comes once a year, but i cum every night! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK
You kiss your motherboard with that mouth?

 

by secretsanta
1-15-02
who the heck are you?
why i'm you, secret santa! i've traveled from the future to warn you about great catastrophe!
really! what's gonna happen, future-me?
what are you blind?!?! look at me! i'm miserable!

 

by secretsanta
1-15-02
..and then after we get in that accident, our third wife divorces us, she gets custody of Rufus.. and we have to move out to your uncle's trailer..
...you're going to meet someone named steve myer in 2015. what ever you do, don't give him any money....
..and you must remember to lock your car door on novemeber 17th 2018. you're gonna... hey..are you listening? i think you should be taking notes..
wow, all my friends are right.. i do have an irritating voice.

 

by secretsanta
1-15-02
gee.. thanks future-me for all the tips and info. i'll make sure to learn from our future-mistakes, so i don't become a super loser like you.
hey man, it's cool. just looking out for..ah.. myself.
so you wanna hangout tomorrow?

 

by secretsanta
1-15-02
Shit... So it turns out future-me is stuck in his past with us. Apparently time-travel is only a one way ticket.
..he's so pitiful and irritating!
hmm..
you think it's suicide if i kill a future version of myself?

 

by secretsanta
1-15-02
hey hombre, mind getting your time-traveling buddy another beer? oh, and can i borrow another $20 as well?
HMM... ......3......2.....1....
AAAHHHHHhhhhhhh......
I'm sorry future-secret santa!
I did it. I killed you.
You didn't melt his glasses did you? they were kinda cool.

 

by secretsanta
1-15-02
HO HO HO!
HO HO HO!
HO HO HO!
HO HO HO!
fuck if you do that again, i'm gonna break your goddamn neck!
.............

 

by secretsanta
1-19-02
ah man.. i think that girl over there likes me!
well thats great! you should introduce yourself and get to know her!
yeah, but it's totally going to ruin the emo thing i got going right now....

 

by secretsanta
3-09-02
Hey secret santa, i haven't seen you in a while.. what have you been up to?
uh.. oh nothing. i was.... on vacation.
cool! where did you go?
ummm......
Ok, i lied. i've been locked up in my room on a 2 week masturbating binge.

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
Hello my son, can i help you?
Oh yeah, i just wanted to ask: is sunday mass gonna be BYOB?

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
oh my god! my long lost twin brother!
hey.
dude, that's so cool you finally met your twin brother!
yeah, it was nice meeting him...
i'm happy to say that i'm the arnold schwarzenegger and he's the danny devito.

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
excuse me officer, i'm lost and i was hoping you could direct me to...
HEY!
umm...... yes?
I'll ask the questions around here!
...uh.. just give me a second to collect my thoughts.... your vest is distracting me.

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
~hmlph!~
wow, this brings back memories....

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
Well i had a great time....
Yeah me too. i'll give you a call. we can go out again, ok?
So how'd the date go?
alright.
But i think she's anerexic.

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
So are we going to do this shit or what?
yeah, yeah.. just give me a second to let him warm up.
Alright, ready?
Uh-huh. on the count of three: one.... two... THREE!
What's going on over there?
Baby versus cat fight. it's really big in the Philipines.

 

by secretsanta
4-17-02
oh my god - oh my god - oh my god...
buuuuzzzz
whew! that was close!
buuuuzzzz
i'm allergic to bee stings.. i could have died!

 

by secretsanta
9-07-02
hey hey yeah yeah oh yeah hey yeah!
yeah oh yeah!
yeah oh boy yeah hey okay yeah!
uh huh!
that band rocked!
what's going on in your pockets?

 

by secretsanta
9-10-02
so, um.. do you like movies?
...yeah....... i like movies...
SO? how did that blind date go with that guy the other night?
oh.. it was okay.
what when wrong?
I'm just not into skull-fucking.

 

by secretsanta
9-10-02
SECRET SANTA! you totally ruined a great comic back there!
i know, that lady in the third panel was supposed to say: "what went wrong" not "what when wrong"..
that is unexceptable. you'll never be a REAL online artist with slip-ups like that!
give me a break, i haven't been laid in a month!

 

by secretsanta
9-10-02
Dude, will you watch my dog for me?
that depends... is your dog COOL?
Well..
We do watch "American Idol" on tv together.
That's defiantly an un-cool dog man.

 

by secretsanta
10-02-02
Wow, i've never been on a blind date before...
Oh.. Ah.. Really? That's nice. Well I think you should take me home now..
GEEZ Mary, why did you hook me up on that blind date with some creep? I thought you said he was "the bomb"!
Noooo...
I said he was hit with a bomb.

 

by secretsanta
2-27-03
DUDE, did you hear Chis Cornell and the guys from Rage Against the Machine combined to make a new band?
NO WAY!
And Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins has a new band too!
Get outta here!
Yup, Nirvana just released a new song not to long ago.
Okay, now I know you're fucking with me..

 

by secretsanta
2-27-03
..so my last boyfriend didn't understand.. He woke me up early one morning, and BAM! it was over.
Wow, that's heavy.
would you like to come to my place? Maybe a cup of coffee or something?
Sure, i'd love to.
How'd the blind date go?
We spooned. And when he wasn't looking.. I devoured his soul.

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