All comics by suzannebowen

Profile

 

by suzannebowen
6-03-11
I am the alpha and omega. Who cares if everything is falling apart. Just make it all about MEME.
So forget all the promises to clients and industry partners. Let's do the passive-aggressive thing.
It's a Hang Fung Gold Toilet and office chair in one just for you, value $5 million, Boss.
Ooooo Aaaaa La Kit

 

by suzannebowen
6-05-11
Moneybookers doesn't allow USA companies to use their platform.
So we finally get revenge on Paypal, the world's most "loved way to pay and get paid."
Hmm ...
Innovation, that is your middle name, Boss. What is a better way to pay for and sell whatever we want anywhere in the world?

 

by suzannebowen
8-23-11
I don't want you to go anywhere.
But I've got a couple dozen appointments with some key oil companies. One gave me a free roundtrip flight.
You are erased from the history of this company.
I wonder if we are still friends?
Chick thought she was going to take the limelight. I am the alpha and the omega of this OIL SLICK..

 

by suzannebowen
9-03-11
Uh our strategy you know is um focused on you know SIP, UC, and uh ALM ...
How much do I get paid to listen to this crap?
I died for people like you. Please join Toastmasters. You are putting us all through Hell.

 

by suzannebowen
2-28-12
1400 dollahs.
Dollahs? Ok ... discount?
You only bought ten IP phones!
But after I did, you said their value would be only 50 each within a year. Yeesh!.
Did I say that?
Yeah, right after you bragged about having 4 wives.

 

by suzannebowen
2-28-12
Her hash name is World Wide Ho' because she's always with foreign guys on Facebook.
To do for today: M2M podcast at 11, research High Availability in IP services, buy Ms. Red Cross a turtle neck dickie ...
What do you expect? You have 543 guys in your network whose first name is Muhammad.

 

by suzannebowen
3-06-12
The company is using Thingworx to run the algorithms that connect to the smart traffic lights to schedule maintenance.
Oh, that's exciting.
Which really means, I don't know what the hell you are talking about.
She's blond with no dark roots which explains it.

 

by suzannebowen
3-15-12
Is the breadwinner of the house available?
I am a wiener!
We admire wieners.
Ready, set, go!
1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 1 0 Blip
Phone phreaking in 2012? How lame.

 

by suzannebowen
3-30-12
Get your Japan visa. You're going with me to the World Telecommunications Congress in Miyazaki with me. All goes well ... expect a raise.
Me?
Visa? Check. New pressed suits? Check. New smartphone? Check. New outlook on life and wife happy? Check.
We're proud of you, son. I guess your boss really appreciates you finally?
I've changed my mind on everything. Darya, the new girl. is going.
Time for quiet sabotage.

 

by suzannebowen
4-11-12
Will you write me a Linkedin recommendation?
Hmm ... this person only spams my social network walls. What kind thing can I say about him?
I complimented how well you use social networks for business. Now, would you write a Linkedin recommendation for me?
To tag all my Facebook social network friends' walls: "We are proud to share our new, improved, state of the art services. Buy now at our website."

 

Ayúdame, por favor. Quiero estar en dos lugares al mismo tiempo.
by suzannebowen, 4-13-12

 

The more I post a link to my company's website on Facebook and Twitter, the more money I'll make.
He's in my networks, but I've blocked all his updates. ;-)
by suzannebowen, 4-19-12

 

If I keep whistling like nothing is going on, he won't realize I'm shoulder surfing.
That guy behind me sure is annoying. Now, what was I doing? Oh yes, making sure all my company's credit card numbers are listed correctly.
by suzannebowen, 4-23-12

 

by suzannebowen
4-26-12
BUSINESS VOIP SERVICES ...
Where do I research VoIP?
THIS JARGON IS GREEK.
Concurrent channel/port limits set on the individual gateway ... failover routing ... LDAP integration ... transformation returns parts of SIP URI ... cloud communications ... urrr
PAYOFF?
Cost-savings, customer retention, and I don't go postal on you.

 

RING GROUP FEATURE OF voIP CAN FIX THIS.
The boss says that a ton of phone calls from customers are not answered, and he is not putting up with that. He says I have to fix this.
by suzannebowen, 4-30-12

 

Can people own a USA phone number even if they don't physically live there?
Um, yes. They can get them from any of 60 nations via AstraQom. Since I gave you this advice, will you guys at channel 3 start using me more than your Blackberrys?
by suzannebowen, 5-02-12

 

Boss, I think you need Call Whisper, not another cup of espresso.
by suzannebowen, 5-14-12

 

I think mainly you gave me an outlet and during a time I hardly spoke ...
We're here for the Muscogee language class.
by suzannebowen, 5-18-12

 

by suzannebowen
6-02-12
Actions speak louder than words
I love my company, my wife, my sister ...
You are a liar.
Pay attention to your assets
?
Late paychecks. That's not your wife's Facebook pic in white lace boy short style panties you keep looking at. You owe your sister money and missed your payment in May.
Grass is not greener over there
Can I trade places with you?
Let's bargain. You pay the loan, and I'll take care of your hot wife, awesome staff, and sweet sister. In fact, I already have. Later gator.

 

How could I (Mr. Z, the Great) have already used 5 GB by the 12th of the month?
It just sounds to me like you need to unplug, man.
by suzannebowen, 6-12-12

 

by suzannebowen
6-13-12
Traditional Fax Machines Imprison
Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.
Have you heard of fax to email and vice versa?

 

Have you heard of fax to email and vice versa?
I like to guide the paper to fax so it doesn't get jammed. I like standing here and waiting 5 minutes for 5 sheets of paper to fax. This is my favorite part of work.
by suzannebowen, 6-13-12

 

You are half the car you used to be, but smarter and more connected to the cloud than ever!
by suzannebowen, 6-18-12

 

by suzannebowen
6-19-12
You have an elephant on the premises.
That big old gray thing? It's just our boss's pet PBX switchboard. He says the alternative is too cloudy.

 

by suzannebowen
6-22-12
Hello. This is Geneviève at Aujourd'hui Inc. May I help you?
What is the name of your company?
Aujourd'hui.
I thought I was calling Azure Dewey, my new interior decorating company.
It is AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI AUJOURD'HUI LIKE OH SURE DWEEB.
Time for quiet sabotage.

 

by suzannebowen
6-25-12
A dream that became a reality and spreads throughout the stars?
I like your definition of a virtual private server, Captain Kirk.

 

by suzannebowen
6-28-12
It is pronounced Vo Eye Pea.
Perhaps the logical thing is not how it is pronounced but instead how admirably it works.

 

Boss, "comision" is not the right spelling. Don't you care? This is our domain name.
Excuse me. I can spell. We will squash Comision Junction finally!
by suzannebowen, 7-01-12

 

What did I do?
I'm citing you for stealing a barstool and using it as a walker to get home from some office party.
by suzannebowen, 7-02-12

 

by suzannebowen
7-03-12
Your story for the customer service award competition?
Ah, yes. The day we held a slip and slide customer appreciation party.
I don't think this is a good idea.
Me neither.

 

How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?
Aye, the compass doesn't point North. But we're not trying to find North, are we?
by suzannebowen, 7-06-12

 

by suzannebowen
7-11-12
Are yyyou yyyou yyou the the the the the re?
During the time you've completed that sentence, my beard grew another inch.

 

Backups?
A little late to study virtualized environments now.
by suzannebowen, 7-11-12

 

by suzannebowen
7-12-12
I had no idea that woman in my Facebook network would someday found something like TaskRabbit.
Leah Busque? I always look in my virtual and offline "backyard" to buy and recommend services.
Buy local, whether that is virtual local or physical local. Weird.

 

by suzannebowen
7-12-12
CYA? Always. When you call, I'm there for you. Never feel that you are not important.
Boss, I think I'm going to cry. No one ever said anything so sweet to me in my life.
Work! Who said work? I'll take some of that! And I did. It was Good. There was much rejoicing. And then we networked. We served for hours, calling customers and partners and to the Nth powers!

 

Our first cruise ... how about you?
This is a cruise? I thought you were applying for the elves' jobs. Let me switch you to reservations.
by suzannebowen, 7-13-12

 

Wait, wait! Our business continuity plan is on that 3 1/2 inch disk. Save it! Ack!
by suzannebowen, 7-27-12

 

Book Diet
I've found the secret to weight loss. When I get a little money, I buy books. If there is any left over, I buy food.
So, Erasmus was a priest and dietitian.
by suzannebowen, 8-20-12

 

Hedwig, is she pushing product to the customer?
Is this part of our ReUse policy.
by suzannebowen, 8-28-12

 

Sorry, I don't have time to chat with you about the new company blog ... or anything. Talk to you later.
I will never take work home again. Heavy sigh.
by suzannebowen, 9-13-12

 

by suzannebowen
1-21-13
We've been invited to ping this IP address with thousands of other hacktivists like us.
Time for DDoS mitigation.

 

Claustrophobic Bosses
Boss, can we toss our tin cans and taut wire phone system? It's not compatible to what our customers use.
I'll clip that to the company WISH LIST.
by suzannebowen, 7-27-13

 

Business Death by DDoS and Candide Boss Syndrome
Um ... DDoS protection services could have helped them avoid this destruction.
All because of our boss's "Candide" complex! We kept telling him our computers were running as slow as a blue whale's heartbeat. like two beats per minute. He blamed it on our lack of initiative.
by suzannebowen, 8-19-13

 

AstraQom Against VoIP Fraud
Brr rrr rrr ing
Even the telephone is a tool in cyber crime, but as Mr. Bharara says, "Businesses should be assured that law enforcement will operate with the utmost sensitivity toward victims of cyber attacks."
by suzannebowen, 8-21-13

 

AstraQom Interviews Businesses about Social Media Failures
Being on the social media team feels invisible.
Wait! Don't give up. Take my hand. Let's talk.
by suzannebowen, 8-21-13

 

CheapozoidVoIP World's Cheapest Unlimited Calling
I fine you for the world's tiniest, most illegible terms of service, CheapozoidVoIP.
by suzannebowen, 8-21-13

 

Cyber the Explosive & Malfeasance the Spark
If you let a bully come in your front yard, he'll be on your porch the next day and the day after that he'll ... (Lyndon B. Johnson).
by suzannebowen, 8-27-13

 

Highlight HR Positive, Not the Negative
All I can think about is the time he dropped his work tablet and broke it.
Evaluation time...he won't even mention that I am responsible for 40 % of sales this quarter or that I pay for pizza once per week for our rich media department.
by suzannebowen, 4-22-15

 

by suzannebowen
4-27-15
I want to drive a Mercedes Benz to work.
Ha. I just wish my car air conditioner to work.
Pishah! I have to walk two miles where someone picks me up.
At least none of you have to take a bus.
Y'all have no idea what it is like to walk 5 miles to work.
I just wish I had a job.

 

by suzannebowen
5-18-15
I wish my teacher were a clown.
Create me in an app, and play with a noun, a pound, things that are round, and the parts of a town?
Nicolas Cage once said, "Classes were always a bore to me. I wanted to learn things on my own, not by presentations.I was a loudmouth and a clown."
He must be a "Helping Children Learn" IndieGogo campaign contributor!

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