All comics by televisionsroywalker

 

Go and fetch me another beer from the fridge, Robot!
Yes
Go on then. Didn't you hear me?
Yes

 

Did you watch the match last night?
Yes
What a stunning winning goal! Would you agree?
Yes
Who would be your choice for 'man of the match'
Yes

 

What time is it, Robot?
Yes
Damn you Robot! All you ever say is "Yes".
Yes
Have I got a big cock?
No

 
Will you push me around the Kwik Save car park in a shopping trolley?

 
Brain damage occurs at an internal temperature of 105 degrees Fahrenheit.

 
Do you want to come to my house for tea?

 
Pull my finger.

 

Why are you sat in the bin?
Because I didn't keep up my mortgage repayments and I was evicted from my home
It sounds like you need to call 'Dial For A Loan' on freephone 0800-DIAL-LOAN. I saw an advert on the television. They might be able to help solve your problems!
They took my phone

 

Can I have a new doll for Christmas, please?
Go away, I'm not Santa. I'm merely an intruder dressed as Santa and I'm here to steal all your presents. Now, go back to bed before I put you in the fire.
I'm going to tell my daddy on you.
Oh shit.

 

...Yes, then he knocked me to the ground and ran off with my bag
But what about that bag on your right arm? Are you sure he stole your bag?
No...
...then I saw Ray Stubbs from Football Focus urinating against that toy shop window over there!

 

Do you realise that you are blocking the highway?
I SAID DO YOU REALISE THAT YOU ARE BLOCKING THE HIGHWAY?
Ruff, ruff.

 

I'm bigger than you
No, I'm bigger than you!
I'm bigger than you
No, I'm bigger than you!
I'm bigger than you
Twat

 

Where did you get your boxer shorts from?
Uncle Joe's Big Boxer Shorts Emporium
Where did you get your shirt from?
Shirt Land
15 minutes later

 

I'm arresting you for impersonating a police officer.
No, I'm arresting YOU for impersonating a police officer.
No, I'm arresting YOU for impersonating a police officer.
It's not the same without Des Taviner.

 

I'm arresting you for impersonating a police officer.
What?

 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
The police. It's your wife. She's dead.
OH MY GOD!
Only joking! It's me! Richard O' Brien from The Crystal Maze! April Fool!

 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Guess.
Richard O' Brien from The Crystal Maze?
No. It's the police. Your wife is dead.
OH MY GOD.

 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
It's your wife.
B-b-b-b-but I thought you were dead?!
She is. It's me again. Richard O' Brien from The Crystal Maze. Can I borrow a cup of sugar?

 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Richard O' Brien from The Crystal Maze.
No it's not. It's probably the police coming to tell me that my kids have been murdered or something.
No. It really is me. I've bought you that cup of sugar back.

 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Who the hell are you?
I'm Richard O' Brien from The Crystal Maze.
Get out of my house you arse!

 

Where did you get your boxer shorts from?
Uncle Joe's Big Boxer Shorts Emporium
Where did you get your shirt from?
Shirt Land
15 minutes later.
I hate them.

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