All comics by thomassumner

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by thomassumner
12-31-11
Why the surprised look, Kevin? You were well aware that you had to pass Senior English in order to graduate.
Holy crap!
My Mother's going to crucify me!
She spent over seven-hundred bucks with Josten's
Sorry, kid! No refunds.

 

by thomassumner
12-31-11
9:00 PM
This is one ugly chick!
What! Another fuzzy-chinned hipster?
12:00 Midnight
I've had a few too many Tequila shots!
2:00 AM
What a creepy boy!
What a hot-looking babe!

 

by thomassumner
1-01-12
All those reporters outside are clamoring for interviews. They think I'm some kind of hero.
And you're not?
War is hell, and sometimes, life just sucks!
It's tough these days, Smudge. Jill left me, I can't sleep, and there are no jobs.
I'm not asking for much -- just a simple thanks and a decent job.
I left my bone under your pillow.

 

by thomassumner
1-01-12
Blake found me in a thicket and brought me home in a knapsack.
You're a lucky dog!
I was only six-weeks old. I was suffering from mange and worms. I was starving to death. Now I sleep in a cozy kitchen on a soft night-night pad.
At least you have your own room.
I have to sleep in a cardboard box in a cold barn and chase rodents for my meals.
Don't feel too bad. I have to eat dry dog food.

 

by thomassumner
1-01-12
Did you study for Mr. Sumner's Inferno test?
I forgot about the test. Last night I went to Pate's kick-ass birthday party at Chesley's house. I guess I'm screwed!
Why are you wriggling around on the floor?
I'm pretenting I'm in the Ninth Circle of Hell. I'm languishing in the frozen river.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

 

by thomassumner
1-01-12
7:30 AM
Miss Carr, I need some help with my Orwell commentary.
Lucy, please leave NOW! Come back in fifteen minutes.
7:45 AM
OK, Lucy, let's discuss that essay now.
Miss Carr, you look so different -- so refreshed!
7:46 AM
It takes a while for the Starbucks to kick in.
Teachers are such strange creatures!

 

by thomassumner
1-01-12
We've got to re-elect Obama. We need a prez who's going to take care of the disenfrancised!
Whatcha talkin' bout hippie. The feds always look out for the poor! No matter who's in the oval office.
But the Tea Party Republicans ain't gonna give a flying crap about the poor.
Well, why don't you and your sorry-ass unemployed friends get a job?
Damn, I'm gonna miss Obama -- his wife is HOT!

 

by thomassumner
1-01-12
Let's be specific, dad; you want me to kill mom's new husband?
Oooooo! The bastard murdered me, you fool! My inner ear is still stinging!
Ophelia, have you ever considered moving? The convent downtown has a cheap room for rent.
You are a bastard, Hammie! I'm going swimming, and when I return, I hope you're dead!
I guess Ophilia is angry with me. Sometimes, I just don't know whether to be, or not to be.
Kid, you really are a bastard!

 

by thomassumner
1-07-12
I'm sixty today, but I don't really feel old. They say that sixty is the new forty.
Rex, you're really kidding yourself, aren't you?
I guess I can still be considered middle-aged!
Dream on, brother!
Let's go party at Beamie's!
Ugh! Middle-Age -- When the narrowness of waist and the broadness of mind switch places.

 

by thomassumner
7-02-12
Hey, Ivie! Are you ready for Sumner's Summer Reading test?
Is the test today? Jeez, it's only the second day of school!
Girl, do you even know what the novel's about?
Sure, it's about some guy who builds a kite-making business in Iraq, and then moves to Brazil!
I can't believe Sumner's doing this to us!
Gotta love that Edmodo!

 

by thomassumner
7-13-12
Why the sad face, Trent? You did study for Sumner's vocab test, didn't you?
I just don't get it, Tabitha! Do real people actually use words like "garrulous" and "aloof"?
My mom says only fancy-smancy people use three-dollar words when a fifty cent word will do.
Well, regardless of your mom's wisdom, Sumner says these are SAT Hot Words.
I guess I'm traveling down the road to ruin.
Maybe if you'd drop the garrulous attitude in class, you'd understand.

 

by thomassumner
7-20-12
I can't believe it! Sumner is sending me to Tutor's office, and I have to explain to him why I have three tardies the first two weeks of school!
Are you hoping for some sympathy?
. . . and he actually wants me to stay two days after school for detention hall.
Poor kid! I guess she wasn't listening when Sumner explained his pet peeves!

 

by thomassumner
7-24-12
Mary Frances, How is it that you're a member of three school clubs, the Cheer and Soccer teams, and you still keep an A average in IB?
I'm totally wigging out! All I do is study, and I can hardly maintain a B!
The Game Joint is my favorite place to study!
Grey, now I understand your dilemma!

 

by thomassumner
7-26-12
I can't believe it, Terrick! Mr. Sumner wrote me up for cutting class. Why is he so ticked off with me?
Here we go again!
Didn't he say he would treat IB students like young adults and give us bathroom breaks at our discretion?
Yep, here it comes!
It's just not fair!
Carl, you were gone for forty minutes and returned to class with a sack lunch from Burger King.

 

by thomassumner
7-31-12
Hey, Mr. Sumner, I just checked out some really cool books from the lie-berry.
That's very nice, Rodney, but you actually checked out some really cool books from the "library".
That's what I said Mr. S. -- lie-berry.
I wonder what he meant by a deceitful piece of fruit
The boy just doesn't get it!

 

by thomassumner
12-20-12
REPORT CARD DAY!
I hate report card day! The A students are never surpised. The B students are rarely surprised.
Yup! I totally agree.
C students are usually pleasantly surprised!
That's for sure!
So, why is it that students who fail are ALWAYS surprised?
It's simply the nature of the beast, my friend!

 

by thomassumner
12-23-12
Prufrock 2012
Jeez, Mary Francis; I'm beginning to feel like Alfred Prufrock.
That's so sad, Grey!
I'm languishing in mediocrity! I feel so alienated!
But you're only sixteen! What do you know about mediocrity?
I'm doomed! I'm not even old enough to hang out in a seedy oyster bar. Maybe I'll feel better if I eat a peach.
For God's sake, get a grip, boy!

 

by thomassumner
3-31-13
Mary Francis, this school dress code is questionable! Why is it that girls can wear earrings, but boys can't?
This does seem a bit unfair, Brandon.
I've made up my mind; tomorrow I'm going to wear a mini-skirt and see if I can raise some hackles.
Sounds like a daring idea, Brandon. Good luck!
The poor kid just doesn't get it. He's a dwarf among bureaucratic giants.

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