Thank you and welcome to PV 99, with your reigning PV champeen, KungChiFu.

So, I grew up in this little bitty town in northern Nevada, USA... called Battle Mountain.

You can look it up on MapQuest if you're curious. About 1500 people 75 miles from the nearest McDonalds, 225 miles from the nearest city, way out in the high desert, surrounded by sagebrush, mountains, and gold mines.

As a consequence, among the many things I missed out on (such as movies, McDonalds, employment opportunity and malls) was punk rock.

We didn't have punk rock in Battle Mountain, despite the fact that I was in high school during the more or less second-heyday of the genre ('82 - '85). We had Van Halen (which wasn't bad) and country & western (which was).

As I've grown older, I've done some investigating of the punk rock scene I missed, and have always wished I had gotten to experience more of it. For example, a few months ago I went to a Motorhead/Dwarves show in a small club here in Reno... wearing earplugs, of course, because I'm now old. It was a blast but I ended up in the mosh pit and was sore for a week afterward.

So this is the contest. Photoshop me some punk rock images. They can be about what I missed during the time when punk rock was booming. They can be about the absurdity of a 36 year old man in a mosh pit. They can be about punk rock sucking, punk rock ruling, or just generally silly takes on punk rock in general.

Multiple entries are strongly encouraged, as ever. Judging criteria is going to be strictly about whether or not I think they are funny.

Judging will be Tuesday 11/11/2003.

You can use any punk rock photo you want, but here are some to whet your appetites/stimulate your imaginations:

Black Flag

Sex Pistols

The Ramones

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Iggy Pop

Dead Kennedys

Motorhead

Have fun, and thanks for playing!

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So, I grew up in this little bitty town in northern Nevada, USA... called Battle Mountain.

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It's tough being a celebrity. But yes, I grew up in the Armpit of America. You may rise.

KCF

You forgot The Clash.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was saftey-pinned to the punk rocker!

"The Ace of Skateboarding!!! The Ace of Skateboarding!!!"

"Five Golden Nose Rings...."

First ever photoshop attempt - be kind...

(No content)

Hooray for interpreting things literally!

^ ^
| Kung Chi Fu at the club |

KCF is Rodney Dangerfield?

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KCF is Rodney Dangerfield?

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The Monica Lewenski/Iggy Pop photo was funnier before you took the color out, Crunchy. Can't tell who it is now.

And let me tell you, I imagine that's EXACTLY what I looked like at the Motorhead show. Except drunker.

BTW, you photoshoppers are all doing great! I'm going to have a very hard time deciding. Keep it up!

Um. Just to clarify... I'm saying here that I looked like Rodney Dangerfield, not Monica Lewenski. At the very least, I don't remember doing the Monica Lewenski thing to Lemmy. But I was, after all, really drunk.

Anyway.

KCF

The Price is Wrong Bitch!

"No matter where you go.... there Iggy is!"

"Are we not men? We are Chili Peppers!"

"Yooooooou're out!"

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The Monica Lewenski/Iggy Pop photo was funnier before you took the color out, Crunchy. Can't tell who it is now.

And let me tell you, I imagine that's EXACTLY what I looked like at the Motorhead show. Except drunker.

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Ok, fine.

But lets use recent ones.

Here's a couple, take your pick. Both are photos from a recent adventure wherein a buddy and I roadtripped to see a (ahem) Star Trek band in Sacramento.

Details of that epic ordeal are at http://www.toddmauldin.com/content.php?artc=193 for those interested.

Woa... who's taking that first picture? You can see your friend in the mirror... but he's not holding a camera.

No, that's a picture of me.

There's one you can show your grand children some day.

That's "Brian Stovall" in the mirror. The picture was taken by Briguy, but I'm not sure how he avoided being in the mirror. He is possibly a vampire.

Unless Boinky is actually me. Or "Brian Stovall". Or Briguy. Then everything changes.

I gotta go lay down.

KCF

Aw hell yeah

Its on

KFC = the Gabe from an alternate universe.

Okay, contestants. Contest is now closed.

Judging will be posted momentarily.

KCF

This was really fun to be a part of. Thank you to everybody who participated. It was extremely difficult to pick a winner. However, I believe every competition must have a victor, and that everybody finishing in a tie for first place is unfair.

So here we go:

First, the honorable mentions:

Rabid_Weasle cracked me up with the Dead Kennedys singer riding on a coin-operated rocking horse.

Big Evil Dan showed pluck, spunk and moxie with his Dead Kenneys effort, showing Spiderman battling an evil, guitar-wielding Doc Ock.

Riparian made me laugh (and played to my sympathies) with his Iggy joins Buckaroo Banzai effort, and his Devo hats on the Peppers. Buckaroo Banzai is the coolest film EVAR.

And Crunchy Cheese made me snicker and giggle behind my hand with his Monica Swallows Iggy (both color and black and white) and also his Rollins Does the Limbo action, and his KCF at Motorhead was wonderful too. I even stood on that side of the stage before being cast into the mosh pit.

In the end, it came down to the finalists of Rabid_Weasle and Crunchy Cheese. I couldn't decide but then Cruncy Cheese posted a picture of KCF Fellating Iggy Pop (later deleted, which is too bad because it was funny) so I decided the winner was:

Rabid_Weasle for giving me what I agree will be a family heirloom... my face on Iggy Pop's body, with Kiki from Warp 11 worshiping my crotch.

Thanks everybody! RW, well done. We're all looking forward to PV 100!

Congrats RW!

KCF - I can neither confirm nor deny the existence or lack thereof, of any photograph of you fellating Iggy Pop. Further, I can assure you that is such a photograph does exist, it will be disposed of properly on newsgroup servers around the globe.

Woooo! Finally I won, thanks! Good contest everyone! Now I have to think up a contest... and it has to be something good, because it's the 100th contest...

I'll post it today... sometime.