Is this thing on?

-He'd told his publicist that tonight's the night he told the world what he REALLY thought of white people, and she'd thought fast.

-"Thank you, thank you. You know, I can't tell you how much my fans mean to me. Your support has really kept me going over the years. You see - being blind isn't easy. People are always trying to take advantage or play silly little jokes. But when I'm on stage, that all goes away. I'm finally able to... GODDAMNIT!!"

-Ray Charles cut to the chase, and rather than singing Georgia, instead demonstrated her exceptional technique that had first prompted him to write a song about her.

-As a counter to John Cage's 4'33", one man wrote a song called 5'54", which was five minutes and fifty-four seconds of booing.

-"When I say bitches, you say hoes. Bitches!"

-Of course, he wasn't really blind. He was just pissing on Beethoven.

-One man was heard saying "Did you see when he stuck that microphone in his mouth? He must have mistook it for a cigar!". "Not a cigar," said his husband.

-Terrorism reaches a new high after the invention of the Pocket Rocket Launcher.

"Hit the road, Jack, and don't you feed back no more, no more, no more, no more!"