Whenever he needed a quick sexual thrill, Glenn would just stick his thumb up his invisible pet elephant's ass.

In what critics are calling a crowning achievement in electronic greeting cards, Bradley Shivers celebrates the successful addition of Blink 182's "All the Small Things" midi to the Rick Morantis inspired "Honey, I Shrunk the Number of Secretaries I'm Banging at the Office" valentine series.

"I just subscribed to 'Giant Bug Porn' for only $1!"