Church of the Gold Phalli.

They're big, they're gold, they're breathtaking.

"O Blessed Tinkerbell, emerge from thy sacred castle and bestow upon us the blessings of thy divine fairy dust."

"Inna Gadda Da-veeeda baaabaay..."

And then, just when the anticipation had become almost unbearable, Liberace would finally emerge.

As you can see, the new WarbleHonk 3000 church organ not only has a rich tone, and is MIDI capable, but the huge golden organ pipes that look like dildos will help you attract the hard-to-reach "frustrated, lonely housewife" demographic in your parish.