1: Use either one of these pictures of Kobe:

Or one of these pictures of Shaq:

2: I don't care what you do to them.
3: Score bonus points by using something from one of the Shaq pictures AND one of the Kobe pictures. And when I say "bonus points" I really mean "nothing".
4: I'll judge this if you're lucky.

Isn't anybody else going to enter?

No.

*sigh* fine.

IT'S KOBE DOODY TIME!

this actual screencap shows how clairvoyant filmmaker Paul Michael Glaser was able to break down the fourth wall in a startling way:

This is probably the best I'm going to get...

To everyone who didn't enter, I've called Kobe and given him directions to your house.

Third place: boinky33. He would have won the contest easily with his superb entry of simply saying "No.", but I had to disqualify him for not using Shaq or Kobe.
Second place: biped.
First place: habnem.

Damn! I was so close!