Forum archives » Read My Damn Comics » I'm a noob!

Dash4814
April 12, 2005 11:21 AM

Well, I'm a noob, but I thought I'd share some of my comics anyway. Mine are political in nature, so I hope the topic hasn't been beat to death.

280396

274631

274635

274644

Comments are appreciated!

Post #172620link

attitudechicka
April 12, 2005 11:57 AM

I'm not going to put it before each and every comic this appears in, so in general, narration is often not necessary in a comic. And in all the comics here, it was only semi necessary once. Try to avoid the big yellow boxes from now on, k?

Comic # 1: Okay, the first two panels have to be setting up to something good, but what? Once we reach the last panel, you lose and confuse your reader. What's up with Tommy and the pool? And why are they holding on for a week? And what does that have to do with feeding tubes?

Comic # 2: Again, my problem is in the last panel. Skippy's comment was funny, however, Clown's "'Seperate but equal'...hey that has a nice ring to it." should either appear before Skippy's statement somehow, or should be cut. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices of your work to get the humor quality you're looking for.

Comic # 3: Good. Best of the four. (By the way, this is the one where I said the narration was semi-necessary, otherwise we wouldn't understand why the donkey chooses to go to Starbuck's)

Comic # 4: Set up was boring, and, though Skippy's line was funny, it wasn't funnny enough to cover the long, boring, factual set-up. Again, hippie's line can be cut and Skippy's line could stand alone.

In conclusion, you don't have to fill all the boxes on the make a comic page. And you've got potential, kid! I give you 4 stars for now, don't ruin it.

Post #172628link

Dash4814
April 12, 2005 12:05 PM

quote:
I'm not going to put it before each and every comic this appears in, so in general, narration is often not necessary in a comic. And in all the comics here, it was only semi necessary once. Try to avoid the big yellow boxes from now on, k?

Comic # 1: Okay, the first two panels have to be setting up to something good, but what? Once we reach the last panel, you lose and confuse your reader. What's up with Tommy and the pool? And why are they holding on for a week? And what does that have to do with feeding tubes?

Comic # 2: Again, my problem is in the last panel. Skippy's comment was funny, however, Clown's "'Seperate but equal'...hey that has a nice ring to it." should either appear before Skippy's statement somehow, or should be cut. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices of your work to get the humor quality you're looking for.

Comic # 3: Good. Best of the four. (By the way, this is the one where I said the narration was semi-necessary, otherwise we wouldn't understand why the donkey chooses to go to Starbuck's)

Comic # 4: Set up was boring, and, though Skippy's line was funny, it wasn't funnny enough to cover the long, boring, factual set-up. Again, hippie's line can be cut and Skippy's line could stand alone.

In conclusion, you don't have to fill all the boxes on the make a comic page. And you've got potential, kid! I give you 4 stars for now, don't ruin it.



Thanks!

I thought #1 might be a little ambiguous. It's not a swimming pool, it's a betting pool. The kids are betting on when Terri and the Pope are going to die, and the boy in my comic is lamenting the fact that he had placed a bet on a day sometime in the future. I think the gym class/pool proximity was too close, and that's what caused the confusion.

Post #172629link

attitudechicka
April 12, 2005 12:17 PM

quote:
It's not a swimming pool, it's a betting pool. The kids are betting on when Terri and the Pope are going to die, and the boy in my comic is lamenting the fact that he had placed a bet on a day sometime in the future.
It makes sense in that context.
quote:
I think the gym class/pool proximity was too close, and that's what caused the confusion.
Yes. I hear gym and pool in the same sentence, I think of that dumb teen movie where the guy opens up the gym floor to the pool during the prom. "Whatever it Takes" Just remembered the name during preview.

Post #172632link

evil_d
April 12, 2005 12:18 PM

quote:
I think the gym class/pool proximity was too close, and that's what caused the confusion.
I think you're right; that is what causes the confusion. I got it, but I had to read it twice to get it. The pool could have been "at the office" or "on the internet" and the confusion would have been avoided.

I disagree with 'chicka about #2 -- I think the last panel works great as it is. In fact, #2 is my favorite of the four.

I'm not real big on the punchline in #4. There are no new jokes, I guess, but puns involving the word "nuts" are older than most. It's not terrible, but it could have been better, I think.

Overall, I think you've got a handle on both how to make a comic and how to make a funny comic, so congratulations! You're already ahead of 90% of the newbies here. Keep up the good work.

Post #172633link

andydougan
April 12, 2005 12:32 PM

The pool reference seemed pretty obvious to me. But maybe that's because I spend more time at rotten.com than I do sleeping.

Post #172638link

MikeyG
April 12, 2005 1:23 PM

I got the pool reference immediately, too. But that's because I used to listen to Howard Stern when I was younger and he had a death pool.

Post #172643link

Shadow_The_Hedgehog
April 12, 2005 3:01 PM

They're all interesting, but I suggest a backround!

Post #172650link

Inflatable_Man
April 12, 2005 6:55 PM

I liked these. A couple punchlines had too much exposition (you need less "lines" and more "punch"), but all in all pretty good. I agree you should take the time to add a background, though. It would make your strips more aesthetically pleasing.

Post #172673link

choadwarrior
April 12, 2005 7:42 PM

I'll jump on the bandwagon. You show great promise--you know how to set up a punchline, which puts you way ahead of most noobs.

Some of the jokes have been done before, but I'll just consider them separate-but-equal as well.

Welcome to Stripcreator.

Post #172679link

PrimoOoze1138
April 12, 2005 10:48 PM

Pretty much everything that could be said has been said already. Though superfluous as it may be, the line "Try stuffing ME in your cheeks, Rodent Boy!" just struck me as hi-larious.

Post #172692link

Dash4814
April 13, 2005 10:49 AM

Thanks for the comments guys! I appreciate it.

I'll take your ideas into consideration when writing.

Post #172727link

not_Scyess
April 13, 2005 2:40 PM

I didn't like these, but I don't like dogma in my comics. I prefer more universal truths that don't require the reader to agree with your personal beliefs. I did, however, like "Sorry, it's this trick knee...", though I didn't understand the title. I must disagree with chicka's statement that

quote:
...the narration was semi-necessary, otherwise we wouldn't understand why the donkey chooses to go to Starbuck's

I think you can lose the narration. The Starbuck's reference would still come through.

I do agree with chaod that you have great promise... if you choose a less annoying topic than politics.

Post #172761link

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