Ok kids. Be gentle.

Nice! Start a new series!

I actaully took the time to read it, it is a good start, too much dialog for me though

There's definitely potential here. I would definitely like to see more of these. But try to go easy on all the dialogue. It stretches the backgrounds which is really annoying. Maybe keep the dialogue but ease up on or leave out the narration.

There was so much narration -- most of which I'm sure was pointless or redundant (or both) -- I didn't even bother to read these.