http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/nealch

(I know it's a tad verbose, but I was going more for amusing/profound over the quick punchy laugh.)

It was alright I guess.

It shows promise on your part. Here's some things you can do to improve your technique:

1)Hold off on the captions. Give the reader credit to follow what's going on. Captions detract from the quality and/or funniness in comics in most cases.

2)You don't have to follow-up your punchline with filler. It's not necessary or prudent to have every dialogue space filled if you don't need it.

3)Try experimenting with the divider backgrounds, they'll help you to avoid situations where you have to run over on two dialogue boxes for one character.

Other than that, I'd say you should do just fine here.

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(I know it's a tad verbose, but I was going more for amusing/profound over the quick punchy laugh.)

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I agree with the previous poster who pointed out things and stuff.

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions, everyone. I'll definitely keep them in mind. Quick, punchy laughs/comedy isn't my strong suit, but since a big part of growth is strengthening one's weaknesses, I'll give it a shot.

I know very well that I tend to be verbose and I need to work on that. After all, written versus oral conversation often tend to pace differently.

Till next time...

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and since your a PhD student in educational pschology, could you take a look at this rash for me?

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Oh yeah, I did edit out two of the captions and chopped the first one. I think that was a case of me playing with/trying out too many features.

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and since your a PhD student in educational pschology, could you take a look at this rash for me?

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That's a classic case of Syphilherpes Immunodeficiency Complex Virus B if I've ever seen it.

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and since your a PhD student in educational pschology, could you take a look at this rash for me?

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That's a classic case of Syphilherpes Immunodeficiency Complex Virus B if I've ever seen it.

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i know that. i was talking about this other rash

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Well, I tried my hand with another D&R Guy Talk. This time I went for less verbosity and more snarkiness. Hopefully it addresses some of my beginner's mistakes from the first one.

Sorry to double-post, but any feedback on my later entries would be welcomed. Hopefully I've addressed some of the n00b mistakes I made in my first works.

Thanks for reading and all the great feedback/suggestions.

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/nealch/

Getting better. I'd like to suggest using some Kaddar teens and continuing the D&R in high school deal. That had promise.

I concur.

of the last 4, one ok and three good.
/comics/arbi/310535/

Squidrabies- I like your idea of using the Kaddar teens. I may switch out the younger Dean & Ross to appropriate Kaddar kids.

man, you got much much better. i think the less wordy thing really works for you. looking forward to more

Thanks Mandingo. Normally I am a pretty verbose person as evidenced in my weblog, but doing stuff with stripcreator allows me to practice my brevity.

Oh, and Squidrabies- I DID take your advice and reworked my D&R's with Kaddar kids and my adult D&R with some other people. Definitely works better. Thanks for the suggestion.

I tried my hand at a D & R comic. Hope you don't mind.

/comics/biped/310793/

Well, you do capture the spirit of the characters. Dean is more the whiny ranter and Ross is certainly the snarky a-hole who always gets the last word.

I have a new D&R forthcoming...I just need to work the punchline.

It's getting better all the time.

Wait, that's a song.

I still think the series is good though.

I put a new D&R, though this one is without the D. A new D&R with a wacky conversation with both D & R is forthcoming... I just need to work on the punchline.

Ross is so much fun to write because he's so very unlike me.

New D&R up. I'm not as happy as I should be at how it turned out, but I still like the premise.

I think i know a bit more about psychawlogee than you

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I think i know a bit more about psychawlogee than you

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