Let the games begin!

I am equipped with a brass bottle-opener and a +5 fingerless glove of filth. I am prowling around 3rd looking for a duel. Who will be the first to challenge Harry the Homeless of St. John's?

It is I, Seven-Toed Pete of Downtown LA! I an equipped with a +2 Broken Tequila Bottle of Vigour and Newspaper Shoes. En Guarde!

Seven-Toed Pete, I am certain to make you Less-Than-Seven-Toed Pete in a matter of seconds. Because I am going to cut some of your toes off.

I attack with brass bottle opener. Roll 5-sided die.

Crap, it's a 2. Roll 4-sided die to counter.

I am passed out on a tarpaper roof above the alleyway.

I fail my saving throw vs. being awakened by the racket.

I attack, dropping +2 Bottles of Piss on your heads.

I snort one gram of cocaine I stole from a whore. +20 to vital stats.

I scream bloody murder and a passing woman dials 911. EMS services are dispatched. I plan on asking them to take me to the hospital nearest to White Castle.

I talk to myself and scream at passing businessmen and women. +10 Uncomfortableness cast on them.

Now I push my shopping cart into traffic and cause a small jam. The police take me into custody for disturbing the peace. Free Shelter and Food, adds +10 to heath and hygiene.

I take a rest at the Cardboard Inn. My vitals are up +10, but I have been plagued with +2 AIDS! D:

I roll a saving throw for the damage block on my Newspaper Shoes. Newspaper Shoes block 1d5 points of damage. I move to counterattack with Broken Tequila Bottle of Vigour, pending a successful action roll.

Critical miss. I strike myself for 2d3 points of damage and 1d2 points of public humiliation. My natural skill, beg, is activated. Add one half-eaten McDonalds Cheeseburger and 73 cents to my inventory.

None of you can penetrate my +50 cardboard refridgerator box and my +3 rat carcass.

I magically wander off.

rarr, I leap in with a D20 from the World of warcraft role playing game, and then open up a world of hurt with my fire shaman 60th level on the bums causing 2d6 flatulations and misty eyed mayham for all.

unfortunately, I failed to roll a critical check on my silent listening and and don't hear someone cast 'knock', thus missing an opportunity.

sHuT yOuZ mOUf! iZ forNicAtE uNdaS bRiDgEs aND iVz gOt a bAD cASe oF dA gOuT.

lIfE bE fUlLz oF dEcIzIoNs

Passerby casts Summon Bum by dropping a coke can in a trash bin. Frank the Bum appears and emediately casts Reeking Pants. All non-bums need a saving throw vs. Stench or apply -3 to initiative and +3 to movement (but only in direction away from Frank). Frank is equipped with Robes of Indeterminate Origin, a +2 Beard of Crust and a single Brown Tooth of Slurring.

iZ aTtAk aNds gIvEs yOu a bAd cAsE of dA dRiP +55

I suprise a Bum, who says "I cannot seem to take a shit in Peace", then I roll a 14 on a 12 sided dice, due to improbability the possibility should exist! Stoked from my high dice roll, I fail to declare what it is for, thus missing a turn.

I go to a soup kitchen. Vitals +10, Plastic Tray added to my inventory. Christian Minister renting the building begins to speak. I leave quickly with a second helping I stole.

I hold up a "pleez help" sign and inflict +14 points of guilt on passerby.

Arte-Wino [equipped w/ DIALUP] can't get past the "Burnside Bridge" load screen for 20 minutes.

Arte-Wino hits "Start".

20 more minutes pass.

Arte-Wino is slashed by 35 fellow Hobo-fighters© [equipped w/ BROADBAND].

Arte-Wino flees to a #20 bus and tries to haggle with driver to take him 42 blocks out of "Fareless Square" without a validated transfer.

Arte-Wino is arrested for "sitting with intent to loiter".

Arte-Wino loses forever.

I drink Windex from a rusty flask. +7 to Lockjaw.

I find a half-eaten sandwich in the dumpster. +10 Vitals for a week's meal.

Rabid dogs chase me from a junkyard. I drop my sandwich and get bitten on the calf. -15 Health and +10 Rabies.

I crash a charity ball and bite a few wealthy patrons. +30 Sticking It To The Man. Then I make off with some caviar and cucumber sandwiches. I trade them for a full bottle of Jack. +20 Killed Pain.

I don't like this thread because it:

1. Bores me
2. Doesn't interest me

Please stop contributing to it.

quote:

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I don't like this thread because it:

1. Bores me
2. Doesn't interest me

Please stop contributing to it.

---

I don't like biped's face because it:

1. Is a fat retarded poop enema
2. Had my maw last night

Please stop paying for its welfare.

Nah, I love you, biped. But what's with the Negative Nancyism?

I don't like possum's ass because:

1. It's stupid.
2. It doesn't poop candy.

Rectal Bites (TM) are very overrated these days.

I rolled a 2 on the listcreator, so I must list two reasons I do not like something.

I do not like it when I staple balogna to my face and then stick my head in a fishtank full of pirahnnas.

1. because someone farted
2. bumfights? no bumfucks!

please start contributing to it.

I don't like Rabid's kidneys because:

1. Dietary issues.
2. They don't carry any money.

quote:

---

I don't like biped's face because it:

1. Is a fat retarded poop enema
2. Had my maw last night

Please stop paying for its welfare.

Nah, I love you, biped. But what's with the Negative Nancyism?

---

*acknowledges biped's utter greatness*

*acknowledges biped's NEGATIVE NANCYISM!*