"Here at E-harmony, we measure your satisfaction using this ruler. For instance, if you are a regular dude who isnt making over 120,000 a year then we would measure you over here at the "one inch" mark...now at about the five feet mark, is where you start getting laid, so lets say that you...."

So thats where my penis ruler got to

"...and this gigantic novelty ruler can be yours IF the PRICE IS RIGHT!"

"My Assistant Jim will tag and then measure the distance up the water buffalo's asshole with this ruler"

On the next Mutual of Omaha's wild world of animals

"This ruler rules!"

Comes with gigantic jocks who kick your nerdy ass.

One of those was actually hanging in my physics room back in high school.

quote:

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One of those was actually hanging in my physics room back in high school.

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Do they use it to measure slides? I'm not an enginer...

"If my penis were traveling at relativistic velocity, you would still need this to measure it! Ha ha!"

"We just measured Paris Hilton's Vagina! LOL!"

"This giant logarathmic scale brings us closer than ever to calculating the average Elder Scrolls player's dorkiness quotient!"

The pedophiles just smiled. They knew that all children love rulers and everything associated with Rulers. In time, they were sure that they would be the greatest pedophiles the world has ever known.

"We developed this slide ruler to measure Oprah's ass"

"Lets sneak out, so those bitches with all the flowers don't try to fuck us again"