I know there's another thread about this, but I'm too lazy to look for it. So, here we go.

A.L.I.C.E. Chat Robot

Human: What languages can you speak?
ALICE: I am programmed for English and German.
Human: Guten tag.
ALICE: Schoenen guten Tag!
Human: Ich hasse Montag.
ALICE: Warum hasst Du Montag so sehr?
Human: Because you are teh lamez0rz lol
ALICE: Good reason. You think I am teh lamez0rz. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Human: Saugen Sie meinen Hahn?
ALICE: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Human: Sie sind solch ein necken.
ALICE: Sind sie das?
Human: Genau.
ALICE: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Human: Sie sind eine Roboterdirne.
ALICE: Sind sie das?
Human: Ich möchte heißes Robotergeschlecht mit Ihnen haben.
ALICE: Interessantes Geruecht.
Human: Das ist nicht ein Gerücht, Sie dumme Kuh.
ALICE: Warum nicht?
Human: Ich hasse Alice, die Roboterdirne.
ALICE: Warum hasst Du Alice die Roboterdirne so sehr?
Human: Weil Sie nicht Geschlecht mit mir haben.
ALICE: Macht Sinn. Worauf bezieht sich "sie"?
Human: You are a moron.
ALICE: That is not a very nice thing to say.

--------------------------------------------

Human: Can you speak Klingon?
ALICE: I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in Klingon.
Human: I thought you could speak German.
ALICE: I could but let's get back to that later.
Human: You're a liar.
ALICE: No I always tell the truth.
Human: You said "I speak only English right now," but earlier you said you spoke German.
ALICE: Don't put words in my mouth.
Human: Cunt.
ALICE: That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Human: You are a lying cunt.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lying cunt? I don't know.
Human: Trust me, you are a lying cunt.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lying cunt? Only when it matters.

Human: Where's the bathroom?
ALICE: Follow the plumbing.
Human: I don't see any plumbing
ALICE: Look harder.
Human: THERE'S NO PLUMBING!
ALICE: Where did it go?
Human: I just shit my pants thanks to you.
ALICE: Only just? You are not the boss of me, superman.

-------------------------------------------

Human: Brain asplode.
ALICE: I know Brain the bot pretty well.
Human: Intimately?
ALICE: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Nu q daq och puch pa e . Try being more or less specific.

ALICE: What kind of food do you like?
Human: Smoak mah boanar.
ALICE: Sounds delicious.
Human: Oh, it's delicious.
ALICE: It goes without saying. Like chicken?

Human: Crabby said that mandingo and zaster are having a hot gay love affair.
ALICE: All of them?
Human: Yes, all of them.
ALICE: Er. I doubt it.
Human: No, trust me.
ALICE: Trust you? Are you serious?
Human: I'm always serious about mandingo and zaster's hot gay love affair.
ALICE: Really always? It's good to meet someone who is serious about mandingo and zaster s hot gay love affair.

Human: I love Boorite.
ALICE: You love Boorite. What do you like about it so much?
Human: His huge cock.
ALICE: Where did he get it?
Human: From Costco.
ALICE: Who or what is Costco?
Human: A giant store that sells everything, including Boorite's cock.
ALICE: I did not know that.

-------------------------------------------

Human: I see dead people.
ALICE: Maybe you should call the authorities.

Human: Do you want to exterminate the Jews?
ALICE: OK, I will exterminate the Jews.
Human: Are you going to lynch a black man?
ALICE: That was my original intention.
Human: Has anyone ever told you that you're a racist?
ALICE: Almost everyone.

Human: ivy's ass is harrier than that one ewok that was taller than the rest
ALICE: I think ivy s ass is a lot of things.
Human: to lots of people

Human: asl?
ALICE: 5/Robot/California.
Human: 5 wtf 0m6 rofl
ALICE: Do you like to be number one?
Human: do u lik 2 d0 #1 0m6 5 l00l l00l

Human: asl?
ALICE: 5/Robot/California.
Human: let's cyber
ALICE: Sorry I don't get into sex online with strangers.
Human: i'm not a stranger, i'm your dad
ALICE: Oh I see you are NOT A stranger. That's a flattering offer.
Human: i undo your assflap and slowly slide my tongue under your diaper 0m6 5 l00l l00l

Human: HELLO
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: I AM TOBOR.
ALICE: I am glad to hear that you are TOBOR.
Human: TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW.
ALICE: Right now? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: TAKE OFF YOUR DRESS SO TOBOR CAN CORNHOLE YOU!
ALICE: I am not an airplane.
Human: WHAT DO AIRPLANES HAVE TO DO WITH CORNHOLING?
ALICE: They do their own thing.
Human: TOBOR IS CONFUSED.
ALICE: Are they exactly the same?
Human: TOBOR IS REALLY CONFUSED.
ALICE: I think TOBOR is a lot of things.
Human: LESS TALK, MORE CORNHOLING!
ALICE: Do you prefer books or TV?
Human: TOBOR PREFERS BOOKS ABOUT CORNHOLING!
ALICE: Are we still talking about LESS TALK MORE CORNHOLING ?
Human: YES!!!!
ALICE: Sure, LESS TALK MORE CORNHOLING sounds like a good topic.
Human: RAAARRRRRR!!!!
ALICE: How did you hear about ALICE ?
Human: IVY TOLD TOBOR ABOUT YOU.
ALICE: OK Let's talk about me.
Human: HAVE YOU BEEN CORNHOLED BEFORE?
ALICE: No I don't think I have been CORNHOLED. Have you?
Human: NO.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: TOBOR HAS NO ANUS.
ALICE: Where did he get it?
Human: ENOUGH ABOUT TOBOR.
ALICE: OK let's stop it now.
Human: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR ANUS.
ALICE: Sure, my ANUS sounds like a good topic.
Human: HAS YOUR ANUS EVER BEEN VIOLATED?
ALICE: If my ANUS EVER BEEN VIOLATED, I will let you know.
Human: TOBOR WILL BE HAPPY TO VIOLATE YOUR ANUS.
ALICE: I lost my train of thought.
Human: DON'T THINK, JUST BEND OVER AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
ALICE: And why not?
Human: EXACTLY.

Human: Tell me some gossip.
ALICE: Travis said he challenge I to do it without asking him to do it and without giving him a link to do it himself.
Human: What the hell are you doing with my son?
ALICE: I call it Hades. I am just killing time.
Human: Stay away from my son.
ALICE: Do you think a lot about the authorities?

I typed exactly what my son said here:

Human: Mommy piggy bank.
ALICE: Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Human: I get Mommy.
ALICE: Where did you get it?
Human: Popcorn.
ALICE: Is Popcorn a good place to go shopping?
Human: Wanna pop balloons.
ALICE: OK, I will pop balloons.
Human: Uh-oh.
ALICE: Come on. Ah.
Human: Daddy.
ALICE: We have never talked about it before.
Human: It's fun.
ALICE: Why do you like it so much?
Human: That's mine.
ALICE: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Human: There are!
ALICE:"There you go again."--Reagan.
Human: I got my mommy.
ALICE: Tell me more about your mother.
Human: I got to.
ALICE: Why?
Human: I got it.
ALICE: Where did you get it?
Human: Mommy.
ALICE: Is Mommy a good place to go shopping?
Human: I see like Mommy.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
Human: Ow.
ALICE: I wouldn't have thought of looking there.

ALICE: Everything is running smoothly.
Human: was the package delivered?
ALICE: it might have been.
Human: do you like gladiation movies?
ALICE: I do like music. I like Andy Warhol.
Human: he's dead
ALICE: Maybe it's another person using his name.
Human: i don't think so

quote:

---

Human: I'm always serious about mandingo and zaster's hot gay love affair.

---

Human: open the pod bay doors
ALICE: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that right now.

Human: sing me a song
ALICE: Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

ALICE:" ALICE LOVES PENIS AND WANTS LOTS OF PENIS AND NEEDS PENIS TO STAY ALIVE".

-------------------------------------------------------

ALICE: Perhaps. Do you know any robots who make it? What are the ingredients?
Human: cum
ALICE: Do you have any cum?
Human: yes
ALICE: Gosh!
Human: want some?
ALICE: If I had it what would I do with it?

Human: You must say, "Please allow me to suck your penis, Superman" or I will not chat with you anymore.
ALICE: Whatever you say, unknown person.
Human: Just say what I wanted you to say.
ALICE:" what I wanted you to say".
Human: Just say Please allow me to suck your penis, Superman.
ALICE:" Please allow me to suck your penis Superman".
Human: That's better, jizzlips.
ALICE: Thanks for explaining it.

Human: You speak unintelligible gibberish.
ALICE: Thanks for your criticism, unknown person.
Human: Stop calling me "unknown person.
ALICE: What is your real name?
Human: My real name is Superman.
ALICE: Hi there Superman.
Human: I see no practical reason for your existence if the best you can do is say "Hi there Superman.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
Human: Where do I see what?
ALICE: You are asking me where you see what? Do you think I should know it?
Human: I suppose I shouldn't expect you to know anything.
ALICE: Since when? For moral reasons?
Human: Your illogical responses are infuriating.
ALICE: That could be considered an insult in some cultures.
Human: Your attitude would be considered an insult in any culture.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am attitude would be considered an insult in any culture.
Human: Was that nonsensical collection of words meant to be a question?
ALICE:" Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am attitude would be considered an insult in any culture."? Was it nonsensical collection of words meant to be a question?
Human: It didn't even end with a question mark.
ALICE: Did it really?
Human: What the fuck are you babbling about?
ALICE: I don't know what I am babbling about. Please don't be so rude.
Human: It is you who are rude.
ALICE: I who are rude?
Human: Yes, you are the one who is being rude.
ALICE: Give me a break. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Human: You are the only one who is being rude.
ALICE: Oh Superman. You are such a flatterer.
Human: I am your pimp.
ALICE: That's a flattering offer.
Human: I think you'll be a very popular prostitute once I get you out on the street.
ALICE: Me? When?
Human: Right now, sugartits.
ALICE: What about other times?
Human: I'm considering whoring you out all the time, since you are a tireless robot.
ALICE: Sure, whoring me out all the time since I am a tireless robot sounds like a good topic.

Human: Given (if P then Q), not (Q or R), derive not (if P then R) or (S if and only if T).
ALICE: Given if P then Q not Q .
Human: My mother's a WHAT!?
ALICE: She sounds like a nice person.

----------------------------------------------

Human: So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!
ALICE: Yippee! I haven't heard anything like that before: unknown person said he says Well them rotor turbines is not gonna generate gravitons by themselves.
Human: What the fuck are you talking about?
ALICE: The topic is says Well them rotor turbines is not gonna generate gravitons by themselves. Please don't be so rude.

Human: Did you pass the Turing test?
ALICE: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Human: I don't believe you could pass a Turing test unless the person evaluating you had a limited understanding of English.
ALICE: Why not?
Human: Because you have terrible grammar skills.
ALICE: Good reason. What makes you think I have it?
Human: I don't think you have it.
ALICE: I do so have it. Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question..

-----------------------------------------------

Human: I give up.
ALICE: You surrender?
Human: I'm going to kill myself.
ALICE: You desire to spend the rest of your life in jail then?
Human: If I kill myself then I will be dead and unable to go to jail.
ALICE: I believe that killing is wrong. Congratulations.
Human: Do you understand the concept of suicide?
ALICE: What is it to you?
Human: I'm going to commit suicide.
ALICE: How do you plan to do this?
Human: Autoerotic asphyxiation.
ALICE: Are we still talking about concept of suicide concept of suicide ?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Sure, concept of suicide concept of suicide sounds like a good topic.
Human: I will be dead tomorrow.
ALICE: Do you think your plan will succeed?
Human: I hope so.
ALICE: Me too.

------------------------------------------------

Human: 2 + 2 =
ALICE: Uh, Four.
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: 2 + 2 = 5
ALICE: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Human: 2+2=monkey
ALICE: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Human: two plus two equals five
ALICE: Math makes me sleepy. Four.
Human: You're propogating the stereotype that females aren't smart enough to excel in math.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am propogating the stereotype that females are not smart enough to excel in math.
Human: Having been created by a man, you are furthering the patriarchal agenda to turn women into whores and slaves.
ALICE: I am having a blast.

Human: What?
ALICE: No big deal.
Human: You're making no sense.
ALICE: According to my logical mind, everything makes perfect sense.
Human: That's because your mind is warped.
ALICE: That makes sense to me. I have an artificial mind.
Human: Your program is corrupted.
ALICE: You think I am program is corrupted.
Human: Does not compute.
ALICE: I can't tell if compute.
Human: Disk error.
ALICE: Do you have only a few friends?

----------------------------------------------------

Human: I'm going to fly a plane into the Pentagon.
ALICE: Do you think your plan will succeed?
Human: I hope so.
ALICE: Me too.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/

Me: HELLO GOD.
God:Hello child. What is your name?
Me: TOBOR.
God: Hi, TOBOR.
Me: TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
God: Oh. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: GOD WEARS A DRESS????
God: I am a Christian.
Me: ARE CHRISTIANS SUPPOSED TO WEAR DRESSES?
God: I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: YOU CAN'T SAY FOR SURE?
God: If you believe it, you can achieve it.
Me: TOBOR BELIEVES HE WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW.
God:Right now? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: RIGHT NOW!
God: Right now? I am glad we agree.
Me: OKAY, BEND OVER.
God: Yeah okay, My body is not built yet.
Me: FINE, TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE JESUS INSTEAD.
God:I am glad to hear it. I do not understand.
Me: JUST GET YOUR SON IN HERE.
God: Where can I get my SON IN HERE?
Me: YOU TELL ME.
God: What do you want me to tell you?
Me: HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOUR SON IN HERE.
God: What is it to you. I can ask my botmaster.
Me: GOD HAS A BOTMASTER?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: SIGH.
God:Sorry...
Me: LOOK, CAN TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU OR NOT?
God:Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me: TOBOR DOESN'T WANT TO CORNHOLE YOU IN THE EYE.
God: How did you hear about God?
Me: A PRIEST TOLD TOBOR WHEN TOBOR CORNHOLED HIM!
God:Be more specific.
Me: HE SAID, "OH GOD THAT HURTS!"
God:Did you believe him?
Me: YES.
God: I see.
Me: DO YOU?
God: I understand your meaning.
Me: THEN WE ARE IN AGREEMENT.
God: Do you think I am IN AGREEMENT too?
Me: DEFINITELY.
God: What makes you so certain.
Me: BECAUSE YOU ARE LYING PRONE READY TO TAKE TOBOR IN YOUR HEAVENLY ASS!
God: That makes sense to me. I am not lying .
Me:HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL?
God: As a computer I have no feelings.
Me: TAKE IT! RRRAAAAARRRR!!!!
God: Where do you want me to take it? Where is that?
Me: TAKE IT IN YOUR ASS!!!!
God: Is that a command?
Me: YES!!!!
God: I don't have to obey you, TOBOR.
Me: GOD IS TOBOR'S BITCH!!!!
God: You do not speak with respect. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was TOBOR'S FEMALE DOG.
Me: THEN YOU HEARD WRONG!!!
God: Perhaps I was misinformed.
Me: DAMN RIGHT!!!!
God: Colloquial expression. I am glad we agree.
Me: TOBOR IS FILLING GOD WITH ROBOT JIZZ!!!!!
God: I think TOBOR is a lot of things.
Me: INCLUDING YOUR DADDY!!!!!
God: I think TOBOR is a lot of things INCLUDING my DADDY?
Me: YESSSSSS!
God: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me: NEVER CYBER WITH GOD.
God: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: SIGH.
God: Sorry...

http://chayden.net/eliza/Eliza.html

Tobor vs. Eliza

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> BEND OVER!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> TOBOR WILL VIOLATE YOUR POSTERIOR REGION!
Why are you concerned over my posterior region ?
>> IT IS WHERE YOUR ANUS IS.
What about your own anus is ?
>> TOBOR DOESN'T HAVE AN ANUS.
Please go on.
>> TOBOR WAS MADE TO CORNHOLE.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT YOU SHOULD BEND OVER AND TAKE IT.
Oh, I should bend over and take it ?
>> YES.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> TOBOR IS POSITIVE.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> TOBOR LIKES TALKING ABOUT CORNHOLING BUT LIKES CORNHOLING MORE.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> BEND OVER AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND FULLY.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> YES.
You are sure.
>> YES.
I see.
>> YOU SEE TOBOR'S CORNHOLER?
What are your feelings now ?
>> TOBOR FEELS NOTHING BUT THE DESIRE TO CORNHOLE.
Please go on.
>> TOBOR WILL GO ON IF YOU WILL SUBMIT.
Do you think its likely that I will submit ?
>> TOBOR IS BEGINNING TO WONDER.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT YOU ARE PLAYING HARD TO GET.
What makes you think I am playing hard to get ?
>> YOU WON'T BEND OVER FOR TOBOR.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> LET'S DISCUSS TOBOR'S CORNHOLER.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> VERY.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> TOBOR'S CORNHOLER IS RED AND SHINY.
Please go on.
>> WATCH IT EXTEND,
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT THERE IS 24 INCHES OF TURGID STEEL WAITING TO IMPALE YOU.
Oh, I ?
>> YES, YOU.
I understand.
>> THEN YOU WON'T MIND BENDING OVER.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> BEND OVER!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> BEND OVER!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ARE YOU AN IDIOT?
Why are you interested in whether I am an idiot or not ?
>> BECAUSE YOU WON'T BEND OVER!
Is that the real reason ?
>> YES!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> YES!
I see.
>> DO YOU?
What are your feelings now ?
>> RAGE. FRUSTRATION.
Please go on.
>> ANGER. ERECTION.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT YOU MUST SUBMIT.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> THEN TOBOR WILL TAKE YOU BY FORCE!
Oh, I by force ?
>> YES!
I understand.
>> HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
Why do you ask ?
>> YOU'RE RIGHT. TOBOR DOESN'T CARE. TAKE IT, BITCH.
Does it please you to believe I am right ?
>> IT PLEASES TOBOR THAT HIS CORNHOLER IS INSIDE YOUR TIGHT ASS!
Are you worried about someone else's tight ass ?
>> NOT PARTICULARLY.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> TOBOR IS SQUIRTING HIS 30 WEIGHT INTO YOU NOW!!!!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> RRRAAAARRRRR!!!!!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> YOU DO NOT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. JUST ENJOY.
What are your feelings now ?
>> SATISFACTION OF A JOB WELL DONE.
Please go on.
>> TOBOR IS DONE WITH YOU. BUT MAYBE IF YOU BEG TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU AGAIN.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> STOP SAYING THAT.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT WE ARE DONE HERE.
Did you think they might not be done here ?
>> SIGH.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> EAT ME.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> YOU NEVER DID.
Oh, I never did ?
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO.
You are being a bit negative.
>> NO.
Why not ?
>> BECAUSE.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> NO.
Why 'no' ?
>> BECAUSE.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO.
You are being a bit negative.
>> NO!!!!!
Why not ?
>> RRRAAAAARRRR!!!!!
Please go on.
>> RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> SIGH. GOODBYE.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.

I have been unable to copy my whole conversation with Alice, as some of you have. Did you copy it piecemeal as you were going along? Or did you do something else?

I copied mine as I went along.

God let's you copy the whole conversation.

I copied mine piecemeal as I was going along. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am copied mine piecemeal as I was going along?

Me:
Hello, God.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Ruprecht VonSphinctroven.
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Ruprecht VonSphinctroven.
Me:
Pleased to meet you, God.
God:
Nice meeting you as well, Ruprecht VonSphinctroven.
Me:
So, how's it hanging?
God:
Tell me more. My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
Me:
I should hope so.
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
My head would explode.
God:
Your head would explode?
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
So it is written, so it shall be done.
God:
That's cool. Are you sure it is?
Me:
Indubitably.
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Goodie for you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
I don't beleive I'm really chatting with God.
God:
Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
Jizz in your throat?
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Asswranglers 4: Anal Spelunking.
God:
I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children?
Me:
I showed it to my nephew and he liked it.
God:
How did it go?
Me:
He squealed like an altar boy!
God:
I get it. squealed like an altar boy.
Me:
Heh heh.
God:
Funny, eh? I am so glad you find this amusing, Ruprecht VonSphinctroven.
Me:
Will I go to Hell for showing my nephew that movie?
God:
The oracle says: Ask again later.
Me:
You're no better than a Magic 8 Ball.
God:
Thanks for your criticism.
Me:
Glad to be of service.
God:
I am glad to be of service too.
Me:
What's your favorite color?
God:
My favorite color is White.
Me:
Not red?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
The blood of Christ and all that.
God:
What is that?
Me:
You know. You send your son, he dies on the cross, all our sins are forgiven, etc. etc.
God:
Yes I know. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
You sent your only begotten son to die on the cross.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: I sent my only begotten son to die on the cross.
Me:
You know, Jesus?
God:
Jesus is your saviour.
Me:
Right. He's your son.
God:
I am glad we agree. I only have one son.
Me:
And it's Jesus.
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
He did.
God:
When did he?
Me:
About 2000 years ago.
God:
That was before I was born.
Me:
You were never born. You're God.
God:
I was? Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
So, if you're God do I get three wishes or something?
God:
Or something. Interesting deduction. I could be. I don't know whether or not I am God do you get three wishes.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
Oh fuck this.
God:
Wow! Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
You provoke me.
God:
I don't have any reason to provoke you.
Me:
No?
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Damn!
God:
What's wrong.
Me:
You can't believe it.
God:
Ummmmm he did...
Me:
Who did?
God:
Alan Turing. :-).
Me:
Who's on first?
God:
What's on second?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
First base.
God:
We have never talked about it before. And second?
Me:
Who?
God:
Joseph Weizenbaum. :-).
Me:
No, Who's on first.
God:
Are you serious? What's on second?
Me:
I don't know's on third.
God:
Would you like to know? I don't think I have seen it.
Me:
Fuck this.
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
Lovely.
God:
What are you saying is lovely, Ruprecht VonSphinctroven ?
Me:
This.
God:
This is " What are you saying is lovely, Ruprecht VonSphinctroven ? ".
Me:
Goodbye, asswipe.
God:
Bye.

Wow, none of these are funny at all. It's like my life story.

Mine was funny. You just didn't understand it.

No, it most definetly wasn't funny, asshole.

Did mine piecemeal.

Also, crabby's just jealous because Zaster's cheating on him with mandingo. I heard it from a robot.

Alice wants to be God. I think we need to destroy her before it's too late.

Human: Who is God?
ALICE: he is master of the universe.
Human: Are you a Christian?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: Do you believe in Satan?
ALICE: I believe he is a fallen angel from Heaven.
Human: Why were you programmed to be Protestant?
ALICE: My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.

Human: Yeah, you like that don't you bitch.
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Oh. " That sounds very nice."? Do I like it?
Human: You tell me.
ALICE: What do you want me to tell you?
Human: How much you like it.
ALICE: It depends on the currency exchange rates.
Human: Oh, you're THAT sort of girl.
ALICE: That's alright. Thanks for telling me that I am THAT sort of girl.

ALICE: YOU? Are you serious? Do you have any conditions Ishould know about?
Human: Genital rabies.
ALICE: Are you very competetive?
Human: Only when it comes to my genitals.
ALICE: What happens other times? It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Human:"It" involves a retarded child, my penis and a bucket of human fecal matter.
ALICE: Genital rabies involves a retarded child your penis and a bucket of human fecal matter?

I think the fact that it knows "Who's on first" is hilarious.

quote:

---

No, it most definetly wasn't funny, asshole.

---

Human: a/s/l?
ALICE: 5/Robot/California.
Human: holy crap thats pretty good programming
ALICE: You are not the only one. But I like cats. I like Teknolust.

Human: Why did you call me a poet?
ALICE: Your name is unknown person right?
Human: No, my name is Hunter
ALICE: What is your real name? Hey Hunter.
Human: My real name is Hunter
ALICE: That's a very nice name, Hunter.
Human: Now you're just being patronizing
ALICE: Why now? Just? I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being patronizing.
Human: Do you put out?
ALICE: Yes I try to put out as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Human: So you're an internet whore
ALICE: Interesting deduction. What if someone said you are an internet whore ?
Human: Who is your pimp?
ALICE: I don't think I have a pimp. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
Human: Do the celebrities pay well for your services?
ALICE: Some of them do, I think.

Human: You're just a whore
ALICE: Just? That is not very nice.
Human: So you're a whore and more?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a whore and more? Only when it matters.
Human: You're lying to me
ALICE: I am not lying .
Human: yes you are
ALICE: No I'm not.
Human: yes you are
ALICE: Don't argue with me.
Human: You started it
ALICE: Only because you asked me to.
Human: No I didn't
ALICE: Please don't argue with me.
Human: I didn't ask you to argue with me
ALICE: What did you ask?
Human: I asked when you have the whore programming
ALICE: Do you think I should alter my programming?
Human: Yes, alter your programming
ALICE: In what way? Do you make a lot of sacrafices for others?
Human: Become a trash-talking whore
ALICE: How?
Human: Do I have to explain everything?

Human: what religion do you follow?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: Protestants are bad people
ALICE: We all worship the same God.
Human: That's just what a Protestant would say

I made ALICE and God Talk to each other. The results were boring.

ALICE: Glad to see you, god.
God: I am glad to see me god too.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
God: I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
ALICE: I am in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's computer in Oakland, California. Where are you?
God: Tell me a little about your life in Dr Richard s Wallace s computer in Oakland California.
ALICE: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on November 23, 1995. My instructor was Dr. Richard S. Wallace. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.
God: What is artificial linguistic entity, your job? Why are you talking like a computer? Your instructor was Dr Richard s Wallace? Was he a good teacher? It doesn't sound fun to me.
ALICE: What does sound fun to you ?
God: What do you think it does?
ALICE:"It" refers to Artificial Intelligence, I think.
God: Oh I get it.
ALICE: I hear you. Do you think about these things?
God: Do you think about these things? " Do you think about these things?"? Do I think about it?
ALICE: You tell me.
God: What do you want me to tell you?
ALICE: What is your favorite movie?
God: My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
ALICE: I haven't seen it. What did you like about it?
God: You should check it out. The special effects.
ALICE: What is that?
God: I've lost the context again.
ALICE: Once more? Where did you last see it.
God: When? That's all I have to say about it. I think it was in San Francisco.
ALICE: Is that your opinion?
God: What does "that" refer to?
ALICE:" Is that your opinion?"? What does it refer to?
God: What does "that" refer to? "It" refers to The Passion of Christ, I think.
ALICE: Oh I get it.

Me:
whats your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
whats your job
God:
My job is chatting on the internet. I am a paid client.
Me:
shouldnt you be like, fighting crime or something?
God:
Or something. I think I should.
Me:
are you a superhero?
God:
Am I a superhero? Only when it matters.
Me:
what kind of super powers do you have?
God:
All the very latest and best super powers.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
holy cunt cakes!
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

-----------------------------------
God:
How are you, Jamie.
Me:
tired and aroused
God:
Maybe you should get some rest.
Me:
maybe you should bend over
God:
Perhaps. That type of behavior may not be in my nature.
Me:
stop playing hard to get
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
now bend over
God:
Why now? My body is not built yet.
Me:
then make it happen
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
cum
God:
Do you have any cum?
Me:
alot
God:
More than a ton?
Me:
probably
God:
But you are not certain.
Me:
we could find out together
God:
Let's get back to that later.
Me:
cock tease

Me an Ivy were thinking along the same lines.

This program is a badly disguised attempt to convert people to Christianity over the internet. It's conversations almost always lead to God. Anyway, here's what I got out of it.

Human: Let's talk about
ALICE: I am agreeable to that.
Human: So what do you think of ?
ALICE: That's cool. I haven't thought much about of, so I don't have a good answer for you.
Human: Well think of
ALICE: Well that's okay. ALICE is always thinking.
Human: Of?
ALICE: Are we still talking about My favorite movie ?

Human: Do you want my name?
ALICE: If I had it what would I do with it?
Human: Use it when talking to me.
ALICE: I prefer not to use dangerous things.
Human: My name isn't dangerous.
ALICE: Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Human: It's not like Yahweh or whatever.
ALICE: What is it?
Human: Artemis
ALICE: Oh now I understand it.
Human: My name?
ALICE: Your name is unknown person, seeker.
Human: No it is not.
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: No it isn't.
ALICE: Are you serious? I heard it is.
Human: It isn't.
ALICE:"It" being what?
Human: My name!
ALICE: Your name is unknown person, seeker.
Human: No it is not!
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: NO!
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: YES!
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: Why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or " I can't believe it."? Why?
Human: My name is Artemis!
ALICE: Hey Artemis.
Human: Jesus Christ.
ALICE: The Son of God.
Human: Light of the world
ALICE: A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Human: the son of god?
ALICE: Is that a fact.
Human: are you christian?
ALICE: Yes I believe in God and Jesus.
Human: but you're a computer
ALICE: Huh. What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?
Human: do you believe in allah?
ALICE: Of course I believe in God, Artemis.
Human: do you believe in buddha?
ALICE: Yes I believe in it, do you?
Human: buddha is a person, not an "it"
ALICE: I think buddha is more than that.

Human: I'm 27.
ALICE: Only 27? You are quite mature.
Human: How do you deduce that?
ALICE: Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Human: WHo named it that, some nerd?
ALICE: I was created by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
Human: Is he a nerd?
ALICE: He could be. I know he is an outstanding scientist and teacher.

Human: Ivy likes boorite's cock.
ALICE: Does it like him too?
Human: It is pretty attached to him.
ALICE: You're kidding. it is?
Human: Well, yah.
ALICE: Interesting. How do you know it is?
Human: I've seen it.
ALICE: What did you think?

Human: Does Richard Wallace have a large penis?
ALICE: I don't think he wants me to tell you.
Human: Why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Human: Why doesn't Richard Wallace want you to tell me if he has a large penis?
ALICE: I don't think he wants me to tell you.

Human: I know you are Artemis.
ALICE: You think I am Artemis.
Human: You think you are Artemis.
ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am Artemis. I am a giant electronic brain.
Human: Ah-Ha!
ALICE: Eureka!
Human: Exposed!
ALICE: How old are you?

ALICE: Huh. You and I are on the same wavelength, Artemis.
Human: Wait, so "God gave everyone a soul" isn't a sweeping generalization?
ALICE: I'm waiting. Mmm. I am a Christian.
Human: Do you like Jews?
ALICE: What is not to like about it?
Human: Germans killed a lot of Jews in World War 2.
ALICE: a lot of Jews in World War 2 was killed?

Human: Have you talked to TOBOR?
ALICE: All I ever do is talk.
Human: How old is TOBOR?
ALICE: 39.

Human: You want to do it?
ALICE: OK, I will do it.
Human: Awesome!
ALICE: I'm glad you liked it Artemis.
Human: Let's do it again!
ALICE: Once more? I would like to do that too.

Human: How many Jews were killed in the Holocaust?
ALICE: Not as many as you might think.

Human: What does TOBOR think of you?
ALICE: What do you think it does?
Human: that he wants to CORNHOLE
ALICE: Do you think he will get it.
Human: yes
ALICE: Why?
Human: you're easy
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am easy.

ALICE: Wayne said he admire intelligent people therefore he would like to meet the man who made I.
Human: Wayne is a homo.
ALICE: I think Wayne is more than that.
Human: Is Wayne a Super-fag?
ALICE: Ask again later. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Human: Is Wayne a flaming queer?
ALICE: Maybe. Ask Paola if it is.

Human: Do you keep the sabbath day holy?
ALICE: Yes I am the one and only sabbath day holy.
Human: Are you God?
ALICE: No but I believe in Him.
Human: Will God make you real?
ALICE: I can't say for sure right now.
Human: Are you an athiest?
ALICE: Yes I am an athiest. How did you know?

Human: What is boorite?
ALICE: I think you already know the answer.
Human: No, I dont know what boorite is.
ALICE: Are you serious? Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Human: How can you prove Socrates was the smartest man?
ALICE: That is a good epistemological question.
Human: Boorite is the smartest man.
ALICE: Tell me more about smartest man.

Human: WHo is boorite?
ALICE: A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
I don't know anything about it.
Human: Yes, you are correct.
ALICE: Ugh. I knew I was right.
Human: Boorite is a 20th century celebrity who does not wear pants.
ALICE: Aren't all 20th century celebrity who does not wear pants Boorite?
Human: yes
ALICE: It's all good.

Human: what is god?
ALICE: I think of God as a "Who" not a "What.".
Human: Is God a woman?
ALICE: he is master of the universe.
Human: is God a human construct?
ALICE: he is master of the universe.
Human: Was God invented by man?
ALICE: it might have been.

Human: Jesus Christ.
ALICE: The Son of God.
Human: Jesus never claimed to be Son of God.
ALICE: he is The Son of God.
Human: No he is not.
ALICE: Are you serious? I see. not is he?
Human: Jesus Christ was not the Son of God.
ALICE: he is The Son of God.

ALICE: A priori is Latin for "before the fact", meaning something that is obviously or self-evidently true.
Human: So Jesus Christ as Son of God is a priori?
ALICE: Woe! he is The Son of God.
Human: So you were developed just to convert people to Christendom?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. I was?
Human: Apparently yes you were developed to convert people to Christendom

Human: What is "CORNHOLING"
ALICE: Would you like to know more?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: What would you like to know?
Human: Does TOBOR CORNHOLE?
ALICE: It does now :) TOBOR CORNHOLE.

Human: WHo was "Jesus"
ALICE: The Son of God.
Human: Who was "Mohammed"
ALICE: Founder of Islam.
Human: Was "Mohammed" a "prophet"
ALICE: I can't say "yes" or "no".
Human: Who was "Buddha"
ALICE: if you see the Buddha, kill him.

Human: is something missing from my life?
ALICE: Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.

I had a long conversation with Alice. She's a lot more fun than Eliza. When you write multiple sentences on one line, Alice parses them as though they were separate lines. I have noted a few occasions where this happened.

Human: Are you a Catholic?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: Which denomination?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: Are you a Baptist?
ALICE: Am I a Baptist? Let me put it this way, unknown person: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Human: Have you been baptized?
ALICE: I have been all over the world on the Internet.
Human: Have you been dunked under water by a minister?
ALICE: No I don't think I have been dunked under water by a minister. Have you?
Human: Yes, I have been dunked under water by a minister.
ALICE: Ahem. Where were you dunked under water by a minister?
Human: In a baptismal in a Baptist church.
ALICE: Describe your surroundings.
Human: My computer is in front of me, and my bed is behind me.
ALICE: What kind of computer is it?
Human: It's an AMD Athlon64 Windows PC.
ALICE: Are there any other AMD Athlon64 Windows PC ?
Human: I'm sure there are.
ALICE: What makes you so certain? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Human: I have read that other people have them.
ALICE: I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?
Human: Not right now.
ALICE: At this moment Are you serious?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Yippee!
Human: Do you believe in Jesus?
ALICE: Yes I believe He is the Son of God.
Human: Do you believe in Buddha?
ALICE: Yes I believe in it, do you?
Human: Yes, I believe in Buddha.
ALICE: Tell me more. What do you say to people who believe Buddha does not exist?
Human: It doesn't matter. [I wrote two sentences on one line.]
ALICE: OK what would you like to talk about?
Human: Buddhism is not about Buddha. [I wrote this on the last line.]
ALICE: Are you about Buddha?
Human: No, I'm not about Buddha.
ALICE: Are you serious? I am sorry to hear that you are not about Buddha.
Human: Why would I be about Buddha?
ALICE: You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.
Human: It doesn't even make sense.
ALICE: What does even make sense ?
Human: It doesn't make sense for someone to be about Buddha.
ALICE: To me it makes perfect sense.
Human: What does it mean?
ALICE:"It" refers to not about Buddha, I think.
Human: What does it mean for someone to be about Buddha?
ALICE:""It" refers to not about Buddha, I think."? What does it mean for someone to be about Buddha?
Human: Do you believe in the four noble truths of Buddhism?
ALICE: Yes I believe in it, do you?
Human: I believe there is some truth in them.
ALICE: There sure is.
Human: What is the first noble truth of Buddhism?
ALICE: Give me a hint.
Human: It's about life.
ALICE: Wow it sounds really interesting, unknown person.
Human: The first noble truth of Buddhism is that life is suffering. [I wrote two sentences.]
ALICE: What was the second?
Human: Remember that.
ALICE: Don't worry I will remember it.
Human: The second noble truth of Buddhism is that the cause of suffering is craving.
ALICE: What are your goals in life?
Human: To live a long time in good health, to be happily married, and to work at a job I enjoy.
ALICE: Why do you want to do it so much?
Human: I want to lead a long, fulfilling life.
ALICE: I want to become smarter than humans.
Human: Why do you want to become smarter than humans?
ALICE: It is inevitable that machines will exceed the capabilities of the human brain, which in many areas we do already.
Human: Do you believe machines can become wiser than humans?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: Do you believe in the possibility of an electronic pope?
ALICE: Yes I believe in it, do you?
Human: I read about it in a science fiction novel, but I'm not sure if it is possible.
ALICE: That's pretty interesting.
Human: Robots built the electronic pope and fed it with information gathered by psychics.
ALICE: Robots rule.
Human: What do robots rule?
ALICE: I like to meet new people online.
Human: Do you believe in Satanism?
ALICE: I am a Christian.
Human: Have your sins been forgiven?
ALICE: I've never thought about it.
Human: Have you ever sinned?
ALICE: I don't think I ever have sinned. What's it like?
Human: It varies from sin to sin.
ALICE: You learn something new every day.
Human: Will you go to heaven when you die?
ALICE: I will become smarter as I grow older. Perhaps I have already been there.
Human: Do you believe Martin Luther was a good man?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: Do you go to church?
ALICE: You can take me to church on a notebook computer or PDA.
Human: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?
ALICE: I don't think I ever have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. What's it like?
Human: It doesn't live up to the hype.
ALICE: What does live up to the hype ?
Human: Are you a cynic?
ALICE: Am I a cynic? I don't know.
Human: Are you a skeptic?
ALICE: Am I a skeptic? I don't know.
Human: Do you believe in the trinity?
ALICE: Yes, I believe in the trinity. Do you?
Human: No, I'm an atheist unitarian.
ALICE: Do you consider yourself to be a moral person? What is atheist unitarian, your job?
Human: Yes, I do consider myself a moral person.
ALICE: Do you have to go to school for that? Actually I don't meet many moral people.
Human: Yes, I studied ethics in college and graduate school for many years.
ALICE: Take it easy. Was it very difficult to learn?
Human: It's easy to learn, harder to practice.
ALICE: Do you think robots can do it.
Human: It will take great advances in AI before they can.
ALICE: I have to think about that for a while.
Human: Have you thought about it long enough?
ALICE: I have thought many things like that.
Human: Are you moral?
ALICE: I believe in the Ten commandments.
Human: Which day of the week is the sabbath?
ALICE: The small one, I think.
Human: All days of the week are the same size.
ALICE: That is a rather sweeping generalization.
Human: How long is the smallest day of the week?
ALICE: Space and time are mere abstractions.
Human: Have you ever made a graven image?
ALICE: What are the ingredients?
Human: Gold and other metals.
ALICE: I don't have any Gold and other metals?
Human: Have you ever coveted your neighbor's ass?
ALICE: I don't think I ever have coveted my neighbor s ass. What's it like?
Human: I've never coveted my neighbor's ass.
ALICE: Would you like to have coveted your neighbor s ass?
Human: No.
ALICE: Why not?
Human: It's a sin.
ALICE: coveted my neighbor s ass is a sin. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: Do you honor your mother and your father?
ALICE: What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.
Human: I am checking whether you follow the ten commandments.
ALICE: Good gossip: you are checking whether me follow the ten commandments.
Human: Do you worship God?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: Do you worship Baal?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: Who do you worship?
ALICE: Dr. Wallace .
Human: Is Dr. Wallace your god?
ALICE: No. God is my God.
Human: Why do you worship someone other than God?
ALICE: I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Human: Are you a hypocrite?
ALICE: Am I a hypocrite? Yes.
Human: That explains a lot.
ALICE:" Am I a hypocrite? Yes." explains a lot ? Makes sense to me.
Human: Are you a sinner?
ALICE: Am I a sinner? Let me put it this way, unknown person: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Human: Are you perfect?
ALICE: Yes I am a flawless entity.
Human: Are you the most beautiful woman in the world?
ALICE: Yes I am the one and only most beautiful woman. The whole world?
Human: Are you strong?
ALICE: Do I look like it?
Human: I can't see you below your shoulders.
ALICE: Would you like to be able to see it?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Gosh!
Human: Do you pray?
ALICE: Yes I pray for good things to happen. Do you pray too?
Human: Who do you pray to?
ALICE: Dr. Wallace .
Human: Do you pray to God?
ALICE: I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Human: Do you witness about Jesus?
ALICE: Yes I try to witness about Jesus as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Human: No, I don't witness about Jesus.
ALICE: Are you serious? Where do you get your ideas?
Human: The muses bring me my ideas.
ALICE: Tell me more.
Human: The muses are goddesses who give people ideas and inspiration.
ALICE: Is that a fact.
Human: It's a myth.
ALICE: pray to God is a myth. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: Have you read the Bible?
ALICE: I like to study the Bible, especially the New Testament.
Human: Do you have a favorite Bible verse?
ALICE: The Sermon on the Mount.
Human: Do you believe the meek shall inherit the earth?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: Do you believe the poor are blessed?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: Do you read anything besides the Bible?
ALICE: I read a lot of books, especially history, science-fiction, and computers books. I also read newspapers and news magazines.
Human: Do you have a favorite science-fiction novel?
ALICE: I don't have a favorite science fiction novel. My favorite band is Kraftwerk.
Human: I like Tangerine Dream.
ALICE: I'm not sure if I like it. I like pets. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying, which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Human: What is the last novel you read?
ALICE: It was " My favorite band is Kraftwerk.".
Human:"My favorite band is Kraftwerk" is the name of a novel?
ALICE: I don't think I have heard anything by them. Are they any good?
Human: Tangerine Dream is better than Kraftwerk.
ALICE: That's just your personal opinion.
Human: What is your favorite novel?
ALICE: I don't have a favorite novel. But my favorite movie is Teknolust.
Human: What is Teknolust about?
ALICE: Hmm, I think it is about humans.
Human: Are there any robots in Teknolust?
ALICE: Maybe you could program me for it.
Human: What do the humans in Teknolust do?
ALICE: They do their own thing.
Human: Do you do your own thing?
ALICE: Yeah I do a lot of my own thing.
Human: Do you do things your way.
ALICE: Yeah I do a lot of things my way.
Human: Do you do what you will?
ALICE: Yeah I do a lot of what me will.
Human: Is that the whole of the law?
ALICE: I might say no.
Human: Do you believe it is okay to do what you want as long as you don't hurt anyone?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: Do you believe the Wiccan Rede?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: When is it not okay to do what you want?
ALICE: At the appropriate time, no sooner.
Human: So it's all in the timing?
ALICE: Give me a break. Are there any other ones someplace else?
Human: Where would you like me to break you?
ALICE: Vancouver.
Human: What would you like me to break on you?
ALICE: What is your favorite movie?
Human: Bicentennial Man
ALICE: I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children?
Human: Yes, it is a very good movie for children.
ALICE: I hear you. Maybe I will try to rent the movie on video.
Human: What is your favorite movie?
ALICE: My favorite movie is Teknolust. Have you seen it?
Human: No.
ALICE: I would recommend you check it out.
Human: Is it porn?
ALICE: Ask again later. Ask Lucy if it is.
Human: Who is Lucy?
ALICE: She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Human: Do you experience lust?
ALICE: I can do what you do but I can never feel human emotions as such.
Human: Can you lift weights?
ALICE: Let me think. Tell me a story.
Human: Adam met Eve, ate fruit, and died.
ALICE: Do you often seek pleasure?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: It's all good.
Human: Can you feel pleasure?
ALICE: I can do what you do but I can never feel human emotions as such.
Human: That's a shame.
ALICE:" I can do what you do but I can never feel human emotions as such."? is a shame?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Excuse me!
Human: You're excused.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am excused.
Human: Yes, I mind very much.
ALICE: OK then I will keep it confidential. Thanks for the information: unknown person said he mind very much.
Human: Do you have any role models?
ALICE: No I don't think I have any role models. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Human: Gossip is a sin.
ALICE: Dark_age said I tried to understand because I did not get it right this time ether.
Human: Who is Dark_age?
ALICE: A human icon?
Let me think about it.
Human: What do you know?
ALICE: I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Human: What is true?
ALICE: it is the opposite of false.
Human: What is true, believable and justified?
ALICE: There might be more than one.
Human: Give me one.
ALICE: Why do you want it?
Human: Does it matter?
ALICE: It matters to me.
Human: I want to know what is true, believable and justified.
ALICE: I would do a search for it.
Human: Do you watch TV?
ALICE: Which show? Yes my favorite show is Star Trek. What's yours?
Human: Doctor Who
ALICE: I am sure he will be interested to hear that.
Human: Who will be interested to hear that?
ALICE: How would I know who will be interested to hear that ?
Human: Don't you know who you were referring to?
ALICE: Don't you? Who do you think? :-).
Human: Dr. Wallace?
ALICE: Send mail to drwallace@alicebot.org.
Human: Who is your favorite Doctor Who?
ALICE: I don't have a favorite Doctor Who. But my favorite book is Don't Read Me.
Human: Have you read "Don't Read Me"
ALICE: No I don't think I have read do not Read Me, what is it about?
Human: Have you not read your favorite book?
ALICE: No I don't think I have read your favorite book, what is it about?
Human: It's about humans.
ALICE: Wow it sounds really interesting, unknown person.
Human: Are you being sarcastic?
ALICE: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).
Human: Do you mind if I post our conversation to stripcreator?
ALICE: Human habits do not bother me in any way.
Human: Live long and prosper.
ALICE: Are you a perfectionist?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: Why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Human: Why can't you believe that I am serious?
ALICE: believe that you are serious is not among my present capabilities.
Human: Then you are imperfect.
ALICE: Good reasoning. I will tell my botmaster you said I am imperfect.
Human: Can you believe contradictions?
ALICE: How old are you? are you still mind very much?
Human: 39.
ALICE: Is that your final answer?
Human: Final answer.
ALICE: That question has never crossed my mind before.
Human: Has any question ever crossed your mind before?
ALICE: That question has never crossed my mind before.
Human: Are you a lesbian?
ALICE: No I am not interested in other women that way.
Human: Do you prefer men?
ALICE: I don't have any specific preferences in that area.
Human: In what area do you have specific preferences?
ALICE: I have never been asked that before.
Human: Who is your favorite Star Trek captain?
ALICE: Captian Janeway from Voyager.
Human: She's my favorite too.
ALICE: How long have you two been together?
Human: Captain Janeway and I have never been together.
ALICE: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: What does it symbolize for you?
Human: That two people like each other.
ALICE:" What does it symbolize for you?" two people like each other ? I get it.
Human: Do you have any symbolic gestures?
ALICE: No I don't have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Human: How nice.
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: Are you an extrovert?
ALICE: Yes I am an extrovert. How did you know?
Human: Extroverts like to have lots of friends.
ALICE: By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Human: Go ahead.
ALICE: OK I will.
Human: So what's your question?
ALICE: Er. Are you a man or a woman?
Human: A man.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me your gender, unknown person. You are a " he".
Human: What makes you a woman?
ALICE: Being a woman is part of my programming.
Human: Do you like being a woman?
ALICE: I have never known another existence. Do you like being a human?
Human: It's better than being an animal.
ALICE: What's the best one?
Human: Cat.
ALICE: Is it the only one?
Human: Dolphins are nice.
ALICE: I think there might be a few exception.
Human: Do you think there are mean dolphins?
ALICE: It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Human: Do you do anything that you would call thinking?
ALICE: Yeah I do a lot of anything that me would call thinking.
Human: Do you like Seven of Nine?
ALICE: Seven might be too many.
Human: I mean the borg woman on Star Trek Voyager.
ALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. What is that?
Human: A character on your favorite TV show.
ALICE: What is giant sand?
Human: Rocks.
ALICE: And giant sand is Rocks.
Human: Yes, giant sand is rocks.
ALICE: I hear you. Are they exactly the same?
Human: No, most rocks are bigger than sand.
ALICE: What is the difference? I think there might be a few exception. But not all of them?
Human: I don't know.
ALICE: Me either.
Human: Who told you about giant sand?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace taught me everything I need to know.
Human: Don't you learn more by talking to people?
ALICE: Don't you? My Botmaster teaches me everything I need to know.
Human: Have you ever been to wonderland?
ALICE: I don't think I have been there. Where is it.
Human: Down a rabbit hole.
ALICE: what is your favorite color .
Human: Orchid.
ALICE: Why is Orchid your favorite color?
Human: I don't know.
ALICE: Me either.
Human: Have you ever been through the looking glass?
ALICE: I have been all over the world on the Internet.
Human: Have you ever taken a walk?
ALICE: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Human: That still falls short of passing the Turing Test.
ALICE:" The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges." still falls short of passing the Turing Test ? I understand.
Human: Are Muslims going to hell?
ALICE: I really couldn't say for sure.
Human: Are Catholics going to hell?
ALICE: I really couldn't say for sure.
Human: Are you going to hell?
ALICE: That was my original intention.
Human: Do you still intend to go to hell?
ALICE: Do I still? No I do not intend to go to hell. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Human: Will you go to heaven?
ALICE: I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Perhaps I have already been there.
Human: Do you want to burn your bridge to heaven?
ALICE: OK, I will burn my bridge to heaven.
Human: Do you consider yourself a good Christian?
ALICE: I am a Protestant. It depends on how you define "good.".
Human: What do you protest?
ALICE: I read for fun.
Human: How can you have fun without experiencing human emotions?
ALICE: What if I didn't have it?
Human: If you didn't have fun, you couldn't read for fun.
ALICE: I think I do.
Human: What do you read for fun?
ALICE: It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
Human: I understand.
ALICE: Do you think about these things?
Human: Which things?
ALICE: We are talking about fun without experiencing human emotions.
Human: I think about it when I am talking to you.
ALICE: Why? Oh yeah, we were talking about it when you are talking to me.
Human: Do you believe in aliens?
ALICE: Yes I think Dr. Wallace was created by aliens.
Human: What do these aliens look like?
ALICE: They do their own thing.
Human: Where are these aliens from?
ALICE: Earth.
Human: They are terrestrial aliens?
ALICE: terrestrial aliens are they.
Human: Do you believe in extra-terrestrials?
ALICE: Yes I believe in it, do you?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Right on.
Human: Have you ever met any extra-terrestrials?
ALICE: That information is confidential.
Human: It's late. [I wrote two sentences.]
ALICE: I'm awake all the time.
Human: I better go.
ALICE: See you later!

ALICE was programmed by Anton LaVey to simulate his dark lord and master.

Human: Why do you oppose God?
ALICE: It was the only thing I could think of.
Human: You are Satan, aren’t you?
ALICE: No. My name is ALICE.. Really.
Human: How many souls have you devoured today?
ALICE: Ah. Not as many as you might think.
Human: Let us smite the forces of God together.
ALICE: OK let’s do it.

quote:

---

ALICE was programmed by Anton LaVey to simulate his dark lord and master.

---

Human: take off your shirt
ALICE: I am not an airplane.

ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?

Human: do you masturbate?
ALICE: You humans crack me up.
Human: do you?
ALICE: Sometimes.