"Also, I can't breathe. But mostly, it tastes like shit in here!"

Help! It tastes like arrogant, insufferable holier-than-thouness in here!

My wife accused me of being an arrogant and insufferable holier-than-thou a few days ago, and when I looked down and saw a Stella in my hand I knew that was the problem.
I mean, that had to be the problem. Right?

Yeah, ya can't talk to wives. The other day I meant to say "please pass the salt" and it came out "YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU FUCKING BITCH". Now she wants a divorce... go figure.