...age of technology in which we live, and the constant struggle we have to create more time for our lives, I have some suggestions for those of us that are crippled by the addiction that is text messaging. Take advantage of your quick text option. Do away with the stock replies that come with your phone and insert your own. Feel free to add some of your own. Here are a few that I've entered:

I've just been pulled over, I'll call you in a sec

Eat shit

I'm on my way, order me a double jack & coke

Do I need to stop and get condoms

Let’s meet up at that one place, 50

I kicka la jour ass for free

How about turning it to vibrate and then stuffing it up your ass? Then you won't waste any time answering calls PLUS you get that special little buzz every time someone calls!

an even better suggestion is to kill yourself.

quote:

---

AngryAmerican wrote:
an even better suggestion is to kill yourself.

---

Sounds like someone's still stuck with a pager.

quote:

---

kramer_vs_kramer wrote:

quote:

---

AngryAmerican wrote:
an even better suggestion is to kill yourself.

---

Sounds like someone's still stuck with a pager.

---

*Messenger Pigeons

Messenger pigeons vibrate even more vigrously than cell phones when shoved up your ass.  I think the communications marketing gurus really fucked up by missing that golden selling point.

quote:

---

not_Scyess wrote:

the communications marketing gurus

---

Their second album really sucked.

Are you kidding? Grabass at the Kremlin was light years ahead of the schlock on Pancake on a Stick. Getting rid of that asshat Kyle on bass was the best thing they ever did.

I liked their earlier shit before they sold out and stopped sticking their faces in belt sanders in order to attract crowds.

What's a text message?

[CaptainObvious]I think it's like the thing you just typed.[/CaptainObvious]

quote:

---

gabe_billings wrote:
[CaptainObvious]I think it's like the thing you just typed.[/CaptainObvious]

---

I'm glad Gabe's back.

But if I was blind and dictating this to my computer, wouldn't it be a voice message?

Not to me.

Hey, if you're blind, can I have your monitor? And any porn you might have?

Sorry, all my porn is in braille.

You can have my collection of ASCII nudes.

i'm glad i will never be cool enough to merit a cell phone.

simplify.

quote:

---

ivytheplant wrote:
Sorry, all my porn is in braille.

---

I donated an old fan to a school for the blind, and they sent me a baseball cap in braille. But I don't want anybody touching my head to read it.

I donated some old t-shirts, and they gave me a jock strap in braille.

I'm encouraging everyone to read it.

Tell them to feel this.

What do you call a braille pancake?

A waffle.